Characters: Byakuya, Yachiru, others may make an appearance
Disclaimer: Bleach and all its characters are owned by the one and only Kubo Tite
Time line: Post SS arc but before chapter 182, so beware of minor spoilers
Please forgive me if the characters seem OOC
Inspired by the bleach omake: "assassin in the Kuchiki Mansion"
It's a bright Sunday morning and a lovely pink haired little girl is standing in front of the enormous gates of the Kuchiki estate screaming "Bya-Kun, let's play". The door is opened by an old servant who is quite surprised to see Yachiru Kusajika, the vice-captain of the 11th division. The little girl slips inside and starts running around screaming: "Bya-kun……." The servant sighs; only Yachiru can dare to address the great stoic Byakuya Kuchiki, head of the Kuchiki house and chief of the four noble houses as 'Bya-kun'. Reluctantly he leads her to the room where Byakuya is meditating.
They both sit down and Byakuya still has his back turned towards them. Impassive as always he asks: What do you want Yachiru? The bubbly little girl is unfazed by his coldness and replies: "Bya-kun, Bya-kun the Shinigami women's association has voted you to be the hottest male shinigami and wishes that you pose for a photo album which will be put on sale for all women." After formulating her request she bounces to him and climbs on his shoulder, pulling his hair. "Are you hot? Do you have a fever? Bya-Kun feels ok to me…What are you reading? Manga?"
Sighing he looks up from his Naruto volume, he really wanted to know what the Sandaime hokage had in mind to defeat Orochimaru, he did not even listen to what Yachiru was babling about. After days of pining he had managed to take advantage of Rukia absence to 'borrow' Naruto from her room. He could not bring himself to ask her, he knew that Renji would laugh his ass off if he knew that he liked reading shonen manga. "Give her some sweets and drive her away" he instructs the servant, but Yachiru won't be easily distracted and bounces around the room disturbing him from the most passionate manga battle. He gets up and goes to his own private stash of candy and pulls a bag full of colourful sweets and dangles it in front of Yachiru. The little girl is entranced, these were the rarest and best sweets available in the Rukongai but he'd rather renounce to them than miss Naruto. Opening the window he scatters them in the wind and Yachiru bounces out like a puppy after a stick. He then decides to retire to his private chambers for more privacy but before doing so he instructs the servant to lock all doors and windows, and not to disturb him any further.
After an hour or so spent gathering the sweets, Yachiru content returns to the secret head quarters of the most powerful organisation in Soul society: The Shinigami women's association, her original mission quite forgotten. All the fellow members are disappointed but not ready to give up the grand dream of having their own photo album of Byakuya. "We'll launch another attempt" declares Soi Fong her eyes shining. "Aye, aye" Rangiku approves. "I'll send one to Yoruichi-sama and she'll be eternally grateful to me..." continues Soi Fong. " Let's not get ahead of ourselves captain. If Yachiru cannot get through his icy demeanour the who can? Let's ask Shuuhei Hisagi, he got beaten by a mere 10 votes, I'm sure he'll agree" proposes timid Isane. "No, no, we want Byakuya and no one else" her sister disagrees. "Yes Kiyone is right, we'll ask Shuuhei for the next issue but for now we'll attack Byakuya. Who will go next?" Nanao asks the assistance. All heads turn to stare at her. She groans inwardly: Why did I even ask?
Nanao Ise wonders how she will get through this one. She was standing in front of the Kuchiki Mansion and hesitating to knock the imposing front door. Rukia had invited her several times to visit but she always declined. Her captain had the annoying habit of appearing whenever she was in the company of good looking men. He even interfered in the vice-captain meetings when she talked with Hisagi or Abarai; she had not wanted to look like a fool in front of Kuchiki-taicho. Lucky for her, today was Sunday and Kyoraku-taicho was probably asleep with a hangover. Gathering her courage, she knocks.
Meanwhile Yachiru has left the secret head quarters looking for someone to give her sweets. She notices Shuunsui Kyoraku sleeping beneath a tree with a bottle of sake. "Wake up, Shuun-chan!She screams in his ear. I want some sweets!" Shuunsui wakes up with his eternal smile and replies: "Ah good morning, Ya-chan. Have you seen my lovely, lovely Nanao chan?"
"She has gone to see Bya-Kun because she thinks he's hot but he did not have any fever when I checked. Gimme gimme some sweets now" Kyoraku is wide awake now, wailing: No no my Nanao-chan, why did you betray me for Byakuya-Kun, don't you see how much I love you? Kuchiki, I'll have your head for perverting my Nanao-chan" and he rushes up to the Kuchiki mansion.
In his mansion, Byakuya has just finished volume 16 but luckily Rukia had the next volume too. He was dying to know who will be the next Hokage. He sat down comfortably unaware of the doom impending on him