Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to the one and only Kubo Tite
Author's note: Sorry for the bad jokes and double entendres! Byakuya is totally OOC here! Sorry!
Most people saw Byakuya Kuchiki as cold as an iceberg but Rangiku knew better: She had caught Kuchiki taichou as well as all other males in soul society( With the exception of Ayasegawa who'd rather fawn over Hisagi) glance at her chest. So he was only human after all an he will surely cede in front of her weighty arguments, she mused as she made her way towards the Kuchiki mansion. She took a gulp from the sake bottle she nicked off Kyoraku-taicho who was still tied to a tree.
Toushiro Hitsugaya was not happy, it was a bright Sunday morning and he was stuck inside his office catching up with extra paperwork because the useless bum that his vice captain was had gotten drunk every night and slept in the office with a hang over. In the beginning he sympathised, she had been close to Ichimaru Gin but he soon discovered that any excuse was good for his vice captain to get drunk and party especially now that she had Kira and Hisagi to keep her company. He was depressed too with Hinamori still being a coma but he was not getting drunk every night, true he had frozen a large number of the injured 11th Division members in the infirmary who were making too much noise but he felt that it was completely different. Except for the fact that nearly everybody avoided him in the sereitei and he was banned from the 4th division head quarters. He was considering using Hyourinmaru to cause a hail storm and ruin everybody's Sunday when he felt Matsumoto's drunken reiatsu moving towards the outskirts of the Sereitei. "Speak of the devil…" he thought. On a whim he decided to have some fun at his vice captain's expense and decided to follow her.
Byakuya was amazed at how thick skulled Kenshin could be! In the beginning he had difficulty relating to the story, after all he was a Shinigami and he did not understand all the fuss Kenshin made about killing people and that loud mouthed Sano reminded him too much a loud mouthed red head, then Aoshi came and Byakuya met a kindred spirit and with Saito they would form a holy triumvirate. Duty consciousness and ice-cold ruthlessness, were traits he admired more than anything but according to Rukia and Renji it made him a social retard. He sighed with contentment in his private natural hot spring hoping that the books won't retain a sulphurous smell which will be noticed by Rukia.
Matsumoto stared at the high walls of the Kuchiki estate, Captain Soi Fong told her that it was useless trying the door, Byakuya had the servants barricade it. In one leap she jumped on top of it and in the next she was inside the Kuchiki estate. She used her reiatsu to locate the elusive would be model hoping that he wouldn't notice her presence. He was apparently in his bath, relaxed and completely off guard. He was about to get his wildest fantasy as well as every other male's in the sereitei come true. Feeling grateful he would have to give in to her demands she thought wickedly.
Hitsugaya was a bit surprised at the path taken by Matsumoto. What business could she have with Kuchiki-taicho? The common rumour in the Sereitei was that Kuchiki maintained a stone like composure because he actually was really stoned and he had the most amazing collection of narcotic plants in his private greenhouses. Knowing that his vice-captain would do anything for fun, he thought that she might be trying to verify the rumours. Of course since the other popular urban legends were that Abarai's tattoos were fake, Yamamoto sou-taicho had the most extensive hentai magazines in the sereitei, and he used Hyourinmaru to freeze his hair in the awesome style he wore so he tended to disregard the above mentioned theory. Instead he suspected his vice-captain( and rightly so) of harbouring a secret lust for Kuchiki taichou. Seeing her walk towards the bath house, confirmed his suspicisions. Blessed with an extra ordinary sense of morality and dignity he decided to put a stop to Matsumoto's evil plans.
Byakuya was suddenly awoken by a cold air blowing in the stuffy bath house. He was feeling so relaxed that he had fallen asleep for a few minutes and he had had the most strange dream; a slightly tipsy Matsumoto had sneaked inside and had proceeded to start undressing with the intention to join him in his bath but Hitsugaya had appeared and frozen her up and dragged her away. He wondered if he was turning into a pervert, perhaps Rukia was right when she suggested that he started dating again. Stepping out of the bath, he decided to go and meditate on the issue.
As Hitsugaya dragged Matsumoto's frozen form across the Kuchiki gardens he thought that they had been lucky that Kuchiki taicho had been asleep when Matsumoto had attempted to compromise his virtue. He did not even want to imagine the excuses he would have had to spout to explain their presence in the bath house. As he watched the sleeping profile of his elder the wicked idea of giving him frost bite crossed his mind: Hinamori's eyes danced with joy each time the stoic captain greeted her, but the desire to escape unnoticed was stronger so he didn't put his plan into action. "Now" he mused, "What to do with Matsumoto, bury her or dump her in a river?"