THE ELEDGIAS

CHAPTER NINE: RICHARD PATTERSON'S DUCK TEST

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Rodney was awake. He knew time had passed—he could tell from the slant of the light through the window off to his left—but this time, there was no one there to greet him. Well, he amended, no one awake.

He tilted his head, a hint of a smile on his face at the sight of Sheppard slouched down in the chair next to his bed, feet propped up on the mattress near Rodney's feet, chin pressed against his chest. Asleep. He was even snoring slightly. Someone had placed a blanket across the man's legs, most of which had slipped off. A half finished game of solitaire was set on the tray before him. Rodney could already tell Sheppard would lose it. Again. Amazing really.

Part of him wondered what Sheppard was still doing there—although, from the looks of his arm and the mottle of bruises and scratches on his face, he did have reason to be in the infirmary. Still, it seemed odd.

Well, it wasn't important.

McKay blinked slowly, wishing he could wipe the lethargy pulling at him. He didn't want to sleep anymore. He had missed too much already. Besides, sleeping comfortably was something he knew he couldn't do at the moment. Not until he knew Teyla was safe.

It was frustrating, remembering what had happened, knowing he had probably freaked the others out by the way he'd acted, which was why Carson had knocked him out. He licked at mossy teeth—stuff left a nasty taste in the mouth. He hated being medicated, but...well, he'd understood why they had done it.

But then again, they hadn't seen what he'd seen.

When he woke up with all of them surrounding his bed, he'd been feeling pretty good. Ronon leaning over him, Carson on the other side, Sheppard just a foot away on the right, Weir a step behind the colonel. None looked worried, except in their concern for him. He'd felt safe and even pleased, knowing they were there. And then he'd remembered about Teyla, about that flash of light in the underground temple, and he'd sat up…

And there was an android at the end of his bed—a being with Teyla's face, hair and shape, but the bulk of the body was clearly a machine. He'd blinked, and suddenly, it really was Teyla was standing there. It had thrown him for a loop, and, for a moment, he wondered if he had imagined it. Some strange dream intruding on reality, like déjà vu.

But then…she'd lied.

Worse, he couldn't tell she'd lied. Teyla, for all her bravura earlier about being a good liar, was actually very poor at it. She was correct that she was a good bluffer, but that was not the same thing as lying. Fact was, she was excellent at hiding the truth, of equivocating and distracting you from the obvious, but when it came to out and out lies? She couldn't keep a straight face. She grew smug. She smiled, as if proud of herself for being able to tell the lie. To McKay's mind, it was because she didn't have the practice. Her people were just too damned honest. They excelled at the verbal sleight of hand, but lies? No. Not an Athosian talent.

Now, this wasn't something McKay had come up with. He, Ford and Sheppard had all discussed it one night, after Teyla cleaned them all out at poker, trying to figure out how she could hide her hand so well despite being so easily caught in a lie earlier that same day by Carson about a wound she'd received not hurting. It was because she had smiled when she'd lied to the physician. The smile gave her away every time.

But when she'd lied earlier—about being behind him down those steps and into the tunnel, when she had most definitely been in front, leading the way—she didn't smile, not during and not after. She had lied…and he couldn't tell.

That's when he knew.

It wasn't a dream. He was looking at an android, even if, to all outward appearances, he was looking at his friend.

His brow furrowed as he lay there, eyes drifting away from the sleeping colonel to look vaguely towards his feet. He tried to remember exactly what that android had looked like when he had first awoken.

The body was definitely made of Atlantian materials—namely, that strange, light colored metal and plastic that the Ancient's favored. The face, neck, arms and other parts also seemed to have skin and hair, which meant organic materials were involved as well (he hoped they didn't come from...no, he wasn't going to go there). And it was filled with light. Projectors? Hologramatic ones, maybe? Parts carried a lot of the same markings as what many of the newer (albeit often destroyed) Ancient equipment on other worlds carried, like that on Doranda. His scanner was made of the same material. Light, powerful, solid and nearly indestructible—Ancient workmanship to a tee.

Which meant, obviously, that there was no question it was an Ancient construct. Sure, he'd only seen it for a second, but for him, that's really all it took. One of the side effects of his mind was his ability to instantly capture in his mind whatever he was working on, like a snapshot, so that, even if he lost it for some reason, he could call it back from memory. He'd absorbed everything his mind could absorb about that android in the two seconds he'd studied it before he blinked…

But it clearly wasn't enough.

Everyone else, obviously, had seen only Teyla standing there, just as he had done a moment later. It was projecting her image to all of them, somehow. And they couldn't tell that it wasn't the real Teyla. She must be a near perfect copy.

Wait…hang on…surely, Beckett must have examined her….

He recalled hearing an amazing story about four perfect robotic copies of SG-1 returning through the Stargate, completely unaware that they were not the people they had replaced…until Doctor Frasier examined them. The lack of a pulse on O'Neill had apparently been a "dead" giveaway.

So, then, why hadn't Beckett picked up that that android wasn't Teyla? Surely it didn't bleed and X-Rays would have shown machinery where organs should be...

He frowned, and shifted on the bed, trying to relieve a cramp forming on his lower back. Damned infirmary beds were horrible. Made him wonder if the Ancients were shorter than humans, because his feet just hung over the edge. Sheppard's always hung over. He couldn't wait to see Ronon on one of these….

He grimaced. Yeah, that's right, Rodney, go off on a tangent about beds while Teyla's in trouble. That'll help.

"Moron," he muttered, staring now up at the ceiling.

"What?" Sheppard said sleepily, blinking his eyes open. Rodney turned to look at him, and saw a wince cross the other man's features as the colonel tried to stretch…and forgot about his arm. "Ow," the man muttered, gripping at it as if to alleviate some of the pain.

"You all right?" McKay asked, still clueless as to how the colonel got hurt.

Sheppard threw him a glare, recognizing that there wasn't much actual concern in the question, just curiosity. Instead of answering, he stood up and tilted his head from side to side, working out the crick in his neck from his poor choice of sleeping position, then moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"So," he said, stretching out the word. "How are you feeling?"

McKay lifted his eyebrows, then furrowed them. "How do you think?"

The colonel gave a small smile at that, "Yeah, right. So…" he dragged out the word, pursing his lips and picking at the fabric of the blanket. "You…remember what happened?"

McKay gave him the dirtiest look he could, which Sheppard responded to with a wry smirk.

"That is to say," the colonel looked off to the side this time, feigning interest in a piece of the infirmary wall, "you remember seeing Teyla when you--"

"The last time I saw Teyla," Rodney replied carefully, scrutinizing the man's face, "was on the Mainland."

Sheppard's eyes flashed back to McKay's, then looked away again. "Ah."

"Yes, 'ah.'" McKay sighed, shifting up. He looked around, making a show of trying to see into all the corners of the infirmary, then back at Sheppard. "What, no Heightmeyer? I'm shocked."

The colonel looked a little pained at that, "Now, Rodney…."

"Are you supposed to call her or something? Because, frankly, I don't mind. I'll just tell her I hit my head too hard and made a mistake."

Sheppard eyed him, "Did you?"

"What? Hit my head too hard? Yes, if the orchestra banging out the end of the 1812 Overture behind my eyes tells me anything—they're too cannon happy. That and the nausea." He closed his eyes, then opened them. The uncomfortable look on Sheppard's face had gone, replaced with concern.

"No, McKay. Did you make a mistake about Teyla?" Sheppard asked the question softly, too softly. It only served to annoy the scientist, knowing that the colonel was not trying to be patronizing but...

Sheppard didn't believe him.

He looked down, studying his hands. They had been lying by his sides, but he lifted them up now, intertwining the fingers across his belly.

"Come on, McKay," Sheppard entreated softly when he realized Rodney wasn't going to answer him. "I told Elizabeth that I wanted to talk to you first, before Heightmeyer. Told her I'd be able to tell whether…you know," Sheppard grimaced.

"Whether I was a danger to myself and others?" McKay suddenly snapped, blue eyes glaring up to pierce his friend. "Whether I'd gone off the deep end into the pool of insanity? Whether Heightmeyer should be pulling out her straightjacket which she's had hanging in her closet with my name on ever since she met me?" McKay frowned deeply, not hiding the anger he felt at the polite way Sheppard was creeping around the topic.

"Something like that," the colonel admitted, shrugging his good shoulder. He was back to plucking at the blanket again.

Rodney slumped a little at the admission, turning his head to gaze off to the side, away from Sheppard.

The colonel looked up, and sighed.

"McKay..."

"Could you get me some water?" Rodney asked, not turning his head and closing his eyes. "Whatever Carson used left a foul taste in my mouth. Sickly. Worse than Sergeant Sanchez's chili."

He felt Sheppard stand up, the bed lifting upwards. "Sure," came the soft reply. "Be right back."

"Thanks."

He listened as the footsteps faded away, then opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling.

Sheppard didn't believe him. That was a hard pill to swallow. He knew his story sounded...okay...it sounded nuts...but he wasn't crazy. Was he? Was he wrong? Had he jumped too fast? Was he crazy to think he had seen that android?

He didn't feel crazy. Did crazy people know they were crazy?

He closed his eyes tightly. Okay—think it through. Reasons for craziness: One, you think Teyla's an android. Why would she be an android? If she was an Ancient construct, why would the Ancients create something like that? And why would the android come here and continue to impersonate Teyla? Without good answers, that suggests craziness. Two, you got hit on the head. That doesn't always result in craziness, but it isn't unheard of. Third...third, Beckett must have examined her and found nothing out of the ordinary...

But, on the other hand, there were reasons for sanity, too. First, other than the Teyla thing, you appear to be normal, right? So, that's something. Second, the concept is not totally out there. It's happened before. It's been documented. Third, you saw it with your own eyes. Clear as day. Why would your eyes make something like that up, of all things? Fourth...

Fourth, his instincts were screaming at him that Teyla was still back in that underground place, alone...and he had to get her out.

Four reasons beat three in his book.

Now he just needed to get the others to believe him.

But, fact was, there were only four people in the galaxy that he trusted enough to not immediately think he was crazy. One was Carson, but he didn't want to drag the doctor into this. Besides, Carson would feel obligated to tell Elizabeth. The next was, oddly, Ronon. But the big man was still not sure of his place here, and Rodney didn't want to make his position any more precarious than it was. The third was Teyla, which was a bit moot right now. The last, and the one person he trusted more than anyone else...

"Here you go," Sheppard said, returning with a glass. McKay took it from him, downed about half of it, then put it aside. The colonel was still standing, looking uncertain. When McKay just continued to watch him, the colonel twisted his lips a little.

"Okay, McKay..."

McKay's eyes narrowed. "Colonel," he said finally, "What do you think? I mean, really. Do you think I've made a mistake?"

Sheppard didn't answer for a moment, then looked up, actually meeting McKay's eyes. "Yes. I do."

McKay swallowed, wishing he didn't feel so hurt by that and quickly tried to cover it up with an irritated scowl. "Well, that was...painfully succinct. Thanks for that."

The colonel winced again, "I know. It's not what you wanted to hear. But, McKay...the way you acted back there...you sounded insane!"

The scientist's think lips twisted wryly, "So you do think I'm nuts."

"No, of course not," Sheppard replied, exasperated. "Why do you think Heightmeyer's not here? I think you just...somehow...made some sort of deductive leap that's..." Sheppard looked up, then down again, "Shit, McKay. I'm probably your best friend here, and you freaked me out! Weir, she--"

"Yeah, I can guess," McKay snorted, cutting him off, his eyes looking down. "Well, fine. So, I'm on my own then." He shrugged. "Fine."

Sheppard sighed tiredly, shaking his head at the other man's almost childish sulk. "McKay, think about this for a minute. You're talking about Teyla here. Our friend. You have no idea how hurt she was when you spouted off that nonsense about it not being her. With everything she's been dealing with from Halling and her people, and now this, it was like whipping a puppy. She's been really worried about you and—"

"So, you've spoken with her a lot, have you? Since we got back? Been hanging out, making small talk…." McKay arched his eyebrows, though his eyes didn't quite meet Sheppard's again.

Sheppard's expression hardened a little at the condescending tone, "I know it's her, McKay. For Christ's sake, did you not see her standing there? That's her. It sounds like her, looks like her, walks like her, talks like her…."

"Oh, well, thank you, Richard Patterson," Rodney snapped, his arms lifting to cross his chest.

Anger started to color Sheppard's face now, as well. "Not the same, McKay."

"Sounds like a duck, talks like a duck—"

"She's not a God damned communist, McKay!"

"No, but she's using contractions!"

That threw the colonel for a loop, and he actually had to think about what that meant for a second before cleverly demanding, "What?"

"At least two! Maybe more. I know she used 'you'll' at least twice. That's not Teyla, Sheppard!"

Sheppard's eyes were wide by now, and he stated slowly, "You think it's not Teyla...because she said 'you'll?'"

"Yes! At least twice!"

"And that doesn't sound crazy to you!"

McKay threw up his hands, "Of course it does, but it's not just that, Colonel! It's...it's..."

"Something intangible, Mr. Sensitive?"

McKay winced at the reference to his reaction to Chaya, and his face grew incredibly taut, his whole body radiating fury.

"I'm not wrong," he hissed at Sheppard. "And it's not intangible. I know what I saw."

"No," the colonel hissed back, just as angry, "you don't know what you saw at all. You are wrong, Rodney."

McKay just stared at him, then sneered, "Well, so much for friendship."

Sheppard frowned, "I am your friend, McKay. But I'm Teyla's too. And she needs our trust now, more than you do. You want me to choose? Is that it?"

"I'm not asking you to choose!"

"Yes, you are!"

McKay's hand gripped into fists, a hundred different responses running through his mind, before giving up and going for broke. "Fine! Then yes! Choose me!"

Sheppard looked at him like he had two heads, "No!"

"Why not!"

"I'm not going to choose!"

"I thought you said I was your best friend!"

"No, I said I'm probably your best friend!"

"What? Oh. Gee, thanks. How nice of you to humble yourself so. You're just the best thing for a sick man, aren't you?"

"You seem fine to me," Sheppard growled. "Besides, did you not see my arm?"

"Oh, pity the poor colonel having to wear a sling. Boo hoo."

"Oh, for the love of...Just stop it!" Sheppard stood up then, wincing a little as the abrupt motion pulled on his shoulder.

McKay just jerked his arms tighter across his chest, fury still running unabated. "Stop what?"

"Baiting me!"

McKay just arched an eyebrow.

Sheppard took in a deep breath then exhaled slowly, expelling the air from his lungs and using it calm down. His eyes fixed on McKay's, hard and cold. Some of McKay's anger drained away at that look.

"Okay," Sheppard said, crossing his good arm over his sling, "now you listen to me. I don't know what insane, freakish idea popped into your head when you first saw Teyla, but let me tell you something...It's not happening again. She's here. She's worried about you. And you scared the crap out of her with your...craziness, as you did everyone else. Yes, Elizabeth wanted Heightmeyer here, but I talked her out of it. And guess why I did that, genius? For you. Because I don't want her near you. No one is going to pin you as crazy, you understand? Not while I'm here. But, I'm telling you now, work out whatever muddle is in your head before you even think about speaking to me, her or anyone else about this. You get me?"

McKay's jaw steeled, the eyes unblinking.

"McKay!"

The scientist jerked a little at the shout, but the jaw loosened. Finally, he lowered his eyes, staring down at his arms.

"Fine."

Sheppard gave a nod, "Good. Then we have an understanding."

"I understand you, yes."

"Excellent. So...I'm going to come back in a little while. Think you'll be feeling better then?"

"Probably not."

A dry smile lit the colonel's lips, "Well, then...guess we'll see."

McKay didn't look up. Sheppard stared at him a moment longer, then stepped away from the bed. He backed up a little more, watching his friend carefully, then finally turned and walked out of the infirmary.

McKay never lifted his head.

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TBC...Now, you have to cut Sheppard some slack. He's got good reason for not wanting to take McKay's side, besides the fact that it sounds nuts...Oh, and points to everyone who remembers who Richard Patterson was, and his infamous Duck Test!