Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. I'm just bored.
Chapter Thirteen
Zelgadis and Lina planned to drive the carriage supplied by Lady and Lord Ut Copt to the camp of the gypsies. Rezo had allowed his own coachman to drive them, but as soon as they were out of view, Zelgadis ordered the man to walk back to the house as he said he didn't really need a driver. This seemed incredible to the man, but he stepped down and headed back towards the house. Zel jumped up to the driver's seat and took the reins in his hands.
"Can I come up too?" Lina asked happily after Zelgadis had told her about his resignation.
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather stay in the back and enjoy your last ride as a lady before you renounce society for all time? You might not get a luxury like this again," Zelgadis said cheerfully.
"Well, I think I'd rather see the lights of the camp from the front. I'm sure they'll be spectacular tonight, since it's our wedding." She let herself out of the carriage and brought up her hand for Zelgadis to lift her up beside him. "I think they might be holding a dance for us tonight. Do you think you could dance a few more rounds?" she asked plunking herself beside him, in a very unladylike gesture.
"After what we've been through tonight? I'm not sure, but then, maybe I'll have the energy," he said.
He whipped the horses.
"But first, we'll have to set up my tent. I told them I was coming, but I doubt anyone bothered to set it up. Then maybe we can dance a couple rounds to the fiddle. Won't that be fun, especially after that stuffed-shirt affair we just suffered through? It will be a relief to be myself again."
"I'm sure it will be," Zelgadis said, intoxicated by the feeling of freedom racing through his body. Perhaps he would be able to be himself in this place, away from convention, away from formality, away from his mother. Perhaps this was the way for him to feel alive for the first time in his life. Oh, he was excited. He hoped the night would never end.
Lina was wrong they the gypsies hadn't set up their tent – they had prepared it completely for Lina and her husband. It was draped with beautiful emerald garlands. The wedding bed inside was made, with many cushions piled and flower petals scattered over the faded spread.
The bonfire raged high, and the melodies played by Lina's friends were fast and expressive, demanding that Zelgadis dance for them. Lina dragged him before the fire and got everyone able to join hands in a wild dance before the flames, while those who didn't dance either played their instruments or clapped their hands. Round and round they went to the beat of the music and of Zel's own heart. He had never felt this way before.
He had never felt this free – like nothing in the whole world matter except this moment; the moment where he found a place where he belonged. Even if no one here, or in the whole world, cared for him, as long as Lina felt as strongly as he believed she did there was nothing else that mattered. As long as she loved him for himself, and no other reason, than he could be happy for the rest of his life. He looked across the flames at her, and felt her bear hand in his. She was smiling and laughing, dancing the way she did.
Oh, he loved her!
Eventually, he separated himself from the crowd. If he didn't get a drink he would parish for thirst. He went and stood next to a swarthy gypsy who was holding the dipper to the community water pitcher, and asked him for a drink. The man gave him the ladle and moved away. Zel poured the first scoop over his head and patently drank the second cup. He really ought to quit drinking liquor, he decided. Getting sloshed really wasn't as exciting as it had been when he was younger. Now it just seemed like something to numb his brain and weaken his heart. And as his heart had never seemed stronger, it seemed ridiculous that he would need something to stabilize him. He didn't want to depend on anything anymore.
Just then he caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye. The gypsy fortune teller, Madam Martina, was standing outside her tent, flipping the lid of his old tinderbox open and shut. It was making the smallest clicking noise, but Zel was somehow able to hear it over the music. Then he remembered! What had the woman said to Lina? He immediately strode over to her.
"Good evening," he said politely.
She turned on him and ducked to enter her tent. At first Zel thought he had been completely snubbed, but then she shouted for him to follow her and to shut the flap behind him. Zel obeyed and entered, sitting down on the rug in front of her as he had before.
"Will I have to pay you for my fortune tonight?" Zel asked laughing. He was at ease with this woman, so he felt comfortable enough to joke with her.
"Not tonight," she said, lighting her pipe. "Just consider anything I say to be a wedding present."
"Why thank-you," Zel said.
She looked closely at Zelgadis. "You're a very handsome young man you know."
"Am I?" he asked, a little uncomfortable at the comment.
"It's good that you've decided to stay with us. Handsome children always seem to portray the true spirit of the gypsies better than ugly children. You and daughter Lina will have beautiful children. Of that, you can be certain, but you don't need someone with the 'sight' to tell you that. Beautiful parents make beautiful children."
"You know, I've often wondered what it was you said to Lina that night you told her fortune."
"She didn't tell you?"
"No," Zel admitted.
"Did you want to know?"
"Of course," Zel said. "But I didn't think you would tell me. Isn't someone's fortune confidential?"
"Lina sat here beside me when I told you your fortune. I never keep fortunes secret. And as a matter of fact I did not tell Lina her fortune that night at all. She simply wanted to talk to me about the fortune I gave you. She understood it very well. Sometimes that girl verges on being magical, but she doesn't quite have the clarity of sight I have in order to tell fortunes. Maybe someday . . ."
"You told me I was marked for misfortune, and that you saw a beast in my eyes."
"A chimera," she corrected him steadily.
Zelgadis didn't understand what the fortune teller was telling him. He tried, but it seemed to him that she was purposefully speaking in riddles. He understood misfortune, but why would she see a chimera in his eyes? It didn't make any sense.
"What did you tell Lina after I left?" he asked.
"Just the interpretation, but she knew it before I started speaking. I told you she is clever. But I was surprised when I heard she was planning on marrying you. I thought for certain she would steer clear of a man who obviously had such a painful destiny ahead of him. I guess she thought she could stop something bad from happening to you. What a brave girl!" Those words were not said as though praising Lina for her attributes, but instead seemed to be mocking her for her stupidity. "And she may be right," the gypsy woman continued.
"Are you saying she wanted to protect me from a hard future?" Zel asked, feeling something icy chasing up his spine.
"It's only my opinion," she said, taking a heavy draw on her pipe.
"What does the chimera symbolize?" Zel asked, suddenly getting an idea. "Was it such a bad omen that she would agree to marry a stranger in order to save him from that future?"
"A chimera is not just one beast, but many," she said mysteriously.
"I don't understand," Zel said, feeling the cloth of his cravat tight around his throat. He had already undone it, but suddenly he felt very hot. This conversation was burning him. He didn't like what the fortune teller was implying – that there was another reason Lina was with him. "A man is not a beast!" he exclaimed, lashing out involuntarily.
"Aren't they?" she questioned, not allowing Zelgadis to rile her.
Zel ground his teeth, annoyed that he had allowed her to make him angry so easily. He made himself take a deep breath to calm himself. "All right," he said determinedly, "please tell me exactly what the chimera symbolizes. I'm thickheaded, so please explain it as simply as you can."
"Of course, Master Greywers," the woman said condescendingly.
He rolled his eyes. "You must know that I've given up everything tonight to be with Lina. Is treating me like that now really necessary?"
She clucked her tongue and knocked the ashes out of her pipe. It was a few moments before she proceeded. "Do you know much about the gypsies?" she asked at last.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you know how we've been pushed out and pushed around like we're nothing and nobody?"
"Of course," he answered vaguely, not understanding how this could possibly have anything to do with their current conversation.
"What kind of men do you think are responsible for that kind of treatment?"
The cold in his spine and the heat in his neck suddenly came back to him with all force possible. Zelgadis felt sick to his stomach. He thought he might throw up, as all-at-once he realized what it was the gypsy woman was talking about. She was talking about men in power who became 'beasts' through oppression. They were even called that very name by rebels, but he had never thought that he could become a person who treated people that way, and that was exactly what the fortune teller was saying.
"Are you saying that I'll dominate and subjugate people who I have authority over? I am the lord of no domain. I have always valued the lives of the men who have served under me. I have even been kind to my mother, who was hardly ever kind to me. But, you're not just speaking of one kind of beast, the kind of lord who treats those under him badly. You said a chimera was many beasts – so there's no limit to the different ways I could abuse anyone who has anything to do with me. I could harm my wife, my children, those I work with and my enemies," he paused, thinking. "How is it possible that my heart would be hardened enough to commit the atrocities you are ready to convict me of? That's why you've treated me the way you have tonight, isn't it? You're not totally convinced that the future you saw in my eyes has been averted, are you?"
The woman nodded. "Stay close to Lina. That's the only way you can be stopped."
"By the love of a good woman?" he practically spat. "That's why she wanted to stop me from going to India!" With that wild exclamation, he jumped to his feet. "She doesn't love me. She would do anything to stop me from becoming the monster you foretold; even to the point of selling herself to a man she didn't love." The realization horrified Zel, and he found his mind reeling. "After all – how could she love a monster? The pain she must be suffering to be with me. How I must repulse her . . ."
He didn't wait for the fortune teller to answer, and instead stumbled out of her tent. He couldn't get a hold of his mind, yet he couldn't hide from the horror of what he had just learned. Lina was simply trying to keep him away from the army, away from his family, away from a structured society where it was possible for him to get power over anyone. He reminded himself bitterly that it wasn't impossible for him to inherit the family estate. All that needed to happen was for Rezo to die. She probably thought that he would become evil enough to plot the murder of his own brother. Not to mention the ways a clever man could manipulate anyone he wished. But, even on the lowest levels of authority, he was still a man and a man had authority over his wife. She probably expected him to abuse her in the future, and still she held her face up to meet his eyes. This way, she would be the only person he would be able to hurt. Her self sacrifice crushed his heart.
He walked unsteady into the woods, not bothering to dodge or avoid the branches of the trees. He felt he was in the middle of a nightmare that he would not wake from. The pain was too much to handle, as he was certain all hope of happiness could never be his again. His mind kept chanting the words: she thinks you're a monster, she thinks you're a monster, SHE THINKS YOU'RE A MONSTER.
He needed a drink. No, he needed more than that if he was going to get through this. He shook his head sorrowfully – there was no way to get through this. This was the end for him. It was the end of all happiness for him.
Zel approached the two horses who had led the carriage into the gypsies circle. No one seemed to notice what he was doing, or at least they thought what he was doing was necessary, for he unlatched one of the mares and brushed her systematically. To anyone who knew about horses, he might have looked like he was simply grooming the horse. And no one seemed to notice when he threw himself astride and rode bareback silently out of the camp.
He couldn't face Lina right now – couldn't meet her eyes. Maybe some day . . . as he signed the papers allowing for the annulment would he be able to look at her honestly. Right now he felt like the very devil – a devil that was already condemned, already thrust out of heaven, who hadn't committed a single crime.
Author's Notes: Wasn't that savage? At least I think so. I really don't like tormenting Zel like that, but sometimes we gotta suffer a little in order to make things better. Please review! I love reviews!