Aurora Whisperwind: Hiya! This is an absolutely insane one-shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. Neither do I own the food used for this particular fic…..
Long ago, in feudal Japan, there lived a great demon called Ramen-taisho. He was the greatest of all the ramen demons, and certainly the greatest of all the other demons. For as anyone knows, the greater and more powerful a person is, the better the food inside. The fundamental rule of life in those days. Even now though, it's almost the same- you are what you eat. That was why Ramen-taisho was the best! Ramen demons certainly were much better than the lowly bread and butter demons and the occasional bacon demons.
Life in the feudal era didn't change much until a powerful priestess named Marmalado came along. During her great battle with a number of bread and butter demons, she was in despair when a powerful baked sea-food au gratin demon and a few cardamom fudge demons showed up. And that was how the sacred jewel was formed. She put all her magical marmalade powers into the divine jewel, a jewel whose possession would bring untold powers to its keeper. Unfortunately, even the baked sea-food au gratin and the cardamom spirits entered the jewel…
And then, along came the priestess Kikyou, who was more of a blackberry jam priestess, not the usual marmalade or peanut butter variety which Marmalado had passed on. Anyway, Kikyou was given the sacred jewel to protect. She did well at her job, until-
The son of the great Ramen-taisho, Ramenyasha, more popularly known as Inuyasha appeared. Okay, well he was only half a ramen demon, but nonetheless, he was powerful. Not as powerful as his full-demon, absolutely delicious, older half-brother, Sushimaru. The heir to the great Ramen-taisho. Powerful or not, he completely stole Kikyou's blackberry jam heart (?) with his overpowering Ramen charm. Whoops, charm? Uh, I mean ramen 'attitude'.
Now comes the darker and more interesting part of our story. The birth of Naraku. Naraku, whose form was contributed by a number of bread and butter demons, the occasional bacon demon, gateaux demons and a liberal helping of salmon demons. Uh, that mixture sucks! So Naraku was just a mad mash of food, and could change into any form he wanted.
Blah blah blah, you know what happened after that. Kikyou died, Inuyasha was pinned to a tree with a fork and the jewel was not seen again for many years until the re-incarnation of Kikyou, a girl named Kagome tumbled down a giant noodle bowl to reach the feudal era. She found herself staring at the sleeping form of Inuyasha, a giant fork through his heart. Anyway, blah blah again, Kagome managed to break the jewel into a lot of shards with her priestly powers and a fork.
Soon enough handsome, delicious Sushimaru came looking for his brother to have a little chat with him. Sushimaru had but one gripe. His legendary father had left his half-brother a pair of enchanted chopsticks which could absorb the goodness of a hundred different varieties of ramen demons, and thus kill them, in one fell slurp. A hundred varieties of any demons, actually. This legendary weapon was called the Tetsusaiga.
Alas, how Sushimaru craved for it! All he was left with was a spoon, which could bring a hundred demons back to life by putting their food spirits back in their bodies. The horribly useless Tensaiga, which wouldn't even let him eat one noodle. It kept slipping off the spoon, the blasted thing! 'Why father?' Sushimaru had thought many a time, 'Why have you given Ramenyasha the Tetsusaiga? Why, why have you given me a spoon?'
Recollecting all these bitter thoughts, Sushimaru planned a masterly plan to find out the resting place of the enchanted chopsticks. With the help of his frog-spawn demon Jaken, he managed to reach the place but could not touch the mystical weapon. Kagome pulled it out, funnily enough, and that pissed Sushimaru off. So he turned into this giant bowl of ramen, and nearly drowned Inuyasha, but Inuyasha figured out how to use the Tetsusaiga (with a bit of help from Kagome), and skewered off his brother's Sushi-Ramen delectable arm.
And thus, Inuyasha became the rightful master of the enchanted chopsticks and protector of Kagome, until Kikyou showed up again, but whatever. And they met this lecherous monk, a powerful tajiya, and a pretty useless smelly little cheese cub who Inuyasha thought was only worth eating, but Kagome didn't let him. Sushimaru and Naraku showed up lots of times, but neither them, nor Inuyasha could beat each other, so the battle went on forever.
And that is the end of this feudal food fight, ladies and gentlemen. We don't know the ending, as it's still going on. We thank you for joining us though. And everyone takes a bow, except Inuyasha, who was confused, Kagome, who was screaming sit, Miroku, who was feeling up Sango, Sango, who was bonking him on the head, Kikyou, who was trying to take Inuyasha to hell, Naraku who was trying to eat them all, and Sushimaru who was just wandering around wondering if he would ever get a better weapon.
For in reality, there is no spoon.
The end?
Yep, I was definitely insane when I wrote this. And I haven't exactly given up on the 'Double edged decision', I just lost inspiration. I promise you guys! It will be updated soon!