Author's Note: For those of you who guessed Doctor Edmund was really Doc Emmett Brown from "Back To the Future" movies, you're right! If you were practicing medicine without a license in the Empire, you'd use a fake name, too! Especially if Vader was angry with you! I thought he'd make a good shrink. Now onto the next chapter…

Luke

"Han, you're insane!" Leia complained from the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. "You can't just GO to Coruscant! We're all wanted Rebels with prices on our heads!"

"And I told you Sweetheart," Han said with his customary crooked grin as he glanced back at her. "We're going to move in with Pops for awhile. He took the kid with him on that monster ship of his and I just know Luke's going to get himself in trouble! So we need to be there to bail him out. Vader may be doing the right thing for the first time in his life, but let's admit it; ol' Pops doesn't have a clue about kids."

"Look, maybe I admitted he's my father, but moving IN with him? It's DARTH VADER we're talking about!"

"So?" Han shrugged his shoulders. "Look, will you stop worrying Princess? Trust me, I know what I'm doing. There's a ton of traffic around that planet. We'll just blend right in and mozzy on down to wherever he's living. We won't get caught because no Imperial in his right mind would expect us to go there!"

Leia slapped her own forehead. She felt like banging her head against a wall, but on the Falcon that wasn't a wise idea. It probably would break something. "This is so stupid!"

"You want to see Luke again, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do!"

"Then to Coruscant we go!" Han laughed as the ship dropped out of hyperspace and the Falcon joined the heavy lines of traffic waiting to go planet side.  Out the main viewport the Executor was plainly visible hanging in the blackness of space. "See? I was right! Luke and Vader are both here."

"If we end up in a cell, it's your fault!" Leia turned on her heel and stormed out of the room.

Darth Vader had managed to escape from Prince Xizor in the airspeeder and now they had arrived safely at his Coruscant palace. Although Vader was the second richest man in the Empire, wealth had never mattered much to him. He owned a palace because it was expected of him, but otherwise most of his money just piled up in an account. But now that he found his family, perhaps he might have a use for his great wealth after all. He could think of no better way to spend it than on his son and daughter.

The only thing that nagged at his mind was Xizor. Now that he knew the Falleen was alive, would the Dark Prince try to kill his son again? True, he had acted oddly at the doctor's office but that could have been an act. He wouldn't put it past Xizor, as the alien was incredibly devious. No matter, Luke would be safe inside his home with its strong security measures.

No one messed with Lord Vader and lived.

Vader's palace was one of the tallest on Coruscant and only Palpatine's commanded a better view or was more impressive in size. "You will stay with me in my home, Son."

Luke followed Darth Vader inside and soon they both settled down in a nicely decorated living room on sofas opposite from each other. The young Jedi was looking forward to having a meaningful conversation with his father at last. Before while he was aboard the Executor they hadn't had much time to talk, as Vader had duties to attend. But now Luke hoped things would go better. "I have so many questions I want to ask you, Father. And I hope that foolishness with the doctor is over with."

"I still expect you to see the new ship's doctor once he reports for duty, Luke." Vader informed his son. "And you should keep a watchful eye out for Prince Xizor. He is not to be trusted."

"All right, I will. But I assure you that there's nothing wrong with me. Ben really does appear and he does talk to me. Don't ask me how he does it, but he does. If you could just let go of the Dark Side for a while, maybe he'll talk to you, too! Can't you just try, Father? Why must you be on the Dark Side?"

"You don't know the power of the Dark Side. I must obey my Master."

"Can't you forget about your Master for a short time and just try it?"

"No. It is too late for me, my Son. I can't give up the darkness inside me, the immense power it gives me. If you could only know what it's like…"

"Please, Father." Luke pleaded, leaning forward on the sofa so he could gaze at Vader's mask. "Just for ten minutes? Is that so much? Surely you could give up the hatred and revenge for ten minutes? I just want to prove to you I'm not seeing things and how can I do that if you won't try it? And if it doesn't work, I'll go see all the shrinks you want."

"Hmmm…" Vader thought the offer over. It was tempting. "Very well, Luke. I will try it later tonight, but I expect you to keep your word."

Luke grinned with relief. Perhaps he could even free his father of the Dark Side and his cruel Master. "Tell me about my Mother."

"Your Mother was the Queen of Naboo." Darth Vader began as he settled back into soft sofa. "I met her when I was nine years old and working in Watto's junk shop. I was his slave."

"You were a slave?" Luke gasped, his blue eyes widening in surprise. "And you married a Queen?"

"Padme was an elected Queen. When he term was over she became a Senator. I was a Padawan assigned to protect her from an assassin. We fell in love and married in a secret ceremony on her home world."

"But I thought you just said you were a slave? How did you become a Padawan?"

"I won my freedom in a podrace." Vader explained, his gaze focusing on Luke. "And what about you, my Son? Your sister is going to marry Han Solo. Do you have any girlfriends I should know of?"

"No."

"Why not?" Vader asked.

"I thought Jedi weren't supposed to marry. That's what Master Yoda said…"

"The old Order is gone, Son. There's no reason why you shouldn't marry."

"Well …" Luke stammered nervously. "I really don't know any girls. Except for Leia, I mean. And she's my sister of course, so …"

"Surely you had girlfriends in the past, before you started your Jedi training."

"Umm … no, not really." Luke admitted, his face turning red with embarrassment. This was worse than Vader thinking he was nuts!

Vader drummed his fingers on the arm of the sofa. This was another unexpected problem with his son. "You do like women, don't you?"

"Of course I do!" Luke blurted out, his face growing redder.

"Son, you're starting to look like a tomato!"

"I can't help it!"

"Well, I never looked like a tomato when I talked to your Mother! Women don't want to date or marry vegetables!"

Luke's face grew even redder.

"Now you look like a beet! If you keep that up you'll be a plum next."

"Will you stop it? You're embarrassing me!"

For what seemed the tenth time Vader wished his breathing apparatus would allow him to sigh. How was he going to fix this? But perhaps it wasn't as bad as it looked. Maybe Luke just felt uneasy discussing the subject with him? "When was the last time you talked to a woman?"

"Umm … yesterday, I think."

"Who?"

"Leia."

"Besides your sister?"

"Oh … ummm. Mon Mothma?"

Vader groaned and held his helmeted head in his hands. This was looking bad. Very bad! Rising to his feet, Vader motioned Luke to get up. "Come, Son. You need to get out more often, meet some women. On Tatooinie where you grew up on a farm, that must have been difficult. But here there are many women."

"Can't I just stay here with you?" Luke asked hopefully. "I'd rather get to know more about you; your time as a Padawan, how you got on the Dark Side, everything."

"We can do that later. Now we're going to go to a club."

"A club?" Luke asked as he followed his father out to the airspeeder again. "You go to clubs?"

"No, of course not!"

"Then why are we going to one now?"

"Because I want to see if you can talk to a woman without getting all tongue-tied." Vader explained as he got into the driver's seat. As soon as Luke joined him, he started up the engine and took off. "My old Master used to do that. He didn't want to admit it, but he was quite nervous around women. Oh, he could talk fine when it came to business, but if he had to dance with one at a social gathering or something, he grew very nervous. I never had that problem."

Luke groaned, almost wishing he had stayed with Han on the Falcon. True, he had always wanted to know his Father, but this! All too soon they arrived at the club, a noisy place with bright colorful neon lights above its doors. With great reluctance Luke followed his father inside. He had half hoped that the appearance of Lord Vader would cause a great commotion and scare most of the customers away, especially the female customers. But the clientele were dressed so oddly that no one paid any attention what so ever to the Sith Lord.

Darth Vader went over to a small table and leaned against it for a moment as he scanned the crowd for a likely target. He pointed to a young blonde woman sitting at the bar by herself. "Go over there and talk to her."

"But I don't even know her!"

"You won't know any women if you never talk to one!"

"But I wouldn't know what to say!" Luke protested.

"GO!" Vader commanded.

"But…"

"Look, Son. I'm not saying you have to marry her, just TALK to her!"

Luke squinted through the hazy smoke that hung in the air at the blonde. She looked normal enough from here. "Well, maybe I could…"

Taking a deep breath that almost made him cough, Luke walked the short distance to the bar. Nervously he eased himself onto the hard stool next to her. Turning to look at her, his lips cracked a small smile. "Umm … hi."

She turned her head to glance at him, and then went back to the strange purple concoction she was drinking.

Back at the table, Vader pounded his metal helmet onto the sticky wooden surface. His only son was a total klutz when it came to woman! How had this happened to him? Hadn't he inherited any of his own boldness? Oooh, it was all Obi-Wan's fault for baby-snatching his son as an infant and taking him to that sorry sandball called a planet!

"I couldn't think of anything to say…" Luke explained as he returned to his father's table.

"There are billions of things to say and you couldn't think of anything?"

"It's just hard breathing in this place!" Luke exclaimed as he tried to wave away some of the smoke with his hand. Several women at a nearby table pointed at him and giggled.

"You're making yourself look like an idiot doing that!"

"Well, it's hard to see with all this stuff hanging in the air!"

"Perhaps we should start with something more simpler." Vader grabbed Luke's wrist and hauled him out of the club.

"Hey! I didn't get a chance to order any blue milk!"

"Son, they only serve drinks."

"But blue milk IS a drink!"

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

"Father! Why are you banging your mask on the hood of the speeder?"

"Never mind! Get In!" Vader ordered.

"Can I have some blue milk when we get home?"

"Yes!"

"And some bantha burgers with fries?" Luke asked hopefully.

"ANYTHING!" Vader pulled away from the curb so fast that several other airspeeders had to throw on their brakes. In record time and breaking all the known speed laws, Vader arrived back at his palace. The outing had been a total disaster! Jumping out of the speeder, he stalked inside and ordered one of his servants to get Luke's food … with an entire gallon of blue milk. Within moments he and his son was back in the living room again.

Luke sipped his glass of blue milk happily; glad the entire thing was over.

"I know what we will do." Vader exclaimed after sitting quietly watching Luke gulp down his fries and the bantha burger. "We will practice!"

"With our lightsabers?"

"No! Talking to girls!"

"I thought we already tried that?" Luke shoved the last fry in his mouth, chewing. "It didn't work!"

"That's why we need to practice." Vader explained, trying to reign in his frustration. "Look, why don't you just pretend I'm a girl? You don't seem to have any problems talking to me."

"But you not a girl."

"I KNOW I'm not a girl!" Vader shouted at his son. "It's practice!"

"Oh." Luke stared at his farther for a moment. The corner of his lips turned upward, then he started chuckling.

"Now what?"

"You don't look like a girl!"

"Of course I don't look like a girl! I'm not a girl!"

"Well, then how am I supposed to pretend you're a girl when you don't look like one?"

"You make me want to strangle you, you know that, don't you?" Vader pushed the anger and frustration growing inside himself back down to a manageable level. If he weren't careful, he wouldn't need to worry about Prince Xizor killing Luke. He'd do it himself! "Look, just PRETEND I'm a girl! Close your eyes. What do you say to a girl?"

"I feel really stupid!"

"NO!" Vader screamed at Luke. "You don't tell a girl you feel really stupid!"

"No, I meant I feel really stupid pretending you're a girl!"

"Well, what do you want me to do? Wear a wig?!" Vader shook his fist at his unruly son. "I don't see how you can be such a powerful Jedi and yet be such a total nervous wreck around women!"

Luke blinked at his father. "Do you have a wig?"

"DON'T EVEN THINK IT!" The Dark Lord of the Sith warned, shaking both fists at Luke to emphasize his words.

Luke looked mournfully at the empty gallon bottle on the table between them. "Do you have any more blue milk?"

To be continued….

Hope that was good and funny! Upcoming chapters will include (in no particular order): Han, Obi-Wan, the new ship's doctor and at least one character from the prequel movies!