Han Solo

Darth Vader had just left the living room when he heard the loud, insistent ringing of his doorbell.

"Now what is it?" he fumed as he stalked towards the front door, hoping it wasn't that insane Prince Xizor searching for more pills. If it were, he'd just kill him on the spot. The past few hours he had spent with Luke was more frustrating than all the years as Obi-Wan's apprentice and that really said something. Reaching the door before one of his servants did, he flung it open.

"Hi Pops!" Han Solo said with a crooked grin, a cardboard box in his hands. Princess Leia stood next to the space pirate, her eyes scanning the surrounding area nervously. The Wookie Chewbacca stood on Han's other side. Behind them, Vader could see the familiar saucer shape of the Falcon parked on one of his landing platforms.

Vader's heart skipped a beat even with the pacemaker that was supposed to keep it at a steady rhythm. One just didn't expect for General Solo to show up on your doorstep, even if he was going to marry your daughter! "What are you doing here?"

"We're moving in with you!" Han explained as he waited for Vader to invite them in. "Don't you remember? You said we could come and live with you!"

"I did?" Vader asked, confused. He remembered talking to General Solo about marrying his daughter but surely he hadn't issued such an invitation? How would he explain such a thing to the Emperor? Having Luke stay with him for a few days was one thing, but a house filled of Rebels with their ship parked in plain view of the entire Imperial City on his landing platform? It was just begging for trouble!

"Oh, move out of the way!" Leia elbowed Han in the side, knocking him to the metal platform just outside the door, the cardboard box falling to the ground. She then shoved her way past Vader with an elbow to his stomach.

"Hey! That hurt!" Han sat up and rubbed at the arm he had landed on. "You don't have to be so rough!"

Chewie growled in agreement, flashing white teeth.

"Now get in here before someone spots you!" Princess Leia asked. "It was your crazy idea to come here, remember?"

"All right, Your Royal Highness. Don't get your knickers in a knot!" Han picked himself up from the metal floor, bending to scoop up his cardboard box. Squeezing past Vader, Han made his way inside. Setting the box down on a small table, he grinned at Leia. "See? What did I tell you? Nothing to it!"

After all the Rebels had come inside, Darth Vader closed the door. He eyed the box where General Solo had set it down. "What is inside the box?"

Han laughed. "Don't you trust us, Pops? It's just a special cake I baked."

"You … baked a cake?"

"Yeah." Han admitted, looking a bit embarrassed. "I have a kitchen on the Falcon, you know! It came in one of those kits. The cake, I mean, not the kitchen. Then I added some of my own ingredients to jazz it up a bit. It's a chocolate cake."

Vader peered at Han through the Force to see if the smuggler was telling the truth. He was. The box apparently really did contain a cake. "Due to the state of your ship, you will understand if I decline sharing the cake with you. Did you say you were … moving in?"

"Yeah." Han walked around the large entrance hall, admiring his reflection in the super-shiny marble floor. A large vase, filled with flowers, sat in the corner while round pillars held the ceiling up overhead. By the looks of it, Han was certain the giant vase was an antique. "Nice place you got here, Pops. Trust me, it'll be good for you to have us living with you! Besides, someone has to keep an eye on the kid. Where is he anyway?"

"In the living room," Vader pointed. "And my name is not 'pops'. It's Lord Vader."

"Ah," Han swung his hand in a dismissive gesture. "That's for your subordinates. I'm family. You don't use formal titles with family!"

"You're not in the family yet, General Solo."

"See? That's why you need us to live with you!" Han headed in the direction Vader had indicated, looking for Luke. It was clear the Sith Lord lived in a humongous house. Gleaming hallways stretched this way and that, lifts waiting to take passengers up to different floors. It would be very easy to miss Luke in this maze of confusion. "Well, if you don't want me calling you Pops, do you have another name I can use?"

"Darth?"

Han laughed, wiggling a finger at Vader as he walked backward. "Uh-uh! Caught you! That's another title, not a name!"

Vader grumbled under his breath. How the Sith had General Solo known that? Most people just assumed Darth was his first name and left it at that. In fact, he wasn't even too sure how he had gotten himself into this mess to start with. He had never dreamed that the smuggler would actually try to move in with him! And if his suspicions were correct, Han would prove to be as much trouble as Luke was!

"Well? Do you?" Han asked again, grinning. "Come on, spit it out."

"Anakin." Vader reluctantly admitted. He hadn't wanted to say it, but what else could he tell Solo? He had thought his old life forever buried and gone, burned to ashes like half of his body had been by the magma, but with his children in his life now the old memories were returning.

"See? That wasn't so hard now, was it?" Han remarked as they finally reached the living room.

The empty living room.

"Where's the kid?" Han asked as he entered the room and glanced around. The only signs that Luke had been there was the dirty plate and glass along with the empty bottle of blue milk. Han picked up the milk jug and peered at the label. "Well, it sure looks like he was here."

Leia's eyes went wide as a thought occurred to her. "Han, where did you leave that cake?"

"Near the front door." Han replied. His dark eyes went wide with realization and he dashed out of the room, his boots sliding on the floor. He banged into the far wall, gripped it a moment to regain his balance then ran all out back the way he had come. "LUKE! LUKE!"

"I told you it was a bad idea, you nerf herder!" Leia went running after Han, Chewie growling and running after his two human friends.

"Now what in the Sith is going on?" Darth Vader had no choice but to run after his houseguests. Within moments he reached the front entrance to see Han holding the empty cardboard box, a few chocolate crumbs marring its bottom.

"Someone ate the poison cake!" Han blurted out.

"WHAT?!" Vader shouted at General Solo, the Dark Side swelling in him like a tidal wave. "You brought a poison cake into my palace?"

"Well, it was for Palpatine!" Han admitted as he peered into the empty cake box, as if it could magically tell him who had eaten it. "Hey, I didn't know the kid was going to eat it! It wasn't easy baking it, all right? I even went through the trouble to write HAPPY 180th BIRTHDAY PALPATINE – YOU LOOK LIKE A DRIED UP OLD MUMMY! on it!"

"I should choke you for this, Solo!" Vader itched to kill him, but he needed Solo alive to say what kind of poison he had used. Perhaps there was an antidote. If they could find Luke fast enough….

"Oh, it wasn't REAL poison!" Leia admitted quickly, trying to sooth Vader's rising anger. "Han didn't have any real poison! So he improvised with what he found on the Falcon."

"What did you put in that cake, Solo?" Lord Vader demanded as he grabbed Solo by his white shirt and picked him up off the floor, slamming his back into the nearest wall. "And what makes you think Luke ate it?"

"Because the kid is always hungry! He'll eat almost anything!"

"And the ingredients?"

"Well…" Han struggled to breathe as Vader held him off the floor. Maybe Leia had been right. Trying to kill Palpatine with a poison cake hadn't been such a hot idea.  "There was the regular chocolate cake mix from a box…"

"And?"

"A bottle of Saurian Brandy, the good one hundred proof stuff!"

"You put ALCOHOL in a cake?!"

"Yeah. And an entire twenty-four pack of Coke. I used a special gizmo to extract all the caffeine from the soda and only added the caffeine! That plus the alcohol was supposed to kill the old geezer!"

"Tell him the rest!" Leia demanded, her hands on her hips.

Vader shook Solo for good measure. "There was more?"

"Well, some dusty bottle of blue liquid we found in that old guy's hut in the desert. I figure it couldn't hurt."

Vader dropped Han to the floor. The 'old guy' was no doubt Obi-Wan and the blue liquid was more alcohol!

"And, well, I kind of baked in a few creepy crawlies I caught in the cake batter for crunchiness."

"BUGS? My son ate a cake with bugs in it?" Vader pulled his lightsaber from his belt and flipped it on. "I'll kill you, Solo!"

"AHHHHHH!" Han went barreling down the corridor deeper into Vader's house, shrieking as loudly as he could, Darth Vader hot on his trail.

"Well, I see Father is getting along just fine with my fiancé." Leia remarked dryly to Chewie.

"GROWL!" Chewie agreed.

"I guess we'll have to go find Luke before he gets himself into more trouble! Wherever he is, he's probably stinking drunk and hyper. I just wish I knew how to use the Force to track him down, if I even have it. Unfortunately, the only one who IS able to track Luke down is running around like a maniac with a sword."

"RUFF!"

"Good idea." Leia bent and picked up the antique vase, flowers and all. Then she waited patiently. Just as she suspected, Han came running through a second time, still shrieking like a siren. It appeared he still had all his body parts so he must have managed to stay in front of Vader for the entire lap. When Vader came around the corner, Leia tossed the vase at his helmet.

CRASH!

Vader's boots slid on the wet floor and he slipped, falling. His lightsaber fell out of his hand and it automatically deactivated itself. He lay for a moment on the floor, dazed. Who had clobbered him with a vase?

Leia marched up to her father and gripped the end of his long black cape tightly in both hands. She then proceeded to drag him across the marble floor towards the nearby open door. "Quite horsing around with Han! We need to go find Luke!"

Vader called his lightsaber to his hand. How in the Sith had he ended up with such a bold daughter?

"Where you going?" Han called as he cautiously poked his head out from a hallway. "I was just starting to enjoy that!"