Author's Note: Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy is not mine: he belongs to Paramount and Gene Rodenberry and Star Trek. The word 'Sawbones" is an old term meaning 'doctor' and 'Bones" is a short version of that term.

Palpatine

Dr. McCoy sat in his new office, pondering Lord Vader's 'problem'. Either the man was totally bonkers and needed psychological help or he really had a ghost. And since he acted rational, that left only one possibility. Leaning back in his chair and sipping a glass of Saurian brandy, McCoy thought on how he could solve such a problem. Before the shot glass was empty, he jumped out of his chair and went to his little black medical bag. He opened it and reached inside, pulling out a small metal device. Smiling, McCoy held it up in the air. "It's just what I need!"

Ignoring the outraged and very pink Lord Vader standing next to Luke's bed, McCoy hurried out of Sickbay.

"This is an outrage!" Vader hissed as he stared at his reflection in the glass cabinets. "I need to get this stuff off!"

"Use a bed sheet." Luke suggested from where he lay in bed. "Maybe you can wipe most of it off before it dries."

Without hesitation, Vader tore the bed sheet off one of the empty beds. Holding the sheet up, he wiped at his mask and helmet. The pink stuff, however, was stubborn and refused to come off. The Sith Lord even panicked for a moment when the sheet became stuck to his mask, in effect blinding him. But using all of his strength and help from the Force he managed to tear it off.

Luke tried hard to suppress a snicker. Although he loved his father dearly, this bright pink Darth Vader was something else. Somehow he just didn't seem as menacing anymore. "You have bits of the white sheet glued on you."

"Curse that Solo!" Vader was pleased that Sickbay was currently empty of patients besides his son at the moment. If rumor traveled around the ship about this incident he would never live it down. The best plan was to somehow disguise himself and sneak back to his quarters. But how could he do it? His manner of dress was so distinct and easily recognizable. It had never been a liability until now. Throwing the ruined sheet to the floor, he marched into the good doctor's office. "There had better be something in here I could use!"

Vader scanned the office for anything at all that could help. There was a desk with an almost empty shot glass on it, a bottle of alcohol, bookcases in the back, a computer, a large paper bag folded at the top, a red jacket thrown over the chair back, a black medical bag, a tray of some weird instruments and several petri dishes with green stuff growing in them. He had hoped for something better but this was all he had to work with. A single glance told him the doctor's jacket was way too small and would never fit. Desperate, he reached for the brown paper bag to see what was inside. Carefully opening the top, he peered within and found the doctor's lunch: some type of long sandwich with green and red vegetables sticking out the sides.

"The bag could make an excellent disguise." Obi-Wan said as he appeared next to Vader.

"I will NOT wear a bag!" Vader hissed angrily as he dropped the now open bag back onto McCoy's desk. "I will not walk down the corridor of the Executor with a brown sack over my helmet! That is NOT a disguise! Everyone will still know who I am with one glance!"

"It was only a suggestion." Obi-Wan replied. "Perhaps you should just stroll down the hallway as you are and ignore the crew. I'm sure they'll be smart enough not to look."

"I can't go out there like this!" Anger and frustration at the situation grew within Vader, but he had no one to strike out at. The culprit Solo had made a clean getaway.

"Anakin, it's not as bad as it seems."

"No, it's worse!" Vader insisted. This was utterly horrible!

"Well, you just can't hide here in this office. You need to find a solution so you can get to your quarters and change clothes. How about wrapping a bed sheet over yourself? And try to look on the positive side!" Obi-Wan urged.

Disgusted, Vader plucked the brown bag off McCoy's desk and went back to where Luke was. Pulling the sandwich out, he handed it to his son. "Here. Eat."

"Oooh, a sandwich!" Luke eagerly grabbed it and started chewing. While he chewed, he eyed the bag in his father's hands. "Hey, you could cut eye holes in that and stick it over your head! I did that once as a kid and not a single one of my classmates called me by name! It worked great!"

"Yes, they were no doubt embarrassed to be seen with you." Vader muttered but poked two holes in the large bag. He noticed that his son was so busy devouring the sandwich that he hadn't heard his mumbled statement. He only wished Luke would forget about Jade and those cakes. But something told Vader that he hadn't heard the last of either. No, his simple-minded son had fallen hard for a hardened assassin! Picking a clean sheet off another bed, Vader threw it over his back and tied it around his neck. Then he put the paper sack over his head.

"I look like an idiot!" Vader complained and he knew it was true. "I will kill whoever sees me like this!"

"Anakin, you know you can't do that!" Obi-Wan sternly said, his arms crossed over his chest in his favorite disgruntled expression.

"But I am a Sith, Obi-Wan. I can kill if I choose to for I serve the Dark Side."

"Just because there was an accident is no reason to take it out on innocent crew members, even if they do serve the Empire."

"Very well. I will try not to kill anyone." Vader remarked as he moved towards the door that led out into the corridor. He poked his bag-covered head out and saw the cost was clear. All he had to do was make it down the hallway until he reached the lift. From there he could get to his quarters and change clothes. Luckily he had some spare sets of armor in his closet for such an emergency. Vader hurried down the long hallway, his white sheet billowing out behind him to reveal bright pink. Hope filled his chest as the lift was just a few feet away and not a single trooper was in sight. What a rare thing, for this corridor was usually packed with traffic. Then just as he reached the lift the doors sprung open and Emperor Palpatine emerged.

"Lord Vader! What are you doing with that sack on your head?" Palpatine asked as he leaned heavily on his cane. "And why in Sith are you pink with a white bed sheet?"

"My Master!" Vader stopped in his tracks, horror exploded inside him. To be seen by his crew would have been bad, but by the Emperor! There were no words for that embarrassment! Under his mask his face turned scarlet and his body grew hot as sweat began to pour from his pores. "There was an … accident in Sickbay."

"That must have been some accident, Lord Vader. I had thought perhaps you had grown tired of black and was trying a new fashion. I suggest you stick with black. And take that ridiculous bag off your head!" The Emperor commanded as he waved a gnarled hand at his apprentice.

Vader tore the sack off and clutched it in one hand.

Palpatine busted out laughing and was forced to lean against a wall. "Thank you, Lord Vader. I needed a good laugh."

"How may I serve you, My Master?" Vader hated being laughed at, but he held back his anger. It wouldn't do to attack his Emperor.

"I came to see if you had any more of those wonderful Mummy Cakes that your son brought me yesterday." Palpatine replied as he continued down the hallway towards Sickbay. "It was the most strangest thing. This morning I woke up with the worst headache imaginable and when I ate the last small piece of that cake it went away like magic! And now I find myself craving more of it. Those crunchy nuts in it are like none I ever tasted. Delicious! And there is another odd thing. There is some peculiar stench in my Throne Room and I can't figure out where it's coming from! Most annoying!"

Vader thought of his son vomiting down the shaft and realized that was the source of the stench. But it appeared that either Palpatine had not witnessed the act or had forgotten it due to the cake's content. But what was he to do about the Emperor's request for more poison cakes? "Master, perhaps it's not wise to eat cakes that gives you headaches."

"Don't be absurd, Lord Vader!" Palpatine said as he slowly entered Sickbay. He stopped and stared at the pink puddle on the floor, the smeared sheet and young Skywalker licking the last bit of mayonnaise off his fingers. "That cake is the greatest discovery ever! It gives me so much energy and makes me feel years younger! Now tell me, Lord Vader, where did you acquire that cake?" 

"I…" Vader began, and then stopped.

"Han made it." Luke blurted out.

"Han who?" The Emperor asked as he moved closer to Luke's bed. "Tell me, Young Skywalker."

"Luke!" Vader warned. The last thing he wanted was for the Emperor to discover that Rebels were living in his house!

"My buddy Han." Luke answered honestly. He stared at the old man that was his father's boss. Palpatine was dressed in a dark hooded robe but his eyes were bloodshot and his skin looked like it was rotten or something. "Are you really one- hundred-and-eighty-years old?"

"WHAT?!" The Emperor cried, shocked. "How dare you say that!"

Vader's heart, even with the pace maker, skipped a beat. "He is just an innocent boy, My Master. He doesn't know any better."

"But it said that on the cake…" Luke said, confused. "Unless Han got the numbers mixed up. Maybe it was supposed to be eight-hundred-and-ten-years-old?"

"NO!" Palpatine shrieked in rage, his eyes growing redder. "I assure you I'm UNDER one-hundred-years-old! How dare you think I'm eight-hundred-years-old! I am not that sniveling Master Yoda! Now I command you to tell me where to find this Han so I may acquire more Mummy Cakes!"

"No." Luke said as he leaned back calmly in his bed, hands behind his head.

"What?! You dare disobey a direct order from your Emperor?"

"If you want to know, you have to give me something in exchange." Luke replied.

Palpatine grinned. The young boy just wanted something, no doubt some small insignificant thing. "Very well, Young Skywalker. Tell me what you wish and it shall be yours. Wealth, your own Star Destroyer, power of the Dark Side, an apprenticeship: it all can be yours!"

"But I don't want any of that stuff…" Luke informed the Emperor.

"Well, Boy, what do you want? I don't have all day to be playing guessing games with you!"

"I want to go on a date with Mara." Luke simply told him, an embarrassed grin on his face.

"WHAT?! What is it with you Skywalkers!" Palpatine slapped his cane on the floor. "Stupid boy! Chasing after some skirt like your father did! But very well, if that is what you desire it shall be yours. Now give me my information!"

"Han's on the ship somewhere." Luke assured the Emperor. "I'm sure he'd love to meet you. He's one of your biggest fans. He talks about you all the time."

"Really?" Palpatine asked, interested to hear more.

*.*.*.*

Meanwhile down in the torpedo bay Doctor McCoy was doing a special surgery. With the help of a few engineers, he had attached the special device to a torpedo. Once that was finished and the torpedo loaded into the slot that would fire it from the ship, Bones left for the bridge. It was a brilliant plan and he was quite proud that he had thought of it all by himself. Now he just had to cross his fingers and hoped it worked. It had worked once before, but then he had had the body of the dead person. Now, without a body, he was unsure if anything would happen at all. Perhaps it would work and perhaps it wouldn't. But all he could do was try. It was just by sheer luck he had had one of the special gizmos in his black bag. Of course, he really wasn't supposed to have it at all. Being a doctor it wasn't his department and if Starfleet ever found out he had taken one, there surely would be a court martial. "Serve's them right for leaving such a highly classified thing sitting around! Maybe now it can do some good though, like it did before."

Taking a lift, he went up to the bridge. Once there, he suggested to the Commander on duty that they move the ship. They needed to find an isolated area with a dead moon or a large asteroid. After clearing it with Lord Vader, the commander did as the doctor requested. Finding a perfect target, the torpedo was fired. The explosion resulted in a fast-acting wave of colored energy that swept over the dead moon. Energy readings on the bridge were off the charts. Then it began to settle down and form recognizable patterns. First an atmosphere formed, one that could support life. Then simple life forms followed by plants of all types. The plants and trees grew rapidly, reaching maturity within hours. Everything on the new world was incredibly sped up. Even the clouds overhead seemed to move at a faster pace.

Wasting no time, Bones called Sickbay from the bridge to speak to Lord Vader. "Go tell your ghost to go onto that new planet down there. And be quick about it; we don't have much time."

Obi-Wan didn't have to be told. The new planet below was sending out incredible Force signatures; it was simply amazing! He vanished from sight and reappeared on the planet's surface. Lush ferns shook in the wind and the ground trembled under his feet. Amazingly, he could FEEL the wind and the small earthquakes! The air was sharp with the tang of smoke and that rich earthy scent of green things. After being a spirit for so long, it was just incredible.

Up on the Executor, McCoy recommended they send out a shuttlecraft to go pick up their passenger. The Commander looked a bit confused, but did as he was told. Lord Vader seemed to be going along with the doctor's weird … activity. Perhaps it was a test for some new secret weapon the Empire had developed. That would explain the Emperor's presence on board.

Satisfied, McCoy watched the main viewscreen. Once the shuttle was safely stored within Executor's belly, the Star Destroyer moved to a safe distance. Then the entire moon, Genesis II, destroyed itself. The protomatter used within the device was unstable and would never last long. After the show was over, Bones left for Sickbay to see his new patient.

But more than one patient waited for him…

Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine had both passed out on the floor…

Luke sat in his hospital bed, his blue eyes wide and his mouth drooping open.

And just within the doorway a crowd of people argued and talked. There were several men, two women and a little green alien with very large ears.

Yes, thanks to the Genesis device, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Mace Windu, Yoda, Padme and Smea were all alive and breathing once more!

To be continued…