To Live To Suffer

Confusion

The pain was so intense, so sharp. It throbbed and stung away at every muscle, prickling every part of his body. There was an unbearable ache vibrating through his bones and nervous system. Oh God, the agony. Kurt was so confused, so hurt he didn't know anything anymore except the pain. There were people above him, moving around quickly, speaking in unclear voices, disappearing from his range of vision. Every second through the pain he could feel more, something was tugging at his skin on his chest, pinching at his fur. Sharp pricks of even more pain were inflicted on his arm now and then as someone dug something into his skin. Tears fell down his temples again in fear. Why couldn't they leave him alone? Why did they have to come back and do more damage? He was already beaten to a dangerous state, and yet they were still adding more to the agony.

Kurt let loose a strained whimper, and heard the voices again. They were aimed at him, he knew, but he couldn't understand them. Please just finish me off – he cried mentally, begging for the pain to cease. It hurts so much... please make it stop... A high-pitched whine escaped his throat as someone tugged at the torn skin on his chest again. A new stream of tears fell free.

Ororo's eyebrows pulled up at the sound of Kurt's cry of pain. But she continued to stitch up his chest. She couldn't stop, but she knew it was causing a part of his hurt. Her own heart was aching for him – his state was unbelievable. When she had first seen him like this she had frozen for a split second, horrified. How could anyone do this to a human being? Her answer was pretty easy: anyone who hated mutants – anyone who didn't understand why Kurt looked like a demon. She couldn't believe how people called this boy a monster, when they themselves were capable of this.

"Jean, that wound on his forehead," Hank spoke, directing Jean's attention to the serious injury as soon as she had finished stitching Kurt's arm. They had no time for dressing the wounds properly; they had to sew them up first before Kurt lost any more blood.

The redhead moved quickly to the front of the bed and blinked back a tear that was threatening to fall. She disinfected the lesion as fast and carefully as she could, trying her best to clean up the surrounding fur. She was afraid one or more of his serious wounds would end up infected, and in his terribly weak state his own body would not be able to fight it. His immune system was down so low he could catch anything, she realized.

Jean's eyes flickered from her work on his forehead to Kurt's tightly shut eyes, and her heart gave a painful wrench as she saw more tears crawl down his face. Pull through, Kurt, she prayed. Please be alright ...

The waiting was almost as unbearable as the helping. Professor X had never felt so worried, or frightened as he did right now. Logan had explained only what he could, the rest was a mystery. So far they were both convincing themselves for the time being that Kurt had been attacked by mutant-haters ... but for someone to do so much damage was inhumane; Charles Xavier couldn't help but wonder if there was something else behind such an attack.

"Professor!"

Charles' eyes closed as he let out a weary breath. The sound of pounding feet grew louder in his direction. He had hoped he wouldn't have to tell anyone about this incident this soon, but it seemed news had reached other ears. Professor X turned around in his wheelchair with a hum, as Logan turned also, and watched the two approaching figures.

"Professor –" Kitty called again as she came to an abrupt stop a foot or two from him with Rogue at her side. Her eyes were wide, and her hair slightly untidy from the running she had just done. It was clear she heard something had happened. Rogue was wearing a similar expression, but she looked on in silence, her lips parted slightly as she awaited an explanation. Both were wearing their pajamas.

Kitty's posture showed her distressed feelings clearly as she spoke. "Is he alright – Is he going to be okay!"

Professor X held up one hand for silence. "Please, Kitty," he said in a soft tone that held worry. He paused before continuing. "Kurt is being tended to right now . . . I don't know of his condition." That was a lie, he knew Kurt was in a really bad state, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. Kitty was looking so fretful, staring at him as though pleading for him to say something reassuring. Rogue seemed to be showing her own way of worry by adopting a blank expression. Logan's, too was blank, but in his own different way.

The silence built after the Professor's words, but only two seconds later Rogue spoke.

"What happened?" She demanded, keeping her eyes on the Professor, fighting with them not to look behind him into the infirmary.

Professor X shook his head solemnly. "I don't know. We may only know that when Kurt decides to tell us . . . when he is ready." Charles wanted to know as much as they did, it was, after all, one of his students who had been injured so badly, and he liked to know the reason for such things.

Kitty and Rogue were still confused, but more than asking questions, they wanted to see Kurt. There was a desperate feeling in both girls to be in the room with him, to look at him just to know he was going to be alright and to ease their tense minds. Both girls looked from the Professor to Logan, hoping one of them might suddenly say something.

Professor X leaned forward slightly in his chair. "I want you both to go back to your rooms," he said softly. "There's nothing we can do but wait, and Hank may ask you to stay with Kurt tomorrow, for which it would be best to get some sleep." He paused, thoughts clearly running through his mind. "I will tell you anything of Kurt's condition once I know myself. Please, don't worry." He did not want to tell anyone anything tonight. It was late, and he was tired with sleep and worry. How Kitty and Rogue knew something had happened was something he would have to ask tomorrow, right now, he was awake only because he might be needed to help Kurt.

Rogue glanced for the first time into the infirmary. Hank, Ororo and Jean were working desperately to keep Kurt alive. She could tell by their expressions that nothing was alright, and there was everything to worry about. Her eyes fell on her adoptive brother and they widened slightly more; he was covered in blood. Rogue moved slowly past the Professor to stand facing the glass pane into the room.

"Ah don't think ah could sleep, Professor," she said quietly, without looking at him. "Ah'm gonna stay here." She seemed to be caught in a trance, unblinking as she stared into the room. She was horrified.

"I am too," Kitty said with a faint break in her tone, finding her voice. She, too, had kept her eyes from the infirmary until now, and the sight she saw was heartbreaking. Kurt was visible now and then as Hank moved away and then back, and Kitty found herself staring hard at the floor, unable to look back again.

Professor X understood their need to be near, and so he gave his head a small nod. He turned away wordlessly and left, with Logan at his side.

"Where's Scott?" Charles asked, once they were away from the Infirmary and around the corner.

Logan thought for a second with no change of expression. "Last I saw, he was still on board the Jet."

Professor X nodded again and stopped his wheelchair. "I will go check the Jet, it's not like him to disappear at a time like this." He sighed and sat there for a few seconds, thinking. "Will you be remaining with Kitty and Rogue for the night?"

Logan didn't answer straight away. He knew his answer but paused before saying, "Yeah, don' think I can sleep much either after t'night."

"Very well, I will see you later, Logan," the Professor said, turned, and wheeled away towards the hanger. Logan watched for a second before heading for the kitchen. Somehow this night's ordeal had made him thirsty.

The hum of Charles' wheelchair broke the silence in the hanger as the Professor approached the X-Jet. The landing ramp was still down, and the light from inside was on. The man made his way up the ramp and into the vehicle. Following his highly useful telepathy, Professor X found a troubled mind in the back of the Jet. He entered the end room and stopped in the doorway.

"Scott," the Professor caught his attention.

The teenager looked up quickly as though the man had just shouted at him. Scott was sat on the inbuilt seat, holding a bunch of bloodied towels. He had obviously cleaned the Jet of all the mess that had spilled, because the Professor couldn't see a trace anywhere.

"Is he okay?" Scott asked as soon as he realized it was Professor X. Reading Scott's expressions was fairly tricky, as his shades or visor usually hid them, but Charles could see, as well as sense Scott's worry and fear.

"Hank, Ororo and Jean are doing the best they can for him at the minute," he told the young man. "We don't know anything for certain . . ."

Scott looked back down at the floor in silence and the Professor moved further into the room.

"I – I," Scott began, trying to explain something, leaning his arms across his knees and staring down at the bloodied towels. "I would be in there with him . . . but I couldn't stand to see him like that."

Charles studied the teen, and then nodded. At least it explained why Scott hadn't followed Kurt into the infirmary. Professor X knew the two were something of a brotherly pair, and he understood Scott's discomfort to stand by and watch as Kurt was tended to.

"If it wasn't for you and Jean . . ." Scott trailed off, giving the towels a small shake to end his sentence.

"You should thank Jean entirely," Professor X started softly. "I merely felt the distress Kurt was in, an ache at the back of my mind. If it wasn't for her, I would have dismissed it as fatigue." Charles' mind rewound back to barely an hour ago when Jean has suddenly screamed, feeling a brief's moment of the pain Kurt had been in. An invisible shiver ran through his body and he forced the scene from his mind for now. He was too tired to add more to his worry.

Scott was nodding, agreeing to the Professor. "I can't believe this happened so quickly . . . What was Kurt doing out there at this time of night?" He gave a sigh and after a few seconds of silence, stood up. "I think I'll stand outside the infirmary . . ."

Professor X nodded. "Rogue and Kitty are there," he told him. "They heard what happened."

Scott appeared motionless for a second or two, before he indicated that he had heard. Both mutants made their way out of the X Jet, sealing her up as they exited. They began to make their way out of the hanger wordlessly. The only sound was of Scott's soft footfalls, and the professor's electrical hum of his wheelchair. Both where lost in thought, tired and worried.

Inside the institute, a corridor away from the infirmary, the professor and Scott stopped, having to go separate ways.

"Kurt will be fine," Charles said, seeing as Scott was about to make no quick attempt to speak first. "We just have to give him time, and eventually we will know what happened." He watched his oldest student give a small, tired nod while staring at the floor. His shades reflected the light, yet even that seemed dull, adding to his expression where the shades took away.

Scott turned and walked away, down the corridor towards the infirmary as Charles Xavier watched him. It was a second or two before the man sighed and turned his wheelchair, heading to the elevator that would take him to the bedrooms floor. As tired as he was, he knew he was not getting sleep tonight.

AN: I'm honored I got such gud reviews, thank you for that, I really appreciate your feedback. Sorry the chapter was late, I usually update sooner, but I get caught up in artwork. Speaking of which, fanart for this, did you say Snitter.. umm.. oh the evilness, that would be some powerful picture eh? Lol, thanks again for the reviews, next chapter should include more Kurt ;)