Your Star

Olivia stared at the clock, willing it to move faster. Alexis had promised to call at three, and she wanted to know what was going on. It was only two thirty. Suddenly, her phone rang. "Benson."

"The jury's out. I figured I'd better call now," Alexis said.

"Already? Why?"
"Sedaris is an idiot. He screwed up his case when he attempted to vilify you," Alexis told her. "It shouldn't be too much longer. You and Kaitlyn should come back." Olivia bit her lip. She really didn't want to see Nico again.

"I don't know, Alex. I can't face him again," she said. I can't face anyone again. I've embarrassed myself enough already, she added in her mind.

"I understand. I'll call you when the verdict comes in, okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Olivia replied.

"How are you doing, Olivia?" she asked. Olivia was amazed; this girl had only been working for a few days and she could already read Liv just the way Alex had.

"I'm fine," Liv replied.

"Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Exhausted?"

"I'm fine."

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Olivia stood in the doorway to Kaitlyn's room, watching her sleep. How could something so wonderful come from something so evil? she thought. With a sigh, she turned and walked into her own bedroom, only to be forced back into the living room by her ringing cell phone. "Benson."

"Hey Liv, it's Don." Olivia smiled. Cragen was practically her father.

"Hey Don."

"Alexis told me the verdict. How are you holding up?" he asked. Olivia's smile faded at the question. Nico was going to jail, but it didn't change anything.

"I'm fine," she replied. She heard him pause, and took the opportunity. "Did she tell you what I said in court?"

"Yeah, Liv. She did. Liv, if I'd known…"

"You wouldn't have been able to do anything," she cut him off. "It's over, Don. And I'm going to be okay. God only knows how long it will take, but I'm going to be okay."

"Liv, you know if you need time…"

"I know, Don. I'll see you in the morning," she said. They quickly exchanged goodbyes and hung up. Olivia immediately dialed Elliot's number. "We need to talk, El. Come over?"

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A very tired looking Elliot stood in her doorway as she pulled it open. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I wish everyone would stop asking me that," Olivia told him. He came into the apartment, gently wrapping his arms around her. He shut the door with his foot as he held onto her.

"It's a big deal, Liv. We're just worried," he replied.

"No one treated you like a ticking time bomb after you admitted that your dad beat you," she said. The words stung, but not as much as she feared they would.

"Everyone already knew I was a time bomb. I take it out on perps, but you… You internalize it. You don't just tell people things. What happened to you… Liv that's ten times worse than anything I've ever had to deal with."

"So you think I'm weak?" she asked. Elliot shook his head.

"No. Most people would have self destructed if they were put through half the hell you've endured. You didn't," he replied. Olivia shook her head.

"How do you know? How do you know I haven't already self destructed? That I'm not self destructing right now?" she asked. She was beginning to cry.

"I don't. But the fact is, even if you have already self destructed, you pulled yourself back together. And if you haven't, then when it does happen, you'll pull yourself together," he said.

"But how do you know, El? How do you know what's going on in my head?"

"I don't. I can't possibly imagine…"

"I don't think I can do this, Elliot," she said.

"Do what?"

"This. Getting married. Having kids. There's just too much pain there," she said. Elliot closed his eyes. "I love you, El. I'm just not ready for this. Not again."

"Livia, I love you. I'm not going to hurt you," he said.

"I just can't believe that, El. I can't stop thinking like a victim, El, and I don't think I'll ever get used to thinking like a cop again," she confided. She her head back and kissed him on the lips as she removed the engagement ring from her finger. "Please don't think of this as rejection," she told him. She gently placed the ring into his hand.

"I'm not going to give up on you, Olivia," he said.

"I don't expect you to."

A/n: I know, you hate me! It'll all come together soon, Girl Scout's honor.