To Live To Suffer
Just What Happened?
"It was a little sooner than I would have expected," Hank said, walking around the bed to check the EKG instrument that continued to beep in rhyme to Kurt's heart pattern. "But it's a good sign. It shows his body found the strength to wake." He gave a slight adjustment to the IV drip wire that was taped into the younger mutant's hand. "Perhaps he has a better recovery system than I predicted." He let out a thoughtful 'hm' through his closed lips as he stared down at the blue teen asleep on the bed.
Rogue's heart had returned to its normal pace. For a horrible moment she thought Hank was about to tell her something serious a few minutes back, like Kurt had fallen into a coma now. But she was very relived to hear he was mending quicker than the 'doctor' thought.
Behind the Goth, the resident redhead smiled. "That's the first good news I've heard this weekend," Jean said wearily. She had been on her way to the infirmary just as Hank rushed past. Her heart had leapt in a terrible feeling, fearing something bad. But she felt incredibly relived now she knew the reason Hank had been called in to the room.
"Hopefully not the last," Kitty spoke, stood next to the older girl. Having received Jean's telepathic message about the news, she had raced down there as fast as she could phase.
Hank smiled. "I doubt it will be the last. Kurt is recovering, but I don't want to be any less careful until I'm certain there will be no more threats." His smile wavered as he looked at the biggest dressing covering Kurt, on his chest. Jean knew that was one of the few that were infected, and would take the most time to heal. And the most energy. Even with the help of the antibiotics Hank was injecting Kurt with.
A humming followed Hank's words as the sounds of a wheelchair arriving entered the room. The four mutants turned to the Professor as he stopped just beside Jean. Taking his hand off the wheelchair controls, he laid it on the armrest and glanced at everyone.
"I gather this is good news," he guessed with a trace of a smile; good news for this situation deserved one. From the lack of usual fear in the room, he could only assume he had been called down to be told something good.
Hank's smiled returned. "Indeed, Professor. However early it may seem at this time, Kurt actually woke a few minutes ago." He paused a second to view the professor's reaction, who smiled, before continuing. "It may have cost him a little of the strength he needed to heal, but it's a step in the recovery direction at least."
Everyone was smiling slightly, except for Rogue. Her expression seemed blank, but with a closer look she seemed sadly puzzled. Professor X took note of it before wheeling up to the bedside, on which Kurt lay silent and motionless; apart from the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He still looked exactly as he had when Charles had fist been allowed to see him after he had been patched up: an upsetting sight to see. The good news didn't seem to reach his appearance; he still looked as though he was at Death's door.
With probably the most powerful telepathic ability in the world, it was always tempting to look inside a mind that needed help. Staring down at Kurt now, Professor X wanted to know just what was going on inside his head, what had gone on inside his head . . . but of course the Professor would never poke where he wasn't invited. He wanted to reach in and comfort the boy, to assure him he was recovering, to find out what happened to him and help him. He could sense a troubled mind without even pushing into his head, and as a teacher and a fatherly figure, it was difficult to restrain his urge to enter Kurt's mind and calm him. The Professor felt so frustrated knowing he had the power to help, but bound by his promises never to do anything of the such without permission. Was this an exception? Kurt needed someone at this time, and he was unable to ask for it . . . Charles' own mind was quite often flooded with these confusing questions. But he would never show his uncertainty to his students. What kind of teacher would he be then?
"I'm hoping Kurt will wake properly tomorrow," Hank was saying. "It'll probably be for a few minutes, but I'd be pretty sure he'll recover with no problems."
Professor X sat back in his chair and nodded at the beast of a man. Hank had been working very hard, and even with all the breaks he had been having, Charles thought he deserved another.
"Hank, why don't you take an hour or two away from the infirmary," the Professor said, "you've beenmore helpfulthan we could haveasked, but I'd hate to keep you in here any longer."
Hank smiled and gave his blue furred head a nod. "Yes, I think I will. Thank you, Professor." A few hours of relaxing would be nice, and since Kurt seemed to be doing fine, he didn't have to worry too much.
Before leaving, Hank checked the instruments Kurt was hooked up to, placed a few things in a draw at the end of the room, tidied a few papers and left the room with a surprising silence for someone so large.
Professor X turned to the oldest female mutant in the room. "Jean, if you don't mind, would you check on the New Recruits and see to it they aren't destroying the Mansion?" He asked. "Then perhaps you might be able to track down Logan in town. I believe he had the same idea as Scott and Even."
Jean nodded, her red hair spilling over her shoulders as she did so. "Yes, Professor," she replied, with that ever-present respect in her voice she and almost everyone else used when talking to the telepath. She turned and disappeared out of the room in Hank's wake.
"Mr. Logan's gone searching for clues about Kurt's attack, too?" Kitty asked. "Do you think they could find anything? I mean, it's not like people are shouting out 'mutant' in the streets . . ."
"It's possible, Kitty," Charles said. "Logan has a knack for finding things he's after, and Scott and Evan can be stubborn when they want. I doubt they'll give up easily without hearing something." He turned his wheelchair to the girl. "Would you find Miss. Munroe for me, Kitty, and ask her to prepare dinner if she wishes, I'm quite hungry, and I suspect others are too."
"Okay. I can, like, help out," she said with a small smile, the valley-girl accent having brokeen through again. Missing the groan from Rogue, Kitty glanced at Kurt before turning to the door and walking out.
The Professor hadn't seen Storm either, but if she was missing from sight, she was usually tending to her plants in the attic, or talking a slow walk around the grounds. She enjoyed the outside. Kitty would know where to find her.
Turning back to the bed on which Kurt lay, and to where Rogue sat on the opposite side, Charles Xavier leveled his eyes to hers. Asking Hank, Jean and Kitty out of the room may have been for nothing, as they might have heard what the Professor wanted to hear from Rogue, but he preferred these conversations about someone else without an audience.
"Now, Rogue," he started softly, knowing she already knew what he was going to ask. "How did Kurt seem when he was awake?" Professor X was curious to know. He knew she wanted to talk about it, because she was feeling confused. And the Professor wanted to know why.
Rogue held his gaze. ". . . Ah don't know," she said quietly. "Ah mean, he was too weak t' talk." She glanced back down at Kurt's face. "But he seemed sad . . . he apologized t' me, but ah don't know what for . . ."
The Professor's brow turned down in a small frown. "He apologized?" He repeated, and Rogue nodded. Charles sat back in his chair, leaning an elbow on the armrest, and his chin upon his hand. "Something upset him enough to let someone attack him," he guessed, "When he awoke that's probably all he remembered . . ." He imagined Kurt's voice in his head, echoing the words 'I'm sorry', and tried to guess why he would say that. But then Kurt had always been apologetic to even the smallest of things. Still, Professor X couldn't help thinking he meant more than just sorry for his condition.
Rogue didn't reply to his assumption, she merely watched the older man as he thought, letting the silence envelope them. Only the heart monitor made any noise with its steady, continuous beep. Finally, after a minute or so of waiting patiently, Rogue shifted slightly on her seat.
"Professor," she started, "ah know Kurt went through somethin' bad . . . but . . . is this something he could ever recover from?" She glanced uncertainly at the floor, tucking back a strand of white hair. "Ah'm afraid he'll . . . well, blame it on his appearance, and . . . ah don' know, do something . . . bad . . ." In truth she was afraid he might do something more than 'bad'.
Professor X studied Rogue's features for a few seconds, thinking how similar her fears where to his.
"Kurt can recover," he said at last. "But like most traumatic experiences, it'll take time." He paused a beat. "He's a strong lad, maybe more so than most people realize." Professor X leaned forward slightly across the bed. "Kurt's been through a lot more than any of us have in his past, and his strengths pulled him through, allowed him to get on with his life . . . I fear he may have lost those strengths when he wakes up, and its up to us to help bring them back."
Rogue blinked and turned her eyes to the boy in the bed. She could only imagine what he hadgone through before he came to Bayville. He hadn't told anyone of his past, it was probably too painful. And yet he was a light-hearted, fun-loving guy despite certain things that sometime got in the way, despite the fact he could never show his true self to anyone, and that he had to go by a false image. Rogue had always felt isolated from other people because of her power, but at least she could show her real form – people knew her, not some holographic image. Even Kurt couldn't really touch people, for they would feel his fur, or his three-digit hand. Rogue cursed the life fate had thrown at them.
"I'll leave you, now," the Professor's voice penetrated her thoughts. Rogue looked up to see the man give her a small, departing smile, and then turned and wheeled towards the door. The whine of his wheelchair faded into the corridor.
The Goth rested her elbow on the white sheets and laid her chin on her palm, letting her gaze drift around the room as she sunk into her thoughts. The beeping of the EKG instrument grew fainter as she let her focus slack. She would have found it extremely boring had she been somewhere else, sitting in silence without a thing to do, and perhaps after a while she would here too, but she found she had a lot to think about all of a sudden, and think about them she did.
". . . Scott . . .Evin . . .'nything . . .?"
"No . . . neith'r . . . 'ogan . . ."
Movement, voices, noises . . . there were people in the room. Was he in a room? Everything seemed a million miles away. Was he in space? The pain and pressure on parts of his body felt like he was. The struggle to breath would back it up.
"Mr. 'ogan . . . find anything? I would . . . 'ought . . . did . . ."
"Yeah, so would I . . ."
They were becoming clearer, they were feminine voices. He could hear more words now instead of an annoying murmur. The noises sounded nearer too, everything seemed to be a bit louder. But the pain was becoming stronger as well . . . it was difficult to hear the voices through the throbbing ach even if they were louder. English was so difficult to listen to when the mind couldn't concentrate . . . what were they saying now? The noises were becoming quieter – nein! They were moving away. What was he doing? Why couldn't he reach out to them, wherever they were? Why couldn't he call to –
The memories returned in a painful flash. He couldn't talk because he had been beaten into a bloody pulp, and was obviously bedridden. Was he unconscious? Conscious? Semi conscious? He didn't know – he wanted to know – he felt so distressed . . .
"Nein . . ."
Leaning on the bed, with her chin on her arms, Kitty's ears pricked and she straightened up. Jean and Storm were disappearing down the corridor outside the infirmary, their voices fading quickly as they walked. But Kitty was no longer watching them leave. Her eyes snapped to the face on the bed.
Kurt's lips barely formed another soft "Nein," and his brow was creasing together in pain.
Kitty's heart leapt. She sat up higher, watching her best friend struggle to wake. His blue face, framed by his darker hair, was beginning to twist into an expression of discomfort and confusion. The gauze bandage tape pulled at his fur on his forehead, and the scar across his nose was stretched ever so slightly.
Kitty quickly looked back at the corridor, intending to call for Storm and Jean. But her attention was brought back to Kurt as, again, he breathed, "Nein . . ." There was no actual voice in his word, it was just a whisper of air passing his lips; but it was enough to pull Kitty's full attention to him.
The valley-girl remembered Hank saying yesterday that he should wake up in twenty-four hours, after Rogue had witnessed his disorientated awakening. It had been only a little more than twenty-four hours, but still Kitty felt worried. What if he didn't remember anything? Her? Himself? Don't be silly, Kitty, she scolded herself. Out of all his injuries he didn't have concussion, so there shouldn't be any need to assume hehas amnesia.
She was arguing with herself; arguing while Kurt was waking. She quickly ignored her inner voice and placed a gentle hand on Kurt's shoulder. Maybe it might help him wake...
His eyebrows twitched as his lips parted again, though he didn't try to say anything.
"Kurt?" Kitty spoke. "Can you hear me?" His eyebrows twitched, as though her words were more painful than anything. "It's me, Kitty."
His open lips formed her name. "Keetty," he whispered.
Kitty's heart jumped again. At least he could hear her. It seemed everything was a struggle for him, but he already woken once – why is it such a job to wake a second time?
"Yeah, I'm here," she responded, moving her hand down his arm to his three fingered one, gripping it softly.
Kurt's eyelids slowly slip up, revealing a pair of very dim, glowing white eyes. They weren't actually glowing, but instead looked a sickly, pale gray color. He had barely begun to open them before he closed them again, squinting.
Kitty watched, unable to do anything else. She was thinking quickly whether to run out and get Storm and Jean, maybe they could help or make it easier for him to wake up properly, but she wasn't going to leave him.
"Ungh," Kurt moaned silently, opening his eyes again though not even half way. He looked worse than when he was asleep, except Kitty now felt better he wasn't. She shouldn't, of course, because nowhe was feeling all the pain.
Kitty remembered the button behind the bed, reached over and grabbed it. She pushed it with her thumb while watching her friend, hoping Hank was in his office.
Kurt closed his mouth and swallowed – which looked difficult – and turned his eyes to Kitty.
"Keety," he whispered again, with a bit of voice behind the effort. He sounded hoarse and dry, and Kitty swallowed as if her own throat was sore.
"I'm here, Kurt," she spoke, moving her hand around his a little tighter. She expected him to smile once he recognized her, that smile he always manages to get in when they're stuck in some bad times. But he didn't. His face remained in a painful expression, and his eyes stared at hers a second longer before blinking and then closing them again. She found herself disappointed he didn't smile, but understanding. She just hoped it wasn't going to be long before she saw his fanged grin again.
He gave a small whimper and his face was pulled into that uncomfortable expression of torture again, as he arched his back. A small gasp escaped his mouth and his eyes opened once again. He was beginning to feel his entire body, and the whole amount ofpain. There was stabbingaches in his back, making him more uncomfortable since he had to lie on it. His fingers slowly flexed, experimenting with their response to his commands, and to feel if any of them were missing. Kitty's hand was clutching one of them, but he didn't react to the gesture. He was trying to concentrate on his tail, wherever it was. He could feel it burning with pain, but he couldn't move it. Another whine rose from his throat.
Kitty pressed the button again, having been gripping it for the past minute.
"I hurt," Kurt coughed, wincing at the soreness of his throat. Kitty started feeling relived he was gaining strength, but bad for his suffering.
"I know," Kitty said quietly, sharing his pain. "But Mr. McCoy'll be here soon, he'll help you."
Kurt's features tightened again, and Kitty thought she saw something small and wet glisten at the corner of his tightly shut eye.
"I'm scared," he whispered.
Her heart jerked at his helpless tone. Why was he scared? She had never heard Kurt say something like that, even in the dangerous situations they some times found themselves in. Kitty leaned closed.
"Why?" she asked softly.
But he shook his head, rolling it from side to side in the grooveof the pillow. Kitty bit her lip, her own brow scrunched upwards. With her other hand she pulled away a few strands of hair that had got caught on the bent corner of the gauze tape on his forehead.
"You'll be okay now," she said. "We're not gonna let anything else happen to you . . ."
The three-fingered hand under hers twisted and weakly gripped back. Kitty managed to pull her lips into a small smile.
Kurt's other hand moved as he tried to raise it. With some effort into it, he managed to bent his arm and put his hand on his forehead. He felt the bandage that was taped down there and wondered if there was one massage bandage on his back, where it hurt a lot.
"I can't – feel my chest," he whimpered. As he was breathing he felt was a tight sensation across his torso, and that burning pain that stung most of his body. It was stronger on his chest, but he couldn't feel the skin or anything . . .
Kitty watched him fidget in discomfort, and glanced at the top of the covers that were hiding his chest. The edge of the large bandage was just visible. She looked back at his face, worrying that there was something wrong with the injury under it.
She didn't know what to say. Kitty sat there looking at him with an aching grief in her own chest. She would do anything to take away the pain for him. Kitty reached over and pressed the alarm button again. Where was Hank? He obviously wasn't in his office or room.
"It's okay, Kurt," she soothed, having nothing else to say.
"No," he whispered. "It isn't . . ." close to tears, he turned his head away from her and closed his stinging eyes.
Kitty stared. Just what had happened to Kurt . . . ?
AN: I'm majorly sorry about the lateness, it won't happen again. I've been caught up in Evo art, wouldja believe. Anyway, I got my writing streak back, and I'll have the next chapter up as soon as possible. I'm working on another Kurt fic at the same time, so my inspiration has no time to disappear, I WILL update sooner than this time. wards away any infection writers block Thank you all who reviewed, hope you haven't given up, lol... echo ...
TheDudeLordOfFantasy: Thank yee too much, I love comments like that - I like to imgine stories as episodes, wud be cool, eh ;)
DeamonRogue13: Thanks, I'm glad you pointed that out, I hoped it wasn't too drawn out, didn't want it to drag on, but I hate waking character's up too suddenly.
CarolJ: Ah the memories, eh, lol. I justed wanted to add a few in there ;) thanks
Purity Black: Danke, Thankie and merci ;) I really appriciate the comments that say the character's are in character, heh, I'm really thankful y'all notice. The vigilante style hunt for the attackers may happen sometime soon ;)
ToiletDuck85: We don't get to see much Kurt and Rogue relationship (sibling I might add), so I just had ta add it. Thank you
Pointyearsrule: Lol, no problem, I gotta thank you indiviually, ain't I ;) Hope this chapter was long enough too.
Snitter: Yay, a comment about my angsty from one of the angsy queens, lol, bows thank yee. I love writting this stuff, you can go overboard and it just makes it better, lol. I was worried I was leaving Kurt's waking too long... didn't wanna bore anybody. But thanks ;)
Beezer: Wow, thank you very much, I'm honored you reviewed for my story. I hope there aren't any spelling mistakes at least, heh. If there are anyone's welcome to point them out - gotta neaten up the story. I'm really happy to hear I can captivate the readers, but sometimes I can go over on detail, and make it just sound too packed, and the reader skips it... so I try to steer away from doing that, but it seems my effort is coming thru, thanks you mucho.