Chapter 22: Luke
Mara Jade stalked down the gleaming hallway of the Executor towards Sickbay. She really wanted to go find Skywalker, but the ship was incredibly big and she had no idea where he might be. Besides, it would be better to check in with Palpatine first. She seriously doubted if her Lord and Master knew of Vader's serious transgressions against the Empire. Friending with Rebels and Jedi! How outrageous!
And what was Palpatine doing in Sickbay anyway? Had he grown ill or had someone possibly attacked him? Vader wasn't telling her everything he was supposed to, that much was clear. But what could she expect from a person who was helping his son make prank calls? The idea that Skywalker was really in love with her, it was absurd!
A strange clicking filled the air around her and Mara stopped. She tilted her head sideways and listened carefully. Could it possibly be a bomb? The sound seemed to be coming from everywhere at once, but Mara quickly tracked it to a small grate on a nearby corridor wall. It clicked loudly a few more times, and then fell silent. The assassin smiled when she realized what it was, relief flooding through her body. "It's just someone preparing to use the ship wide intercom!"
It was none of her business if someone on the bridge was going to make an announcement to the crew, so Mara continued down the hall towards Sickbay, her step a bit lighter. The crazy business with Skywalker was beginning to make her paranoid!
"Ummm…Hello? Is this thing working?" A voice floated throughout the white gleaming corridor. "Can you hear me?"
Mara froze in her tracks, ice freezing her spine. That voice! No, it couldn't be!
"This song is dedicated to my one true love, Mara Jade."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mara shrieked, horrified! It was Skywalker! The fool had somehow got control of the intercom and he was now going to sing some idiotic song to her! Worst, everyone on the ship would hear it! She wouldn't have a moment of peace after this was over, she would be the laughing stock of the Empire! How in the galaxy had she gotten involved with such an unstable person? "Skywalker, I'm going to kill you for this!"
Presuming Vader was letting him broadcast from the bridge, Mara dashed down the hall towards the nearest turbolift.
"I just called to say I LOVE YOU, I just called to say how much I care oh yes I do…" Luke sang.
...
Up on the bridge of the Executor, confusion reigned.
"Where is that coming from?" One of the Commanders shouted, panic in his voice. Being killed by Lord Vader for such an … incident was a very real possibility! He had seen it happen before, for much smaller crimes than this one, and this one was huge! It was a total disaster!
"I don't know, Sir!" a harried Lieutenant replied as his fingers flew across his console. "But it's being broadcast all over the entire ship!"
"Well, shut if off! NOW!" The commander snapped, fingers of fear crawling down his spine. He could almost imagine the invisible fingers tightening around his throat already. He yanked on his too-tight collar, trying to relieve his stress unsuccessfully.
"I can't! It's coming from Auxiliary Control, Sir!"
"Great, that's just great!" The Commander whined as he paced across the floor. "Some nut has control of the entire ship from down there! We may even have a hostile on board! Call Piett and Lord Vader to the bridge!"
"Yes Sir!" The Communications officer pressed a few buttons on his console and sent the call out.
...
"ADMIRAL PIETT TO THE BRIDGE! LORD VADER TO TH…"
The call was cut off mid-word by the perpetrator down in Auxiliary Control.
...
Darth Vader stood staring up at the corridor ceiling. His black-gloved hand tightened into a fist. "LUKE!"
"I just called to say I LOVE YOU and I mean it from the bottom of my heart!" Luke sang.
Padme moved closer to Vader, one hand resting on his upper arm. "Luke? That's our son singing?"
"Yes!" Vader replied. "He is trying to romance Mara Jade, the Emperor's assassin. He'll bring the entire ship down on his head!"
As if in reply to his words, the klaxon started blaring and red warning lights started flashing in the hallway. The Commander up on the bridge had decided to put the ship on Red Alert. He didn't know who was in Auxiliary Control, so he had to presume it was a hostile. No crewmember would ever dare such a stunt!
Stormtroopers appeared from nowhere, jogging down the once-empty corridor in huge groups. They had their blaster-rifles out and ready to use. The floor rattled from their combined footsteps. Mace, Padme and Obi-Wan were forced to flatten their bodies against the wall or be ran over by the troopers. Such units of troops were magically appearing all over the ship as they searched for intruders. Several stopped and helped Prince Xizor to his feet, one even swiping at imaginary dust on the Prince's clothing.
The lead stormtrooper approached Lord Vader. "What are your orders, Sir?"
"Where is that singing coming from?" Vader asked. He couldn't help but wonder how Luke had gotten control of the ship wide intercom.
"From Auxiliary Control, Sir! The bridge thinks it may be a hostile!"
"I will take care of this. Keep an eye on Prince Xizor and make sure he doesn't get away. Take him to Sickbay. The Prince is intoxicated."
"Yes, Sir!" The stormtrooper snapped a salute, and then ordered his fellow troopers to surround the Falleen.
Darth Vader started down the hall, his black cape flowing behind him majestically. Obi-Wan, Padme and Mace started to follow him.
....
Shmi froze in her tracks when she heard the klaxon and saw the red lights flashing. "What's going on?"
Han frowned and pulled out his blaster. "You're grandson is going to get himself killed, that's what! Unless we do something about it, that is."
"But what…" She began to say, but Han gripped her by the arm and yanked her into a closet. She watched as he quickly jerked the door shut. "What are we doing in here?"
"SSSHHH! You want to get us shot?" Han hissed. "I'm a wanted Rebel and we're on an Imperial ship! And stormtroopers tend to shoot first and ask questions later. So if I were you, I'd stay in this closet and keep my mouth shut."
"But isn't this Ani's ship?" Shmi asked, confused.
"Yes, but the troopers don't know who you are! They'd just shoot!" Han rolled his eyes. Vader's mother just wasn't experienced with this sort of thing. He wanted to go help Luke but knew if anything happened to Shmi Vader would really kill him. There was no doubt about that at all within his mind. He also didn't know how safe they were within this supply closet. Surely the stormtroopers would check such an obvious hiding place? "We may have to move to a better hiding spot."
Shmi had a scared expression on her face. What had she gotten herself into?
Han grinned, trying to reassure her. "Trust me. I've done this before."
....
Down in Auxiliary Control, Luke frowned at the too-loud jarring sound of the klaxon. The stupid siren was ruining his song to Mara! What idiot had turned that thing on? He leaned forward and examined the console before him for a moment, then punched a button. Instantly the howling alarm bell and the annoying flashing red lights cut off. The young Jedi smiled and spoke into his microphone.
"There, that's much better isn't it? Since I was so rudely interrupted, I'll have to start all over again! Like I said before, this song is dedicated to my one true love, Mara Jade!"
Luke cleared his throat, and then started singing. "I just called to say I LOVE YOU I just called to say how much I care oh yes I do…"
...
Qui-Gon had been strolling down the hallway minding his own business when suddenly he found himself surrounded by two-dozen stormtroopers, each one with a blaster-rifle aimed at his chest. The Jedi smiled brightly at them and held up his arms. "It's about time someone sent out a rescue party to find me! By all means, please show me to a lunchroom. I'm starving!"
....
Mara Jade burst out onto the bridge of the Executor, her blaster drawn and ready to shoot Skywalker. Upon her appearance, every head snapped to look at her, scared expressions on most of the faces. "Where is he?"
"Who…who are you?" The Commander of the ship asked fearfully. He wished Lord Vader was here or at least Admiral Piett, but so far neither of them had answered the hails they had sent out. The Commander didn't know what to think. The ship was in crisis with an unknown amount of intruders on board, the ship in hostile hands, the senior staff was off the bridge and now some crazy red-haired woman with a lethal look in her eye had busted onto the bridge! The Commander realized too late they should have sealed the blast doors, preventing intruders from getting onto the bridge and now it was too late.
"Mara Jade, the Emperor's Hand." She reached into a pocket and pulled out an ID to show the Commander. "Where are Lord Vader and Skywalker?"
Relief flooded the Commander's body when he realized the dangerous woman was on their side. He snapped to attention and saluted her. "Lord Vader was off the bridge when the incident started and we have been unable to contact him. The hostile is in Auxiliary Control, although we don't know how many of them there are."
"It's Skywalker!" Jade hissed in anger. She had been so convinced that the new thorn in her side had been up on the bridge!
"Skywalker? The Rebel?" The Commander asked, surprised.
"Yes!" Jade sprinted towards the bridge doors and the waiting turbolift. "I caught him for Palpatine but obviously he has gotten loose. Don't worry, Commander. I'll handle this. Just lock your doors and don't let anyone in without the proper code clearance. You should be safe enough up here. I'm sure Skywalker doesn't really want this ship."
"Yes, Sir!" The Commander waited a few minutes to make sure she had really left, and then he snickered. It was pretty clear from Skywalker's transmissions what he really wanted and seeing Jade for himself who could blame him? But he doubted if these inter Imperial-Rebel romances ever worked out. Wiping the smile off his face, he was once again all business. Pointing to several bridge crewmembers, he gave the order to seal the bridge doors.
....
"But what it is oh something true that these three words I must say to you! Oh I just called to say I LOVE YOU…"
Palpatine rested in his bed in Sickbay, laughing his head off. The idea of Skywalker singing love songs on the ship's intercom was just so outrageous that he couldn't help but love it! The boy may be a skirt-chaser like his father, but his method was something else! The Emperor just wished he could see Jade's face when she had first realized exactly what the boy was doing.
The Emperor closed his eyes and concentrated on his deep bond with Jade. Through the bond, he could feel all her fury and rage, her Dark Side. His beautiful assassin was also Force sensitive and could have all the powers of a Jedi if she so choose. Of course, she hadn't been trained to be a Jedi. But still, she might prove useful in more ways then one. If Skywalker truly had feelings for her, he could use that to bring the boy to the Dark Side. Yes, that could be done. Providing, of course, that Jade didn't kill him first. Sending his thoughts along the bond, he spoke to her.
/Jade. Do not kill Skywalker./
/Master? But he's humiliated me!/
/We are all big enough, I think, to take a little embarrassment. Besides, I made a promise to the boy./
/A promise?/
/Yes, I promised you would go out on a date with him./
/A DATE?! With Skywalker?! You must be joking, My Master!/
/No Jade, I am serious. You will start dating Skywalker./
/He's an idiot! A total buffoon!/
/He is a Jedi and the son of the Chosen One. Would an idiot be able to take over Auxiliary Control?/
/No./
/Then we are agreed./
/I still do not like this new assignment! I'm an assassin, not a love toy for some fool Jedi!/
/Just do not kill him, Jade. He will make a grand Sith someday. Bring him closer to the Dark Side./
/Yes, My Master, it shall be as you command./
Palpatine opened his eyes and grinned. Things were going as he had foreseen. Young Skywalker soon would be one of them, thanks to a pretty pair of green eyes.
....
Darth Vader had finally reached the Auxiliary Control room and discovered Luke had locked the door from the other side. He banged on the metal door with his fist. "LUKE! Open this door at once!"
"Not until I see Mara!" Luke's reply came from the other side.
"Luke, do not be unreasonable! You have upset the entire ship!" Vader informed his son. "Do you wish your friends to be injured by the stormtroopers?"
"No, of course not!" Luke's voice floated out. "I guess I thought a little singing wouldn't disturb the whole ship that much. I mean, I was only singing after all!"
"The bridge didn't see it that way, Son."
"Well, it's a good thing you can straighten it out for me then, huh?"
Vader fumed under his mask. The Sith Lord pointed a finger at Obi-Wan's chest. "This is the result of you teaching him old love songs!"
"I disagree, Anakin." Obi-Wan smiled at his former apprentice. "This wild behavior he inherited from YOU. Who was always breaking rules and sneaking out at night, hmmmm?"
Vader thought it over for a moment and had to admit Kenobi had a point.
"Of course, you never did anything like this…" Obi-Wan added with a grin. "Of course, I have no idea what you did when you were on Naboo alone with the Senator. For all I know you could have been serenading her, too."
"Oh, stand aside!" Barked Mace as he shoved his way to the locked door. "Luke, you open this door right now! This is Master Mace Windu of the Jedi Council!"
"I'm only opening the door for Mara!"
Just then footfalls were heard in the hallway and they all turned their heads to see Jade herself. She calmly approached the group huddled near the door, a dour look on her pretty face. "Out of my way, Jedi! Skywalker is mine."
"Now you look here!" Mace began, but Jade shoved him on the side. With a single glare from her emerald eyes, the others moved back to give her room.
"It's Jade. Open the door." Mara spoke out loud as she faced the sealed door. With a loud hiss, the doors parted and she entered the Auxiliary Control room.
To be continued…
Author's Note: Sorry this chapter really wasn't funny. It's just that Luke locking himself in the Auxiliary Control room is more a serious thing. Upcoming chapters will be funny!
Disclaimer: The song Luke was singing is not mine. It belongs to some professional singer. I used to hear it on the radio a long time ago when I was a kid.