Your Star
"You gotta be kidding me," Fin said. Elliot shook his head. "What's got her so upset? You'd think she'd be happy."
"Fin, it was hard enough for her when there was only one baby," Elliot reminded him. "I just hope she's going to get over whatever it is that's making her freak out so much."
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Olivia looked out over the city, trying to calm herself down. Twins, she thought, closing her eyes. "I can do this," she whispered, more for her own benefit than anything else.
"Yes, you can," Elliot whispered, coming up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. She reached up and gripped his wrists with her hands.
"What are we going to do, El?" she asked.
"Whatever it takes," he replied.
"These two make seven," she replied.
"I know. But we'll figure it out, Liv."
"I'm scared, El. Two at once… It's harder, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yeah, of course it's harder. But it's a hell of a lot more fun, too," he told her. She watched the city stretching out around them. "Liv, no matter what, I'm going to be here, okay? I'm not going to abandon you or these babies."
"I know. It's what I'll do that worries me," she replied.
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"I heard about the other day, Liv. Tell me about it," Huang said. Olivia sighed.
"I had a doctors appointment… I found out that I'm having twins."
"And that scared you?"
"Yeah. I screwed up so badly with one, I'm afraid of the damage I'd do on two," she replied.
"Kaitlyn's a perfectly normal teenager. She's got issues, but all teenagers do; none of it is your fault," he reminded her.
"I didn't have a real mother, and I've never had to be one before," she replied.
"Not to a small child, no. But I've seen you with Kaitlyn, and even with Elliot's kids. The children you see coming through here as victims. You're great with kids, Liv," he told her.
"But at the end of the day, it's not my fault if they screw up. Most of those victims, I never see again. Elliot's kids go back to Kathy at the end of the day. And I had no hand in raising Kaitlyn," she told him. He stared at her. Finally, it began to annoy her. "What do you want me to say, George?"
"It doesn't matter what I want you to say. What you need to say is the important thing," he told her.
"And what would that be? That I'm afraid of becoming a mother because of how my mother treated me? That I'm afraid I'm going to chase my child with a broken wine bottle one day?" she asked. George raised one eyebrow.
"Tell me about that," he said. She looked down, mentally kicking herself. She really hated reliving that experience.
"My mother was an English professor. When I was sixteen, I started dating one of her students; a senior. We… were engaged. When I told her, she flipped out. She dropped the bottle she was holding… it had been half full. She picked up one of the pieces and started coming at me," Olivia said. Tears were burning in her eyes as she fought to contain them.
"What did you do?" he asked.
"I… I kicked her. She went flying across the room, hit the wall. I don't know what she did after that. I left," she said. "I didn't talk to her for five years after that. Not until after Nico had left with Kaitlyn. I never even told her she had a granddaughter." Olivia broke down and let the tears fall, wiping them away with the back of her hand. "I couldn't tell her that I'd screwed up. I wanted her to think that I was better than that… better than her. I wanted her to think that her drinking hadn't effected me… that all the abuse hadn't effected me."
"But it did," George said. It wasn't a question, but a statement.
"Yeah. It did. I just wanted to prove to her that I was better than all of that… that I wasn't like my father. Instead, I just made myself vulnerable," she said.
"Did you even tell her that you'd married Nico?"
"I was too ashamed. I left her because I was tired of being a victim, but then I put myself into a situation to become a victim all over again," she told him.
"Why do you blame yourself for all of this?" George asked.
"I don't know. But when you figure it out, would you mind telling me?" she asked him.