To Live To Suffer
Almost There
The huge building rose towards the sky against the gray clouds that blockedthe sunrays. The day wasn't dark, but it felt as though an enormous blanket had been pulled over the town. The air was mild, and slightly humid.
Three heads were looking up at the building, stood outside the front entrance. The odd few people entered and exited through the automatic door as they lowered their heads again.
"What exactly did you see to make you wanna come here?" Evan asked the man on Scott's right.
Logan's eyes were narrowed in the direction of the entrance. Thoughts pushed their way into his mind, but he abandoned them to answer Evan.
"As I said, porcupine," he finally spoke up, addressing Evan by his nickname. "A clue."
Scott glanced down at Evan through his red shades, which usually flashed as they caught the light (but no sun was able to reflect thecrimson lenses). He gave Evan a face in response to Logan's unhelpful answer, and Evan mimicked it. When they looked up, the older mutant was already moving towards the hospital entrance, and they both jogged to catch up to him. He waited for them in the doorway, propping the door open with a boot. The two teenagers stepped across the threshold into the building.
They walked at Logan's rapid pace down a corridor that opened out into a waiting room. The reception counter was directly in front of the corridor entrance, and they walked up to it. There was no color except blank walls;with the exception of the waiting room, which was a light shade of blue painted for the purpose of relaxing the patients.
"'Scuse me," Logan spoke up in his gruff voice to the short, plump woman behind the counter. "Can yer tell me where I can find the kid that was brought in about a week ago? Has an illness, claims he saw a demon."
The woman's eyes widened slightly in realization as he finished, as did Scott and Evan's, who exchanged glances again.
"Oooh, that boy," she looked across the waiting room at the corridor connecting to it, opposite their entrance. "You want room 12, honey," she said, pointing in that direction. She turned her attention back to her papers.
One or two people glanced up as the trio crossed the waiting room towards the corridor. The bright lighting caught Scott's shades as he passed under each rectangular lamp on the ceiling, earning all but two of the glances.
Once they were in the corridor, the tense air that seemed to envelope them in other people's presence lifted slightly, and the two boys seemed to relax a little as they walked down the empty, quiet halls of the hospital. Logan's words to the lady back at the reception were echoing in Scott and Evan's minds. This boy had obviously seen a demon – Kurt – and this has something to do with the attack? Questions pricked the end of their tongues, but Logan was striding in such a manner ahead of them that they didn't think he'd answer, until they were in the company of this kid who had seen Kurt's real form, who could possibly give them all the answers they'd been looking for . . .
"Hey, got something for ya," the kind voice of Kitty interrupted the quiet air of the infirmary as she handed Kurt a card on which she had drawn and colored a 'Get Well' message on. She had given up on homework and left the library.
Kurt looked up at his best friend and lowered his eyes to the card, taking if gently from her hands and looking at it, noticing the effort she had put into it. He smiled, appreciative of her thoughtfulness. Kitty could make him happy with just a simple thing, but it was often filled with time and care.
"Danke, Kitty," he said quietly, his smile remaining as he looked up into her pretty features.
She seated herself on the chair near his bead, smiling at his use of German. It always made her smile. Sometimes she even forgot he was foreign, despite his constant accent. She remembered trying to teach him to pronounce his 'th' and his 'w'. It had been a very amusing day, as he had given up after a few minutes of spitting on his pronunciations. The institute had decided it wasn't Kurt if they didn't hear 'w's being replaced with 'v's, and so agreed not to put Kurt through anymore more torture.
"You're welcome," she replied as he stood the colored card on the nightstand. "Where's Rogue?" She asked curiously, noticing a few pieces of paper on Kurt's bed with the game Hangman scrawled in Rogue's writing.
"Zuh kitchen," he replied quietly after a few seconds, turning back into his seat. He still wasn't in the habit of answering questions straight after they'd been asked. Kurt winced and leant forward slightly, and his tail freed itself from beneath him and curved around him comfortably. He sat back and rested his head on the back of the bed railing, the pillows propped between his head and the metal.
The silence around them wasn't something Kitty was yet used to, so she attempted to make conversation, for she knew he would probably be feeling a little awkward as well.
"It was pretty tame in the Danger Room earlier," she said, smiling as his eyes slowly blinked to hers. Of course it hadn't been tame,Hank McCoy had made sure of that. "Well . . .itwas quiet without you," she added.
The little smile that had been lingering on Kurt's lips seemed to disappear without moving.
It made Kitty frown. He was supposed to smile, yet he did the opposite. What was he thinking?
". . . I vish I vas in zhere . . ." he said quietly, mostly to himself. It seemed he was almost unaware of Kitty suddenly. "I'd razher be . . ."
Being left in the dark on Kurt's mysterious attack was agony at this point. Kitty wanted desperately to hear Kurt explain to her what had happened so she could understand why he was like he was. His behavior was understandable after his ordeal, but there was definitely something else that was tormenting him. The question that everyone in the institute had wanted to ask was in her mouth, and she almost uttered the first letter, but caught herself in time.
"I vish it had never happened . . ." Kurt whispered, closing his eyes and lowering his head. The next words he muttered were so quiet Kitty didn't catch them except for the word 'monster'.
She guessed what he had said anyway, and felt her heart tug. She reached over and rested a hand on his shoulder.
"You're no monster, Kurt," she said firmly, in a tone she very rarely used. "You are the most human of us all at this institute – and don't ever forget that."
She watched his reaction, which didn't change, for a second, before leaning forward and gently wrapping her arms around him in a hug, half surprised and half glad when he returned it. He was not crying, in fact his sad, but tearless expression was somewhat encouraging. He was recovering slowly but surely, mentally as well as physically.
"It's aright for you to think that," Kitty said gently at his shoulder. "But it isn't true, and you know it."
A sad smile pulled at Kurt's lips, and despite his painful injuries, hugged her tighter. He felt the urge to tell her something that he hadn't told any of the others. He closed his eyes and took a breath.
"Zhat night . . . a veek ago, vhen I vas attacked . . ." he started in a voice close to a whisper, his eyes remaining closed, his chin on her shoulder still. He paused to take a slow, deeper breath, in which time Kitty froze, wondering if he was going to tell her what she thought. " . . . I – I vas at zhat new joke shop at zuh edge of town . . ." His eyes opened slightly, lowered to the floor over Kitty's shoulder, finding it difficult to talk. He swallowed, and felt a slight rub of Kitty's hand on his back. ". . . I heard –"
But he stopped.
Kitty frowned for a second, and then lifted her chin from Kurt's shoulder to look at his face as he took his arms away. He was watching the infirmary door, and Kitty turned her head around to see Rogue in the corridor walking towards it.
Kitty looked back at her best friend with disappointment in her expression, but Kurt avoided her gaze and lowered his eyes. She let go of his shoulders and their hug was completely broken as Rogue entered the infirmary, glancing at Kitty. She was holding a bowl of something that was steaming, and watching them curiously.
"What's wrong?" She asked in her southern accent, stopping just before Kurt's bed.
Realizing her disappointment was still visible on her face, Kitty tried to replace it with her usual expression, but couldn't help feeling so frustrated. Kurt had almost told her what had happened to him! Why must interruptions appear at the very moments they're not needed? She glanced back at Kurt. He was completely put off; no way would he continue now.
Rogue frowned slightly as she picked up the Hangman papers and sat herself down on the edge of Kurt's bed, trying to read Kitty's face. She found nothing she could pick up on, and so turned back to Kurt.
"Ah got ya soup," she told her adoptive brother, holding the bowl out for him. He took it slowly as she said, "ah know ya like that stuff."
Before Kitty had arrived, Kurt had been hungry, and Rogue had disappeared to fetch him something. Since he still wasn't eating much, Hank suggested they keep him on liquid food to help bring his appetite back correctly. But right now, Kurt didn't feel hungry at all. It felt like there was something cold and heavy in his stomach, and trying to eat would make it grow. Kurt stared down at his bowl, the brownish soup would have looked tasty at another time, but right now he felt no urge to swallow it.
Which annoyed Rogue, who could see his appetite was now gone. What had Kitty been saying to him to make him sink back intothis mode? She felt a little angry at the younger girl. Rogue was trying to help Kurt get well, and the younger girl was ruining her efforts.
"Try a little bit," she urged Kurt gently. "Ya might find ya appetite's come back."
Kurt looked at her and then his soup again, and sighed through his nose. "I'll eat it later," he said softly, putting it on the table beside his bed, in front of Kitty's card.
Silence arrived again to dominate the room, and Rogue noticed and read the card Kitty had made. She wondered what Kitty had said for Kurt to suddenly change behavior in the space of fifteen minutes.
Kurt yawned, interrupting the quiet air. He attempted to stifle it, but without success.
Rogue raised her eyes to him. "Ya tired, ya want us ta leave?"
Kurt shook his head, his eyes a little droopy. "Vhere is everyvon?" He asked, just to change the subject. By everyone, they knew he meant the rest of the X Men, as the new recruits were usually always in the rec. room on their days off.
"They're about," Kitty answered simply. "Jean says she'll visit you later." She didn't know whether telling him Logan, Scott and Evan had disappeared, presumably to follow a clue about Kurt's attack, was a good idea. It might distress him, as he obviously didn't want anyone to know until he was ready to tell them. Which, unfortunately, was taking too long for the X Men.
Kitty glanced at Rogue, who caught her eyes. The Goth knew she had avoided mentioning a few names.
"I think I'll go get something to eat," Kitty announced, standing up. She wasn't hungry, she just needed an excuse to exit and leave Rogue and Kurt alone.
Rogue nodded slightly, but Kurt looked about to protest. He said nothing and lowered his eyes again, and Kitty turned and walked out, thinking about what Kurt had almost told her.
KNOCK KNOCK
Jean lowered her book as her eyes lifted to the door. She rolled off her bed where she had been reading and walked over to open it, instead of using her telekinesis.
"Hello, Jean," the professor greeted calmly as the door was opened before him.
"Professor," she replied, stepped back to let him enter her room. She pushed the door to after him and walked back to sit on her bed as Xavier stopped next to her. "Is anything wrong?"
Professor Xavier took his hands off the controls of his wheelchair and rested them on his knees. "I was going to as you the same question."
Jean frowned, which was the cue for Xavier to explain.
"I heard there was a bit of an argument in the library earlier," he told her in his all-knowledge voice.
Jean watched him for a second before blinking and lowering her head slightly. "Rogue and I don't always agree on things . . . " 'Agree' wasn't exactly the reason they argued, but Jean avoided the temptation to tell the professor how impatient Rogue was being.
Xavier hooded his hands together loosely on his lap. "I understand," he said after a second, his eyes drifting to gaze on her book. "It has become . . . tense . . . in the institute since the horrible event last week," he started. "And when it should be lifting, it has increased." He lifted his eyes to her Jean's politely. "Rogue is acting impatient, because she, like you, is deeply concerned."
Jean let lose a small sigh. "I know . . . it's just, she doesn't seem to be thinking of Kurt's view . . . she expects him to have explained to us what had happened by now . . ."
"Do you?"
Jean looked up at him, tilting her head slightly at his question. " . . . No," she answered, and lowered her head, hair cascading past her shoulders. "But I would have liked him to have told us by now . . ." She sighed again. "I don't know if he wants us to find out for ourselves, though . . . explaining it himself would be uncomfortable, I can tell."
The professor watched her. "Perhaps he does want us to discover what happened, but perhaps not . . . it is a difficult time . . ." He paused. "You believe Kurt doesn't trust us . . ." he wasn't asking her. He spoke as if continuing a previous conversation in which Jean had announced something of interest.
The redhead looked up once again at the professor's face, and studied his kind features. The world's most powerful telepath was bound to havepicked up a few things froman argument in the same building.
"I don't know," Jean answered, uncertainty in her voice.
Professor Xavier smiled slightly, warmly. "He may not like talking to us all about certain things, but I believe that Kurt trusts us, no matter what he's been through. We were his friends when no one else was, and that's something I know he holds very dear."
Jean blinked as she stared. Yes, Kurt had always been so very grateful of his friends here. She remembered his first few days at the Institute. With the exception of Kitty, he had been amazed how everyone had befriended him so quickly. She knew she would never forget that one day when she knocked on his door a week after his arrival, and he had been sat cross-legged on his bed, watching the setting sun. She recalled the beautiful colors the room had been bathed in, and the peaceful and first genuine smile on Kurt's face. He had told her he dreamed of meeting people who would not turn and flee at the first sight of him. She had felt sorry that they had been his first friends, but he was not. He was only thankful he finally had people he could trust . . .
Pulling herself out of her memory, Jean looked up and frowned. Professor Xavier was not there. She looked at the open door and realized he must have left. She stood up and walked over to close it, but hesitated. Instead, she walked out her room, pulling it shut behind her, and headed to the infirmary.
AN: Some of that might have seemed pointless, but I feel they should be in there. We're getting closer to the truth ;)
Thanks go out to:
TheDudeLordOfFantasy: Yeah, brother-sister bonding is a must in my fics ;) sorryI take so long updating, I'll write myself notes to remind me everyday, heh.
Inu-youkai 911: Thank much
Prophet Song: Lol, I haven't thought about doing anything horrible to Kurt's attackers, because...well you'll see, but maybe I will...
ToiletDuck: Thank ya :) I really wanted Kurt to be suffering (evil me, feels bad) because it really makes you feel for him. I really shud ease up o the guy... um, maybe...
LanceIsHot: Thanks, glad you like it
amused4ever: Lol, okay put like that suspense can kill you... takes knives away from you Thanks ;)
Karakin: Thanks - and thanks for the luck, I passed my driving theory test first time ;)
Rhapsodyblue15: Cruel writers are cool ;) hehe thanks
Blue Tajiri: Here's more, hope you like, ta
Kriszty: Much like me, I love to read/write Kurt getting beat up... its so evil, but you just love it ... strange, lol. Thank you mucho
BlueRascal: Heh, I kinda liked that ending too. Thanks
Dagaz16: Thanks ;)