Misfits in Space
Chapter 5: Why Frogs Don't Fly
"We're in space! We're in space!" chanted Arcade, as our heroes flew through the vastness of... space...
"Yes, we know," groaned Lance. "We're in space. And we're all going to die. Die horribly. Horrible, horrible, spacey deaths. Is there an air leak? I can hear hissing!"
"Todd, stop hissing! You're freaking out Lance!" yelled Althea.
"Sorry, Cuddlebumps," grinned Todd. "It was too good to resist."
"Speaking of too good to resist," smirked Althea. She leapt on Todd, and started kissing him passionately.
"Jeez, get a room," muttered Wanda.
"Aw," mocked Pietro. "Is someone missing their big blue Hanky-Panky?"
Wanda hexed him into the wall, and pinned him there with bolt after bolt. Finally, after about ten seconds of this, she finally let up.
"I'm okay," Pietro groaned weakly as he slid to the floor.
Meanwhile, Lance was talking with one of the aliens. Well, not so much talking. More like being helped to a convenient barf bag.
"BLEAARGH!"
"You just let it all out," the alien comforted him.
"Thanks," moaned Lance. "Sorry for the mess."
"That's nothing," laughed the alien. "You should have seen me on my first trip into space! They had to stick me in a room by myself for a couple days."
"That sounds really bad," Lance chuckled weakly.
"I'm Leelia, by the way," the alien introduced.
"Lance," he replied.
"You know," the alien said shyly, looking down, "for a human, you're pretty cute."
"Huh?" Lance asked dumbly. He cursed himself, looking at her, that he hadn't realized before then that she was obviously female. Very obviously female. Very, VERY... well, you get the idea.
"Buh wha?" he said dumbly.
Leelia giggled. "You're funny, too."
Pietro zipped up to them. "Hey, Lancey, who's your friend?" he asked.
"I'm Leelia," she said. "And you're leaving."
"Aw, don't be like that," grinned Pietro, putting his arm around her shoulders. "What say you and I get to know each other a little bettAAARGH!"
Leelia twisted, jammed her elbow into his stomach, flipped him, and slammed him to the floor. She then kicked him in the ribs, just because.
"Mother..." groaned Pietro.
"Wanna go somewhere else and 'get to know each other'," Leelia asked Lance, holding out her hand invitingly.
"Sure," Lance said nervously, taking her hand. "So... eyestalks? How's that work?"
Fred was wandering around, when he came to an area that looked suspiciously like a kitchen. Inside, another of the Yardans was humming to himself as he flipped ingredients into a sort of three-legged pan.
"Ah, allo!" he exclaimed, turning to see Fred standing there. "Welcome to mah keetchen! Would you lahk to try a bite to eat?"
"Sounds good," Fred grinned, rubbing his stomach.
"Perfect!" exclaimed the alien. "Please, come over to ze table, and I weel see eef zere eez anyzing for a big man such as yourself!"
Fred walked over, as the alien busied himself pulling various foody things out of various places and setting them on a table. Bread and many toppings seemed to be the order of the day.
"'elp yourself!" invited the alien.
"Thanks," Fred grinned, and he became to construct a sandwich that made the little Yardan's eyes water with joy.
"Eet eez wonderful to see such a zing!" he cried. "Zese seemple spacemen, what do zey know of good food, eh? But you, you are l'artiste! Tres magnifique!"
"Glad to feel appreciated," grinned Fred, finishing up the sandwich. "I'm Fred Dukes. What's your name?"
"Ah am Bernard Alfrernon!" the alien announced proudly. "But you, you may call me B.A.!"
Lance and Leelia, looking slightly disheveled, came back from "getting to know" each other. In this case, it seemed to involve lots of lip contact and running of fingers through the hair or, alternatively, eye stalks.
Todd and Althea took one look at the two, and started snickering. Leelia's blue skin turned deep green as she blushed. Lance just glared at his two friends.
"Not a word," he warned. "Not a single word."
Across the room, Xi and Arcade were standing at a port hole, transfixed by the starts passing by at high speeds.
"Pretty..." Xi said in a monotone.
"Explosions..." Arcade said, also in a monotone.
"Scary..." Althea said, pointing at them with her thumb.
Fred bounded in, looking very excited. "Hey, guys!" he exclaimed. "You've gotta try some of this stuff!" He held up a tray with a bunch of small glasses filled with a yellow liquid.
"Oh, no," groaned one of the older Yardans, catching sight of the kids, including Leelia, downing the liquid.
"Not that..." groaned a second Yardan.
"Why?" asked Low Light. "What is it?"
"B.A.'s coffee!" groaned the two aliens in unison.
"What?" gasped Cover Girl.
"Oh, no," groaned Beach Head.
And the kids' eyes started to swirl...
It was three days later. The kids were finally starting to calm down. B.A. was banned from giving them any more coffee. The cockpit was finally back in one piece.
"Hey, Todd," Leelia greeted the frog-like boy. "My dad, the captain, told me to ask if you wanna fly the spaceship a little."
"Oh, yeah!" grinned Todd.
"Oh, no," groaned Lance.
"What's the matter?" Leelia asked, taking him by the arm.
"If you have to ask that, you've never seen Toad fly a spaceship before," grumbled Lance.
"The ship is mostly on automatic anyway," Leelia told him. "What could go wrong?"
"Oh. That."
It was about two hours later. After the fire fight with space salmon and the incident with the planet-sized black ship and massive explosions (1), everyone had calmed down a little. Todd was locked out of the cockpit for the rest of the flight.
"Now you see what we put up with every day," moaned Lance.
"The horror..." shuddered Leelia.
"Never again..." shuddered the captain. "Never again..."
"Zat was ver' fun!" whooped B.A. "Let's do eet again!"
"NEVER AGAIN!" the captain screamed. He started to sob.
"I think your friend broke my dad," Leelia whispered to Lance.
"He has that effect on people," Lance told her.
(1) Brownie points for whoever correctly guesses this reference (it shouldn't really be that hard!)
Next time: Hijinx and mayhem continue, as do Lance and Leelia's make-out sessions. Plus, the arrival on the Yardan home world! Don't miss it, in chapter six of...
"Misfits in Space"!