Chapter 2 Migrating Coconuts (My favourite scene of the movie...though I think the Constitutional Peasants comes first weh I look at what I wrote)

Review Replies (I cant belive I got so many already! You guys are fantastic!)

Cap'n Meg: The wierd spellings are what appears on the screen version, I thought I really should have kept them so I did! (huggles back)

Reltistic: Possible? Well I guess we'll find out!

Erik's Vampire: Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely adore your name? Its something so in tune with my fetishes (that sounded scary) Yay!

cookies-will-invade: Gasp! You're one of my Heroes! I loved Meow! Why do you never continue? Of course you can be in Castle Anthrax, would you like to be Zoot? Ha! My old English teacher said one day about how she was emergerncy teaching and one of the boys up the back whispered "One Day Lad, all this will be yours" so she turned around and said "What? the Curtains?" Hugely amusing!

daughterofdarkness87: Dont worry, I wont!

Silent Phantasy: Mm...brownies thankyou! What the hell, Squee anyway!

invaderoperaghost: Thanks!

phantomofleopera: Isnt it Mooses? Oh well, thanks!

PhantomFreak07: Vegemite is the food of the Gods! It's black tarlike salty spread you put on toast or crackers or sandwiches and it has a cool theme...song...oh dear, Erik's just hit me over the head for another themesong parody. it's really strong, an aquired taste really and an aussie icon, I'm addicted. And I'm fighting a block on Mirror at the moment (Gar!)

Erik for President: Indeed! Gasp! How did you know I always say bloody?

PhantomsJediBandieGirl: Yeah, me either (once I figure out how to write it) Coconuts away!Come Patsy!

Queenofinsanity: Yay! Tell me when it's up and I shall read nothing is moe random than Monty Python

England…or France…I guess it doesn't matter that much…Hell let's just make it Persia

932 A.D.

A dark and dismal landscape, scattered with rotting corpses and remnants of battle…over the misty hillside the faint clopping of an approaching horseman is heard, a lone, cloaked (remember the cloak, very important) and masked "rider" followed by a "packhorse" with big blue eyes and blonde curly hair, who stares around at everything with a blank expression, following her master blindly, clapping the halves of two coconuts together. (Clop-clop clop-clop)

Together they reach the wall of a great castle, King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur holds up his hand, "Whoa there!" the blonde blue eyed pack horse clops and prances to a halt as King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks commandingly up at the castle wall.

Aguard who looks suspiciously like the yellow dressed fop from Il Muto (the jeweller) peers over the battlements and spies King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur.

"Halt!" he cries, "Who goes there?"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur draws himself up proudly to reply, "It is I, King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, or...well...he's never really quite named, from the castle of Garnier. Phantom of the Opera's, defeater of the Fops, sovereign of all Music!"

The fop-guard stares down at him for a moment, "Pull the other one!"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks insulted by this doubt of his rank, "I am. And this is my trusty servant Christie. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Garnier. I must speak with your lord and master.

The fop-guard blinks and stares at them, "What, ridden on a horse?"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks at the fop-guard as if he's mad to doubt him, "Yes!" Christie is still staring blankly at the sky.

Unfortunately the fop-guard doesn't exactly believe them, "You're using coconuts!" he cries.

"What?"

The fop-guard looks pointedly at Christie's hands clutching two halves of a coconut, "You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together."

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur doesn't seem all that disturbed by the fact, "So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Sweden, through-" he attempts to go further but the fop-guard cuts him off.

"Where'd you get the coconut?" he demands

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur wondering why the idiot needs to ask replies "We found them."

"Found them?" the fop-guard questions "In Sweden? The coconut's tropical!"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur is starting to get irritated, as well as confused as to the origins of his coconut, "What do you mean?"

The fop-guard attempts to explain the situation, "Well, this is a temperate zone." He says. King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur looks at him as though he's insane, having already reasoned all this out, "The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land?"

Now it's the fop-guard's turn to stare (again) "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur is willing to be perfectly reasonably about this, despite the delay in reaching the castle's master, "Not at all," he replies "They could be carried."

"What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?" the fop-guard asks in disbelief.

"It could grip it by the husk!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur points out, Christie is still staring blankly.

"It's not a question of where he grips it!" the fop-guard argues "It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut!"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur is getting bored with the situation, "Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur from the Court of Garnier is here."

The fop-guard isn't willing to give up without a fight however, "Listen," he says "In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?"

"Please!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur begs.

"Am I right?" the fop-guard demands.

"I'm not interested!" the plaintive reply is called back

A second fop-guard, the purple dressed one this time, looks over from his post and decides to join the conversation, "It could be carried by an African swallow!"

"Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe," the yellow fop-guard agrees, "But not a European swallow, that's my point."

"Oh, yeah, I agree with that..." the purple fop-guard well...agrees

"Look, will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Garnier!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur shouts, but he is ignored in favour of the swallow-coconut debate.

"But then of course African swallows are not migratory." The first fop-guard points out.

"Oh, yeah..."

"So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway..." both guards ponder for a moment, then the purple fop-guard speaks up with a brainwave! "Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?" he asks

"No," the first fop-guard dismisses the idea, "They'd have to have it on a line."

"Well, simple!" the second fop-guard replies "They'd just use a strand of creeper!"

"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?" the yellow fop queries.

"Well, why not?"

King-Erik-Arthur sighs and rolls his eyes, "Come Christine" they trot off together.

End Scene 2. I don't think I'll be putting in the animations I'm sorry, but I just couldn't write them. Stick around for more soon!