Chapter 30

Luke sighed in relief. It was good to be back in his regular black clothes. It had seemed like forever he had been running around in his father's cloak toga style. It had been embarrassing and he was glad it was all over! Vader had ordered Executor into spacedock for repairs and now the young Jedi sat on a shuttlecraft as they headed back down to Coruscant. He hoped things would calm down for a while so he could relax and maybe look around his father's castle. Plus he had new family members he wanted to get to know including his father, mother and grandmother! It really was amazing…

Finally the shuttlecraft landed and everyone exited: Vader, Luke, Leia, Obi-Wan, Mace, Yoda, Qui-Gon, Padme and Mara Jade. The Emperor's Hand had decided to hang around with Luke as she still had her Master's orders to follow. Palpatine wanted Luke on the Dark Side and since the young Jedi had a crush on her…

"Hey Pops!" Han smiled crookedly as he casually leaned against the side of the Falcon as the party emerged from the Imperial Shuttle. ""Where's the old lizard? I baked him a new cake!"

HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH.

Vader stared at Solo as thoughts of murder danced within his black helmet. If the smuggler hadn't rescued his mother from the trigger-happy stormtroopers… "General Solo, I thought I had instructed you not to bake any more poisonous cakes?"

"Who, little old me? Nah!" Han waved his hand and laughed. "I told you I don't have any poison."

As the word 'cake' was mentioned, Luke licked his lips eagerly. That last cake had tasted so good! If only he could sneak away from his father for a moment and get into the Falcon. Maybe he'd be lucky and it would be another chocolate one all sweet and gooey with rich frosting…hmmm…his mouth was watering just thinking about it!

Padme wrinkled her delicate nose and slapped a hand over it. "OOOH, what is that awful SMELL?"

The Sith Lord tilted his helmet and stared at the sticky pinkish-purple slop that now covered his landing platform. To his horror, he realized he was standing in the awful stuff! He turned his head this way and that to see how far the stuff had spread. Big clouds of insects buzzed noisily and the air was thick with their flashing wings and hovering bodies. He was really going to kill Solo for this outrage! "Solo! You will pay for this!"

"Hey!" Han protested as he held up both hands. "It's not my fault! It was Lando that sold me that freezer! He guaranteed that it would be good for at least five years, five years! So if you want to go kill somebody, go kill him. And while you're at it maybe you could get my credits back too. Drat con man conned me!"

"Well, what did you expect?" Obi-Wan commented dryly.

"A working freezer. Besides, it was a good bargain." Han eyed him and credits danced in his head. The guy still owed him money and if it weren't for old Helmet-Head making death threats he'd go after him. But Han decided he'd play it cool and wait. Sooner or later the guy would be by himself and then he'd get him, before he did another miraculous disappearing act.

"Father, please." Luke put a calming hand on Vader's arm. "Han is my friend. Please don't kill him. All of this can be cleaned up. I'm sure it didn't do any real damage…."

"Solo, you will clean this mess you have made. Then you and I will have a little talk. Is that understood?"

"Sure, Pops. Whatever you say." Han grinned. The old Sith Lord was a real pushover, a real softie.

Vader gripped Luke firmly by the front of his black shirt with his mechanical hand and boldly started to drag him towards the castle.

"Hey!" Luke protested the rough treatment. "I thought I was going to help Han…"

"You will not go anywhere near that cake, Son!" Vader instructed as he palmed the door open and led the party inside, his mother joining them. "And do not try lying to me, Luke. I can feel your desire for that cake."

"But I …" Luke started to say. He sighed. What was the use? His father was right. He did want that cake! But it was just a harmless cake and he couldn't see what all the fuss was about.

Outside, Han set about getting ready to clean the lake of melted ice cream. After snooping around the outside of Vader's castle he soon found a long hose. Dragging it over to the stinking lake, he turned the water on and used the force of the water to push all the melted ice cream off the edge of the landing platform. It was hot standing there in the blazing sun and just holding the hose was boring work. Yawning, Han idly wondered what Vader wanted to talk about.

Hearing several loud crashes and the loud blaring of sirens, Han dropped the still spouting hose onto the ground and carefully wondered over to the edge of the landing platform. Peering below, he saw the flashing lights of several emergency vehicles and the remains of another big pile-up. Han shook his head sadly. "Dumb drunk drivers! I would have thought Pops would live in a better neighborhood, but then, he is a Sith Lord. Still, that's the second big pile-up of airspeeders I saw today. I got to remember never to go into that traffic lane. It's a real hazard. Wish they'd catch the guy responsible…"

Forgetting he still had the hose on and ignoring the wall of icy water that was tumbling off the landing platform, Han went into the Falcon. Picking up the lopsided cake he had painstakingly baked, he tucked it under his arm and made for the Falcon's ramp. But before he could head outside, he heard the com beeping. Heading towards the cockpit, he flipped the button to see who it was.

"Yeah? This is Solo. If this is Jabba, I'm not here…"

"General Solo!" The voice said as a woman's face appeared on the little screen.

"Oh, its you, Mon Mothma."

"Is Luke there? I'd very much like to speak to him…"

"Let me see if I can find him…" Han left the line opened and left the Falcon. He stepped over the hose and walked up to Vader's front door. Trying the door he found it was open so he went inside, the cake still tucked under his arm. Spotting a little end table in the entrance hall, he set the cake down and went to go find Luke. "Hey Luke, where are you?"

"General Solo, I trust you have cleaned up the mess that you created?" Vader stood in the very next room, apparently waiting for him. His black-gloved hands rested on his hips and he stood proud and straight. The black figure would have inspired fear in anyone but for some unknown reason it didn't do much to Solo. Why had his daughter chosen this slob? Still, he was determined to straighten him out before Leia married him.

"Yeah, I cleaned it." Han said, bored. His dark eyes scanned the room looking for the kid. "Where's Luke? There's a call for him…"

"He is with his mother and grandmother, getting to know them." Vader explained. "And now we will have a little talk."

Having nothing else to do, Han followed the Sith Lord into another room. The smuggler glanced around casually, realizing it was some sort of home office. There was a desk and computers, the usual junk and not anything worth stealing. Not that he'd steal from his future Father-In-Law, no way! He wasn't as dumb as Lando. The guy would probably rob himself … Han grinned. That was a good idea! He'd dump the busted freezer somewhere and then claim it had been stolen! Lando would be forced to give him the insurance money he was owed, as he had insured it with Calrissian Insurance Company; another one of Lando's schemes. "Make is fast. I have some insurance papers to fill out…Oh, and can I use your printer to print them? Mine's been busted the last two years…"

HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH.

"What?" Han asked stupidly. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Solo, you will get a job." Vader ordered as he shook a fist at the smuggler.

"A job? I have a job, Pops! I smuggle for Jabba. That ice cream was supposed to go to his palace on Tatooine. What, surely you don't think he got that fat by eating veggies, do you?"

"He is a Hutt." Vader replied as his patience started to wear thin. "They all look that way as you very well know. And smuggling is not a suitable job for someone who wishes to marry my daughter. You will get a respectable job, one that pays a normal salary."

"Smuggling pays a salary!" Han protested wildly, his honor offended. "I'm not going to work for the blasted Empire if that's what you mean!"

"I did not say you had to work for the Empire." Vader replied as he continued to watch the younger man. "But you will acquire a new job, a job that is in no way connected to the Rebellion or smuggling or various shady characters such as Jabba. Is that clear?"

"Yeah…" Han sighed, frowning. The last thing he wanted was to get stuck in some dull dead-end job where he had to wear some dumb uniform or show up at an appointed hour. Feeling his freedom flying away already, Han pulled on the open collar of his shirt to open it yet farther. He could practically feel the tight hold of some strangling outfit and he'd be forced to walk around like some monkey in a crazy getup. There had to be some loophole, there always was. Maybe he could find a job where he could still fly cargo and more or less still be his own boss. "But I'll need some references…"

"I will provide them if you apply for a suitable job."

"Well, I suppose I can try applying for some job…" Han finally said.

"Good. Now tell me, Solo, how did you clean that mess?"

Han stared at Vader, his face scrunched up in puzzlement. "What, don't you people know how to clean stuff? First that wife of yours was asking me how to wash clothes and now you're asking me how to clean a puddle of ice cream! The both of you can't really be that stupid, are you?"

HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH.

"Well, are you really that stupid?"

HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH.

Vader struggled to control his rising temper. "Just answer the question."

"Oh, all right!" Han stared at Darth Vader. "I used a hose to push it all off the landing platform! Are you happy now?"

HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH. HO-PAH.

After several long moments of only Vader's loud breathing filling the room, the Sith Lord finally spoke. "And where did it land when you pushed it off the platform?"

"How would I know?" Han looked at him like he was crazy. "And what does it matter? It's not here anymore! Let somebody else deal with it. And by the way, you live in a terrible neighborhood for airspeeder pileups!"

"And would your ice cream have anything to do with these pileups?" Vader asked.

"Of course not! They're all drunk drivers!" Han declared hotly, offended again. "And I heard a rumor that Lando was planning to open a used airspeeder dealership…"

Vader groaned and hoped Calrissian opened said dealership on a different planet. It was becoming clear he was just as bad as Solo if not worst!

"Can I print those insurance forms now?" Han asked hopefully. Vader nodded his consent and watched as Solo printed the thick sheaf of paper. In order to encourage people not to claim the insurance, Lando made the claim form two hundred and fifty pages long using the biggest and longest words he could find in the dictionary to confuse them. But this didn't hinder Han. No, he was determined to force Lando to pay him the insurance he was owed! Whistling a snappy tune, Han strolled out of the office with the heavy stack of paper cradled in his arms.

Vader watched him go and wondered how far he would get with the form. He had read a few of the questions as it had printed out and they had been sheer idiocy and double-talk. He doubted if Solo would be able to get beyond the first page that asked for his name and address. In his opinion, it was a huge waste of time and supplies but then it should keep the troublemaker occupied for several hours.

Still whistling, Han headed back to the hallway where he had left his cake and stopped dead in his tracks. There was that longhaired weirdo! "Hey! Get away from my cake!"

Qui-Gon glanced up from where he had been standing looking at the cake. The Jedi frowned as recognition dawned in his eyes. "You're the one that covered the floor with grease!"

"And you're too stupid to look where you're walking!" Han retorted quickly. "Now unhand that cake! I baked it for Palpatine…."

"You owe me something for ruining my clothes with engine grease." Qui-Gon pointed out. "It's either that or I shall arrest you on my authority as a Knight of the Republic!"

Han rolled his eyes. "This guy is a real loony…."

Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes and carefully scrutinized the smuggler. "Excuse me?"

"I said you're a real loony! But you know, I'm willing to help you out here…" Han smiled crookedly. "I understand you got taken by some con artists. It happens to everyone."

The Jedi stared at Han blankly. "What con artists? I don't know what you're talking about…"

Han set his big pile of insurance forms down on the table next to the cake. He wrapped a comforting arm around Qui-Gon's shoulders. "The ones that filled your head with all the phony-baloney. You know, the hocus-pocus stuff. We all know it doesn't really exist! I mean, you can't really move stuff with your mind by waving your hand around! It's all wishful thinking!"

"Are you saying the Force does not exist?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying." Han nodded his head sadly and tightened his grip on the longhaired Jedi. "It's all right to admit you've been tricked. Heck, I admit Lando conned me. It's nothing to be ashamed of…"

"But the Force does exist! I know this to be true. Would you like me to show you?" Qui-Gon asked as he started to warm a bit towards the smuggler. Perhaps he was making too big of a deal about the grease on the floor. Palpatine was, after all, the Sith Master so perhaps he should be more understanding of the younger man's goals. It was just that he was very unorthodox in his killing methods…

Han moved away and waved his hand dismissively. "Nah, that's all right."

The Jedi followed him outside towards the Falcon. The hose was still spraying water off the edge of the landing platform and both men ignored it as if it weren't there at all. "I really would like to show you. I understand with the Order being gone for many years people don't believe that the Force really exists. But it does."

"Yeah?" Han turned and eyed him. "Are you sure?"

Qui-Gon nodded.

"All right. Then come over here and help me move this busted freezer out of the Falcon. If you can do that then I'll believe you!" Han was careful to keep his facial expression dull and skeptic. And if he were lucky, the guy wouldn't know he had been manipulated into doing it. Yep, he had it made….

Han went and opened the big cargo door and pointed at the busted freezer. And man oh man but it really stunk badly! Han clamped a hand over his nose and quickly backed away. He waved his free hand at it, as a way of saying Qui-Gon should try to move it with his powers as he had claimed he could do. The smuggler watched as the Jedi lifted his hand and easily floated the huge freezer out of the cargo compartment and set it down onto the landing platform. Han glared at him. "Hey! You can't leave it there!"

"What else do you expect me to do with it?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Do what any other person would do: dump it off the edge!" Han pointed to where the waterfall of ice water was pouring down off the lip of the platform.

Qui-Gon looked horrified. "I can't do that! Innocent people may be hurt or killed!"

Well," Han glanced around for another place to dump it and his eyes settled on the next building over. "How about floating it over there?"

"But that would not be proper. We don't know who lives there…"

"Ah, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud! Live a little!" Han cried. "Look, this whole city is filled with Imperials, right? And by the massive size of that place some big important honcho lives there. So lets have a little fun, er?"

Qui-Gon thought how Maul had killed him and Maul had worked for Palpatine. And the Empire belonged to Palpatine. "Well, I suppose maybe I could…."

"Great!" Han grinned broadly.

Qui-Gon waved his hand and the giant busted freezer floated through the large gap between buildings until it hovered over another landing platform. Then he carefully lowered it to the firm surface. Almost instantly more melted ice cream began to leak out and the bug swarm appeared to feast. The Jedi smiled as he imagined the shocked look on some Imperial's face.

After he washed out the inside of his cargo compartment, Han threw the hose onto the ground again and headed back towards Vader's front door. He needed to start filling out that insurance form for Lando. On the way he clapped Qui-Gon on the back. "You're OK, you know that? I bet we're going to be great friends!"

Using the Force, Qui-Gon shut off the water and followed the smuggler back indoors.

Suddenly Han stopped dead in his tracks, a big light bulb going off in his head. "Poodoo! I forgot all about Mon Mothma! She wanted to talk to the kid about something! Gee, I better go find him!"

Han picked up his stack of insurance papers and Qui-Gon picked up the cake. Together they headed deeper into Vader's castle and soon they spotted Luke coming out of a nearby bathroom. "Luke! Over here!"

Spotting Han, Luke hurried over. "Hi Han! Hi Qui-Gon!"

"Mon Mothma wants to speak to you…" Han informed him as he hefted the heavy stack of papers. "Dumb Lando! Look what I all have to fill out to collect insurance on a stolen freezer!"

Luke gawked open-mouthed at the stack of papers. "Boy, I hope no one ever steals my lightsaber!"

Qui-Gon shot an odd look at Han. "I thought you said that freezer was broken?"

"Shhhhh! Lando doesn't know that!" Han elbowed him in the ribs and shot a dirty look at the Jedi. "Not in front of the kid! He might blabber to Lando because he doesn't know any better!"

But Han needn't worry. Luke was busy checking that his lightsaber was still on his belt. When he saw it, he sighed in relief. Concerned, he turned to look at his friend. "You should be more careful with your stuff. Some people are very crooked!"

"Yeah, they are." Han grinned.

Luke followed the other two back to the Falcon. When they got into the cockpit he saw a dozing Mon Mothma still waiting to speak to him, her chin resting on her chest. "Umm…Hello?"

Mon Mothma's head snapped up and she looked slightly embarrassed. "There you are! I just wanted to congratulate you on single-handed putting Executor into spacedock for repairs!"

"But I didn't…." Luke protested wildly, his eyes as round as the giant wheels on a Gungan battlewagon.

"You're so modest." Mon Mothma smiled gently at him, a twinkle in her eye. "What incredible tactics you used! We're all so impressed with your achievement."

"What tactics? I didn't do anything!" Luke protested, as he grew totally confused.

"Please continue your excellent undercover work there on Coruscant. I'll put a commendation in your file and you'll receive our highest medal when you return."

"But … but …" Luke stuttered.

"Congratulations once again, Commander!" Mon Mothma smiled happily and then she disappeared, the communication over.

Luke turned to look at the other two men with a wild look in his blue eyes. "But I didn't do anything!"

Qui-Gon shoved the lopsided cake towards him. "Have some cake!"

The young Jedi instantly forgot about Mon Mothma as he quickly snatched the offered cake. Sitting down at the game table, he tore a big chunk out of the square pan. Offering the gooey chocolate bakery to Qui-Gon, he tore another hunk off for himself. When he offered Han some the smuggler was quick to decline. Sitting next to each other, the two Jedi ate the entire cake and licked the frosting from their fingers.

"That tasted really good!" Qui-Gon said as he scraped the last bits of frosting from the pan with his finger.

"Yeah, it did!" Luke agreed. Frowning, he placed a hand on his stomach. "I … I feel kind of funny…"

"Yeah…" Qui-Gon agreed as a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead. "So do I…"

"Uh-oh!" Han muttered with worry as he remembered the odd speckled egg he had put into the mix, the one shmi had warned him not to use. What kind of egg had it been?

To be continued…