Disclaimer: They isn't mine…. no sue! If you must…. pay for a lawyer.
"So, is it a girl?"
"Sevv, how the bloody hell am I supposed to know?"
"Women's intuition normally does it, don't it?"
"That's bullshit, that stuff is."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, really. Ugh, you men."
"Well, you women aren't much better."
"Now Severus Salazar Snape!"
"Don't use middle names with me, miss Hermione Jane Granger Snape," he said tauntingly, with an all-too familiar little glint in his eye.
"Baby, no way. I have to be making lunch. The kids don't have access to the house-elves work yet."
"Ugh. Fine."
"Don't take that tone with me, mister."
"But it's such a turn-on."
Hermione looked up at him and laughed.
"Baby, you've got a hard-on, don't ya?"
Severus looked at her, mock offended. "And what if I do?"
"Babes that was retarded."
"MOMMY!"
"Ugh, Jocelyn. What, baby girl?"
"You gonna bang it or what!"
"Severus Snape, what have you taught this girl?"
"Momma I need the nail banged in!"
Hermione sighed with relief. "Your daddy's gonna do it, Jo!"
"But 'Mione," he whined.
"Oh hush. It's about time you did some heavy labor lifting shit."
"And hammering is heavy lifting," he said sarcastically. "I've lifted the weight of a car before, love."
"For you maybe." Severus glared at her. "What, your six-pack ain't what it used to be."
Severus groaned and went off to hammer in the nail for Jo's picture frame.
"Jeez Daddy, it takes fifteen minutes to hammer in one nail?"
"Jo, hush."
"She's right, gorgeous!" Hermione yelled through the rooms.
"Ugh my own wife and daughter are against me," he sighed playfully and then the little girl jumped up and kissed his cheek. "I hope my son is still on my side."
"Yup, daddy, yup."
Severus chuckled and went into his and Hermione's bedroom, took out his journal, and wrote:
Hermione made me hammer in a nail for Jo and then of course, Jo sided with her mother on the fact that I need more exercise. At least Sevv, Jr. is on my side. I think I am going to agree with them. I am going to start running a mile every day starting tomorrow. Then, I'll at least have my toned calves back. Then, to shush Hermione up, I'll get my six-pack back. Ugh, I hate heavy lifting. But Herm was buys so I have no cause to complain. Well, diary, I will write later complaining of my aching but soon-to-be toned legs. I laugh at that one. Toned. Ha. Bye Diary.
"I don't get why she's so hell-bent on having me all built."
"When were you ever built?" came a snide voice from the doorway.
"Goddammit, Malfoy, didn't I tell you never to show your face here ever again? For god's sakes, my children are in the next room."
"I'm not that ugly, am I?"
"I will hex you if you don't leave."
"I just came to chat, traitor. See, I'm thinking about reinstating the Death Eaters and I was so hoping you would join."
"Like hell I won't. You know how I feel about that shit. Especially now that I have a wife and family." Then, Hermione came in.
"Lucius Malfoy."
"Ooh and the Mudblood wife comes to her husband's rescue."
"Call me that again and see what I hex you with."
Hermione stood at Severus' side with his arm around her waist.
"Tut tut. Such a weak marriage and yet you make it look so strong. In love with a Mudblood, Severus…The Dark Lord would kill you."
"The Dark Lordis already dead, dumbass. And I may not be of wizard parentage, but I would say you are a bit inferior to me. And I'm only 24. You're what, 57?"
"You must be kidding me. You, superior to me? Filthy little Mudblood."
Hermione then whipped out a monumental right hook on Lucius and then she whipped out her wand and hexed him with a very strong variation of the Bat-Bogey Hex.
Severus leaned to her and whispered in her ear, "Good one, babes." She kissed him, glad that she actually pulled off the hex, and then threw Lucius into the hallway outside the rooms. Dumbledore came in and chuckled when he found Hermione putting her wand away.
"Hermione, Severus, good evening. Don't you have classes to teach?"
Severus smacked his forehead and shouted, "UUUUUUUUUGH."
"I would say so. By the way, Hermione, good shot with the Bat-Bogey. I've been waiting to see when you would pull it off."
"Been practicing for years, Albus."
"I can tell. Lucius will most definitely be there for a while."
Hermione sniggered and made a mental note not to go insane over how gorgeous Severus was when he was blushing.
"Ooh, look at my man blushin' like a little bunny rabbit."
"Quite amusing. I shall assume your students will not find their professors amiss?"
Severus tried his best not to laugh and said, "You assume correct, headmaster."
Then, Dumbledore left with a wave. Hermione and Severus burst into laughter.
"God damn that man is hilarious."
Hermione strode back into the kitchen and finished the kids' lunches and then left for her class. Severus left soon after.
When she got into the classroom, the students immediately fell silent.
Oh my I've turned into Severus. They all shut up right when they see me.
Turns out, they were staring at the slightly bulging pregnant stomach she had going.
"Miss Snape?"
"Yes, Mister Weasley?"
"When's the baby due?"
"Towards the end of the year."
A first-year Huffllepuff piped up, "Any names yet?"
Hermione laughed softly as she sat down in the chair at the front of the room.
"No, we don't even know what the baby is yet."
"Ohhhh."
"Now, any more questions?"
About half of the class raised their hands.
"To do with Care of Magical Creatures?"
All of them went back down and Hermione officially started class.
Xx Potions classroom xX
"Today, we will be having a quiz. And you will be using my quills."
The class groaned.
"Professor, we are seventh years!"
"Some I can trust more than others. But nevertheless, we will do what we have done for seven years. We will be using my quills." The class groaned and put their personal quills
away. "Now, please take out a sheet of parchment and I will hand out the quills."
And the potions class was silent for the next half-hour. When the quiz was done, Severus summoned their parchments and quills and assigned them their homework.
When he was looking over the quizzes, a certain Slytherin name caught his eye.
Crabbe's son actually had the intelligence to get into my N.E.W.T. class…amazing. But it's such a dismalquiz grade. Let's see here……ah here's a very intelligent one. Let's give them an E for excellence. I actually think I'll be able to tolerate the Gruffindors this year.
You're married to one, genius. Wouldn't that help?
Oh shish up. Hermione is different than the rest of them…she's a breathtaking young woman and these are snot-nosed ten-year-olds. At least, the first years are. But these seventh years are something else. They actually behave. So do the rest of them.
PROVING MY POINT.
Dammit all.
Oh shush. I'm the more sensible one and you know it.
I'm the one with more power. Now shut up.
Both voices were silenced, leaving Severus to work in peace.
Xx Back in the rooms xX
"How was class, momma?" inquired little Sevv Jr.
"The usual. And the little Weasley boy was so cute today. I'm only like a month in and he asked me if we had names for the baby."
"What did James say about me?" squeaked Jocelyn.
Hermione laughed aloud.
"He told me to say hi to you for him."
"He likes me he likes me he likes me!"
Hermione just picked the little girl up and took her into the TV room and then Severus came in, laughing his ass off.
"Herm, what room are you in?"
"In the TV room, with Jo."
"The little Malfoy boy just said the stupidest thing. He was like 'How can a git like the potions master ever love a hottie like her' and then one of the Creevey boys said 'hey, both of 'em got something to be proud of' and then Malfoy said 'ya she's got ass and he gets some every night'. Oh my god it was funny."
"Mmhmm I'll bet. Damn Malfoy boy. I think I'll give him a D on his next assignment."
"Won't Draco be pleasantly surprised."
Then, remembering their little joke, Hermione said, "Draco will be incredibly pissed."
This only made Severus laugh harder and then she joined in, leaping on top of him, starting a ginormous tickle fight with him and the kids.
"Ow Herm you're practically deflating my balls."
Hermione moved her knee to a more comfortable place with a tickle and then nailed him right under the armpits, starting another fit of laughter.
"Wife is evil."
"Wife is hot for hubby man."
"Wife ain't getting any."
In a mock-sarcastic voice, Hermione said, "Oh damn."
Then, the kids tackled her and Jocelyn started tickling Severus while Sevv Jr tickle-attacked his mother.
That was a fun chapter, wasn't it? I liked it! It was incredibly cheesy but we gotta have Sevvie boy with a lighter side! And Hermione beating the bejesus out of Lucius with a smack across the face and a hex is pretty good…god this is a fun story. I'm glad you all fought for it. And my guitar is getting fixed soon! A-Pitah! God I missed that one….. (laughs maliciously) oopsies a little bit of evilness there…..hehe.. and ya I almost HURLED on Thursday………..spinning around & falling backwards on the Zipper at the fair…NOT A GOOD COMBINATION. Poor geoff…his balls were in incredible pain…they're better now…so says he…lolz well I'm out for now…toodles…(somebody chucks a pencil and I catch it) fucker I thought we had this little deal taken care of! (chucks it right in their eye) HA! Payback is a bitch! So am I and I'm damn proud of it.
p.s. sorry so long…..seriously I didn't mean for it to be 1,700 words long.
johnnydepp'snumbaonefan