Yes, finally, Chapter 2 is here! Yes, I am right, as the first chapter was a prologue, not a chapter. With that said, here's Bob with the reviews!
Bob: Thanks, poji! Now, here's our one review!
poji73: What the crap! One...frickin...review! Jeez, what's wrong with you people! Seriously, we need more reviews.
Bob: Anyway, ignore the crazy author. Here's our faithful reviewer, tikitikirevenge!
tikitikirevenge: Sorry, I'm just a tad late.
Bob: Yeah, like two months!
poji73: Shut up! Anyway, glad you liked Chapter 1.
Bob: I didn't!
poji73: Shut...up...
Bob: Seriously, it suc-
(gets hit in the head with a brick)
poji73: Hope that'll shut you up. Anyway, to all my faithful reviewers...
Bob: Reviewer.
poji73: Aren't you dead?
Bob: No.
poji73: We'll fix that shortly. Anyway, have a great read!
Vine to vine to vine to branch, he swung. His massive hands snatched up the gold prizes in his path as he made his way to a precariously perched…treehouse. Yes, that was lame. But back to the story!
The gigantic hands and…um…big arms that only an unusually large ape could possess were able to easily swing, jump and cross branches and vines that would have left ordinary humans in the River Kremling, a gathering spot/lounge for the evil K. Rool's Kremling Crew. Trust me; you do not want to fall into that river.
But K. Rool isn't appearing till later in the chapter, so back to the Kong of the jungle! Ha ha ha! Get it? Kong! Instead of…king…I'll be quiet now.
The powerful arms possessed by the resident ape, Donkey Kong, pulled an equally massive body back to his treehouse. He started opening the door cautiously, remembering what had happened last time he went on "vacation".
(FLASHBACK)
"Hey, DK! Hey, DK! Hey, DK! You owe me, dude, again, dude! Ha! Hey DK! It rhymes!" DK sighed, looking down at his small, hyperactive friend with concern.
"Diddy?" he started timidly. "H-how much caffeine did you put in your banana juice this morning?" Diddy Kong just grinned an impossibly wide grin, stretching from ear to ear. DK groaned loudly. Just that was enough of an answer. But Diddy wasn't about to take a hint.
"Ten whole banana-peelfuls, DK dude!" The larger monkey gasped. "Diddy? That's not good for your respiratory system!" "Who cares?" It was silent for a few moments. Diddy broke the almost-peaceful silence with bad news. "Hey, funk-o-man DK! I got a surprise for ya at home, bro!"
"Diddy, I'm not your 'bro', alright?" "Sure, whatever ya say, bro!" You could almost see steam coming out of DK's ears. "Stop it!" "OK, DK." The large ape sighed an almost impossibly large sigh. "Bro," Diddy added quickly. DK rose a large fist and brought it down, cracking the small skull of the poor…bird. Yes, DK killed a bird. An ordinary blackbird, to be exact. "Whoa, bro, bro, bro, you was outta whack, doggy dog!"
DK almost punched something else, but decided to let it go. "Yo, bro, we're at the treehouse, birdy-bird!" "Birdy-bird?" DK asked in puzzlement. "Yeah, cause, ya know, doggy-dog, and ya killed a bird, so…yeah! It's koolio, meister-bro!" DK almost wept.
He scurried up the ladder and started kissing his treehouse. "Oh, it's been so long! That cursed K. Rool tried to separate me from my own creation, but he failed. I'm here, again!" Diddy was close behind him. "Yo, dog, that's whack out, making out with your treehouse…out! Yeah, it rhymed!" DK was compelled to slap the overeager monkey off the treehouse, but resisted. "Yes, Diddy, now let's go." He opened the door to reveal…
A treehouse, handmade by DK, with no Diddy alterations. "Diddy, where's the surprise?" "In the closet, funky-funky-funky funk-man-dude! Bro," he added before jumping onto a chandelier hanging atop the ceiling. "This had better not be a trap!" DK slowly - ssslllooowwwlllyyy - s… s… s… l… l… l… o… o… o… w… w… w… l… l… l… y… y… y… opened the door to reveal…
Bananas, bananas, bananas and…a banana avalanche! Before DK had the opportunity to react, he was swept away by a banana tidal wave, engulfing his portraits, furniture, everything except Diddy. "Yo, cool, my main man, dude, dog – foo – gangsta ya." You can guess who said that. "Oh, and I forgot something," Diddy added. "What!" "Bro," Diddy said with great satisfaction. This time DK really wept.
(END FLASHBACK)
By the time the flashback was finished, Donkey Kong had almost finished opening the door. Almost there, he's getting closer…hey, look, a bumblebee! Oh, no, DK crushed it!
Back to waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting…hey, look, a – sorry, DK crushed it.
More waiting? Alright, fine. Who writes this crap anyway? Wait for it…a cute, pretty blackbird! Oops. DK…well, you can guess.
Hey, look! He touched the doorknob! Hooray! He turned it, to reveal…
Diddy Kong, up to his old tricks (if you read the flashback, I won't have to clarify, although I will anyway). He was currently standing on a large piece of wood, conveniently jutting from the wall. By him was a lever in the "up" position. "Diddy! What are you doing?" DK yelled.
"Well, ya know," he grinned. "Fixing up yer' run-down crap-shack of a crap-house, CRAP!" He laughed like a maniac.
DK covered his ears with such force, he nearly crushed his skull. "Diddy! You're ruining my house! Get down!" "…Uh-oh," Diddy responded slowly.
"What!" He looked up. Apparently the lever was now in the "down" position. Before DK could question his rescuer/house "redecorator", the ceiling fell down. DK tried to get up and strangle Diddy, but his body was currently under a very heavy piece of ceiling.
"Sorry, DK meister, bro!" Diddy yelled. "SORRY?" DK bellowed back. "You waltz right into my house and crush me with my own ceiling, and you have the nerve to say sorry?" "Uh, yeah."
"Ding dong." "Hey, like, Diddy, like, can I, like, come in?" Diddy gasped. "It's Dixie!" (Bet ya didn't see that coming.) "I forgot about our date!"
DK wasn't amused. "So, you're going to invite your girlfriend into my destroyed house?" "Nope."
"Then what…" DK was abruptly cut off when Diddy jumped to the chandelier and pulled on it. The ceiling around it fell in one piece onto the floor, with beanbags, a radio and many gold records. DK had a great view of it from a hole in the floor he was crushed beneath.
"Diddy!" he cried in a muffled tone. Diddy took no notice of him; too busy putting on his spray-on cologne. "Come in, my sweet darling," he said finally, with real class and distinction. She did. DK coughed loudly.
"Uh, like, Diddy, yer floor is coughing." "Uh…no, it isn't!"
"But, like, yeah it is." "It must be one of those coughing mice again. Here, sit down." He gestured to one of the two beanbags. "Like, beanbags? That was, like, a good choice!" Diddy grinned. "What can I say? I'm a pro!" DK growled. The beanbags were his idea.
Diddy pulled out a remote control. One button and slow music came on. Another button and the shades came down. Another and the lights came off. You know what happens next.
They leaned in, closer…closer…closer…Disgusted, DK spat – right out the convenient hole in the ground. He got Dixie right in the foot.
"Like, EWW!" Dixie somersaulted backward. "What's wrong, banana-pie?" Diddy used a very redundant compliment.
"Like, your floor, like, spit on me, like!" Diddy looked shocked. "Why don't you go outside, and I'll talk to Don – the floor." "Sure!" She went outside. Diddy stood, spun on his heel, and glared at the hole in the floor.
"Dude! What ya problem! You come into my treehouse and mess up my date! That's whack! Now get out!"
That was the last straw. DK lost it. "Look, you…damn…ape!" Diddy laughed. But the first member of the DK crew wasn't done. (A/N: That was a line from the popular DK Rap.) "First of all, this is my house! Second, you destroy it, and then try to hide me! Get your own treehouse!"
Diddy was unfazed. He grinned. "Look, DK bro, it may be your treehouse, but I got the power here! I can shut ya up if I want!"
"And just how do you intend to do that?" Diddy's only response was to take a piece of glass from his pocket and place it over the hole.
"How's that supposed to help you! I'm still talking!" Some time passed. "Uh, Diddy? DIDDY?" But of course, he could not be heard.
"Oh, Dixie, come in!" Diddy, of course. The door flew open and Dixie entered gracefully. "Sit down, my dear." DK screamed in frustration, knowing full well he couldn't be heard. If only Dixie knew the true Diddy!
"So, my fair ban-angel." He used a term he obviously thought clever. DK thought otherwise. "Where did we leave off?" They leaned closer…closer…closer…DK groaned. It was going to be a long night.
The next morning
DK, standing on the front porch of his treehouse, stretched out every muscle of his body that he knew. About 700, actually, considering this ape's size. What a relief it was to not be under a ceiling!
While stretching, he spotted a Raven flying towards him. His muscles tensed and he stepped backward into a battle stance.
"Stop! Do you work for Raphael Raven?" DK asked commandingly, referring to one of his minor enemies.
"Nope. Quit a while ago. Part of the Raven Union." "Ah," DK said as if it explained everything.
"Anyway, dude, got a letter for ya." If was bright red and gold with the insignia "M" on it. DK ignored this, as well as the address on the back, and tore open the envelope.
Upon contact with the ground, the small metal piece lit up and Master Hand appeared. Before DK had a chance to ask questions, it began speaking.
"Greetings, Donkey Kong. As a participant of the previous Super Smash Brothers tournaments, I would like to cordially invite you to the 3rd annual Super Smash Brothers tournament, hosted by me, Master Hand. Transportation will be arranged in 5 days, accompanied by another note specifying where to go. Note that the tournament itself will only start after 10 days in the mansion, so pack accordingly. Also note that a 5th special move must be created for all the Smashers. Food will be arranged. Hope to see you then.
DK jumped for joy and wept from happiness. That was exactly what he needed, a year away from that pest Diddy. He was so ecstatic that he almost missed the second part of the message.
Also, inform your friend Diddy Kong that he is invited as well. Tell him of the conditions."
The screen went blank. DK stopped in his tracks, horror written all over his face. This was the exact opposite of what he needed!
Diddy peeked his head out through the window. "Yo, bro, I heard the whole thing! We be goin' to the Smash-o tournament…together, bro!" DK took a deep breath and expelled one word, so loud that the trees shook and the animals scattered. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
A maniacal laugh was heard from the shadows deep in a cave. "Yes," a deep voice growled. "I will go to the tournament, and I will win! I will kill Donkey Kong and his pesky sidekick! They will regret they ever heard the name King K. Rool! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
A boat traveled the seas. Quickly she went. Powerful waves frothed up beneath her. Seagulls both scattered and followed. The faint sound of snoring could be heard. It was small, much like a ferryboat. But that wasn't the strangest part of this vessel. The strangest part was…that it was flat. Yes, flat. Like paper (hint, hint).
It traveled past the Keelhaul Key (a pirate island). It received waves from several Bob-Omb sailors.
It zoomed by Poshley Heights, gaining quick salutes from the wealthy and famous ones with the luck to live there.
It moved underneath the floating Glitz Pit, too low to be seen. Still, the driver thought he could hear the faint call "RAAWWWKKK!" from atop the city.
It motored though the river of Petalburg. Several of the friendly residents of the peaceful town gave their greetings.
It went past the lake of the Boggly Woods. The groups of Punies there jumped, squeaking their hellos.
Finally, the boat docked in its destination: Rogueport! The boat driver, who happened to be a sailor Bob-Omb, got up and looked at his only passenger. He groaned. "Mr. Mario!" he shouted.
"Huh, what?" Mario sat up, dazed and a bit confused. The driver sweatdropped. "We're here, Mr. Mario," he said exasperatingly. He had dealt with the plumber before, and began to get profoundly tired. But he could hardly complain; after all, Mario saved the world! Besides, he paid well.
"Yes, I'm going. Oh, and Jack, thanks." Jack groaned again and started the engine. Mario quickly added "Here's something for all your troubles." Something glinted in his hand. The motor stopped in a heartbeat. "What is it?" the Bob-Omb now identified as Jack asked eagerly. Mario raised an eyebrow, then after a moment flipped a coin into the driver's hand. Without so much as a thank-you, Jack was off.
"So rude," Mario muttered as he walked up the stairs and into the main section of Rogueport. No sign of Goombella or any other party member. "Hmm." Mario checked the envelope again. "It says 'the west part of town'. Well, that makes sense; it's the only decent part of town."
He walked over to the arch marking the path between central and east Rogueport, only to find it blocked by a haughty female Toad. Mario sighed. This Toad had given him a bad time on his earlier adventure here. "Zess T.," he began, "let me pass."
"No way!" she said firmly. "Not until I get my eyedrops!" Mario stared at her incredulously. "But I got you your eyedrops two months ago!" "Yeah! Well, I lost them again, so get me new ones!" The plumber groaned. Without eyedrops, she'd never move. "Alright. Look, I'll just go into the store and buy you…" He was abruptly cut off. "Sorry, pal, they're out. I already checked.
"WHAT? Then how do you expect me to get you eyedrops?" "That's your problem," Zess T. pointed out. Mario clenched his teeth in frustration. Suddenly, a light bulb lit up! In other words, Mario thought of an idea. He tightly wound himself up and sprang right over the arch – and poor old Zess T. "Hello?" she asked to nobody. "Gimme my eyedrops!"
Mario walked slowly into the area. It was devoid of all life-forms. "Uh…hello?" "SURPRISE!" The cry was deafening. All of Mario's party members and former friends leaped out at him. "Hey, Mario! Didja miss us!" Goombella cried happily. All of his friends nodded in agreement. Mario grinned. "Of course I missed you guys!"
Everyone was partying! The detective and residents of Poshley Heights, the sailors from the Keelhaul Key, the fighters of the Glitz Pit, the Punies of The Boggly Woods, the peaceful citizens of Petalburg (who knows how they all beat Mario here), the rugged rogues of Rogueport, and even some X-Nauts were seen jumping, dancing and laughing, and overall having a good time. Mario's closest friends, the party members, were having a special time of their own!
Goombella, a hard-working college student who was the exact opposite of "laid-back", was currently flipping through and furiously reading a book titled "Hip and Gangsta' Talk".
Baby Yoshi was blowing various party, um, things. You know, the ones with paper folded, and when you blow into it, it makes a loud noise? Yeah, those.
Anyway, Flurrie and Bobbery, the Wind Spirit and the Sailor Bob-Omb, were dancing like crazy! Hopping, spinning, just about everything "hip" and "gangsta'" (A/N: Sorry, couldn't resist).
Ms. Mowz, the thief/shop owner was the center of much attention. Being the owner of a world-famous badge shop, she knew a lot about fashion and style, which she decided to showcase at the big bonanza. Needless to say, the partiers were hooked.
Vivian, the Shadow Siren, being her usual timid self, hid underground, coming out only to greet people occasionally and eat food.
Mario, of course, was having a great time. His good mood only increased as he heard the loud cry from a random partier. "Bring out the cake!" Everyone shouted their agreement.
The cake was enormous! In fact, it was so tall that even Mario couldn't spring-jump onto the top! "Well, guys!" Mario roared over all the ruckus. "Let's dig in!"
Several hours later, the gigantic cake was almost finished. Most everybody was laying on the floor, stomachs full to the point of pain. Only Mario was still gobbling it down. "Does he ever stop eating?" a random person in the audience inquired. He was treated to a large group of "Yeah"s and "Definitely"s, and several other synonyms. One loud cry pierced all else, originating from a Paratroopa standing on a roof.
"Hey, Mario! Long time, no see!" Mario finally lifted his face from the cake and looked up. "Hey, Parakarry! How are you doing?" The Paratroopa shrugged. "Same old, same old. By the way, here's a letter for you."
Parakarry dropped a fancy envelope. Mario carefully opened it, making sure not to rip the paper. He carefully pulled out the metal chip. Without warning, Master Hand appeared. "YAAAH!" Mario dropped the chip out of nervousness.
"Greetings, Paper Mario and Party, new Smashers. I would like to cordially invite you to the 3rd annual Super Smash Brothers tournament, hosted by me, Master Hand. Transportation will be arranged in 5 days, accompanied by another note specifying where to go. Note that the tournament itself will only start after 10 days in the mansion, so pack accordingly. Also note that 5 special moves must be created for all the Smashers. Food will be arranged. Hope to see you then.
NOTE: Although this case is unusual, it has been done before. Due to Paper Mario's overwhelming success with his party members, we have decided they will fight with him as one entry.
It was quiet for a moment, and then total pandemonium broke out. Everyone started whooping, Paper Mario's party most of all. Of course, they stood up first. "We're going to the tournament! We're going to the tournament! Hooray!"
Mario, ever Mr. Skeptical, presented his title with great gusto. "Paper? And what do they mean "Super Smash Brothers"? That sounds way too corny to be real!" But Mario couldn't keep his skepticism when faced with his friends, and soon began cheering with them, hoping it was true. "HOORAY!"
Out of all the residents of Treasure Sea, there were only a few people not celebrating; the X-Nauts! (insert dramatic chord here). Well, technically, they were on the moon, but who cares!
"Well, Crump, what do you make of this, hmm?" a severed head lying on the chair said.
"Well, Lord Grodus, I say it's an excellent idea! Even better that they let us pick our fighter!"
"Yes," the head now identified as Grodus spoke. "Finally, the riches we will gain in this tournament will make that whole "Crystal Star" escapade meaningless! The X-Nauts will rise again!" There was a short pause. "You go," Grodus added.
"What? Um, no, sir, I cannot go! You are the most skilled of all X-Nauts; you should go, lord!"
Grodus snorted. "Crump, I'd love to go, but as you can see…" He glanced at his body, or lack thereof. "…I'm not in a proper condition, you see. This is a direct order: Crump, fight in the Super Smashing Siblings tournament!"
"Y-yes, sir! I won't let the X-Nauts down!"
"See that you don't. Now, go prepare!"
Well, didja like it! I think it was my best work yet!
Jim: Well, I don't.
poji73: That's the new guy, Jim. Bob met with an...unfortunate accident.
Jim: Accident? You ripped his left lung out and shoved it up his-
poji73: Before this story gets an "M" rating, my good friend Jim has some words to share with you.
Jim: Dude, don't get confused. Diddy in this story is based off the crazy writer.
poji73: Shut up!
Jim: Thanks. Anyway, some of you may be wondering what the Treasure Sea is. The fact is; it doesn't exist! This damned author had the nerve to make up some corny title and pass it off as a legit name.
poji73: Shut...up...
Jim: Dude, this guy is damned insane!
(smiles wickedly)
Jim: Get ready for some action between Link and Zelda in Chapter 3!
poji73 (shocked face): What do you take me for, a porn writer?
Jim: Yes. Do you know how many jokes Bob had to edit out to keep this story rated T?
poji73: Don't listen to this guy. He's nuts.
Jim: What are you talking about? You're-
(gets dirty diaper thrown at him)
Jim: Air...need air...
poji73: Well, review and stay tuned for chapter 3. Oh, and expect a new assistant.
Jim: I...hate you...
poji73: Well, see ya!