Background: Lily Evans 4th year at Hogwarts. It's right before Christmas. It's more of a what if story...not what I think actually happened...and believe you me I have DEFINITE ideas about what really happened, and not this...I try to keep my characters the way I see them from reading the books...

Disclaimer: It's not mine

Specific to this chapter: Oh, this was such a hard chapter for me to write, so if it sucks, I'm sorry in advance... First of all there's sort of a flashback within a flashback, and it was hard to make it not confusing...hopefully it's not. Second the action in real time and in the flashback is making me a bit on edge. Kissing scenes are always sticky for me, it takes me forever to muddle through them, so I hope it seems somewhat realistic and not as uber-cheesy as I feel like it is when i reread it...Also, you see a way softer side to Severus here, but he's had over a year of Lily's influence, and I hope it shows. (He's only niceto her it should be noted)Unfortunately for him he still doesn't completely trust her (though he wants to)...which is sad...Poor Sevvie and his issues...well I've rambled enough, read on...

Comments are appreciated...

Chapter 5: The Storm

Lily glanced up, and damned if it wasn't true. She had backed up into a doorway where mistletoe was hung.

"I think we would all like to see a sweet little kiss from the lovebirds," Black said with a cruel glint in his eye.

Potter scoffed heatedly while Black simply grinned a wicked grin.

That was when Lily realized it. Black knew - and had known all along - that she and Severus were not a couple. He was toying with them for his own amusement, and not for the retribution of his friend. In fact, he was also toying with Potter. Tears started forming in Lily's eyes again, and she wasn't sure she could bear this humiliation much longer.

"You're evil, Black," she said quietly.

"Kissy, kissy," Black mocked in answer.

Potter looked away, as if he couldn't bear this, and Lupin had also turned from them. Peter Pettigrew watched deviously, as did most of the bystanders. Severus would noteven glanceat her, and took a step away. She was amazed that she could feel any more mortified; this was the absolutely most nightmarish thing that ever happened to her.

"Come on," Sirius said, and flicked his wand at Lily startling her, and forcing her to lurch into Severus. Stumbling, she grabbed his robes for support, nearly bringing him down, before she caught her footing.

"Stop it!" she screamed at Black, letting go of Severus, who looked aghast at being grabbed. She hated the look on his face for she had seen it before.

Two weeks ago, in one of their normal lunch sessions, Severus had finally asked the question Lily had been dreading since the beginning of fourth year, "Why do you still come here?"

He hadn't said it in a way that suggested that he resented her for being there, more out of curiosity. That on its own struck significance with Lily, as he rarely ever asked her anything of consequence.

"What do you mean?" She avoided, looking at her cauldron "I study, of course. You help me on potions."

He glanced up at her with a small smirk, "That's not what I meant."

He didn't speak for a long while, and she wondered if that was the end of it. He just sat across the room from her, staring at the desk, and uncharacteristically not doing his work. When he spoke again the question was phrased carefully.

"I asked you why do you come here, and you answered with what you do when you're here, when what I really want to know is why?"

"I need help with Potions."

"You don't"

"Of course I do."

"You're the best in the class, now."

Lily looked down, she'd prepared her answer, for when this was to come up, but it seemed so stupid now. Her actual motivation was that she wanted to be with him. When else would she see him - in the hallway, or across a classroom? She would miss his company. How could she tell him that though? But oh, how she wanted to tell him the real reason. "I'm not the best in the class, you are…"

"Besides me," Snape scolded, as if he didn't count, "You are the best."

He was right. She was very adept at Potions now. He barely helped or criticized her anymore, for she did it down to the letter. She had become so disciplined in Potions that Severus had even complimented her once or twice. It was hard not to try to do well, just to avoid his disappointed scowls, and as he was very hard to please, she had to be perfect.

Gradually, he had softened towards her, and they'd grown into a very comfortable routine. She'd found out that he was eating the food she brought for him, though rarely in front of her. She had seen him once in the library, absently eating a sandwich she had made for him while he read a large, boring looking book. That pleased her. Occasionally, if not working on a potion, he would eat lunch with her, especially if she had gingerbread cookies, which were his favorite.

Generally they just went on about their work, and she would talk to him, and he would listen quietly. He was smart and armed with a sharp wit, which proved hysterical during conversations, especially about certain students. She found herself liking him a lot – perhaps against her better judgment.

"I'm doing well because of you…"

That seemed to settlethe matterfor the moment, though he looked at her skeptically as if there was more he wanted to say. He gave her an appraising glance, and seemed to be satisfied. He picked up a book and started reading it.

Lately, Lily found herself looking forward to their meetings at lunch. She realized that she was studying extra hard at night, and it was to impress him. She disliked the days that they didn't meet - when she went to lunch with her friends. Weekends were unbearable. She had lost interest in the other boys who would come by and flirt with her. They seemed doltish as they jostled about for attention. They didn't have anything meaningful to say, and they weren't truly interested in anything she had to say.

Severus, on the other hand, was a veritable dartboard of information; everything that was thrown at him seemed to stick. In the beginning there had been numerous occasions when she had thought he wasn't listening, only to find out months later that he had stored away much of what she had told him. So when she said, "Can I ask you something?" it didn't worry her that he didn't look up, or stop reading the book.

"Of course," he said, without hesitation.

The truth was he only answered about one in every ten personal questions she asked him; he was the master of circumvention. Still, his openness to this question surprised her. Usually he at least groaned when she tried to draw information from him.

"Remember the day we … erm…started studying together?"

Severus nodded, engrossed in what he was doing. It looked to be the Charms Paper they had been assigned - for he was glancing back and forth from book to parchment, and scribbling down notes.

"Remember how you said that I'd helped you once?"

Severus' hand stopped on the paper, and he nodded shortly.

"I really don't know what you meant by that?"

Severus sighed.

She continued quickly, "Were you being sarcastic? I don't mean anything by it, I just don't…well…I don't remember ever meeting you before, let alone helping you."

She walked over and sat down next to him on the long wooden bench. He was quiet for so long that she did not think he was going to answer her. He didn't go back to his work, however, just sat there staring at the table. She thought he looked handsome like this…sitting there pensively, his face softened. When he finally answered he looked away from her.

"The first day of school."

She remembered the first day: feeling nervous, lonely, being sorted…all of that. She did not recall meeting Severus that day.

'Do you remember the rain storm?"

"Why…yes, now that you mention it…" Lily recalled the torrential downpour. Rain lashed at her hair and face as they made their way across the lake to Hogwarts. She remembered how violently she was shivering by the time they arrived on the grounds. It had been storming all day and the deep puddles and mud were everywhere. Her feet sloshed on the grass with every step. The grass was slippery…

With that small amount of prodding, her memory was jolted into a realization. Indeed, she had met him that night. All the faces were so new at that time, and he had been so covered in mud, she hadn't realized who the he was. The mud covered boy - she felt a sudden pang of compassion.

"Well—" he began softly, but she interrupted him.

"I remember, now." She didn't want to put him through the misery of explaining what she already knew.

Chilled to the bone, Lily darted for the castle barely feeling the ground beneath her feet, She had fallen well behind many of the children, when her new hat had blown off her head, and she had to chase it back nearly twenty yards. She, along with some other stragglers fought to catch up. The rain had abated some, but still she was deafened by wind whipping past her ears.

As she approached the entrance to the castle lightning flashed so fiercely, that it illuminated the entire grounds. Had it not been for fated timing, she would not have seen anything. A few yards ahead of her in the shadows three rough looking boys stalked a paler, skinnier boy.

She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw one of them shove the thin one face first into the mud-drenched earth. The boy landedon hisoutstretched hands and collapsed. Outraged, and forgetting the bitter cold for a moment, she moved purposefully towards them. As she approached, the boys had begun kicking mud at him as he struggled to a sitting position. They were laughing. The biggest boy kicked a final bunch of mud, and then the gang ran away apparently growing bored, cold, or both.

The boy tried to get up, but seemed unable.

By the time Lily reached him, the bullies had gone into the castle.

"Are you okay?" She yelled over the storm.

The boy didn't say anything; he just sat prone in the mud looking miserable and confused. She couldn't make out much about him, except that he had dark hair, clotted with muck, and dark eyes staring cagily out of his muddied face. He held his wrist gingerly.

"Are you okay?" Lily repeated, wondering if he could hear her. The wind whaled, but she could barely feel it anymore through the numbness.

The boy nodded vaguely, though he was still cradling his arm.

"Is your arm hurt?" she asked, bending down to look at it.

He flinched.

"I'm not going to touch it," she assured. "Can you bend it?"

He shook his head.

"It might be broken…" Lily looked around for a teacher, but the only people around were a few students, and they hurried byaverting their eyes,"I'll help you up."

She reached out a hand for him, but he wouldn't take it. He just glared mistrustfully at her. "Come on," Lily pleaded, "Give me your good hand. I will be careful."

There was an ear-splitting crash of thunder. That seemed to make up the boy's mind, for he offered her his hand cautiously. She managed to pull him up, without further injuring him, but not without splattering her robes with mud, and her hands and arms were caked in mud.

As soon as he was on his feet, he shrunk away from her. They walked side by side toward the entrance.

"I'm Lily," She said, trying to be friendly. She wiped her hands on her robes leaving long dirty streaks.

He didn't respond, but walked quietly toward the school, falling back a few steps. When they were in the Hogwarts, before her ears even began prickling from the warmth, a teacher hustled him away to have his wrist looked at.

Being alone again, Lily quickly remembered her nervousness at the new surroundings, and momentarily forgot about the boy. She had looked around for him during the sorting, and he wasn't there. After she'd been placed in Gryffindor, she joined her new house's table, and calmed down a bit. She searched for him again during the feast. He was not there. He was never sorted, so far as she knew. Soon she began talking to her new friends, she forgot about the whole ordeal.

Lily looked back at Severus. "I didn't do all that much," she said sheepishly. She felt guilty that she had never sought him out, or that she hadn't really thought of him since that day.

Severus said almost inaudibly, "You helped me though."

"Anyone would have …" she said, feeling her cheeks burning.

"But you did… while others turned their heads," he turned towards her and stared into her eyes with a deep grief. He had never opened up to her like this before.

She wondered then, who were the boys who had knocked him down. She didn't get a very good look at them, being that it was so dark, and she barely knew anyone. Who were they? Were they Gryffindors, in her own house, her own friends?

"Slytherins," Severus said as if reading her mind. He spat the word out as if he wasn't one of them.

Lily felt bad. It was no wonder he was such a recluse. He didn't even have friends in his own house. She placed her left hand on his tenderly, and felt him twitch. He didn't pull away, though he was now looking at her uncertainly.

At that moment all Lily wanted was for him to kiss her. She was lost in his sad, dark eyes, and longed to kiss his pale lips, or simply to be able to wrap her arms around him without him shrugging her off.

Severus leaned toward her, and for a moment, she thought he was indeed going to kiss her, but instead he looked down at the table. She touched his cheek gently with herother hand.

He pulled back from her so violently that it scared her. He looked horrified, and he said a nervous, "I have to go." and left, leaving all of his stuff behind.

Lily's heart raced. He acted as if she had struck him, when she had only just barely brushed his face. She spent the rest of lunch neatly putting away his things, and wondering what horrors he had encountered to give him such an aversion to touch.

He didn't come to their next meeting, and would not meet her gaze in class. A few days later he showed up again acting like nothing had happened, except that when she talked he responded more bitterly towards her. It was frustrating. Lily wondered why he couldn't see that she cared for him, or why he couldn't accept it.

Now, two weeks later, were they back to square one? Surely Severus wasn't going to withstand this kind of torture for her. A tear ran down her cheek. She didn't want to cry in front of everyone, but she'd reached her pain threshold for today. She was embarrassed, and worse, she feared that every kindness she'd ever showed to Severus was being erased in this one instance.

Black, with no pity in his eyes, flicked his wand at her again, and she lost her balance falling fully onto Severus who clumsily caught her before she hit the floor. Gently, he helped her to her feet.

When he came up his wand was drawn, angrily.

-End Chapter 5-