Title: Christmas at Hogwarts - Chapter 8: Lupin's Lament

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Harry Potter, alas.

Specific to this chapter: Ooookay...Let's see. I thought, you know what this story needs? More Lupin...Ha ha ha. No I'm just kidding, that's not what I thought, but I don't mind it because overall I do like Lupin...even if he is spineless most of the time. 2 things. Just in case you don't know the cliche "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" it means, roughly, that something you have is better than all the fantasies in the world...maybe fantasies isn't the right word. Basically if you have a bird, it's better than all the birds you don't have, even if the birds you don't have are better...or something like that. Man, I bet I just confused people who knew what that phrase meant...sorry. The second thing is, don't be too hard on Lily...she's confused. She doesn't mean it. She's had a rough day. And lastly, (even though I said 2 things) more Lupin means less Snape...DRAT!

Notes: Thanks so Much to everyone who's reviewed...you are all so great. And yes, I will keep this going till the Yule Ball...then I mightwrite a sequel...we'll see. I'm glad you all liked the weird littlekiss...me too.To Alaterial...thanks for telling me about the run togethers...I found out why. If you edit ON everything you edit becomes a run-on -I'm not sure why...but every place that did that were places that were running together. I made sure it was all edited when I uploaded it this time. But let me know if you catch anything else, everyone. The definitive copy of this story's on my site...I'll put that up someday... I'm sorry this took so long to update. I was up north for a week, and unfortunately college is starting up again, so it'll probably (hopefully) be updated about once a week...still a work in progress, you know. Anyway...thanks again all you faithful reviewers. (It will improve my writing) And I should say...Thanks for the 45th review (giggle for silliness)

Comments as always appreciated...

Chapter 8: Lupin's Lament

Someone did come to the library looking for her though, Remus Lupin. Lily was not happy about seeing him and ducked her head behind her book. He looked around and when he spotted her, he headed over to the table at which she was pretending to study.

"Hello, Lily," he said sheepishly.

Lily glanced down at her book, "I'm studying Remus, leave me alone."

She said it more harshly than she intended too, but he did not seem to notice. He acted as if he deserved it.

"Please, let me sit for a moment," he said quietly.

"Fine," she gave in; she found she could not sustain meanness to someone as meek as Remus Lupin.

There was a long pause, where Remus collected his thoughts. Lily waited, as she could not think of a thing to say to him.

Finally: "I'm sorry for my friends."

Silence held a moment.

"And…for me…" Remus looked down, "I should have done more."

Lily wanted to agree with him, but he was in so much anguish that it would really not help to rub it in.

"Black is going to be pretty mad at you for saying anything."

"Yeah, well…" Lupin shrugged, "I saw him in the hospital wing after classes. He was not too happy, but he'll live. James had broken his wrist, but it was healed by the time I got there. I don't think either was too mad at me, they were just talking about Snape…er…Severus Snape."

Her heart reacted to his name, "Black was so cruel…and I've always known James Potter is a hothead, but I really didn't expect him to be so…" She trailed off, really unsure of where to go with it.

"He…well I…he…" Remus was stammering, and she didn't think he'd be able to get out what he wanted to say, struggling to find the right words, "He's a tad obsessed with you. He threatened to hex every guy in our dorm if they asked you out…I'm pretty sure all of the Hufflepuffs and half of the Ravenclaws. Maybe even some Slytherins. I don't think he meant any harm. He's just kind of spoiled that way."

Lily was very angry. She tallied one more point against Potter. That boy had some sort of gall. She looked back at Remus to say so, but realized he wasn't finished yet; he was looking at her expectantly.

"You would have gotten tons of requests otherwise…Myself, I would have asked you out, if he wasn't my best friend…"

Lily didn't know what to say to this. She wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. She felt her cheeks glow a little. It wasn't as if she was particularly surprised that he would like her, just that he mentioned it stunned her. This, however, was not the optimal moment for candor. Still, she had always found Remus appealing.

Remus was the type she could see herself fancying, specifically if he didn't come with the baggage of Potter and Black. She wasn't attracted to him in the mysterious way that she liked Severus – no, and it wasn't as strong - but she couldn't help but be flattered. He was smart and handsome and kind.

It wasn't as if she wanted to date him, but this was better than the sinking feeling she got every time Potter was around trying to impress her. At least Remus was sincere.

Now she was at a total loss of what to say.

Remus spoke again, "I didn't mean to make you nervous. It's…it's not a request. It couldn't be, I would lose a friend over it…"

Lily found her voice, "You should really stop caring about what Potter thinks..." She wondered if she'd said too much. She, indeed, didn't want to encourage him to ask her out. She didn't want to break his heart.

"I didn't mean James," Lupin said, "I meant you."

Lily blushed earnestly now. "Remus, you wouldn't lose me as a friend." She paused, realizing she was still unduly encouraging him. "You should know that I am already going with someone else to the ball."

Lupin nodded expectantly.

Lily felt bad for him just then. He looked tired, sad…alone. She had never realized how lonely he looked most of the time. Usually he blended into the background, muted by the garish antics of Black and Potter.

She reached out and touched his hand reassuringly. There was such a difference, between his hands and Severus. His were warm, and soft. He didn't pull away at her touch. That was nice. Instead he gave her a squeeze back. There was a surge of warm energy. She pulled her hand back, as if she'd been shocked.

Her heart sped up a little. This is not the time to be falling for Remus, she scolded herself. She looked around; making sure Severus was not in the library. He would not understand her sitting with Lupin. With how guilty she felt now, she wouldn't be able to explain it, either.

She looked back to Remus guiltily, who looked a little taken aback by her reaction. Her heart was pounding so hard, and she wondered if he could hear it. Of course not! That's absurd! I was just…confused. Yes, he revealed that he liked me, and it confused me.

She put her face in her hands. Why was this so difficult all of a sudden? Was she actually this fickle? She knew better, though. She had always had a soft spot in her heart for Remus Lupin, always. Before he was befriended by the dynamic duo, he'd had no friends, and was quiet and kept to himself. She always felt so bad for him. She had tried to be his friend. Then Potter and Black came along, and that was that.

"Are you okay?" Remus touched her shoulder tentatively – that spark again.

Lily nodded, head still in hands. These types of revelations always came at the worst times. It couldn't have been when she didn't have feelings for Severus. Oh, when it rains, it pours.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. This phrase she'd heard her mother say popped up randomly in her head. What did that mean anyway? Even a more scary thought was, which boy is in my hand and which of these boys is unattainable. She remembered how Severus flinched away when she tried to take his hand. This was agony. She much preferred not having choices, but if given the choice…whom would she pick? Severus, of course, Severus. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush…

"I'm thinking in clichés," she said.

"What?"

"Never mind," She looked back at him, still feeling his warm hand on her shoulder, "Listen, I have to go now. I'm not mad at you – really. You can put your mind at ease about that. I…but we…can't…we can't…Oh, I have to leave."

Remus was staring up at her, nervously. Had he felt it too? Lily hoped not. Why was everything going so wrong, when it was just finally going right?

She got up and walked out of the library without another word, and headed towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

Remus had just shaken her confidence tremendously. This was not a contest. She liked Severus. She cared for Severus. You like Remus, too, you care about Remus too, and you are lying to yourself. She pictured their kiss earlier in the hall, quick and adorable, it still gave her chills. But would it be so bad with Remus either? Don't you remember the electricity when he squeezed your hand? This was frustrating. She wanted to silence her head.

These would have been thoughts that would have never occurred to her had Remus not admitted he liked her. She scowled. She had been perfectly happy, thrilled even. Now a little change in plans and she was wavering like a fool.

She felt unfaithful. It's just a date…just a date to a ball…you don't have to marry him. With Severus though, she knew it was more than just a date. It took a lot for him to ask her out. It was such an uphill battle with him. He deserved better than this, though. Really. She wanted to see him again. She wanted to kiss him, but a real kiss, and she would forget about Lupin. Will I? Of course she would. Oh, but it's already late. What should I do? She changed her direction on a split second impulse and headed for the dungeons.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Stop that.

-End Chapter 8-