Chapter XIII: Victory and Defeat
Fujin did not know what to make of the situation in front of her. She could not recall a past time when she had seen Seifer so sad, so hurt, so … broken. It was unsettling. Breaking out of her normal fashion, she spoke to him in normal voice, which she only used in the most serious of events.
"Come in, hurry," she said.
Seifer came through the front door and Fujin closed it behind them.
"Seifer, I've never seen you like this. What's wrong?"
"Promise me you won't go to Rinoa with this."
Fujin was a bridesmaid in Seifer and Rinoa's wedding party. She had spent much time with Rinoa during the planning stages of the wedding, but in all honesty, she could not stand Rinoa and thought her to be an over controlling, temperamental bitch.
"My lips are sealed."
"Okay, then…" Seifer drew in a deep breath. "I … am in love with someone else."
"Call off the wedding then," Fujin said. "What can Rinoa do about it?"
"It's more complicated than that."
"Then you need to tell me more than a few vague details."
Seifer chewed on his lip for a moment before continuing. "You see, I ran into an old acquaintance when Raijin took me out for my 'bachelor party.' They were down on their luck and I was worried, so I kept checking up on them. Well, eventually one thing led to another and then…"
"You had sex," Fujin finished.
"Yeah." Seifer never felt so nervous in his life. "Well, their luck ran out now… They're dead."
With that, Seifer burst into tears once more.
"Seifer," Fujin said quietly, embracing her dear friend. "I'm so sorry… You said an old acquaintance. Was she someone from Garden?"
"Yeah, he was."
Fujin paused for a moment. "He?"
"It was Zell."
"Oh."
Fujin continued to hold Seifer as he cried into her shoulder. It was surprising to hear the former knight profess his love of another man, certainly, but it was all she could do to lend her support in this time of need.
"What are you going to do?" she asked him quietly.
"I don't know," Seifer admitted. "There's nothing left for me, except Rinoa…"
"But you don't love her—"
"I know," Seifer said. "But … I really don't know what other options I have at this point other than to marry her. Zell is dead. I'm an outcast of society. If Zell was still alive, I could handle being rejected by the world, because I wouldn't have to be alone, but … I think I just realized that I needed him as much as he needed me…"
"Zell was lost, and so were you," Fujin spoke slowly, trying to make sense of Seifer psychological ramblings. "You were able to bond because of that, but now the only person who gives your life even some sense of direction, however pathetic it may be…"
"…Is Rinoa." Seifer felt his heart sink even lower than he thought it could possible sink. "The wedding is tomorrow."
"Do you really want to go through with it?" Fujin asked her friend. "Honestly, you could just walk away from her, and Raijin and I will support you one hundred percent. You won't be happy in a life with Rinoa, even if she is the only reason the world gives you any considerable thought."
"There's no point in not walking away," Seifer said, half convincing himself of the validity of the bull shit he was spouting. "I have nothing left. I might as well make her happy. You know, she lost one man to Zell. It would probably kill her if she had lost a second to him."
"Seifer…"
"You know, it will be all right." Seifer sounded defeated. "I should go. It's getting late, and I'm getting married tomorrow. Take care, Fujin."
"Yeah," Fujin nodded sadly. "Take care."
Less than half an hour later, Seifer had returned the apartment. He took off his jacket and haphazardly threw it on the floor in the closet. He then took a seat on the couch and sat for awhile in the darkness. He felt numb, like the life had been drained from him. His world was shattered. He was torn apart like someone took a knife and drove it deep in his heart. If he could turn back time, if he could find a way…
"Seifer?" He heard a tired voice behind him.
"Hi, Rin."
"Seifer, what are you doing up at this hour?" she asked with false concern. "Did you go out?"
"Yeah, I did," he confessed, the numbness keeping him from worrying about her reaction. "…Zell's dead."
"Oh my gosh." Rinoa rushed over and sat down next to him. "Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. How are you feeling?"
"I'll be all right," he lied.
"Do you want to postpone the wedding?"
"…No, no, it's all right. The wedding should still go on."
"Well, if you sure," Rinoa said. "Come on, Seifer. You've had a long day. Come to bed."
"…Okay," he reluctantly agreed.
Rinoa reached over and pulled her fiancé into a tight embrace. He wasn't able to see her victorious expression.