Well, I failed all but one of my classes this semester. Whoop-di-frigging-doo. Why? I won't tell you. It's not your business.

And besides, my tale of woe is not something you're here to read. So anyway...

Mirrors

Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Love Hina. Bummer.

"... I'm bored," sighed Fun Keitaro, bowing his head abysmally. Next to him, Kitsune groaned, her hands futilely trying to nurse her hangover by massaging her scalp. Across from them, in the cramped cell, Timid Keitaro shivered, looking absolutely panic-stricken, while Mutsumi next to him dozed serenely.

"Not so loud," moaned Kitsune. "Gah... What proof was that alcohol?"

"Didn't quite catch it... Of course, considering that the bottle exploded when I spilled it onto a candle, I'm thinking... Really, really high," Fun Keitaro mused, sighing again.

"The manager was so understanding... Considering that we destroyed his kitchen, I thought he'd have been a lot angrier," Mutsumi interjected, finally waking. Timid Keitaro continued to shake.

"Oh God... We're going to jail... We're going to jail... I DON'T WANT TO BE A CIGARETTE BITCH!" Wailed the insecure Keitaro, curling up into a ball. Fun Keitaro waved him off.

"Relax... We'll get out of here!"

"How? We don't have any money! We BLEW UP A RESTAURANT! They'll charge us with ARSON!" Timid Keitaro cried, sniffling, while Mutsumi patted him on the back encouragingly.

"Quit yelling... My head's killing me," groaned Kitsune, gripping the sides of her skull in agony.

"Well... All we have to do is bribe the judge with something he (or she) won't be able to resist," reasoned Fun Keitaro.

"Huh? With what?!" Fun Keitaro smirked.

"Well, depending on their preference... We'll bribe them with you, Kitsune, or Mutsumi... Or all three of you, if they're really depraved."

Timid Keitaro gawked at him.

"WHAT?!"

"Aughhhhhhh... Stop yelling... You're killing me," whimpered Kitsune, pushing her head against the cold cell wall. Mutsumi looked thoughtful.

"Well... I could call my parents... They would bail us out, I believe..."

"Sweet! Let's do it!" Fun Keitaro cheered.

"But... They're on vacation in Hawaii, so I don't think they'd be home, ara... And I don't know their cell phone numbers, ara," Mutsumi sighed. Fun Keitaro shrugged.

"Meh... We'll call that 'Plan B'. Now, let's see... TK, you're already submissive, so that'll work if the judge is the sick dominating type..."

"Woah woah woah! Hold on! Why do I have to be the bribe?" Demanded Timid Keitaro. Fun Keitaro shrugged.

"'Cause I know that you won't stand up for yourself and say no?" Timid Keitaro raised a finger and opened his mouth... Before closing it, and sighing, dejectedly, as he put down his finger.

"All right..."

"But hey - You're only the bribe if the judge is into guys," Fun Keitaro reasoned. "Kitsune, would you mind terribly-?"

"No, no, no, no, no, nooooooo...." Kitsune groaned. "I'm still a virgin, swear to God..."

"Ara, really Kitsune? Because you told me-" Mutsumi began.

"I'm. Still. A. Virgin. Got it?" Kitsune growled. Mutsumi blinked.

"But, you said that you-"

"Virgin! Got it?" Kitsune snarled menacingly, to which Mutsumi coughed.

"Ara... Right, of course..."

"All right, kiddos... Your bail has been paid by Mr. Sakata," reported an officer on the other side of the bars. "You're free to go until the trial."

Everyone in the cell collectively blinked.

"Huh?"

"Yes, it is I! Kentaro Sakata, legal council to the hot! Er, I mean, needy!" Kentaro happily announced, dressed in his usual seedy suit. He swaggered into the holding area, and flashed his million-dollar smile at the confined. "And, I'll be exacting a pretty hefty fee for this to go down..." Kentaro blinked. He looked over at Fun Keitaro, who was now twirling his yo-yo, and back over to Timid Keitaro, who was still cowering. He looked back at Fun Keitaro, then back at his "brother". He repeated the process about five times, before smirking.

"Ah ha! I get it... Yup, Keitaro's got a twin brother! That's... That's it! Wow, twin losers from the same family, how unfortunate..."

"Bite me, Sakata," Fun Keitaro said gamely. "I've got your number, and I didn't even want it..." Kentaro blinked, and gaped, before closing his mouth in a somewhat dignified manner.

"Wha-What did you say?" Kentaro asked quietly.

"C'mon, Blondie... Gimme a break. I'm not having sex with you just cause you bailed me out," Fun Keitaro said with a grin. "That would be prostitution. Which is illegal... I think... Anyway, nothing doing, so buzz off, pretty pants." Kentaro blinked awkwardly. The officer gave him a look.

"By the way? Yeah, dude, quit sending me flowers. It's creepy. Get a hobby, seriously. Just cause you have this homosexual lust thing going for me doesn't mean you can just freak me out like this," Fun Keitaro continued, continuing to play with his yo-yo. "It's a real turn-off."

"I-I-I'm not gay!" Kentaro said quickly, nervously. Kitsune discretely covered her mouth to ward off any giggles that might escape, while Timid Keitaro looked at Fun Keitaro in amazement. Mutsumi simply smiled serenely, looking at Kentaro.

"Ara, perhaps if you simply asked him out, Kentaro-san, Kei-kun would be willing to go with you?" Mutsumi suggested innocently. Kentaro sputtered.

"I-What-I'M NOT GAY! I don't even LIKE Urashima!" Fun Keitaro waved his finger at Kentaro.

"Kentaro, this isn't winning you any brownie points with me," Fun Keitaro tsked. "And besides, I'm already involved with someone else. Have you no shame? Of course, maybe you'd like to go out with my brother," Fun Keitaro indicated Timid Keitaro, who shook a bit harder. Kentaro just gaped, his eyes wide.

"Er... I'm... Got stuff... Bye," Kentaro said quickly, rushing out the door of the police station, but not before he grabbed his bail money. The officer shrugged, and closed the cell door back on the four once again.

"Oh great, we're back in jail again!" Timid Keitaro grumped, shivering, as Fun Keitaro and Kitsune burst into gales of laughter. Mutsumi simply shrugged, leaning back and dozing off again.

"It was still worth it," Fun Keitaro cackled, as he leaned against the guffawing Kitsune for support.

Heh... How evil was that?

NEXT TIME: Evil Keitaro and Shinobu meet Kanako... Dun dun dunnnnn!

R&R, please!