The way she feels inside
A/N: This is my Raven chapter and it was really hard to write. In fact I'm not sure if it turned out the way I saw it turning out. I wanted to show another side to Raven's relationship with Trigon. I didn't want to strictly focus on how much she hates him. That goes without saying. However I believe that to hate someone you must first feel some sort of positive emotion for said person. I also wanted this to be seen from the point of view of a young person who has an absentee parent. It hurts to love a parent who only wants to have any contact with you when it suits them and their needs, trust me on that one.
I know I should hate him. Know that I should feel nothing but contempt for the creature that haunts my nights and makes my days a living hell. And I do hate him. I honestly do hate my father. But a small part of me loves him as well. And I can't help it.
In some twisted way it makes sense that I love him. In my quest for an explanation of my feelings, I've read hundreds of articles on how people who were kidnapped, sometimes end up loving their kidnapper. They can't help it they say, it's like a subconscious compulsion, Stockholm syndrome is what they call it. And unfortunately I think I've developed it. Lucky me.
I know, I know how disturbed I sound when I say that I love my father. Let me explain what I mean before you judge me. When I say I love Trigon, I don't mean it in a psychotic Electra complex way. I mean how crazy would it be to be romantically in love with my own father? But I digress. When I say I love Trigon, I mean it in the way that any daughter loves her father. And loving him seems so crazy when you consider how much Trigon has hurt my friends and me.
Trigon raped my mother. He has killed thousands of innocent people for his personal enjoyment. He has made my existence lonely and empty. He is the reason that I must refrain form expressing myself the way the rest of the world does. Trigon destroyed my home, as well as those I care about. He almost brought about the end of the world, and almost cost my friends their lives. And he used me to do so. I hate him for all this and more.
But I also have much to thank Trigon for. Without his influence I never would've sought out the Titans help. I never would've dedicated my life to doing the right thing, to helping people on a daily basis. Without Trigon, I never would've met my friends, my family. I would still be alone. My life would still be empty.
And maybe loving Trigon isn't a bad thing. I mean he is my father. And even though he's evil and hell-bent on destroying the universe, he still loves me. Even if that love only stems from me having the power to destroy the world, and not because I'm his daughter.So yes I love my father. But that doesn't mean I don't also hate him. I can experience both emotions at once. After all in order to have hate you must first have love. One cannot exist without the other.
A/N: For those of you who don't know Electra complex is the female Oedipus theory by Freud. So not sure if I like this. Writing this was very hard and very confusing. I tried to draw on my own feelings for my absentee parent and maybe that was why this didn't turn out right. Too much of my own emotions got mixed up and threw my story off track. Didn't like it? Loved it? Let me know. Reviews would make me very happy, especially since I can't go to any of the Halloween parties I was invited to do to having the flu. Stupid illness. So in order to cheer me up press the little button that says 'Submit review'. Thank you kindly.