Finally getting back to updating my fics since I have a little bit of time. Hope you still like this fic. Please read.

Chapter 4-Love Lost?

She is a persistent woman, I know this and yet I continued to try and dissuade her from her mission to her childhood home. How could I let her go when I know it will mean the end? I told her how it would endanger our son's life and even though he means the world to her, she insisted on going.

I knew that I had no choice, that I had to let her go. And after some time, I convinced her to fly back to California instead of using a spell, which I informed her would make it harder for her to be tracked if she used to no magic.

I stood in the doorway, holding small Benjamin in my arms, who cried as he realized that Mommy was leaving. She placed a kiss on each of our cheeks before preceding down the steps and toward her car.

We watched as she drove away and I found it hard to quiet the young infant, who without Pheobe, seemed lost.

Placing the small child in the care of a trusted mortal nanny for his safety, I made the journey to the Underworld, attempting to find something, anything to keep my secret hidden from her.

I couldn't believe that I was doing it again, keeping something this important from her, a secret that would shatter her life. It seemed that I always hurt her and as I searched for a spell, a potion, anything, I couldn't help but want her to find out. She would find out eventually. Lies never could last forever and maybe if she found out now, not too long after it had happened, she would forgive me, and come back to me with Benjamin. Maybe we could still raise him together as mother and father. These were all fantasies, I knew but maybe just maybe they could be a reality.

I shimmered to the manor, knowing she would arrive soon, and hid myself, wanting to know what would happen, to watch her and see what she learned, to see if I still had a chance, if she would ever love me again.

I heard the sound of the door opening and knew that this was it. This would determine the rest of our lives and I became so afraid that I could barely see, my vision blackening as I watched every step she took, closer into the house, closer into the lies I had told her.

I watched as she shuddered, seeing them-the broken bodies of her baby sister and of her brother-in-law, arrows pierced through their bodies. I watched as her hands immediately flew to her mouth and nose as she tried to keep the smell of death from reaching her nostrils, too horrendous to even imagine. As she turned her head, I flinched at the look of pain apparent on her face at finding the remains of her older sister, nothing more than a pile of ashes in the middle of the room.

I was now holding my breath, not to keep the decaying scent from reaching me, but waiting for it to hit her, the momentary shock and stillness that indicated she was having a premonition, one which I hoped would not be the end of us, but feared and in my heart knew that it would be.

Minutes passed by and still she did not know, no premonitions. I felt such a sense of relief but knew that it could still happen at any moment and continued to watch her, now furious at myself for actually believing our love could make it through my killing her family. I had been so naive only hours before, thinking that it could possibly be okay if she knew that I was the reason her family was dead. I prayed now that she would leave, that I would make it without her finding out. It would be over, I knew this, if I watched her stiffen and sway with the onset of a premonition. Ben would be taken from me, from his father, and I would lose the love of my life.

How could I have even let her come? How could I have been so stupid? Risking everything? Why didn't I strip her power of premonition earlier? The answer was simple, I knew-love. It was out of love that I had done all of this, but of course no one would see it as such. I would be condemned for loving her too much, for wanting to start over and give her the life she wanted, needed, with a child that she so desperately had sought after.

She was walking towards the door, slowly leaving the house, and I began to breathe again, to feel safe for the moment. That was when I saw it . . . as she touched the doorknob, trying to leave the place which reeked of death and decay, her mind was hit by it, her body convulsed for a moment and then she became still, her eyes clenched shut.

I took a deep breath and did the only thing I could-wait, wait for it to pass, to see what looks would play across her face when it was over, wait for her eyes to open and pray that the love held within them wouldn't be replaced by hate once again.

Hope you enjoyed it-not very long, but… will Pheobe find out what Cole did? Please review. I don't have school next week so I should have another chapter up by then.

And if any one keeps up with my other fics, I'm trying to get all of them updated. Don't give up on them