a/n: I blame Optimoose's dreams for this. All hail the mighty Moose!
Public Service Announcement
The Sanzo Ikkou Crisis Counseling and Wellness center now offers something for everyone. Our staff is skilled in all forms of crisis intervention and on-site therapy. Programs include:
Combat Stress Relief: learn to deal with all of life's stressful situations in this one-hour, no-holds-barred, martial arts based session. Our expert instructor is guaranteed to give you the work-out of your life, stimulating mood-correcting levels of adrenaline and endorphins. Body armor and lunch are provided free of charge.
Sex, Drugs, and Rock-n-Roll: coping strategies for the children of abusive parents - and anyone else having trouble with problem people in their lives. With over twenty-two years' experience, our counsellor can provide absolutely frank and practical advice on how to turn angst into addictions and addictions into profitable careers. Private evening sessions available.
Intensive Anger Management: how not to let life's little catastrophes drive you into a murderous rage. Learn the secrets of total emotional suppression and how to funnel your anger into useful tasks like sewing, cooking and childcare. Our dedicated therapist will cheerfully guide you into a more productive life with skillfully prepared pamphlets, handouts, and demonstrations. Limiter requirements assessed on a case-by-case basis.
Death Therapy: It's a guaranteed cure.