Disclaimer- who says I can't own LotR?

Fk306 animelover- you live in Laredo? Lucky twat. Where is Laredo by the way? And yes, it does suck to be buried under snow, and I should know as I live in Alaska! That's kind of why I based Autumn in New York. I hope you like this chapter as much as my brother would if he actually deigned to read it (hint, hint Seth).

Angelsfyre1- You work at a law firm? Neat! Do you get to sue the pants off any one? Huh, huh? Hem, control thyself Goergiana, wooooooossssaaaaaaaa… hope you like this one.

ArwenEvanstar83- tomatos are red? I've always assumed them to be purple. And you reviewed a bit late honey, for chapter 4. but it all works out. And I'll try to live up to your expectations. What does Namarie mean, by the way?

Dreamzone- Yay, a new reader! And yes, actually, that has been mentioned once or twice. But if it makes people laugh, who cares? There's too little humor in the world for my taste. And thank you for the advice; I'll take a peak at the rulebook again. No one recommended any songs any way, so no big loss. Sniff. That was Autumn. Read on!

FallenTruth- yes, snow can be extremely bad (especially when you have to shovel it), but sometimes it can be very relaxing. If your inside and bundled up in a blankie, with a warm cup of tea and a good book that is, but, no biggie. Must… kill… oops! Gotta write. The call of the wild is just too strong to resist. Enjoy.

Chapter 6

The Many Creepy Crawlies You Find in Dark Places

And so they marched. Inching closer to the end of their days- I think I lost my legs somewhere back a mile… for god's sake, I'm trying to be dramatic here! Hem. It appears that the cold had affected many minds. I wonder if they have yellow snow here. … I rest my case.

"There is a fell voice on the air," Wait, where is the angel song? They got lost somewhere with my legs. Ah, I see. Well, This was said by Legolas, followed by Gandalf's bellowing like a wounded bull, "It's Saruman!" cue rock fall. Ow, where'd that come from? The heavens have decided to punish thee! Well that sucks. Ahem! Can we get back to the story! Sorry. Thank you.

Autumn was beginning to wish that the people would just decide to go into Moria and just get them out of this hellish freeze. I wish I had a pie right now. Okay then. What she said.

Gandalf heaved his not-so-considerate bulk onto the snow beside Legolas, somehow managing to stand as lightly as an elf. Magic? No, special effects and wood. He raised his staff and began chanting in a strong baritone,

I do not know what I am supposed to say, because the movie was too hard for the authoress to understand, and she is too lazy to get up off her arse and look it up!

This, of course, was said in a mysterious language that made it sound way cooler. But his voice was soon over powered by an answering call from the south, growing stronger and clearer every moment.

I like turkey! Turkey is good, and so is pie! Weeble and Bob are the awesomest eggs in the universe and all must know this. Burgle flickle! Fear the wrath of snow!

A jagged bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens and struck the peak of Caradhras in a feeble attempt to put it out of its misery. While the mighty mountain didn't die, the gods did succeed in dumping a load of snow onto the alarmed travelers.

Ack! Snow is evil, get it away! Autumn began doing the cleverest and genius thing that no Mary Sue could have done. She panicked. "Gah! Get me out of here, HELP! Ahdoanoeye, ahoounooeye!" Snow had some how wormed its way into her mouth (gee, I wonder how), and had rapidly turned into an icy cold snow ball that froze her tongue.

A hand plunged into the snow and hauled her into the frigid air. It was Gimli. "Ahg, ukeag! Ehshob!" We need translations. Yes we do.

Translation for the first blab: "I don't want to die! I'm too young to die!"

Translation for the second blab: "Gah put me back! It's cold!"

There we go. It took a little bit for the snow to melt, but, while this happened, the strong, macho men argued over where to go and all that stuff. "Frodo?"

Hurry up and tell us to go to Moria!

"We will go through the mines." Yay! Not, that, I like the idea of Gimli being sad but… oh shut up! At least it's warmer. Exactly.

Autumn was pretending interest in Gimli's bragging about his cousin's home, while creeping along the wall and doing her best to avoid any rocks that might be in her way. Unsuccessfully I might add. No help are you. Try using your stick. What's it look like I'm doing? I don't know, I can't see you. "Dwarf doors are invisible when closed." Gimli said proudly, tapping incessantly at the rock wall with his axe.

"Yes Gimli, even their own masters cannot find them. If their secrets are forgotten." Called Gandalf from the front of the line.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Legolas muttered. Gimli fumed in silence for a moment.

Autumn's attention had wandered off at this point, thinking about how nice it would be if she had her glasses with her. She didn't want to go home just yet, even though it was an all around weird world, she just wasn't ready for the blinding city she had been born in. She just wished she had her glasses. When she had asked about getting those, she had been gently let down, being informed that they had not the technology or the time to create such a thing.

A gasp of wonder and delight shone through her thoughts. "The walls, of Moria!"

Autumn looked up and saw a gigantic mass of crap brown. Oh, now that's just wrong. Well I did warn you that this would leave the script somewhat.

Instead of hugging the walls as she had been doing, she distanced herself from it, staying to the center of the path as much as possible.

Fast forward some more.

I'm gonna take a nap now. Gandalf had been digging through his brain for a long while now. Trying to find the incantation that would gain them entry into the caves. At the beginning, after the first few spells, he had brightened and looked at Autumn hopefully. She had been standing near enough to see him, so she shrugged helplessly. She should have been able to tell them the password just like that, but noooooo, she had to… I forgot okay? What ever. Sheesh.

She settled herself into a ball, trying to remember what the password was, in the process, forgetting the dangers of the lake at her back. After an hour, or so went by, Frodo looked up, with a dawning light of understanding in his eyes. "It's a riddle," he said slowly. "What's the elvish word for friend?"

Gandalf looked at him with slight annoyance, just as Autumn sat up in excitement, having just remembered the password. :Mellon: they both said at the exact same time.

And the doors opened slowly, with a lot of grinding and groaning of the ancient hinges and stone. "Oh!" Gandalf exclaimed in surprise and pleasure.

The troupe stepped through the monstrous doors of Moria, Gimli going on about the "fabled hospitality of the Dwarves", only to freeze in horror as they saw the skeletons of the brave miners. And there approached another difference, the Warden didn't wait for Boromir to complain as to how they should never have come here. Autumn turned white as marble when memory bashed her in the gut, but by then it was too late. Frodo's cry of shock pierced the air, as Sam sliced at the slimy tentacle that gripped the ring bearer's ankle and called out, "Strider, help!"

The fellowship dashed in roaring, including Autumn, who couldn't really do much, or could she?

Even more tentacles shot out and slapped away the other hobbits, continuing to drag Frodo in as he screamed in fright. And just then, the brave and glorious figure of Autumn shot in, and did the most idiotic thing that the world could imagine.

"Die, gromf!" She sank her teeth into the tentacle that held Frodo, and hung on doggedly as the Octopus wannabe shook it around like a human would if a squirrel bit his hand and did not intend to let go. Except this particular squirrel didn't have rabies. I think. Frodo fell and was caught by the waiting arms of Aragorn. But Autumn still did not let go! The warden ignored the fleeing comrades yelling for Autumn to let go and just run, and continued to shake its arm violently.

Finally, the whipping around was too mush for the stupid retard to handle, and she flew off and into the cave, landing not so gracefully and rolling a few feet into a pile of bones. The doors slammed shut behind the others as they stared in shock at the weird girl that had tried to make a meal out of the biggest water animal in the entirety of Middle Earth.

"I think I've broken something," Came the amazingly clear voice of Autumn. "Ew!" A dwarf's cracked hip bone flew away from the bundle that was her.

The terrible two gave a cry of relief. "Are you alright?" "You scared me to death!" "Is any thing broken?" "If you ever do any thing like that again, we'll kill you!" They had run up to her, and were alternating between hugging her and shaking her, crying and yelling in her ear.

Fast forward again from this touching moment.

On the road again, oh I can't wait to get on the road again! They were walking again, and had been doing so for- a grand total of two days. Actually, she wasn't too far off. Although time down here has no meaning, it seemed to be very nearly two days.

Every one had been traveling over bridges, upstairs, downstairs, edging along precipices, and even through some mazes. They had barely stopped to rest and eat, and the little hobbits were flagging. Pippin even more so than Merry, had been slipping down the stairs, and Frodo was looking tired and heavy. Poor guy's, I wish there was something I could do. Oh, but there is… came the sly tone that was not our Authoress' weird interjections.

What the…?

You can take the burden from their shoulders… they are weary, can you not see it? They need to go back to their home, before they are hurt…

… Maybe I just got some more issues. Oh, well.

…. What?

Autumn ignored this new voice, assuming that it was just her weirdness trying to take over her mind.

She bumped into the solid back of Legolas Hallelujah! Well, looks like the angels are back. Confused, she peered around him, trying to see what was going on. A useless endeavor.

"I have no memory of this place…" oh boy.

"Merry,"

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

They had been sitting around for an hour now (does that sound familiar), and had yet to hear Gandalf make his announcement. For a while he had been sitting there, and Autumn had been going to go over there and tell him where to go, but Frodo had gotten there first. So she waited, then remembered that the end of the conversation, Gandalf would have figured it out, so she left it alone.

She yawned and curled into a ball, readying herself for a nap. So… sleepy… ZzZzZzZzZz… "Ah, it's that way." Dammit.

They crept down the long flight of stairs, down… down… down. Until finally, they emerged into a humongous cavern. "Let's us risk a little more light." The measly little firefly that Autumn had assumed was Gandalf's staff brightened. And even she had to gasp in wonderment. For, although her eyesight was as bad as ever (probably even more so), the shear mass of the room shocked her. The light was a pure white, and there wasn't much color, so shadows created what she needed to get an idea as to what the room actually looked like. Tall pillars that twenty men couldn't circle, taller than the twin towers had been, and more magnificent than the great wall of china, this was a room of the great wonders of the world. "Welcome, to the great dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf."

"Now that's an eye opener and no mistake." Sam talks! Yes, It looks like it. And it looks like Frodo's been keeping quiet as well. We'll try to remedy that.

They walked again WE KNOW! Fine, say it, don't spray it.

Autumn probed the stick around the floor, realizing as she went along, that since there wasn't much color to choose from, it was easier to see. Just black and white to look out for. She cheered mentally until she was interrupted by Gimli's shout and clanking away. "Gimli," Gandalf snapped.

Moans of despair floated over to them. And Autumn clattered over to their general direction. She found the doors to the tomb with minimal fuss, and hurried over to the shaking frizzy red and steel form that was Gimli. She knelt beside him and comforted him to the best of her abilities, wishing that there was something that she could do for the son of her friend and the dwarf who had saved her life up on that wretched mountain. "I'm so sorry Gimli," She murmured, feeling useless. "It's gonna be okay. At least he died defending the place he loved." My how poetic, sometimes, I impress myself. Shut up Authoress.

Gandalf's voice rose over the dwarfs sorrow, and Autumn, remembering the movie, stood up and hurried over to the hobbits, whispering to Frodo, "Get Pippin over here." He nodded and trotted over to the wary mischief maker, and pulled him over to the group under Autumns arms. If I can't keep Gimli from crying, I will save them any more heartache. Unnoticed by her, Pippin was shifting uncomfortably, and grimacing at Merry, who just looked at him, confused. He was bouncing now, ignored by Gandalf who continued to read, and weirding out Merry who was starting to edge away from him.

"They are coming." Gandalf said in a doom voice.

Bbbbbbbbbbbvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttt! A foul smell accompanied this noise, echoing throughout the caverns and holes that riddled Moria. Every one froze, staring open mouthed at the hapless hobbit, standing there with his head down. That's when they heard the voices.

"Who did that!" Thou shall be known as voice #1!

"It was me!" voice #2!

"No, it wasn't, it was me." I have now given up.

The croaky voices continued, arguing over who had made that foul stench. Until they broke off with laughter, finally stopping altogether. Every one breathed a sigh of relief.

Gandalf rounded on the shivering hobbit. "Fool of a Took! That nearly burnt my nose off." Evidently, the armored corpse on the edge of the well agreed, because it tipped backwards and clattered down, creating an even louder noise than Pippin's fart.

Boom.

"Frodo," a blue shine grew in the corner of Autumns eye.

Ah, shit. Boromir ran over to the doors as Autumn started rolling on the floor with laughter, peeking out, and almost immediately yanking his head out of the way of two arrows.

"They have a cave troll."

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Autumn was laughing for some unknown reason. And the hobbits were dragging her back further into the room and were arming themselves to protect her.

We can't have that, can we? She hauled herself onto her feet, still giggling and grasped her stick, ready to whack some Goblin skulls.

"Let them come. Let them still see that there is one dwarf that still draws breath in Moria." Growled Gimli, now that he had gotten over the initial shock of seeing that his cousin had died, he was now ready to wreck some havoc.

The air grew closer and tenser, even Autumn stopped snorting, until the doors slammed open, and arrows whistled through the air, cutting down the foul beasts as they came on. The hobbit's and Autumn got bored quickly, and, yelling their war cry, threw themselves into the onslaught.

Autumn was swinging her stick around with no real purpose, and pretty soon, got a long cut down her arm. Oh no, you didn't! The transformation came quickly, turning her into the animal that had appeared when she had found out that the twins had messed with her head. Her eyes got as big as dinner plates and dilated, her teeth bared and she let out a scream rather like an enraged squirrel. Her knuckles got all white, and she went at it tooth and claw. Or, rather, fist and stick.

Pop, wok, bam, thwack! Goblins fell away with bent helmets and broken noses, one unlucky ugly got a rock shoved down his throat, another got her stick up his nose. PMS reigned, and there was no denying it. "DIE, STUPID BLEEPBRAINS!"

Sam seemed to be having a good time also, slamming his weight around with a pan, and was accounting for as many of the foe as Autumn. "I think I'm getting the hang of this." Bong!

An angry roar shook the room, or maybe it was the footsteps of the giant muddy grey bulk that smashed the walls down in his rush to get into the room. It took one look at the little ant in his way and whirled his club through the air, bringing it down to where Sam had been a moment before. It immediately went after anything in its line of sight, and that included goblins. "Whoooraaaaaaaaaagh!" There were free flying lessons for two. Even Boromir got to experience the fun. Even got free blood, lucky bum.

She could suddenly hear the three little hobbits cry out in fear and got even angrier. "Glhgerahfuyap!"

Translation for gab: "Glhgerahfuyap!"

This was about the point where Frodo was being attacked. And even though she couldn't see him, she was drawn to where he was without even thinking. "Coming guys!" she yelled. She struck out savagely at an ugly fellow that got in her range of vision.

"Help, Strider, Gandalf, Autumn!" Came the desperate voices of the hobbits.

"So finally you get to me. Keep shouting!"

"Aragorn, Aragorn!" shit, don't panic Frodo!

A howl of annoyance range out, that was Frodo stabbing the troll's hand. And she could hear Aragorn cry out his elfish words. :stupid, stupid rat creatures: (1)

And even that was cut off with the troll's sweeping club. :Oof. :

And then, there seemed to be a lull in the fight, every one looked over to where Frodo must be. And then, for the briefest moment, Autumn forgot that she knew, forgot that she had indeed seen this before. Forgot her true home.

Rage and sorrow filled her heart, sending her into the huddled goblins, stick flailing. And far in the south, she laughed, rejoicing in the fact that her mission would soon be carried out.

Authors Note- I would have made this chapter far longer, but I started getting all twitchy, so I'll just leave it as a semi cliff hanger. And I talked to my dad and he reminded me how to spell my name. It's actually Georgianna. Glerg, now I have to fix it. Oh, and I now have a new story out, it's called Stick Figure, and it's in the Legend of Zelda area. Read it and tell me what you think? Hopefully it will get better and cooler, although the character is really cool any ways. Go Vivian! Review time!

(1) look into the graphic novel Bone it is really funny and extremely good. There you shall find the stupid rat creatures, grasshopper.