Beep Beep Beep..bloody slow and steady as I wish I could find the cord and pull it out from wall. What is this, it is the cord well no time like the present, as I need my sleep and I yank it out of the wall. Oh bugger that is worse as sirens go blaring off and find myself surrounded by a whole bunch of white jackets and suits. ...Realize I may have pulled out cord of vital equipment and those around me are angry and some in stunned surprised as I may have been dead but now resurrected.

Doctor trying to keep calm as I could tell with his jaw finally relaxing from its intense state. "Bridget, hello I'm Dr. Smith, I'm going to take your blood pressure now. He was very stern and business like.

"The baby what about my baby?" I said as he looked at me with momentary sad stare. "No, I couldn't have, No" I shouted.

He came to my level to calm me down and gave me shot of something that well made me relax, felt wildly free and happy at the moment the ICU's doors swung open. A nurse trailing behind said, "We couldn't stop him"

It was Mark and the doctor motioned for him to come in. He explained in subtle whispers that I had something to relax me and then muffled whispers..

Took both fingers to mouth and made loud whistle, "Hey over here, if you going to tell secrets leave the room, you rude bunch of ..." Mark then
Came over to place finger on lips in which I opened my mouth and bit down.

Ouch!

"Hmmm.. Doctor have you met yummy husband, he tastes good, but he is really a cheat as he stays out all hours of the night instead of staying at home with his wife." I said now feeling absolutely no pain whatsoever.

"Perhaps I should leave you to your marital issues..," the doctor looked towards the door to leave.

"Nonsense Doctor, it is good to face infidelity, shames one into confession and gets their attention.." I began to laugh I was feeling really good..

"Darling I didn't cheat," Mark said in near stutter, "I..."

Hospital staff retreated and gave us some privacy.."Well then stop stuttering because you seem guilty you naughty boy.." I said to him waving finger back in scolding manner..

"Bridge I was out walking and thinking, and not ensconced in anyone's arms, I had stuff to sort out about ... About my ..." he said

Back to Mark..

He heard a snore she was asleep, a nurse came over and told him it was ok and that she did not mean to eavesdrop but now may be the time to talk to me as I could still hear what he had to say. Only don't talk about the baby until she is awake and we are sure she is stable...

Mark took a double take.."Bridget," he watched the monitor move and peak. "Darling I didn't cheat on you, and I'm sorry that my absence made you doubt the love I have for you." More peaks and faster heartbeat until he took her hand and held it next to his cheek. "I didn't know how to tell you, I lost my job," heart racing faster and he gripped her hand firmly in both of his hands this time, and it slowed to normal again. "I will make it ok, believe me I will." And with that he held her closer kissing her hand, then pulling a chair up he held one hand and laying the other across her tummy, he stared up at her till he fell asleep.

Few hours later..Mark felt fingers through his curls. He woke up to find her sitting up with the help of the hospital bed as she continued to lovingly run her fingers through his hair. "Why didn't you tell me, why could you not share with me what was going on?"

"I didn't want to disappoint nor have you think it was any of your doing." He looked as if he was caught in headlights.

"But hiding it made it worse," I said to him with disappointment. " What will it take for you to trust me with your heart?" Mark hung his head a bit from the shame he was feeling. "You are typical caveman who runs to nearest cave to lick your wounds."

" I was reckless to a fault because I'm so...I just melt when I'm with you..." he said with warmth that radiated from his face..

He held onto my hands and mine to his. "I'm sorry about the baby." They both were grieving over the child that was to be their first. "We will try for another, I promise when you are all better."

Thirty minutes later heard the trill of Mum's voice and Mark stood up. "I didn't tell you Mum and Dad were here while you were sleeping and they are concerned about all of, well the recent events .." I said

"Bridge you didn't tell them.." he looked almost as if he was going to vomit.. I shrugged...

"Poor dear loosing your job on top of the baby, we will make sure all is all right..." pulling his head to her bosom and Mark's face being squeezed in the chasm of said breast...

"Bridget!"

"Well you see I will be out in a couple of days and well Father knows someone who can fix the kitchen due to our circumstances, and well Mum saw how tired you were and she wants to take care of you." Now he looked just plain scared..Actually it was heartless of me, but I needed some rest and the only way to have it is to divert her attention onto my husband, and I would feel better knowing husband was being looked after, and far away from any stick insects who would be more than happy to comfort grieving fathers.

"Darling let us get you ready for the ride to Grafton Underwood," Mark looked at me as Mum doted on him and he grunted a bit with eyebrow raised.

Dad came over, "Poppet are you sure, I'll be by to see you while I meet with contractors?"

"I'll be counting on that Dad," I smiled. We both knew the method of my madness, while I will miss Mark I needed my rest and Dad would look in on me and Mark would be under careful watch as he was taking this loss as hard as I was at this moment.

"Bridge you sure you won't need me," his voice cracking a bit..

"No darling, Dad will look in on me, and this way you can start looking for work," I reassured him..He looked back as if being lead off to the Tower of London for his beheading. I felt bad, but knew I would see him during the day, and well Dad assured me he would work with Mark at repairing our home.

Felt like despicable human being sending husband off, but I could not take any more of Mother's love and concern. I am sad and I was picturing all kinds of suitable torture for her, with every ounce of good advice she bestowed upon me. Funny thing is here in the hospital they have been giving me and antidepressant for my fits of tears.

Forty Eight Hours and finally home, but everything is less than normal. Mark does dote on me a bit but then confines himself to long hours in his study. If I did not know him as well as I do, I would think him a mad man plotting to take over the world. He has strangely silent.

"Darling you have been inconspicuous these last few days, I wish you would talk to me," I said with my doe like eyes. Manipulative I admit but he seems to be avoiding me and any conversations to the miscarriage.

"Darling, I think it best that I don't, I'm glad you are home and would prefer to have you rest while I work out the details of our future," saying abruptly as he picked up the phone yet again.

Feeling neglected, "You never speak to me, you run off cowering from your wife never to share in what you are feeling."

"Bridget enough..." he held up his hand and did not say a thing as he put down the phone receiver.

He paced and then the flood gate came forth with an absolute surge of emotion that had been pushed down for a 48 hour span, really need to talk to him about his passive aggressive behavior.

"I had no problem distracting your Mum from you at the hospital. I have had everything in miniature practically forced upon me in the interest of nurture and care. Alas, probably gaining an incomprehensible 2 stones. If I refused, I was given the evil eye until the discomfort level point reached unbearable points, whereby if I did not relent I feared inescapable torture at the hands of your Mother and Aunt Una. Apart from the fact that Una and my Mother-in-law insisted on numerous visits in an attempt to tuck me into bed, while all the while what they both wanted was to shag me simultaneously till I found a chair to prop up against the door, barring them from further intrusion. Something about your wife's Mother wanting to grope your arse seems a bit unsettling. Also Uncle Geoffrey's numerous invitations to take me out for a drink, and we both know his idea of male bonding is not a slap on the back but a tryst in the hay, in some shady gay bar. I declined and hope never to see that ghastly man in my entire life."

I began to cry, "You hate my family!" What hope have we have if we have a baby?.." Crying and running to the door.

Mark shook his head as I grabbed my coat and purse to leave, with him yelling my name in the background.

Well I needed my space too. I headed towards Debenhams, possibly a little shopping will help. Always makes a girl feel better and right now all I can seem to think of is the baby I loss. Looking at all the pretty clothes..Then noticed the children's dept, I mean what will it matter to take one look? Suddenly realizing I was in a children's shopping paradise. A few outfits can't hurt and these are on sale, can be tucked away for future baby and this bear is unbelievably cute.

Meanwhile Mark..

"This is Bridget Darcy (giggle), and if you have not guessed I'm unable to answer my mobile, please leave a message." Mark pacing up a storm wondering where she could have gone as he was trying to reach her mobile and all he could get was the bloody message that she was out.

His phone rang suddenly, "Bridget."

"No Chris," it is Chris from the U.S he said. Sorry mate to disappoint. "Wife troubles."

"How did you know." Mark said staring at the phone.

"Because being married five years the tenor in our voice sounded familiar... mate it will be ok ," he reassured his friend.

"Chris it has been chaos ever since that picture surfaced and not one person here in London will take my call," he said in discouraging matter.

You were on your honeymoon, but I regress the benefit is for us, and the Queen as well as Sir David Manning are quite impressed with your resume and would like to extend the invitation for you to serve in his place for a year. We realize this is an unusual request but he has various surgeries and personal issues to be dealt with and said he would think of no one finer than you to take his place.." "And aside from this it will restore your rather tainted reputation."

"Mark..?" Silence for a bit...

"Chris... I can't bloody believe it.." Mark said all of a sudden in rather in surprised tone.

At the new year, you and your wife will be staying in his residence, by the time this is over mate your past will be your past and you will be able to write your ticket anywhere..

"I don't know what to say...," Mark basically stuttered in a grateful tone.

"Thank you.." he said again..

Mark got off the phone, albeit a temporary assignment it would give him a Bridget a new start. In a years time his indiscretion would be forgotten and he could write their ticket anywhere..Can't wait to tell her but first must run off to market to make special dinner for Bridget and myself. Will set the most perfect meal and gravel for forgiveness as I have upset her. Then will give her the good news. This will be brilliant, just brilliant as it will be time for us to heal and well our future could not look any brighter. In fact she can write for the Independent about her experiences in the U.S. She can be somewhat like that Helen Fielding woman..Brilliant...just brilliant.

Three hours later not sure what I would be walking into as have been away for 3 hours and at least 10 messages left from Mark who did not sound happy, but worried..I mean sure I don't want him to be angry with me but it is good to know that he can become quite upset in my absence. Bridget what a irresponsible thought..

Sure I have walked into alternative universe whereby hear whistling in kitchen and the smell of, oh my Mark's special dish of Italian cuisine and oh my goodness what smells of his soufflé.

"Darling I have been so worried about you, I just ...well never mind we have so much to talk about so get washed up and we will talk..love you darling," and with that he kissed me..oh..kissed me again.. He ran back into kitchen..Lovely husband full of surprises but now suspecting multiple personalities. "Silly Bridget what were you so worried about, he is not mad. Have set packages down in our family room and climbing stairs for wonderful evening.

Mark putting final touches on tonight's festivities. Whistling and prepared to apologize for his behavior as he feels that load has been lifted.
He now goes off to sitting room and places candles out to light and give room a hint of romantic flare, "perfect," all the while whistling till he trips to find the bags that Bridget has brought in.

"What is this?" He opens package to pull out several baby outfits, and wonders how..
"no it is impossible why would she be buying baby clothes unless she is still pregnant or has she gone mad? "

Bridget came down to find him looking at the clothes and looking bewildered, "Bridget?" "We lost the baby right, so why are you buying all these items?"

" I...can explain..." as a tear began to fall from her cheek...

He went over to her and brushed the tear from her cheek. "I have not been listening well lately, in fact I been a complete idiot." With that he walked me to the dining area where he had set a romantic dinner before us.

"I just was so overwhelmed by all the baby things that I realized how much I wanted them, and by purchasing them I felt I had something to look"

Mark placing his hand on my cheek said, "look forward to .." I nodded.

"Darling Bridget you do have something to look forward to." "I have a job abroad," great he is going to leave me now how are we going to have a baby.

"Don't look down, it is at the U.S. Ambassador's office in Washington D.C.," suddenly felt eyes were as big as saucers. "It is for a year but it will give us time to put all this sordid stuff behind us, a time to heal, and maybe time to have a baby."

"Mark ... I ... My job." I thought about Coins, my friends, and now leaving family.

"It is for a year, and you can right a column or satire about Washington." He smiled kissing me once again on the cheek.

Yes I could see it, BRIDGET GOES TO WASHINGTON, the other side of the pond. I can not bear to be without him. I nodded yes and he swooped me into his arms and twirled me.

Have retired for the evening and have realized that though distraught about the past, a new adventure awaits. That it is important to sometimes mourn a loss but realize that the happiness we share as husband and wife will help us to overcome the obstacles that life hands us and to press forward. There is where the adventure lies.

Put down diary and looked at him asleep. What a fabulous night as we shared a passionate evening in hopes we may create a new little one. God Willing. He noticed and pulled me closer. I was safe and the future looked brighter."Goodnight Darling.."