Chapter Eleven

Anakin stood in the doorway of the ransacked Temple, searching for the one person who could help him. He winced at the sight of the bodies that hadn't yet been removed and his eyes clouded over when he realized that he had been apart the force that had been behind this.

His eyes filled with relief when he finally met the eyes of his former Master and now, perhaps the only person he could turn to.

Obi-Wan looked on in shock as Anakin approached him and before he could even utter a word, Anakin raised a hand and then began to speak.

"I know, Obi-Wan, I know. I've done horrible things the last few days but nothing compares to what I did only a few hours ago."

He sighed and Obi-Wan could only stare back in surprise and anticipation for what Anakin was about to reveal.

"Padme and I married two years ago. She's expecting a child, she's probably giving birth right now…prematurely…she could be dying right now and it's all my fault. I hurt her, Obi-Wan. I could have killed her…I…I can't live myself. I can't look at her and the child she's carrying and know that I could've killed them. I don't deserve to be her husband anymore and I don't deserve to be the father of our child. I…have to leave now…I just wanted to tell you everything…"

Obi-Wan leaned forward, his brow furrowing in confusion. "What? You're leaving, Anakin? You just said yourself that she's probably giving birth. You can't leave now."

Anakin gazed at him sadly, grateful that Obi-Wan wasn't lashing out at him but kindly trying to reason with him. "I turned to the dark side. I let go of that, now, after what I did to her, but what if it's not completely gone? What if the darkness takes over again and I can't control it? What if I hurt her again or our child? I couldn't live with myself…I would rather die than let that happen."

Obi-Wan nodded pensively then looked intensely at Anakin. "You've felt it now but it didn't completely take over. You were able to let go of it before it went too far. With guidance and meditation, I can help you, Anakin. You don't have to leave. I know Yoda would agree with me. I believe that your love for her saved you. What else could it have been? Palpatine lost his control over you the minute you stopped yourself from hurting her any further…"

"I was strangling her, Obi-Wan! Choking her with my bare hand…I didn't even need to use the Force, that's how angry I was! How can I forgive myself for that? How can I even look her in the eye now? I love her…gods, I love her…but I can't be with her now. It's not right. I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"You would abandon your wife and child because you're not man enough to take responsibility for what you did? You can say whatever you want, but you're taking the coward's way out, Anakin!"

Anakin took a step back, feeling the truthful sting of his words, knowing that he was right. "Yes, I am a coward. Padme told me that we should come to you for help, she said you would understand. I felt I had nowhere else to turn but to Palpatine. I see now that I was wrong, that you would have helped us. I'm right about that, aren't I?"

Obi-Wan nodded before replying sadly. "The Council had ordered me to find out what was going on between you and Padme, but I was prepared for the worst and also prepared to help you however I could."

Anakin smiled sadly. "Padme was right, then. She always is, you know."

They exchanged brief smiles before Obi-Wan spoke again. "I suppose I can't talk you out of your decision, can I?"

Anakin shook his head. "I've made up my mind. Just promise me you'll look out for them. And if Padme will allow it, train our child. Will you give her this for me? It'll at least explain why I'm leaving. I owe her that."

Obi-Wan nodded remorsefully and quickly embraced his old friend before taking the note from Anakin's hand. "I promise I will look after them. I'll answer any questions she has as best as I can and if she'll let me, I would be honored to train your child. You must at least do this for me though. Please, keep in touch. Let me know how you're doing, where you are, what you've been doing."

Anakin nodded. "I will. Take care of them for me."

Obi-Wan smiled sadly and waved goodbye as Anakin walked away. "May the force be with you, my friend."

Anakin turned to look at his friend for the last time and replied: "May the force be with you also."

Then, he was gone and on his way to refuge, now the darkness had been replaced with emptiness.

My dearest Padme,

I don't know how to do this. I never thought I would have to. I've driven us down this path and now I must be the one to end it. I've hurt you, Padme and I can't tell you how much I wish I could take back that moment and leave with you instead. I should have listened to you about everything, about Palpatine, about Obi-Wan, and about our lives. You always knew what was best and I should've listened to you than my fear of losing you. And now, in my efforts to keep you, I ended up driving you away from me and have lost you forever. No matter what you say, no matter how much you say you forgive me, I know that you will never fully be able to because I'll never be able to forgive myself. I could've killed you and our child and I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I've done to you. I'm leaving now, I don't know where I'm going but I can't stay with you, not after everything that's happened, not after everything I've done. I don't deserve your love, Padme. I don't deserve any ounce of forgiveness you could offer. I can't live with myself and I can't bring myself to even look at you. I'm so ashamed, so terrified that if I stay, I'll hurt you and our child again. I don't know what I would do if that happened and I won't allow it to happen ever again. So I'm keeping my distance from you. I'm going to let you live your life in peace and happiness because I won't be there to hurt you anymore. Please tell our child that I love him or her very much.

Anakin

Tears splattered the paper and Padme had to set it down because her hands were shaking too much. He left her. He was gone and he wouldn't ever know the joyous news she had received.

She sadly turned to her left and tearfully gazed and not one, but two baby cribs. She had given birth a few hours ago and had relieved yet terrified at the same time when Obi-Wan came to sit with her during the births. He had sorrowfully handed her Anakin's note and left her to read it by herself.

She was just recovering from the injuries Anakin had caused and now had to recover from giving birth to twins. She had been lucky…if Anakin had held on a few moments longer, both her and their children would have perished with him. She knew that if they had died, that would have thrown him over the edge and flung him into insanity. There would have been no stopping the darkness to take hold of him then.

And now…he was gone. He had left her. And for what? She couldn't help but feel anger and resentment towards him now despite the love for him she still felt deep within her soul. He was a part of her now and always would be. He was the father of her children and would never see them. It was the decision he had made for them and she couldn't help but feel angry at the fact that he hadn't included her in such a life-altering decision.

She grabbed for his note and read it and reread it again before finally collapsing into sobs. This wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to be a family. They were supposed to be happy.

She glanced out the window, looking to see his ship. But she knew that he had already left. He was really gone. He had left her alone to raise their children and…he didn't even know there were two. She understood why he felt he had to leave them, but she couldn't believe he had actually done it. She understood what he was feeling…the shame…the horror of what he had done…but that didn't mean he had to leave. They could've found a way to work through, to somehow get back some normalcy and raise their children in peace.

Padme looked up as Obi-Wan quietly entered the room. He smiled reassuringly at her then moved to stand over the twins' cribs. Then before she knew it, he was sitting beside her on the bed.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded at his soft voice and couldn't help herself from saying what was on her mind.

"Why didn't you stop him from leaving?"

Obi-Wan sighed and took a deep breath. "Even if I had bound him and dragged him back here, it wouldn't change anything. He would still want to leave and you would still know that he had wanted to leave."

She wiped a stray tear from her cheek then turned away from him. She knew that he was right but that didn't change the fact that she wished more than anything that Anakin was here with her and their children.

"I wanted to tell you that Palpatine has been arrested and the Senate is slowly getting back in order. They're preparing for his trial as we speak, actually."

She nodded and smiled at him. He gratefully smiled back at her then left her to her thoughts.

She leaned back in her bed and reached a hand out to her children, tears forming in her eyes. "Oh Anakin…you didn't have to go…"

One last look at their children sent her over the edge and she collapsed on back on the bed in uncontrollable sobs.