Disclaimer- I own nothing, well at least not the show, or the characters. I do however own the deeds to three souls... Muaahahahahahaha

To all my reviewers- I love you all so much, its unhealthy.

And to the One Hundreth reviewer- Signed under Vintage- Love ya

This chapter just sort of fell out of my brain.. I tried to clean off the grey matter, hope its presentable.
Chapter 10- I don't know.

"Room service." Sookie said as she nodded on the door of room three.

There was no answer.

"Jess. I know you're in there. Lorelai sent me up here." She said more in a loud whisper.

Jess opened the door slowly. Sookie stepped in holding the plate of food.

"She wanted me to give this to you." She handed him the food.

"Oh. Thanks." He said as Sookie went over to the mini bar and stared taking out the tiny bottles of alcohol.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked.

"Lorelai told me to take these out of here."

"Oh. Yeah. That's probably good." Jess said head downwards.

"Its not that we don't trust you. Its the temptation. Neither of us want you drinking. Its not good for you or your liver."

Jess smiled a little, finally realizing that people did care about him. "Yeah."

"Alright kid. I gotta get going." Sookie said moving towards the door.

"Okay."

"Enjoy the food."

"I will."

Sookie flashed him a smile and left. Jess stared at the food, he sat down on the bed turned on the TV and picked up the fork.

-

"Okay. Talk about what?" Rory asked.

"About Jess."

"Oh." Rory said quietly. "What is there to talk about?"

"Rory. There's a lot of stuff you don't know about him." Lorelai told her.

"Like what?" Rory asked.

"Like.. Rory did Jess ever tell you anything about his father?" Lorelai asked her.

"No. Not really he said he was a jerk and he ran out on him and then that was it." She told her. "But what does that have to do with anything. His father doesn't matter. What matters is that Jess doesn't want a kid and he doesn't want me."

"No Rory you're wrong. You're wrong. He wants you, he loves you. He loves Oliver. And Rory his father has everything to do with this."

"How?" Rory asked, face studying a loose thread on the pillow she held.

"Rory, babe. Jess's father used to hit Jess and Liz." Lorelai told her.

Rory looked up.

"The last time was when Jess was nine. Jimmy hit him so hard he put him in the hospital." She told her. "Jimmy raped Liz."

Rory's eyes widened.

"Nine months later, came Jess."

"Oh my god."

"Jess loves Oliver and he loves you. He's afraid of being his father. He doesn't want to hurt you and he doesn't not want you."

Rory was in shock. She started shaking her head.

"Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he tell me!"

"I don't know honey. I think it was too hard for him."

"He should have told me."

"Rory.." Lorelai said concerned.

"He should have told me." She repeated.

"Yeah he should have. He screwed up. He knows it. But what are you gonna do?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't know." Came Rory's answer.

Lorelai didn't know if it was okay to tell Rory all of Jess' deep dark secrets, but she needed to. Cause she couldn't let her daughter be in pain for the rest of her life.

-

Slowly words were forming. Letter after letter appearing on the screen. Words made from nothing, made from a nothing that came from a dark place, from a place that he thought was dead.

Slowly he watched as his fingers pushed each key, repeating his thoughts. reflecting them on the computer screen.

A message for Rory. The love of my life.-
I love you. I loved you the first minute I saw you, as cliche as the whole love a first sight thing may seem, in this case its eerily true. I loved you in a way that I didn't think was possible. I had myself so closed off, to everything that I never saw the tiny little light in the corner that was getting bigger and brighter. My metaphors suck and you should know that, but you were the light and the thing that made my world so much better. I still love you. I always will and I never stopped. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. For all the pain I've caused you. For all the things I should have done and for all the things I shouldn't have. For never telling you how much I really loved you, I'm sorry.

Jess wrote, just to get it out. And as quickly as the letters formed words, as quickly as they appeared on the screen, they were gone and a blank screen now stared back at him, taunting him. One button erased the thoughts. Not really, but he liked to think it did. When in truth the same words he had just typed were still floating around in his head. So he wrote.

I never deserved you. You were too good for me. I was trash. You never should have trusted me. You never should have given me a chance. I'm sorry. But you shouldn't listen. You shouldn't give me another chance. Because after so many years I still don't deserve you. I never deserved your love. You never should have let me in. Its not your fault. I weaseled my way in. But you are so smart you should have known how wrong I would become. How wrong I was. You never should have looked twice. You never should have smiled. You never should have loved me back.

And again the words disappeared from the screen, but they still remained screaming in his head. Endless trails with words screaming out to be heard. "I'm sorry." And "Please Forgive me." Were the loudest, both being pushed down by the repetitive, "You don't deserve forgiveness."

And yet he typed again.

I still have the ring. I took it when she told me to take what I would need. All I would need; Laptop, book, CD or two, a few changes of clothes, shoes. But the one thing I always need; you.

The cursor blinked as he finished. Laughing at his pathetic-ness. In the past ten minutes he had gone from apology to extreme self deprecation to a little cliche. And again he undid what he wrote. Undid what was in his head. He wished he could undo it all.

My sister told me that Jess' second entry was too self depricating but then again she doesn't know what he did. I don't think its too bad but let me know what you think.

Reviews are the oxygen I breathe. Please don't let me suffocate in a vacuum.

Newtie.

PS: The next chapter is already typed and ready to go.