A Yû Yû Hakusho fanfiction by Sir Psycho Sexy
A/N: This fic is in Sensui's POV on a particular "weakness" of his (or so he thinks) that he's had to deal with for ten years. It's when he's dying after the battle with Yûsuke.
So, enjoy.
-SPS
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I always knew I was different from a very early age. I was the one that was blessed- or perhaps cursed is a better way to put it?-with the ability to both see and slay demons. They were always after me, or my mother, for some irrational reason or another, and I responded by raising my reiki and killing those…things…that years of persuading myself had confirmed were the most unjust creatures ever wrought by god or man. It became second nature to me to kill them, to punish them, to see their blood on my hands…
And then I met him. That demon- or should I say man?
Itsuki was the illumination my sixteen-year old mind needed, although I didn't acknowledge it at the time. He made me feel things that I didn't want to feel after sixteen years of convincing myself I was next to a god in status and therefore I didn't have any sexual urges- not to mention sexual urges that were only condoned by society in the form of fairy-tale comic books for junior-high-aged girls.
After the television incident, and the first night with him, I started noticing … men. I didn't want to admit that this chink in my armor debased me to the level of an ordinary human being, or perhaps below it. So I did the only logical thing my mind could do- I blamed it on him. Blamed it on him for seducing me. He didn't seem to understand my guilt over something that he considered as petty as which hand one happens to write with. But he was interested in human culture, so I took it upon myself to teach him that this was one of the ways that human beings separate the sheep from the goats. He just laughed and said that it made absolutely no sense.
And part of me realized he was right.
From then on, I accepted that he and I were lovers, although grudgingly. My mother still asked me when I was going to get married and give her grandchildren, even after she found out about Itsuki. I kept it a secret from everyone else I ran into…
Until my assignment at the Black Black Club taught me that every human has wickedness brewing in his soul, more so than many of the demons I had slew. I thought that that one part of me that I considered so lofty was really drowning in the pit of wickedness, and the part of me that I considered swimming in wickedness was relatively benign compared to the other evils humanity had wrought.
Now, Yûsuke, I thank you for atoning this wickedness of mine that was once nobility, and making what was once considered wicked to be noble. You are truly a bridge between worlds, and I thank you for killing me.
The chinks in my armor have been sealed up.
-FIN