Ask Me What It's Like to Never Win

By: Leelei

Disclaimer: I don't own Code:Lyoko.

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews. On we go!

Chapter 5

I returned to my dorm as quickly as I could and locked the door behind me, a great accommodation I've been blessed with now that I'm in high school. I didn't know what to do for a while. I was hurt, of course, to see my love with another guy, but what was I going to do? It's morning now, and I still haven't thought of a logical response to what I've seen.

After showering and dressing, I head down to breakfast in the new cafeteria. It's huge now, unlike Kadic Jr. High's, and I have plenty of opportunities to sit and think to myself.

Did he…did he have sex with her last night? There's no way…she's only fifteen years old. And he's fourteen! I'm sure they didn't…they couldn't have! I mean, this is Paris, but there are still morals at stake here. And to think, what if I had stayed and watched?

Well, I wouldn't be so curious now, would I?

My mind wanders off track as I bite into my breakfast sandwich. I still can't come up with a reason as to how he has her all the time in the first place. It's just too convenient. Too perfectly convenient. Then I decide that I should confront him today. After school would be best, since he might become a little hostile with me. We were never on the best of terms, so why should I expect him to just willingly confess to any allegations I accuse him of face-to-face?

The bell rings long after I finish my meal. I had returned to drawing in my notebook. I was drawing stars, I have no idea why. Maybe I have wishes. Well, I always have wishes, but maybe now they're sticking out more than usual.

I can think of one that I want now more than ever.

I'm in my upper-level math class when the teacher announces that we're allowed to work with partners on a worksheet that we've been silently completing since the beginning of the period. Of course I've seated myself in the back, so I look up the row to see Jeremie and Aelita in the front of the room, sitting beside each other, shrugging as they both realize that they're already nearly finished. Then, for once, they actually opt not to work together.

The bell rings and the teacher assigns the rest of the worksheet for homework, suggesting to get together with our partners if we need to finish. I just stuff the paper into my bag and leave. I was further than almost all the other kids, and I always work alone.

But what if an opportunity just happens to come up? My other classes pass by without a problem, lunch is lonelier than ever, but then after the final bell rings in the afternoon, I'm graced with a miraculous dream come true. As I leave my last class and walk out into the schoolyard, I see my angel sitting on the bench so far away from me reading a book.

I can barely stand the way the sun shines down on her. She's absolutely heaven-sent. My mouth goes dry at just the thought of speaking to her, but I push myself on. 'This is the perfect opportunity,' I think to myself. 'Don't you dare blow this off!'

I wonder when my thoughts started to sound like Sissi… Mustering up all the courage I've ever had within my body, I approach her slowly.

"Uh…A-Aelita?" I stutter, a given fact that I would. I feel faint just at saying her name out loud.

"Yes?" she asks, lowering the book to her lap and looking up to me.

I want to melt. Instead, I manage to swallow hard and try to form another question. "Wh…Wh…Where's Jeremie?" is all I can say.

She smiles gracefully. "Oh, he must be held up again in his micro-technology class…it's a new science elective this year; he hopes it will look good on his college applications."

"Y-you didn't take it with him?" Damn it, I want to kick myself for that one…

She smiles even brighter. "No, Yumi suggested that I take choir. She really liked it, so I decided that it must be wonderful class."

"…You…you, uh, like to sing, huh?"

"Oh, yes. It's a lot of fun, and I enjoy it." She's so kind…no one has ever been this friendly to me yet in my high school career. "Is there anything you would like me to ask Jeremie for you?"

I immediately tense up. "Erm…no…no, thank you. I, uh, actually wanted to ask you something…If that's okay…"

She smiles again. "Really? Well, what is it?"

"I, uh, well…I…" The truth is, I'm a horrible liar. All I can do is cross my fingers that she's going to believe me on this…if my voice doesn't give out first. "I, uh…was having some trouble on the math homework. I was, um…hoping you would want to be my, uh, you know…partner…?"

Suddenly, her features change and she doesn't look as friendly anymore. She seems to be staring back at me, her lips held together instead of wide and smiling. "Well, I don't know about that, Herb," she says quietly. I want to die just at the fact that she knows my name. "I… really have to meet Jeremie as soon as he's done with his class. We, um, we already have plans for this afternoon. I'm sorry."

I can't tell if she's lying. Do angels lie? I'm sure she's going to spend her day with Jeremie, but did they really have specific plans already? Probably not. He's already breaking them for a class he didn't even have with her.

"Oh, well…that's okay. Bye." I quickly excuse myself and hurry away, holding my book bag tight as I try not to look back at her expression undoubtedly following me.

I still fume as I make it back to my dorm room, throwing my book bag down angrily and slamming the door shut. Of course she said no. Of. Course.

But really, would it have been so difficult to give me just a few minutes of her time as she waited for her lover-boy Jeremie to arrive? Couldn't she have helped me with just one or two problems? That would have been nice. That would have been kind. But no.

All she wanted to do was wait for Jeremie. Damn it, she spends every waking minute with him, and yet she can't spare a small portion of her time to sit down with me and explain something? What the hell is her problem?

I thought angels were perfect.

I think this was one of my favorite chapters….Next installment coming soon!