" ER/Stand part 9 "
" I disagree," Carter said easily as he poured himself another cup of coffee. " I think Dr. Weaver had a perfectly normal response to finding a large naked man she didn't know in a very different and unique environment." He sipped his coffee and smiled at the assembled group. " I mean, imagine walking into a bedroom looking for aspirin and having some strange, big guy with nothing on but a towel pop out. I think she had a fairly restrained response. Its not like Luka needed stitches for that cut." Luka found himself nodding along, hoping that the discussion was going to go somewhere. He continued to hold a small square of gauze to his forehead. The group had assembled back in the kitchen to talk, but he suspected it wasn't going anywhere. He watched carefully. It was easy to see that they were all worried, but the question was what they would do. Carter and Jeanie were taking a "wait and see" attitude. Doug seemed more annoyed than worried, though he had made the very good point that it was the second assault the woman had committed in two days. Luka was also starting to see some long running animosities and relationships. Doug and Kerry weren't the best of friends, though exactly why was hard to tell. Carter had a guarded respect for Doug, but there was also a little tension there. Carter and Lucy on the other hand seemed to be at odds. All of them seemed to like and respect Jeanie, and the pretty black woman was the only one he'd peg as a close friend to Kerry. The only oddity was Randi and she appeared to like all of them in a guarded fashion. He forced himself to pay attention as Doug began to speak.
" Yes, " Doug drawled, " Any day where Kerry doesn't gun down someone must be a good day. You did lock the gun cabinet? And where is little miss crazy any way?"
Jeanie pointed her finger at him. She was, Luka could see, very close to losing her temper. " I thought we already discussed how we weren't going to say things like that." He agreed with her on that point. At worst, it would anger someone already not in control. At the very least, it was mean.
Doug waved off her concern, but seemed to get her point. " Where is Kerry right now? Because, Jeanie, in case you missed it, she's acting pretty damn weird."
" The situation is pretty damn weird." Jeanie said after a moment. She leaned back in her chair. " I think we're all acting pretty damn weird, and I agree with Carter. Considering that she had no idea that there was a strange man in the house, I think she acted with reasonable restraint. Besides Doug, what do you want us to do? Tie her up? Drug her? Let her drink herself into a stupor?"
Doug merely looked at her. " Where is she, right now? " He had, Luka realized, a pretty good point. Keeping an eye on the woman was probably the best deterrent they had, and it was probably the only one they would agree on that morning.
Luka watched in interest as Doug rose to his feet and made it a point to look each one of them in the face. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. Finally he said, " I'm not trying to be the world's biggest bastard left alive. Kerry has had some sort of breakdown. You can justify it all you want, and I'll even agree that he deserved it, but it doesn't change the fact that she killed that man. It doesn't change what he did to her before..." Doug stopped himself. " She's not well. She needs help. If saying that, and suggesting that we might need to protect ourselves makes me the prime bastard then fine. I'll be the prime bastard. Carter, Jeanie, she overreacted. You know she overreacted."
" She was panicking." Carter allowed. " I could tell. She's lying down in my bedroom, by the way. " The young man looked awkwardly at Doug. " What are you suggesting, Dr. Ross? Drugs?"
" It's Doug, Carter." Doug paced around the kitchen. " My suggestion, " he said slowly, " is that one of us go and talk with her and maybe convince her to voluntarily take something for depression. She would be safer. We would be safer."
" That's a very short term solution." Jeanie said after a moment. " And I can't see it working for very long."
" Well, it's not like we can provide long term counseling." Lucy said softly. " Maybe we should run down our other options."
That silenced the group for a long moment. Ok, Luka thought suddenly, that makes me want to vote for voluntary sedation for everyone. He couldn't find it in himself to be angry with them. It was simply frustrating. There simply were not that many options to debate. They could ask her to take some medication. They could force her to take some medication. They could observe her and wait. They could ignore the problem. Or they could debate the issue until the end of time. This was, he mused, a group of people that were too upset by the events of the last two weeks to decide what to eat, let alone make a decision to help someone else.
He watched as Randi leaned back in her chair. She rolled her eyes. " What else can we do? We don't have enough people to keep her under 24 hour watch. And I'd like to see one of you try to force her to take anything. You gonna try that, Doug?" Her words rolled with sarcasm.
Doug put up his hands in mock surrender, a smile on his face. " I think we all know how effective that would be. Jeanie should talk to her."
Jeanie shook her head. " I don't think it'll work and you aren't sticking me with it. I think we just need to be patient."
Luka mentally shook his head. It was like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. He slipped out of the room, positive that no one would notice, and he was right. He wasn't a part of their group yet, and his presence didn't register. He didn't mind. It took time and he had not yet been with all of them for even twenty four hours. He knew he wasn't the most personable person, he hadn't been since his wife and children were killed. He also wasn't one to dither, especially when there was a potential problem that didn't need to escalate.
He went upstairs. He wasn't trained for psychiatry, but he knew as much any doctor on the subject and he wanted to actually talk to the patient before advocating any sort of treatment, drugs or otherwise. His opinion, based on very little contact, was that he had simply startled someone who was already on edge.
There wasn't much to base a diagnosis on, he thought as he walked down the darkened hallway. He had seen Kerry conscious for perhaps five minutes, before Carter had led her off to his room. She had been frightened, but she hadn't been out to kill him. She had thrown the bottle merely to distract him. It had been a fluke that it had drawn blood, though he could attest that she certainly had thrown it hard. She had turned to go, the act of someone that was afraid, not the act of an irrational woman. He knew which way the wind was blowing with the others and before he went along with drugging someone into a coma, he wanted to actually speak with her.
He knocked on the closed door. " Come in, Carter," was the reply. He slowly opened the door, and looked in. Kerry was sitting at the mahogany desk by the window, with a thick book open. She had a pair of glasses perched on her nose, the sort that had a chain attached. She peered at him over the glasses, a surprisingly stern look, and it made her look a lot older than what he had thought. Her face took on a guarded expression. " Dr. Kovac... I thought... I thought it was Carter. I am sorry about throwing that bottle at you. Is your head all right?"
He smiled and shrugged. " I was more startled than anything. I'm sorry if I startled you." He took a seat on the edge of the unmade bed. He spotted her crutch leaning up against the desk. Yes, he thought, I am definitely out of reach. His eyes met hers, and she followed his glance. Her expression didn't change, but a subtle wariness seemed to come over her. He decided to press forward. " I just thought maybe... we could talk. Get to know each other."
She eyed him carefully. " Really? So you didn't come here to assess my mental status. That's a surprise." She returned to thumbing through the large book. " Today is Sunday, June 24. I'm thirty seven and I am aware that I am currently in John's family mansion. I'm also aware that most of the human race died over the last two weeks. I'm not in enough pain to need anything other than over the counter painkillers." She paused. " Any questions?"
He had many questions. " You don't remember the last few days." It wasn't a question, but he just wanted to confirm it.
" No. I don't remember the last few days." She said it curtly, but her voice shook just a little. That told him more than he had expected. She was upset and exerting a lot of effort to be calm. Maybe a little too much effort.
" What are you reading?" He gestured to the book.
" It's one of John's medical books. On pharmacology." She didn't look at him. " I'm looking up the side effects of the psychotropic drugs you all packed. Prozac is my choice, by the way." She took in his surprised look. " This is an old house and this room's heating ducts lead right into the kitchen."
" They're very worried about you." In a tired, somewhat fuzzy way, he knew that was what was at the heart of their indecision. He had felt their nervous tension, and he had no doubt that each one of them was worried. Even Doug had been concerned and Luka didn't doubt that the man had been concerned with more than just his own personal safety. Deep down, Luka thought their discussion was near hysterical more due to the plague and their own tiredness.
She shrugged. " They're worried that I've gone crazy and might act violent."
" Do you think that's true?" He didn't think that at the moment. She seemed depressed, and bordering between irritated and angry, but she didn't seem insane.
She cocked her head and looked directly at him. " I don't remember the last four days at all. During that time, I killed a man with a level of overkill that managed to shock an ex-con, and I don't remember it. I came upstairs today to find aspirin and I talked to Carter on the stairs. He goes down stairs. I walk into a bedroom, I hear the shower, and I think it must be Carter." She paused, and he could see the embarrassment on her face. " So I panicked, and I shouldn't have, and I know I shouldn't have. There's something wrong and I have to do something about it."
" But you don't want to take any drugs," Luka said softly. He could tell that.
" And we both know that I don't have many options available," she countered. " You aren't a shrink, so we don't have a mental health professional in our group. So there's no therapy option. I could just leave...." and he could suddenly see the fear in her eyes. Oh good, he thought cynically, she's willing to take mood altering drugs not because she thinks it'll help but because she's afraid of being alone. He didn't think, judging by the honest worry and concern of the others, that it was a very rational fear but he could understand. He didn't want to be alone in the new world of corpses and empty cold buildings either.
She pressed on. " I could leave, but I'm not exactly an Olympic athlete, and we're not living in a world of easy access anymore. " She sighed. Her hands shook just a little. " Everyone is under a lot of stress right now. If its going to help keep things calm, I'll take something. I'd rather agree and get some control over it than have Doug Ross try slipping me tranquilizers."
Luka wondered if she understood just how obvious it was that she wanted to be in control. She seemed painfully aware that she hadn't been in control. On the other hand, she was making a decision over the problem, which was about ten times better than what everyone was managing. Plus, whatever her reasoning, it seemed very clear to him that she needed some help maintaining the control. " Are you sure you're ok with Prozac? There is some Effexor here." He had the European distrust of the American wonder drug of choice.
She nodded. " It has the least life threatening side effects. Someone my size could start at 100 mgs, which is what I saw in that bag of yours. I noticed you hid the bag." She gave him an annoyed yet respectful look.
" I put it in the linen closet in the bathroom," he said. " If it helps, you weren't the one I was worried about when I did that." It had been Doug that had concerned him. From what Jeanie had told him, and from what the whole discussion in the kitchen had implied, Kerry wasn't quick to run to the drug counter.
She smiled slightly. " It doesn't help at all, but thank you. " She waited for a moment. " Are you going to get the pills?" She said it as though it was ridiculous for him to do anything otherwise.
He rose and went into his room. After a moment, he found the bottle. There were two hundred pills, enough to get someone well past a crisis. He then turned the water on and poured a glass. Then he went back to Carter's room. As he suspected, she was still there, waiting, her natural impatience showing though she was masking it well. He handed her the glass and the pills. " Are you sure?"
She shook out one of the pills, swallowed it, and then chased it with the water. " It's fine. I'm fine. Why don't you check in with the debate club? After a while, even that bunch is going to start wondering where you went."
??
" I disagree," Carter said easily as he poured himself another cup of coffee. " I think Dr. Weaver had a perfectly normal response to finding a large naked man she didn't know in a very different and unique environment." He sipped his coffee and smiled at the assembled group. " I mean, imagine walking into a bedroom looking for aspirin and having some strange, big guy with nothing on but a towel pop out. I think she had a fairly restrained response. Its not like Luka needed stitches for that cut." Luka found himself nodding along, hoping that the discussion was going to go somewhere. He continued to hold a small square of gauze to his forehead. The group had assembled back in the kitchen to talk, but he suspected it wasn't going anywhere. He watched carefully. It was easy to see that they were all worried, but the question was what they would do. Carter and Jeanie were taking a "wait and see" attitude. Doug seemed more annoyed than worried, though he had made the very good point that it was the second assault the woman had committed in two days. Luka was also starting to see some long running animosities and relationships. Doug and Kerry weren't the best of friends, though exactly why was hard to tell. Carter had a guarded respect for Doug, but there was also a little tension there. Carter and Lucy on the other hand seemed to be at odds. All of them seemed to like and respect Jeanie, and the pretty black woman was the only one he'd peg as a close friend to Kerry. The only oddity was Randi and she appeared to like all of them in a guarded fashion. He forced himself to pay attention as Doug began to speak.
" Yes, " Doug drawled, " Any day where Kerry doesn't gun down someone must be a good day. You did lock the gun cabinet? And where is little miss crazy any way?"
Jeanie pointed her finger at him. She was, Luka could see, very close to losing her temper. " I thought we already discussed how we weren't going to say things like that." He agreed with her on that point. At worst, it would anger someone already not in control. At the very least, it was mean.
Doug waved off her concern, but seemed to get her point. " Where is Kerry right now? Because, Jeanie, in case you missed it, she's acting pretty damn weird."
" The situation is pretty damn weird." Jeanie said after a moment. She leaned back in her chair. " I think we're all acting pretty damn weird, and I agree with Carter. Considering that she had no idea that there was a strange man in the house, I think she acted with reasonable restraint. Besides Doug, what do you want us to do? Tie her up? Drug her? Let her drink herself into a stupor?"
Doug merely looked at her. " Where is she, right now? " He had, Luka realized, a pretty good point. Keeping an eye on the woman was probably the best deterrent they had, and it was probably the only one they would agree on that morning.
Luka watched in interest as Doug rose to his feet and made it a point to look each one of them in the face. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. Finally he said, " I'm not trying to be the world's biggest bastard left alive. Kerry has had some sort of breakdown. You can justify it all you want, and I'll even agree that he deserved it, but it doesn't change the fact that she killed that man. It doesn't change what he did to her before..." Doug stopped himself. " She's not well. She needs help. If saying that, and suggesting that we might need to protect ourselves makes me the prime bastard then fine. I'll be the prime bastard. Carter, Jeanie, she overreacted. You know she overreacted."
" She was panicking." Carter allowed. " I could tell. She's lying down in my bedroom, by the way. " The young man looked awkwardly at Doug. " What are you suggesting, Dr. Ross? Drugs?"
" It's Doug, Carter." Doug paced around the kitchen. " My suggestion, " he said slowly, " is that one of us go and talk with her and maybe convince her to voluntarily take something for depression. She would be safer. We would be safer."
" That's a very short term solution." Jeanie said after a moment. " And I can't see it working for very long."
" Well, it's not like we can provide long term counseling." Lucy said softly. " Maybe we should run down our other options."
That silenced the group for a long moment. Ok, Luka thought suddenly, that makes me want to vote for voluntary sedation for everyone. He couldn't find it in himself to be angry with them. It was simply frustrating. There simply were not that many options to debate. They could ask her to take some medication. They could force her to take some medication. They could observe her and wait. They could ignore the problem. Or they could debate the issue until the end of time. This was, he mused, a group of people that were too upset by the events of the last two weeks to decide what to eat, let alone make a decision to help someone else.
He watched as Randi leaned back in her chair. She rolled her eyes. " What else can we do? We don't have enough people to keep her under 24 hour watch. And I'd like to see one of you try to force her to take anything. You gonna try that, Doug?" Her words rolled with sarcasm.
Doug put up his hands in mock surrender, a smile on his face. " I think we all know how effective that would be. Jeanie should talk to her."
Jeanie shook her head. " I don't think it'll work and you aren't sticking me with it. I think we just need to be patient."
Luka mentally shook his head. It was like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion. He slipped out of the room, positive that no one would notice, and he was right. He wasn't a part of their group yet, and his presence didn't register. He didn't mind. It took time and he had not yet been with all of them for even twenty four hours. He knew he wasn't the most personable person, he hadn't been since his wife and children were killed. He also wasn't one to dither, especially when there was a potential problem that didn't need to escalate.
He went upstairs. He wasn't trained for psychiatry, but he knew as much any doctor on the subject and he wanted to actually talk to the patient before advocating any sort of treatment, drugs or otherwise. His opinion, based on very little contact, was that he had simply startled someone who was already on edge.
There wasn't much to base a diagnosis on, he thought as he walked down the darkened hallway. He had seen Kerry conscious for perhaps five minutes, before Carter had led her off to his room. She had been frightened, but she hadn't been out to kill him. She had thrown the bottle merely to distract him. It had been a fluke that it had drawn blood, though he could attest that she certainly had thrown it hard. She had turned to go, the act of someone that was afraid, not the act of an irrational woman. He knew which way the wind was blowing with the others and before he went along with drugging someone into a coma, he wanted to actually speak with her.
He knocked on the closed door. " Come in, Carter," was the reply. He slowly opened the door, and looked in. Kerry was sitting at the mahogany desk by the window, with a thick book open. She had a pair of glasses perched on her nose, the sort that had a chain attached. She peered at him over the glasses, a surprisingly stern look, and it made her look a lot older than what he had thought. Her face took on a guarded expression. " Dr. Kovac... I thought... I thought it was Carter. I am sorry about throwing that bottle at you. Is your head all right?"
He smiled and shrugged. " I was more startled than anything. I'm sorry if I startled you." He took a seat on the edge of the unmade bed. He spotted her crutch leaning up against the desk. Yes, he thought, I am definitely out of reach. His eyes met hers, and she followed his glance. Her expression didn't change, but a subtle wariness seemed to come over her. He decided to press forward. " I just thought maybe... we could talk. Get to know each other."
She eyed him carefully. " Really? So you didn't come here to assess my mental status. That's a surprise." She returned to thumbing through the large book. " Today is Sunday, June 24. I'm thirty seven and I am aware that I am currently in John's family mansion. I'm also aware that most of the human race died over the last two weeks. I'm not in enough pain to need anything other than over the counter painkillers." She paused. " Any questions?"
He had many questions. " You don't remember the last few days." It wasn't a question, but he just wanted to confirm it.
" No. I don't remember the last few days." She said it curtly, but her voice shook just a little. That told him more than he had expected. She was upset and exerting a lot of effort to be calm. Maybe a little too much effort.
" What are you reading?" He gestured to the book.
" It's one of John's medical books. On pharmacology." She didn't look at him. " I'm looking up the side effects of the psychotropic drugs you all packed. Prozac is my choice, by the way." She took in his surprised look. " This is an old house and this room's heating ducts lead right into the kitchen."
" They're very worried about you." In a tired, somewhat fuzzy way, he knew that was what was at the heart of their indecision. He had felt their nervous tension, and he had no doubt that each one of them was worried. Even Doug had been concerned and Luka didn't doubt that the man had been concerned with more than just his own personal safety. Deep down, Luka thought their discussion was near hysterical more due to the plague and their own tiredness.
She shrugged. " They're worried that I've gone crazy and might act violent."
" Do you think that's true?" He didn't think that at the moment. She seemed depressed, and bordering between irritated and angry, but she didn't seem insane.
She cocked her head and looked directly at him. " I don't remember the last four days at all. During that time, I killed a man with a level of overkill that managed to shock an ex-con, and I don't remember it. I came upstairs today to find aspirin and I talked to Carter on the stairs. He goes down stairs. I walk into a bedroom, I hear the shower, and I think it must be Carter." She paused, and he could see the embarrassment on her face. " So I panicked, and I shouldn't have, and I know I shouldn't have. There's something wrong and I have to do something about it."
" But you don't want to take any drugs," Luka said softly. He could tell that.
" And we both know that I don't have many options available," she countered. " You aren't a shrink, so we don't have a mental health professional in our group. So there's no therapy option. I could just leave...." and he could suddenly see the fear in her eyes. Oh good, he thought cynically, she's willing to take mood altering drugs not because she thinks it'll help but because she's afraid of being alone. He didn't think, judging by the honest worry and concern of the others, that it was a very rational fear but he could understand. He didn't want to be alone in the new world of corpses and empty cold buildings either.
She pressed on. " I could leave, but I'm not exactly an Olympic athlete, and we're not living in a world of easy access anymore. " She sighed. Her hands shook just a little. " Everyone is under a lot of stress right now. If its going to help keep things calm, I'll take something. I'd rather agree and get some control over it than have Doug Ross try slipping me tranquilizers."
Luka wondered if she understood just how obvious it was that she wanted to be in control. She seemed painfully aware that she hadn't been in control. On the other hand, she was making a decision over the problem, which was about ten times better than what everyone was managing. Plus, whatever her reasoning, it seemed very clear to him that she needed some help maintaining the control. " Are you sure you're ok with Prozac? There is some Effexor here." He had the European distrust of the American wonder drug of choice.
She nodded. " It has the least life threatening side effects. Someone my size could start at 100 mgs, which is what I saw in that bag of yours. I noticed you hid the bag." She gave him an annoyed yet respectful look.
" I put it in the linen closet in the bathroom," he said. " If it helps, you weren't the one I was worried about when I did that." It had been Doug that had concerned him. From what Jeanie had told him, and from what the whole discussion in the kitchen had implied, Kerry wasn't quick to run to the drug counter.
She smiled slightly. " It doesn't help at all, but thank you. " She waited for a moment. " Are you going to get the pills?" She said it as though it was ridiculous for him to do anything otherwise.
He rose and went into his room. After a moment, he found the bottle. There were two hundred pills, enough to get someone well past a crisis. He then turned the water on and poured a glass. Then he went back to Carter's room. As he suspected, she was still there, waiting, her natural impatience showing though she was masking it well. He handed her the glass and the pills. " Are you sure?"
She shook out one of the pills, swallowed it, and then chased it with the water. " It's fine. I'm fine. Why don't you check in with the debate club? After a while, even that bunch is going to start wondering where you went."
??