" ER/Stand part 10 "
She took off her shoes and stood on the sandy beach. The mansion was behind her, and the lake was ahead of her. It was hot, very hot and the air was dripping with humidity. The water looked inviting but she wasn't yet ready for a swim. She stretched, willing the stiffness from her body as she did a full split. She stood and brought herself into a ready stance. Ok, she told herself, you're stiff and you haven't practiced in weeks. Go from Heian shodan to Heian godan and go slowly. She bowed towards the lake and began the kata. Sharp moves, she told herself as she did a forceful downward block and then a lunge punch, that's the key. She loved the simplicity of the Heian katas. She knew more difficult forms, complex forms filled with spins and fancy moves that challenged her, but she knew and accepted that the simpler katas held the basis of the martial art. It pleased her in some strange intrinsic way to move through the forms, each move careful and powerful. She finished the fifth kata, noting with pleasure that she finished in the exact place that she had started. Excellent, she thought as she bowed again.
" Randi." She spun around at the sound of her name. Carter was standing on the tree lined, stone cobble walkway that went from the house to the boat dock and beach pavilion. He was wearing the same shorts and shirt he'd had on that morning, but he looked very dirty. Dirty, hot and sweaty, as if he had been off working hard at a construction site, something she had a hard time picturing. He was almost gaping at her. " Randi, what were you just doing?"
" I was practicing," she said simply. She didn't see the need to explain herself. No one ever showed any interest in her hobbies before. " What are you doing down here?"
He stepped out onto the sand. " I was thinking of maybe doing a little swimming." He sat down near the water's edge, and let the tiny waves lap around his bare feet. Randi could see that he was barely aware of what he was doing. She wasn't surprised. Everyone was in shock to a varying degree. Carter was trying very hard to be strong, but she could see through it. He was pushing too hard to get everything organized. Checking on everyone, making sure that the house was ok. She suspected that his urge to keep everything ordered was a reaction to the chaos. Still, she did wonder what he'd been up to. Carter had never struck her as the manual labor type.
" Why are you so dirty?" she asked as she took a seat beside him.
" I uh.... found our grounds keeper." Carter leaned back. " I buried him. " He laughed a little, and shook his head. " You know, I know my parents must be dead. The news said the flu was popping up on all continents. They were in Switzerland on vacation and even if they are alive, I'll never see them again. My grandparents were on a business trip to England. I'll never see them either and I can't believe that they're alive, but I haven't cried or gotten upset. Not since Peter died. When I found Enrique though, all I could do for almost an hour was cry. I didn't even really like Enrique that much." He smiled. " He would scream at anyone that even looked harsh towards the flower garden. I found him there and I buried him there."
" That's nice though." Randi said after a moment. " He probably would have liked that." She paused. " It's not that strange that you haven't, you know, been upset. I mean, things have been pretty hectic until today. Sometimes you have to put aside how you feel just so you can get through the day." She knew that was how she felt. " You don't have to cry to grieve you know."
" What about you?" He looked at her, concern in his eyes. " You must have family."
" My parents disowned me a long time ago. I'm not even sure where they've been living." It was uncomfortable. She knew that Carter came from an entirely different world than hers, a world of giant homes filled with fancy breakables and nasty gardeners. " I guess they're dead. I don't know how I could check though."
" My folks weren't exactly happy with me either." Carter said after a moment. " They wanted me to take over the family business. Why were your folks mad?"
" I got caught vandalizing a church." She leaned back in the sand. " They were very religious. I wasn't. So they threw me out. Then after a few months, I got caught robbing a liquor store. I shot the store keeper so I went to prison. That didn't make them want to forgive me."
" That's too bad." Carter said softly.
" It was their problem, not mine." She stood up and brushed some of the sand off. " And it can't be changed now. Just like how you can't change what's gone on. Its over and done."
" Time to move on?" Carter asked gently.
" Not move on," she allowed. " Maybe you're not ready for that. I think this whole mess is a lot to move on. Maybe you need to forgive your family. They can't exactly argue with you."
He chuckled. " I guess not. I take it you've forgiven your parents?"
She smiled. " No way. I despised those bastards." She started to laugh. After a second Carter joined her.
" I have another question," he said after their laughter died off. " Why did you shoot the store keeper?"
" He got in my way, and I was a stupid little kid." Randi waved her hand as if it was an obvious conclusion. " I was dumb and I paid the price. I'm just glad I didn't kill him."
" He got in your way..." Carter's voice trailed off. " Maybe we should ask you to take Prozac too. I think we pressured Dr. Weaver into that. I wish she hadn't overheard us."
" You think?" Randi shook her head. She didn't consider Carter to be a clueless individual but it surprised her that he didn't see the obvious. " Carter, we worked her the way a shepherd works his dog. I can't believe you don't see that."
He looked at her quizzically. " What do you mean?"
She was amazed. It seemed incredibly obvious to her. Maybe, she allowed, I've spent more time actually observing these people. Or maybe Carter really is clueless, and I don't feel like explaining it. " I think," she said finally, " that the biggest problem we have isn't Kerry's mental state. She's totally aware that she did something flaky. I'd be more worried about Doug and his newfound attachment to the bottle." And maybe everyone's inability to focus. Not that she was winning any prizes there, she was willing to admit that. In some ways, she was surprised at what a mess everyone was in. That Doug was drinking wasn't a shock, she had seen that tendency in the man a long time ago. Kerry flipping out had been a surprise, but by the time it happened, not much of one. That was a woman that was just a little too dedicated to her job. Randi had predicted some sort of collapse. She also predicted a fairly quick turn around for the woman that probably would not be acknowledged by their companions. Jeanie seemed all right but she was clearly hoping that someone other than herself would take charge of the situation. Lucy was the same way. The new fellow, Kovac, wanted to take charge but he felt like an outsider and didn't think they'd listen to him. She suspected he was right, though she wouldn't have too much of a problem letting him be in charge. She liked how he had handled Weaver. At one point during their discussion earlier that morning, she'd honestly been afraid that they were actually going to try secretly drugging Kerry. That was a plan doomed to failure on a number of levels.
That left her and Carter. With different people, she thought things would be different. To her little group, she was Randi the desk clerk. For the moment she didn't mind. While it was irritating, she had no wish to be in charge and she wasn't yet irritated enough to make an issue of it. I'm no prizewinner for mental health, she thought suddenly. Like everyone else she had been on short sleep rations. She had been plagued by dreams, both good and bad, but startling in their clarity. The good dream was, for her, simply a little odd. She would find herself walking through a lush cornfield. She could hear a woman singing, singing the sort of old time hymns her parents used to bray at their many tent meetings. In the dream, the music pleased her. She would follow it, and find herself standing in a small clearing. There was a farm house there, and sitting on the porch was a very old black woman strumming a guitar. The woman would always smile at her and beckon her forward.
" My, ain't you the dandy?" the woman would say, a smile on her face. There would always be laughter in her voice, the laughter of an elder that didn't necessarily condone, but did understand. " When are you and your friends gonna come visit?" would be her question. It was a question Randi couldn't answer. She felt a certain wanderlust, and after the good dream, she always felt as though she wanted to head to Nebraska. Nebraska, she was certain, was where the old woman was. She wanted to go, but no one else seemed even ready to go to the grocery store. She sensed that it wasn't a crisis for them to leave yet.
The bad dream sometimes led right from the good dream. The sun would set,and Randi would find herself standing in the cornfield. Leaves would rustle, and she would see the glowing red eyes of rats. She would start running, and the corn would magically disappear and she would find herself running along a darkened dirty street. Someone was chasing her and her heart would beat so loudly she thought it would explode.
" Raaaannndi!" It was always a man's voice and it scared her. " I want you, Randi. You belong here with me. Everything about you just screams that, from your slutty little outfits to your very name. Come on Randi!" She would feel his cold, ice cold hands on her shoulders. He would spin her around and she would look into his face, but there was no face to see, merely a black gaping hole with glowing red eyes. On one occasion she'd woken up breathing as though she'd just finished running a mile.
" Randi?" Carter's voice held a touch of concern. He gently touched her shoulder. " You went away there for a moment."
She shrugged. Getting lost in thought was probably a sign of how screwed up she was. " I'm still tired I suppose." Carter was the sort that worried too much. She'd seen that from working with him. He worried about what people thought, he worried about doing the right thing. And he felt guilty over things that just couldn't be helped. He also had a tendency to lie, but that had a certain amusement value to her since he lied so badly. A good sort, but not the person she really wanted to be the boss of her. She gestured to the water. " Still want to swim? Where is everyone else anyway?"
" Mostly sleeping." Carter replied. " Doug was drinking beer on the porch. Kovac was reading a book. Lucy and Jeanie were napping. Kerry was fooling in the kitchen with something but I think I convinced her to lie down for a while in the family living room. And yes, I still want a swim. You?"
" Its getting hot so yeah. Go on, I'll join you." She watched appreciatively as he stripped off his shirt and waded out into the water. Nice, she thought as she unbutton her blouse. She took off her shorts, noting Carter's somewhat surprised look as she waded into the water wearing only her underwear. Did he really think I was going to walk back to the house for a suit, she wondered with amusement as she dove under the water. " The water's great."
" Um....yeah." Carter's face was just a little pink. She smiled at him, watching as he got darker. " So, uh...what were you doing on the beach? It looked like a dance."
" I was practicing shotokan karate kata. I have a third degree black belt." She ducked into the water and then popped back up to the surface.
" I didn't know you were a black belt." Carter said after a moment. " You never said anything."
" You never asked."
??
She took off her shoes and stood on the sandy beach. The mansion was behind her, and the lake was ahead of her. It was hot, very hot and the air was dripping with humidity. The water looked inviting but she wasn't yet ready for a swim. She stretched, willing the stiffness from her body as she did a full split. She stood and brought herself into a ready stance. Ok, she told herself, you're stiff and you haven't practiced in weeks. Go from Heian shodan to Heian godan and go slowly. She bowed towards the lake and began the kata. Sharp moves, she told herself as she did a forceful downward block and then a lunge punch, that's the key. She loved the simplicity of the Heian katas. She knew more difficult forms, complex forms filled with spins and fancy moves that challenged her, but she knew and accepted that the simpler katas held the basis of the martial art. It pleased her in some strange intrinsic way to move through the forms, each move careful and powerful. She finished the fifth kata, noting with pleasure that she finished in the exact place that she had started. Excellent, she thought as she bowed again.
" Randi." She spun around at the sound of her name. Carter was standing on the tree lined, stone cobble walkway that went from the house to the boat dock and beach pavilion. He was wearing the same shorts and shirt he'd had on that morning, but he looked very dirty. Dirty, hot and sweaty, as if he had been off working hard at a construction site, something she had a hard time picturing. He was almost gaping at her. " Randi, what were you just doing?"
" I was practicing," she said simply. She didn't see the need to explain herself. No one ever showed any interest in her hobbies before. " What are you doing down here?"
He stepped out onto the sand. " I was thinking of maybe doing a little swimming." He sat down near the water's edge, and let the tiny waves lap around his bare feet. Randi could see that he was barely aware of what he was doing. She wasn't surprised. Everyone was in shock to a varying degree. Carter was trying very hard to be strong, but she could see through it. He was pushing too hard to get everything organized. Checking on everyone, making sure that the house was ok. She suspected that his urge to keep everything ordered was a reaction to the chaos. Still, she did wonder what he'd been up to. Carter had never struck her as the manual labor type.
" Why are you so dirty?" she asked as she took a seat beside him.
" I uh.... found our grounds keeper." Carter leaned back. " I buried him. " He laughed a little, and shook his head. " You know, I know my parents must be dead. The news said the flu was popping up on all continents. They were in Switzerland on vacation and even if they are alive, I'll never see them again. My grandparents were on a business trip to England. I'll never see them either and I can't believe that they're alive, but I haven't cried or gotten upset. Not since Peter died. When I found Enrique though, all I could do for almost an hour was cry. I didn't even really like Enrique that much." He smiled. " He would scream at anyone that even looked harsh towards the flower garden. I found him there and I buried him there."
" That's nice though." Randi said after a moment. " He probably would have liked that." She paused. " It's not that strange that you haven't, you know, been upset. I mean, things have been pretty hectic until today. Sometimes you have to put aside how you feel just so you can get through the day." She knew that was how she felt. " You don't have to cry to grieve you know."
" What about you?" He looked at her, concern in his eyes. " You must have family."
" My parents disowned me a long time ago. I'm not even sure where they've been living." It was uncomfortable. She knew that Carter came from an entirely different world than hers, a world of giant homes filled with fancy breakables and nasty gardeners. " I guess they're dead. I don't know how I could check though."
" My folks weren't exactly happy with me either." Carter said after a moment. " They wanted me to take over the family business. Why were your folks mad?"
" I got caught vandalizing a church." She leaned back in the sand. " They were very religious. I wasn't. So they threw me out. Then after a few months, I got caught robbing a liquor store. I shot the store keeper so I went to prison. That didn't make them want to forgive me."
" That's too bad." Carter said softly.
" It was their problem, not mine." She stood up and brushed some of the sand off. " And it can't be changed now. Just like how you can't change what's gone on. Its over and done."
" Time to move on?" Carter asked gently.
" Not move on," she allowed. " Maybe you're not ready for that. I think this whole mess is a lot to move on. Maybe you need to forgive your family. They can't exactly argue with you."
He chuckled. " I guess not. I take it you've forgiven your parents?"
She smiled. " No way. I despised those bastards." She started to laugh. After a second Carter joined her.
" I have another question," he said after their laughter died off. " Why did you shoot the store keeper?"
" He got in my way, and I was a stupid little kid." Randi waved her hand as if it was an obvious conclusion. " I was dumb and I paid the price. I'm just glad I didn't kill him."
" He got in your way..." Carter's voice trailed off. " Maybe we should ask you to take Prozac too. I think we pressured Dr. Weaver into that. I wish she hadn't overheard us."
" You think?" Randi shook her head. She didn't consider Carter to be a clueless individual but it surprised her that he didn't see the obvious. " Carter, we worked her the way a shepherd works his dog. I can't believe you don't see that."
He looked at her quizzically. " What do you mean?"
She was amazed. It seemed incredibly obvious to her. Maybe, she allowed, I've spent more time actually observing these people. Or maybe Carter really is clueless, and I don't feel like explaining it. " I think," she said finally, " that the biggest problem we have isn't Kerry's mental state. She's totally aware that she did something flaky. I'd be more worried about Doug and his newfound attachment to the bottle." And maybe everyone's inability to focus. Not that she was winning any prizes there, she was willing to admit that. In some ways, she was surprised at what a mess everyone was in. That Doug was drinking wasn't a shock, she had seen that tendency in the man a long time ago. Kerry flipping out had been a surprise, but by the time it happened, not much of one. That was a woman that was just a little too dedicated to her job. Randi had predicted some sort of collapse. She also predicted a fairly quick turn around for the woman that probably would not be acknowledged by their companions. Jeanie seemed all right but she was clearly hoping that someone other than herself would take charge of the situation. Lucy was the same way. The new fellow, Kovac, wanted to take charge but he felt like an outsider and didn't think they'd listen to him. She suspected he was right, though she wouldn't have too much of a problem letting him be in charge. She liked how he had handled Weaver. At one point during their discussion earlier that morning, she'd honestly been afraid that they were actually going to try secretly drugging Kerry. That was a plan doomed to failure on a number of levels.
That left her and Carter. With different people, she thought things would be different. To her little group, she was Randi the desk clerk. For the moment she didn't mind. While it was irritating, she had no wish to be in charge and she wasn't yet irritated enough to make an issue of it. I'm no prizewinner for mental health, she thought suddenly. Like everyone else she had been on short sleep rations. She had been plagued by dreams, both good and bad, but startling in their clarity. The good dream was, for her, simply a little odd. She would find herself walking through a lush cornfield. She could hear a woman singing, singing the sort of old time hymns her parents used to bray at their many tent meetings. In the dream, the music pleased her. She would follow it, and find herself standing in a small clearing. There was a farm house there, and sitting on the porch was a very old black woman strumming a guitar. The woman would always smile at her and beckon her forward.
" My, ain't you the dandy?" the woman would say, a smile on her face. There would always be laughter in her voice, the laughter of an elder that didn't necessarily condone, but did understand. " When are you and your friends gonna come visit?" would be her question. It was a question Randi couldn't answer. She felt a certain wanderlust, and after the good dream, she always felt as though she wanted to head to Nebraska. Nebraska, she was certain, was where the old woman was. She wanted to go, but no one else seemed even ready to go to the grocery store. She sensed that it wasn't a crisis for them to leave yet.
The bad dream sometimes led right from the good dream. The sun would set,and Randi would find herself standing in the cornfield. Leaves would rustle, and she would see the glowing red eyes of rats. She would start running, and the corn would magically disappear and she would find herself running along a darkened dirty street. Someone was chasing her and her heart would beat so loudly she thought it would explode.
" Raaaannndi!" It was always a man's voice and it scared her. " I want you, Randi. You belong here with me. Everything about you just screams that, from your slutty little outfits to your very name. Come on Randi!" She would feel his cold, ice cold hands on her shoulders. He would spin her around and she would look into his face, but there was no face to see, merely a black gaping hole with glowing red eyes. On one occasion she'd woken up breathing as though she'd just finished running a mile.
" Randi?" Carter's voice held a touch of concern. He gently touched her shoulder. " You went away there for a moment."
She shrugged. Getting lost in thought was probably a sign of how screwed up she was. " I'm still tired I suppose." Carter was the sort that worried too much. She'd seen that from working with him. He worried about what people thought, he worried about doing the right thing. And he felt guilty over things that just couldn't be helped. He also had a tendency to lie, but that had a certain amusement value to her since he lied so badly. A good sort, but not the person she really wanted to be the boss of her. She gestured to the water. " Still want to swim? Where is everyone else anyway?"
" Mostly sleeping." Carter replied. " Doug was drinking beer on the porch. Kovac was reading a book. Lucy and Jeanie were napping. Kerry was fooling in the kitchen with something but I think I convinced her to lie down for a while in the family living room. And yes, I still want a swim. You?"
" Its getting hot so yeah. Go on, I'll join you." She watched appreciatively as he stripped off his shirt and waded out into the water. Nice, she thought as she unbutton her blouse. She took off her shorts, noting Carter's somewhat surprised look as she waded into the water wearing only her underwear. Did he really think I was going to walk back to the house for a suit, she wondered with amusement as she dove under the water. " The water's great."
" Um....yeah." Carter's face was just a little pink. She smiled at him, watching as he got darker. " So, uh...what were you doing on the beach? It looked like a dance."
" I was practicing shotokan karate kata. I have a third degree black belt." She ducked into the water and then popped back up to the surface.
" I didn't know you were a black belt." Carter said after a moment. " You never said anything."
" You never asked."
??