AN: Laura, your comments were very timely, because this chapter gets kind of serious and we get a taste for just how deeply Sheppard's really feeling this. To everyone, thanks so much, you're getting rapid updates becaues we're hopelessly addicted and enthused over the reactions! We were already in love with our little story, but knowing how much it's being enjoyed has made it all the more worthwhile, so thank you, very much!

NOT THE DADDY...18

Pregnancy clock: 6 months

John's first instinct was to back-pedal into his room and lock the door. But only two steps back and he bumped into Rodney's solid form. When John tried stepping around him, Rodney grabbed him by the shoulders and, firmly, pushed him forward. John cursed him beneath his breath.

Rodney ignored him, smiling widely.

"Congratulations, Colonel," Teyla offered, as she and Elizabeth moved closer with the cake.

"You shouldn't have done this," John said, keeping his tone polite but letting her see, by the look in his eyes, that he meant it. She really should not have done it.

Teyla merely grinned. "It was no bother," she said sincerely.

Elizabeth was grinning too. "Blow out the candles, John," she prompted.

"Candles..." John echoed, only to realize that, yup...there were lots of them bordering the cake. A glance and he added them up. 24. How...clichéd. He realized that everyone was watching him, expectantly, and an excuse bubbled on his lips.

But Rodney interjected by moving to stand next to John, leaning over the cake. "I'll help," he offered, looking strangely pleased and proud.

John didn't have it in him to burst Rodney's bubble, even though he was getting a bit creeped out. So he, half-heartedly, drew in a breath and expelled it over the cake. Basically he let Rodney do most of the work. Then there were cheers and applause and John begged Atlantis to open a hole beneath his feet and swallow him hole. Only, apparently, the baby wasn't the only Traitor around.

"We'll cut the cake," Elizabeth said, handing it off to someone. "Come this way, John...there are presents."

"Presents?" John was stunned. "Wait a minute...you all know I'm not really pregnant...right?" His voice rose in the end and he was starting to panic. Because if this was meant to be an elaborate joke at his expense, it wasn't the least bit funny.

Elizabeth patted his shoulder. "We're going to send everything to Dreya for the baby."

John felt relieved yet not fully unruffled. "Look...why don't you take this party to her. Okay? Take the presents to her and open them there. That's how it's supposed to be." John felt suddenly suffocated. The walls were closing in on him and he wanted to escape. "I'm sorry...I can't do this," he mumbled to Elizabeth, then he was pushing past Rodney and fleeing down the hallway. He heard Rodney telling everyone to let him go and John made a mental note to thank the man later. For right now he was focused on stepping into the nearest transporter and a few minutes later he standing on a balcony, sucking in the cool night air.

After a time, John felt the tension leave him and as he sank down to the ground. He felt stupid. And unappreciative. He knew no one meant any harm by the gesture of the party. John knew he would be making a lot of apologies later. Heaving a sigh, he felt Traitor give him a hard kick and he rubbed his stomach absently. "Yeah...I suck," John stated. "Sorry. You're lucky I'm not one of your parents, kiddo." Another sigh and he closed his eyes and wished he could turn back time.

"Colonel?"

"Zelenka." John didn't turn but he recognized the voice. "I'm not going back so don't even bother trying."

Zelenka moved to sit beside him. "No...I would not try. Actually...I came to apologize."

John was surprised and he opened his eyes and turned to look at the Czech. "You did? Why?"

"The party...it was my idea." Zelenka looked abashed. "I had thought...well...that you would find it amusing. I was wrong."

"I see." John didn't, not really. He was still finding it hard to believe Zelenka had been behind it and not Teyla. "Dr. Z...there is very little about what's happening to me that I find amusing." Might as well be honest here.

Zelenka eyed him a moment, then nodded. "Yes...I understand now. My apologies. From where I am...sitting...this is all very fascinating. But to walk a mile in your shoes...I imagine not so much."

John was glad the man finally understood. "You really don't want to walk a mile in my shoes now," he stated. "My feet are killing me." John flexed his ankles and his toes as he spoke, wishing he had thought to put his sneakers on.

"I might be able to help with that," Zelenka offered.

"Oh?" John eyed him with suspicion. "How?"

Zelenka was grinning. "I will make you more comfortable boots. Yes?"

John nodded. "Yes. I'd appreciate that."

"Good. Is done." Zelenka stood up. "I will go back and tell everyone party is over."

"No...don't do that." John moved to rise and caught his breath when he twisted wrong. God he hated being like this. He felt Zelenka grab his arm and let the other man help him stand. "Thanks."

Zelenka merely nodded.

John remembered what he had been saying. "I'll go back to the party. Maybe we all need this. Maybe then people will move past my...condition...and I'll be able to get on with my life. Such as it is." Traitor kicked again and John rubbed his belly. He saw Zelenka watching and sighed. "Go ahead," John offered, gesturing to his stomach. When Zelenka hesitated he took his hand and pressed it to his abdomen. Traitor kicked on cue and John laughed at the expression on Zelenka's face as the scientist snatched his hand back as if it had been burned.

"I did not realize," Zelenka whispered. "So...real."

"Yeah...too real sometimes," John confirmed.

Zelenka looked regretful. "I will not bother you anymore, Colonel. That is to say...I will not make fun of you. This is...truly amazing."

John sighed. "I guess." He clapped Zelenka on the shoulder. "Come on...we have a party to attend." That said, they headed out together.

The party was still going, more or less, when they returned. Teyla brought John cake and a glass of milk and settled him into a corner of the room where they had moved everything too. John wasn't hungry but he drank the milk as he played with the frosting. He smiled at everyone who greeted him and was relieved when Elizabeth said they'd take the presents to Eradia tomorrow, to let Dreya open them. John refused the offer to go and watch. He didn't feel up to it. Even though he was connected to Dreya and the baby, they weren't a part of his life. Not really. So John basically plastered on a party smile, drank milk and stared at his watch. He was just getting ready to excuse himself when Caldwell sauntered over.

"Mind if I sit?" he asked, gesturing to the chair that McKay had just vacated.

"Of course, Sir," John made to rise.

Caldwell waved him back. "We're off duty and you're still head of Atlantis, Colonel. Relax." He smiled as he sat down. "So...I'm guessing you never signed up for anything like this when you agreed to come here."

John snorted. "I didn't sign up for anything that's happened since I got here."

"I've read Dr. Beckett's reports on you and I've talked to Weir. It's agreed by all of us that you're grounded from going off world on missions until the baby is born." Caldwell's tone was neutral, but the order was clear.

"I figured as much," John stated, keeping his own tone neutral. But he was not happy about this. He knew it was dangerous to even think about going off world, but he resented the fact that it was Caldwell laying down the law.

Caldwell leaned back in his chair, eyeing John with amusement. "Must be an...interesting...experience," he drawled.

John had to resist the urge to jump up and punch Caldwell, just to flatten the smirk off his face. But he was saved by Beckett, who approached John with a concerned expression and pulled him from his chair.

"Time for bed, Colonel," he said firmly. "You're looking tired so I'll give you a little something to help you sleep."

"I..." John began, but he broke off when he realized he didn't' want to stick around. At the same time, he was pissed at the way Beckett was babying him. John felt like he couldn't really win no matter what he did, so he let Beckett pull him away. He said goodbye as he passed by everyone on his way out the door, but then he pulled away from Beckett in the corridor. "I can make it to my room on my own!" John snapped.

Carson was not impressed with his bad mood. "Aye...I'm sure you can," he allowed. "But I'm still going to escort you and give you a little something to help you sleep. It's pretty obvious you're all wound up."

John made a face then sighed. "Sorry I snapped at you. I'm just in a permanent bad mood."

"Hormones." Carson nodded sagely.

"I am so fucking sick of this!" John thundered, and he could feel his blood pressure rising but he didn't care. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to punch the wall.

Carson was suddenly in front of him, gripping his shoulders. "You need to calm down!" His voice was sharp but pitched low. "Think of the baby!"

John lost it at that. "There is no BABY! And we both know my condition does not affect IT or DREYA! Now leave me the hell alone!" John pulled away from Beckett and headed down the hallway. But after a few steps he staggered when a wave of dizziness hit him, forcing him to stop and lean against the wall for support.

"Colonel!" Carson was by his side in an instant. "Take it easy, son. Let's get you down to the infirmary."

"No...I'm okay." John was trying to breathe slowly to help the dizzy feeling pass. "I'm fine..." he insisted, as he felt Carson wrap an arm around his waist. It really really sucked going through this. It sucked and it wasn't fair and John was tired of it. "Knock me out until it's over," he begged.

Carson heaved a sigh of his own and shook his head. "Only a few more months, Colonel. We'll get you through it. Right now you need to rest."

John stopped arguing. He was too worn out to bother. So he let Beckett take him to the infirmary. He let himself be hooked up to monitors and he welcomed the shot that sent him into oblivion.

OoO

Two weeks passed with John in a kind of depression. Beckett told him it was normal and hormonal and John was just bummed out enough not to have the energy to even think about decking him. The feeling was hard to shake. This apathy. John was tired again and he didn't want to eat and his body felt unnatural in every way and he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. So, of course, everyone and their mother kept bothering him.

Elizabeth wanted John to see Kate. He outright refused. Rodney tried to annoy John out of his mood and just missed getting a broken nose because of it. Teyla tried backrubs, which just put John to sleep and he still woke up feeling blue and moody. Then she tried to get him to learn to meditate and that got her, firmly, pushed out of his room.

Ronon was the one who came up with a workable idea. He told Weir that John was feeling closed in and that he needed fresh air and open spaces. So she agreed to let John pilot a shuttle run to the mainland for fruit. Ronon would accompany him. There was no danger to worry about so Elizabeth allowed it and John actually felt a bit excited.

The flight to the mainland was nice. Nothing spectacular to speak of, but it felt good to be off Atlantis and Ronon was good company because he only spoke when spoken too and mostly he just grunted in reply. So they landed on the mainland and were met by Halling and Jinto. Ronon went off to help load the shuttle with fruit products and John let Jinto lead him off to play.

Since Dreya was six and a half months pregnant, John had to compensate for his non-existent belly, but he was able to kick a ball back and forth with Jinto without toppling over. After that Jinto took him on a tour then they ended up at some hut and were invited in for tea and sweets. John was enjoying himself. After eating they went back to the shuttle and John knew it was almost time to go, but he wanted to take one last walk about, this time near the water.

Ronon agreed, so long as he went with him. John was okay with that. So they walked to the beach then strolled near the waters edge.

"You like water," Ronon stated.

"Yeah...I miss it." John thought, wistfully of surfing.

Ronon stared at the water. "You miss home?"

John considered. "I miss...normal."

"I do not envy you this," Ronon said. "But you are handling it well. Better than I would."

"I'm not handling it at all," John countered, because he felt the need to be honest. "I hate this, Ronon. It's freaky and scary and I am so not cut out to deal with it."

Ronon said nothing for a time, they just continued walking. But eventually he asked, "Do you feel violated?"

John froze at the question, not looking at Ronon as the meaning sunk it. He hadn't really thought about it. He had been angry at Dreya at times for forcing this on him but he hadn't really thought of the true implications of what it meant. Feeling Ronon's gaze heavy upon him, John finally replied, "Yeah...I guess I do. Sometimes."

"Maybe you should talk to someone about it." Ronon offered these sage words then said, "We need to head back."

"Okay." John was too lost in thought to argue. Just when he thought he'd faced everything, life sucker-punched him with something else.

The ride back to Atlantis was heavy with silence.

THE END...of part 18