A/N Sorry guys! I meant to update before I left for my dad's but the chapter just wasn't finished yet. So, here you go, hope you enjoy it. Thanks too...

Sammey: Maybe, maybe not. Haven't gotten that far yet

Twist 130: Glad you're reading and that you like it.

demented-dreamer: hugs teddy bear I didn't drink any coffee but am now officailly out of hot cocoa. And just for you, I have the next chapter all done also.

cylobaby: lol. Worried? Would I ever steer you wrong?

...: Yeah... you'll get a little more of an insight into what Derek is thinking in this chapter. I'm pretty sure anyways. And yes... poor Lee. But it gets worse.

Fyr's Shadow: Yeah... I feel really bad for the soldier also. I was sad when I did that stuff to him, especially cause I know who he is. lol. You'll understand soon enough what I mean by that.

Zerrin: Yeah... it was funny. And poor Derek. But it'll work out.

cloverluck11: Glad you liked his reaction. It was a toughie.

warrior of tortall: Yes, he is suspecting, but he kinda lets it slide for a while.

Mage Light: I'm so very glad that you love it.

Chapter Fourteen:

Tori lurched forward a final step before her legs gave out from under her and she fell to the ground. Jon, hearing the thump came back to her, cooing and trying to get her to rise. But she couldn't. Dragging Derek behind her on a bed of leaves and sticks had been her greatest, and only, idea on getting them to safety. She just hadn't comprehended how much it would hurt to pull him along.

She had built up some muscles working with Derek and his squad over the months, but certainly not enough to drag him for long periods of time. She had gone as far she could today, but sadly, it hadn't truly been all that far. Before Derek had passed out with pain, the process of fixing his leg temporarily had been excruciating on him, he had told her that a road ran parallel with the river. The only problem being it was several miles walk to the road. And with her ribs aching and Derek's dead weight, it was no easy going.

Jon wasn't faring any better. She had thought he was the one that had gotten off easy with no injuries, but during the night, while they had been sleeping, he had taken a cold. Now, he was feeling as crappy as the rest of them. And here he was trying to comfort her.

She supposed it was selfish of her not to tell him that she was hurt, but she didn't want to add to his worries. He was scared spit-less that he had permanently damaged Derek when he had jumped off the cliff to save Jon. If she told him that she had been hurt too, he would break down completely. But it was getting harder and harder to ignore. And having the rope tied around her waist wasn't helping either. But where else could they put it really?

"Jon… we have … to stop," she gasped, giving up completely and laying down, stretching out beside her unconscious commander. Jon's eyes filled up with wet tears as he stared down at her. She knew she looked sickly. How could she not? But she had to reassure him. There was no way she could drag him too.

"Don't worry Jon. We made good time today. Come, lie down beside me and we'll sleep," she patted the space beside her and scooted over more so he would be between her and Derek. He would have more warmth that way, with Derek at his back.

Jon cuddled close to her, his arms folded over his chest, using her chest as a pillow. His nose pressed up close to her neck. She wrapped one arm across his stomach and Derek's, the other under her head and threw her leg across him and over Derek's hips. She wanted to spread her warmth out to both of them. She couldn't afford either one of them to be sick, Jon sicker then he already was.

It wasn't long before she felt Jon relaxing into sleep. With a murmured sigh, she kissed the top of his small head and tucked her head in close to his, her own eyes drifting closed, the pain numbing in her abdomen.

For once, she didn't dream. Exhaustion saved her from that. But when she woke in the morning she felt as if she hadn't slept at all. She could feel her toes freezing in their shoes and worse yet, it had begun to rain during the night, covering them all in light dew. She was shivering, even though Jon was keeping half of her warm. Because of her exhaustion, she had been susceptible to the drop in temperature and now she was getting a cold also.

She felt a tickle in her nose and let out a tiny little sneeze, one that made barely a noise, but still a sneeze. It could even be termed as cute. She released her pent up breath and opened her vivid green eyes.

"Good morning."

She let out startled gasp when she found Derek's face inches from her own, staring into her eyes. His eyes, clouded with pain twinkled with laughter. She scowled before giving him a puzzling frown. How had a gotten so close to her during the night? Where was Jon?

A sudden sharp jab of pain screaming through her stomach made her hastily close her eyes as she sucked in a breath. She turned her head up as she released the breath and looked down slightly to find that Jon was more then half on top of her, as she was on her back, thereby giving her room to get closer to Derek. Who was reaching out to touch her face.

She stiffened as his hand settled on her cheek, turning her face so she looked at him. "What was that?" he whispered, his voice husky with sleep. It settled over her and she shivered.

"What was what?" she whispered back, pretending she didn't understand. She knew he had seen her wince of pain. But if she told him then he would make her stop. He would insist on walking on crutches and she couldn't allow that. There was a chance with him on crutches that he would hit a rock or something with his foot and it would come out of the binding and would heal crooked. She couldn't have that, wouldn't have her commander end up a gimp because she had been weak about her own hurts. No, she would keep it hidden, just as she had kept it hidden from Jon.

"That wince," he told her, staring deep into her eyes, searching for the truth. But she had learned a thing or two from the woman in her visions and she quickly shuttered everything of interest from his view. Of course, she spoiled that by sneezing.

He smiled at her dainty sneeze and seemed to realize he was still touching her cheek, pulling it back fast. She saw the strangest thing on his face next. It looked almost… almost like a blush. She stared for a moment before dismissing it as nothing.

"Morning breath," she said hastily before turning to the side and allowing Jon to slip from her to the ground. He slumped down before rolling to the side and onto Derek. Tori made a snickering sound before sitting up completely and looking about her. She became aware very quickly of some needs that needed to be taken care of out of sight of the two beside her. But from the looks of Jon's state she needn't worry. Derek couldn't get up with his broken leg and Jon was sound asleep.

"I'll be back," she whispered rising to her feet and stifling the groan as her ribs protested. She hurried out into the woods a good ways, making sure that Derek wouldn't have any chance of seeing her then took care of her business. When she was finished, she lifted her shirt and undid the laces of her corset, parting it so she could look down at her stomach.

Angry purple and black bruises covered her entire abdomen where first the rope had dug into her during the fall and where it had dug into her when she had pulled Derek along the ground. She knew that the rest of the bruises were due to the fact that she hadn't gotten any help. But just the sight of it made her wince.

A rustle in the bushes made her look up and over her shoulder. Jon and made his way into the bushes where she was. Quickly, lest he see the ugly bruises, she did up the laces and dropped the shirt back down from where she had held it with her chin. She turned to Jon when she was covered and gave him the best smile that she could afford.

"Ready to go back to Derek?" Her voice was tight with pain for she had twisted slightly, sending more pain rocketing. He nodded and she headed back to where she had left Derek.

"Boy, help me into the bushes," He commanded her when he saw her. She gave him a funny look, staring at him, asking him what for with her eyes. "What else do you think? For the same reason you just left to go into the bushes."

She paled and she could have sworn she would faint as she felt the blood rush from her brain to heat her face.

Once again, Tori was dragging Derek along as she walked through the woods. She had figured out that if she held the rope in her hands even as it was looped around her waist, it took most of the pressure off of her ribs, making it much easier to walk. And she was able to walk much farther then before, even though she was sniffling as often as she was sneezing. And she was sneezing as often as she was stepping.

Jon was walking beside the litter that they had Derek on once more. As they walked, Jon entertained Derek with silly jokes and outrageous stories. Entertained him so much, he had fallen asleep. Now, Jon entertained himself with a stick that he was banging into the logs that he passed.

When they reached the road, Tori stumbled and hit her knees hard on the ground her hands falling forward to catch herself even as the rope jerked across her midsection. With a strangled scream she fainted.

With quivering hands she slowly closed the door behind her. She knew the soldier had some half formed scheme of following her to her room after he had spoken privately with her mother, but she couldn't allow it. It was best for her to cut off all contact with him.

After the sympathetic story she had feed him, Lee was certain that the soldier would love her mother even more then before. Lee really was impressed with her mother's performance. It was better then she had expected.

When she had joined the two in the hall, she had first explained how ashamed she was with how she had acted towards her own daughter. Then, after she had burst into sobs of course, she had confessed all her sins to the soldier's chest, as she had conveniently fallen into his arms.

After she had thoroughly purged her soul of all her wrong doings, she had tried for the final touch of apologizing to her jilted daughter. She had even gone so far as to try and hug her. Lee had taken a single step back when her mother had opened her arms to accept her into them. Then she had turned her back and walked away.

Now, now she wanted to leave. She wanted to go to her beach and be alone, be alone to sort through her thoughts and her plans. She had to send the soldier out to the front line. Maybe her mother would follow him and she could be alone and in peace.

She heard the knock on her door and opened it. But before the soldier could say anything, she breezed by him, her nose in the air, her demeanor as cold as the ocean in the dead of winter.

He fell into step beside her, but when he opened his mouth to talk she cut him off. "Soldier, I'm sending you to the front lines. Be prepared to leave at dawn," she gave him a good glare to keep him quiet.

It failed.

"She apologized Lee. And you just walked away. How could you turn your back to her?" his voice was hurt, but she knew it was on her mother's behalf. Already she had caught his heart and his mind. All that was left was his body, before she had full control of him. And from the scene thatLee had seen earlier, it wouldn't be long before she had him completely. Then she would suck him for everything he was worth until he had nothing but a husk of a body left. His soul would die under her poison. And as much as she could warn him, she knew that he wouldn't listen. She had lost and he would be gone within a year, alive, but no longer himself.

He placed a gentle hand on her arm and turned her to face him. She would give him one last chance to free himself from her mother, one last chance to redeem himself in her eyes. In a quiet reasonable voice she asked him quite logically, "If she really loved me and was sorry for what she did, if it was really all my father's fault, why did she wait so long to say she was sorry? To say that she truly did love me?"

He could only look into her eyes helplessly. He didn't know the answer and neither did she. "My father has been dead since I was eight, Dock. If she truly loved me she wouldn't have waited this long to tell me so? She doesn't love me, and she doesn't love you. She wants attention. And I won't be the one to give it to her. Will you?"

He drew away from her, even though he didn't move physically. She could feel him pull away even though his body didn't move. He mentally and emotionally pulled away from her. And though she mourned at the loss, she couldn't allow herself to feel it.

Instead she shrugged off his hand and told him not to forget his orders and walked away.

When she woke the next morning, he was gone, but her mother was still firmly planted within the palace.

The pain woke her, throbbing across her abdomen even as she sneezed, her head thunking forward against the shoulder that it had rested on, her forehead hitting against the bone and wincing. She lifted her weak hand to touch her aching head. She sniffled and opened her red eyes.

"Where are we?" she croaked, her throat dry and sore. She soothed it with her hand, and suffered her troubles with a cough. Her head ached, her stomach throbbed and she was getting a scratchy throat. And she was sick. Again.

The subtle rocking and plodding of a horse's hooves brought her attention to the fact that she was moving. Or more accurately, the thing she was sitting on was moving. Or to be most precise the thing that she was sitting on was sitting on something that was moving. She looked down and found herself sitting on Derek's thigh. The one that was undamaged. His arm was around her back, resting on his thigh next to her hip and her head was on his shoulder. They were covered with a blanket. Across from her, Jon was getting the same treatment. Due to the fact that the break was on the lower leg, there was room for both of them on his lap.

"We're on our way to the healer's. She'll get us all patched up and then we'll be on our way back to New Hope. How are you feeling?" Derek answered her, bending his head close to her ear so that he didn't wake Jon, who needed sleep as much as she did.

Like crap she thought with a healthy mental scowl. But he was her commander and it was wrong to show weakness in front of him. "Wonderful."

She became very aware that she was sitting on his lap and though he didn't have the knowledge that she was a woman, she was very in the know that he was a man. With a more then healthy blush she slithered from his lap and onto the wagon bed.

She rubbed at her head and wrapped her arm close to her stomach holding the broken bones. She wanted so badly to be at the healer's, to be healed. She was tired of pain, tired of everything that had happened to her in the last couple of days.

But mostly, she was tired of the visions. There were so many conflicting emotions that they provoked in her. So many feelings that she didn't understand. She felt hatred, so strong that at times she felt as if she was drowning in them. And she felt this conflicting emotion for a person that she had never met, and she had never seen. In all her dreams she had never seen the woman's face.

And the pain that she felt, the betrayal of the man thatLee had thought she loved, it madeTori hurt too. But she had never met him, never met any of them. So why should she feel what she did if she didn't even know them?

Besides, it was exhausting feeling all these things. The woman in her visions, Lee, might be a cold as a fish, but Tori was far from it. And when she wasn't experiencing things from Lee's eyes, she felt emotions. To many emotions.

She was far more tired then she realized and ended up falling back to sleep, soothed by the rocking of the wagon. When next she woke, she found herself in the healer's quarters.

She quickly felt around her abdomen and found that she was still wearing her corset. But the bruises and sores were gone. It seemed the healer had been able to heal her without taking off any of her clothes. Even if the healer had wanted to, Tori had full confidence that Jon would have stopped it.

She pushed herself to a sitting position and hobbled like an old lady from the room. Her stomach was still tender after the recent healing. With a stifled groan and a sneeze, she took notice of the room before her. Derek was sprawled unconscious on a table, a sheet pulled to his waist. Other then that he was quite naked.

A healthy blush crept across her cheek as she stared at his sculpted chest. She seen Robert without a shirt thousands of times, but somehow this was different. The sight of his chest was making her stomach fill and flutter with butterflies.

She knew she shouldn't, but before she could stop herself, she walked to him and rested her hand on his shoulder. His skin was warm beneath her hand and made it tingle. Everything about him made her tingle. He was such a good person, true and just to others, caring of people's welfare. A wonderful fighter with a hidden humor, and though he laughed at her more then anyone else, she had a feeling that it was a secret laughter that he only shared with people he cared for.

At the thought that he cared for her, her heart nearly melted. She sighed even as her hand traveled across his chest up to rest on his cheek. Almost against her will, her thumb caressed it. His lashes fluttered and he turned his head into her cheek, his lips kissing it. And her heart did melt.

She knew in that moment that she loved him. Had always loved him, from the moment in the tavern when he had looked at her and dismissed her. That was probably what had started it. For all the time she could remember, men had flocked to her. They had loved her beauty, and she had hated it. She had always avoided them, avoided the fact that they were attracted to her. But with Derek, he had done none of that. He hadn't given her a second glance. And because of that, it had freed her to attract him.

And that had grown into a love. A love that she could no longer have. She was a man now, and she would be until she had a way to allow Robert to rest in peace. And after that, if she wasn't convicted for his murder, she would have to leave and start over as another person. There would always be someone who thought she had killed her brother of the heart and because of that, she could never be Torianna again.

With one tear slipping down her cheek, she dropped her hand from his own and turned away, her shoulders hunching against the pain that crashed upon her. A sob was welling up in her throat as she hurried from the room. She hadn't known love would hurt like this. Hadn't known it would crush her heart so badly.

When she had read of love in books it had always spoken so highly of it, had always said that it was a joyous thing, an emotion that made her see stars and dreams finally in reach, see hearts and smell flowers. That made her happy.

But this love, this love crushed her heart, wrapped her heart in it's bruising embrace and wouldn't let go. She wanted to weep with it, but she couldn't let herself. If she allowed herself this weakness, would she allow herself every other weakness? She would live through this, she had to do live through it. She had lived through Robert's death and she could handle the death of her own heart.

"Boy," the voice whispered as she headed through the door. For a moment, she felt as if she would ignore him and continue walking. But instead, she turned to him and forced a smile to her face. It was her silly little smile that was merely a tug on the corner of her lips, but it made Derek smile.

He had realized during the wagon ride that he had come to love the fierce little boy. He would see about his mother adopting him so they could be brothers. The boy had said he had lost his older one, and Derek had always wanted a younger one. If Derek mentioned it, he knew that they boy would agree to it.

He was simply glad that he had found such a good companion in his lifetime. True friends were hard for him to come by, due to the fact that he had sworn to the rules of being commander and the number one rule was to never be friends with his soldiers.

But in Torick's case, he was willing to break the rules. The boy was just so in need of someone to be a friend to him. He had seen so much hardship in his life, including the death of his brother. And to have to take his place in the family, to have to be the son that his parent's had lost. Torick needed a friend and as much as he hated to admit it, he needed a friend to.

Tori, slowly as she fought to mask the pain in her eyes, walked back towards him. Just the sight of him was making it worse. She didn't understand how she could do this for the rest of her life, let alone the remainder of time it would take her to find the people who had killed Robert. But she would do it.

"My mother is here. The people who found us sent a runner to New Hope. She's here to give us new orders. As soon as I'm movable, we're heading to Pirate's Swoop. The Seridian royal family is returning to Serinda and the King's want us to see to the security of Novellee and Burdock, wish us to make certain that Ciem and his pregnant wife Evie remain safe until they are safely in the harbor. Understood?"

She nodded but couldn't make herself speak. He had set up and the sheet had pooled in his lap, making his bronzed chest all the easier to see. She couldn't do it though, she couldn't look. It only made her want touch him, and she couldn't do that. He wasn't for her and he never would be.

She gave him another small smile before leaving the room. Derek called out for her, but she pretended not to hear and continued out on her way. When she entered the waiting room, her shoulders shook slightly with the recess of the pain. But she managed to gulp it down and shove it away. She had become so adapt at doing that with emotions that she almost didn't notice the struggle she felt.

Almost.

"You bastard!" the enraged screech shattered the silence of the room as she whipped around. She saw Jon's father running towards her, rage coloring his vision as she started to slowly back away.

The older man's heavy fist slammed into her jaw, slamming her back where she tripped over a wayward chair and sprawled on the stone floor her head cracking against it. Her eyes rolled up in her head as she curled away from the booted feet that went straight for her gut.

"How could you take my son into a battle with you!" he screamed as his breath panted from his open mouth. He had stopped his kicking only to grab her by the back of the neck and lift her up in his steely grip. She felt the bones in her neck rubbing together and nearly fainted with the pain.

Once he had her at eye level with him, her with her feet dangling several feet in the air, he shook her viciously before sending her flying into the wall. Her back hit first, then her limbs and her skull. The solid thunk her body made had the walls shaking and people running in even as she slithered to the ground.

"Tori!" she winced as she tried to stand, but Jon's small body knocking into her only helped to force her back down. He was sobbing and clutching at her, wrapping his strong young arms around her waist and squeezing. "They're making me leave you! They're taking me away from you! Don't let them do it!"

Numair had entered the room along with Harlow and the two of them had restrained Jon's father, pulling him from the room. She was alone with Jon. Carefully, she settled him on her hip and lifted them up. With painful steps she carried him into the room she had first been in and closed the door.

Alone and free of prying eyes and ears she shushed Jon. "What are you saying Jon? Calm down and tell me what is the matter."

"My father was very mad at you for the battle. He didn't believe me when I told him that it was my idea to go with you and you didn't know. He was awful mad. Wanted to burst into your room while the healer was working on you and kill you. Lady Knight Kel wouldn't let him. But still… he doesn't trust you anymore. Or anyone who trusts you. So, he's taking us away, back to our home. I begged him and mother to let me stay with you, but they wouldn't. They said you were a coward and a cheat. That you were a bad influence on me. They're taking me away from you Tori. I'll never see you again!"

After that tear-jerking explanation, he once more buried his head in her chest and sobbed. She sat in a chair and let him to it, rubbing his back as he cried. She wanted to cry herself, for many reasons. But she couldn't allow herself that. One tear, just one tear, and she would break completely.

Instead, she set about to soothe him. "Jon, shush. You're going to be a knight, aren't you?" she whispered to him. He nodded, hitting her chin with the back of his head. "Well then, why are you crying?"

He looked up at her, his eyes red and puffy, but dry. "Because… because I'll never see you again." But he wasn't so sure that was true anymore. She was smiling.

"Jon to become a knight, you must go to the palace. The Own's headquarters is at the palace. We'll see each other all the time! And you can be Raoul's squire and I'll see you even more often," she knew it was a lie. Torick would be gone from this earth by the time he became a knight. Either she was dead for murder or she was started over somewhere new. She would never see him again. And though it was the end for her, she couldn't crush his heart like hers was crushed. She would give him this false hope, if only he would smile for her one last time. She wanted the last image of him to be happy.

"This isn't the end, Jon, this is just a vacation. The years will pass like nothing. I bet… I bet you won't even remember me. You'll make so many new friends at the palace and at your home, I'll just be a fond memory. You won't need me."

He sniffed and smiled and rubbed at his red eyes. With an impish grin he wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her tight, kissing her cheek. "I'll never forget you, Tori. You'll be my best friend forever. And when I get to the palace, you'll see. We'll spend time together always. You won't forget me will you?" he pleaded, staring into her emerald eyes.

"Never Jon. Never," she kissed his head and gave him one last squeeze before setting him on the floor and opening the door for him. His father nearly ripped him from her arms in his haste to leave. She followed them to the door and stood in it to watch them leave.

Jon mounted his small pony and followed his father and mother as they cantered from the little lane that the healer lived on. When he reached the final bend in the road he stopped and turned his horse.

He must have known she would be there, for he lifted his hand and waved one lone wave before turning the bend and passing from her sight.

Yes, she thought as she clutched at the pain that knifed through her chest, love hurt. It hurt terribly.

A/N. There you go. Now... if you haven't read my other stories, I insist that you do so, only because the next few chapters will be dealing with my original characters from those other two. And it would be much easier to understand and would make a lot more sense if you read those. K? Review me!

Nubia