" ER/Stand part 23 "
Carter held the pistol in his hands as though it was some strange object from another planet. He felt cold inside and out and it wasn't just the fact that the night was chilly and they didn't want to risk a fire. He had fired the gun at someone, and he was pretty sure he'd hit the man. Oh, he didn't feel guilty,
not really, but in a strange way, he did. The notion that a man was out there, even a bad man that deserved what he got, bleeding from a wound that he had inflicted made him feel awful. There was no easy way around that.
He had been with the others when they heard the first gunshot. It had sounded like a shot gun, a scatter gun as his grandfather had called them. Then, as they looked up in surprise,
a band of motorcyclists had swooped down upon them. All four of them dove for cover as the bikers began shooting. Luka had been grazed by one of the bullets but really, they all had been very lucky to not be killed in the opening volley. They had all fired back, and Carter was sure that he had struck one of them. Randi was also positive she had scored a "kill" as she called it, but while two of the bikers had immediately disengaged, they hadn't gone down. Then, they had spotted Lucy hiding behind an abandoned car across the street. They had swooped down and grabbed her before he had even been able to call out a warning. In a matter of seconds they had turned their bikes around and were whooping off down the road. With Lucy, and leaving behind devastated survivors.
He had wanted to go chasing after them right then, but Jeanie had managed to calm all of them down. We need to wait, she had said, for Kerry and Doug to get back. After an hour though,
even Jeanie had lost her optimism. They had heard one of the bikers shout the name of the next town over so they decided to take the back roads and try to head them off. It was foolish, and it was likely to get them all killed, but they all felt like they had to do something.
So now they were camped out in the middle of no where with nothing but their sleeping bags and what was loaded on their cycles. The group was sadly depleted and no one had really been in the mood to talk. He worried about Kerry and Doug. He had left them a note, and they both had maps, but it felt like far too little.
" Carter." He looked up at the sound of Luka's voice. The tall, dark favored man had been very, very quiet all evening. He wondered about Kovac, he really did. Luka wasn't that much older than he was, maybe eight years, and yet sometimes he had the feeling that Luka had seen a hell of a lot more in life than he ever would. Luka stepped over and sat down beside him. " Carter,
what are you doing?"
" Just thinking," he said. " Just worried. About Lucy. And Kerry. And Doug."
" Lucy will be all right." Luka said easily. Carter noticed immediately what was missing from that statement.
" But not Kerry and Doug?" he asked.
Luka looked down. Suddenly Carter could see the worry, the stress, and the sheer dejection on the other man's face. " Do you really want my honest opinion, Carter?"
Not when you put it that way, Carter thought. He nodded for the other man to continue despite himself.
" Doug is dead." Luka stated it baldly. " That shot we heard, they were firing at him. Lucy said he was going to look for Kerry but he was only gone maybe five minutes. They shot him and he never came back... and we didn't look for him. If he was just hurt, he would have made it back."
Carter had to admit, his theory made sense. Doug hadn't been drinking at that point. He certainly would have made his way back. He had the notion that Doug didn't like being alone. He knew he didn't care for it much either. " What about Kerry?"
Luka shrugged. " I don't know. I think she was all right mentally. I think she's been all right for a while. I don't think being by herself is going to make her snap. But..." Luka shook his head. " She has my gun. I gave it to her. We've run into too many .... bad people. She wanted to get some cold medicine and I didn't want to go with her so I gave her my gun." He smiled just a little. " Considering she's a better shot than any of us, she's probably in better shape. I just worry... She has a disability. I don't know how she could get along. You know the roads aren't good. She's not going to be able to travel all that well, if she is still alive and I don't know how likely that is."
It was as close to the truth as Carter really wanted to get.
Just like how he didn't want to even try and think about how Lucy must be doing. The obvious came to mind, but he forced that away.
It wasn't going to help. " What are we going to do?"
He willing to defer to Luka. It had been Luka that had organized them, made sure everyone reloaded their guns and gotten them out of there. It had been Luka who had organized their rough camp of tarps they had salvaged out of an abandoned car. It was Luka that had first suggested the plan to circle around and try to catch the bikers, and Carter was more than willing to listen to the man.
Luka gestured to the rain that was still pouring down. They were reasonably dry, since they had made lean-to fashioned shelter but it still promised to be a miserable night. " The rain, " Luka said softly, " is going to slow them up. More than it will us. They probably aren't in any mood to move fast. We can get to the next town and set up an ambush."
" How?"
" Hopefully a town that size will have a National Guard armory." Luka pointed to it on the map. " We need better weapons.
Automatic rifles. There's six of them and four of us so we need more fire power. If there's some land mines, we can use those to herd them into our fire."
" Do you know how to set land mines?" Carter asked after a moment. It certainly wasn't something he had picked up in medical school.
" Carter, I was in a war." He said it simply, as if it was the obvious answer. Carter supposed it probably was. Luka's features seemed to grow dark as if he was slowly being overwhelmed by memories. " I was drafted into the army for a while. I'm not.... I'm not proud of what happened there, but I do know a few military skills. Its worth it if we can save Lucy."
" Was it bad? The war I mean." He knew he was stepping into dangerous territory with the older man, but he was curious and he suspected that Luka needed to talk.
Luka seemed to hesitate. " It was a war, Carter. This, " he gestured expansively around the forest, a gesture that Carter knew encompassed not just the dark woods but the summer and the plague and everything that went with it, " this was fate. A disease doesn't understand who it kills. Its cold but in a way,
its more fair. It invades your body and you are either immune or not. A war is different. It's people choosing who lives and who dies. And... sometimes you're the one doing the choosing. "
" You had to kill someone." It seemed like a given but he wanted Luka to confirm it.
Luka smiled sadly. " You know the one way war is like a flu virus? Sometimes you get so angry, so mad, at all of the destruction and death around you, you start acting like a disease. Not caring or understanding who you kill. You're just so angry, you want to hurt people. Its an ugly feeling. And yes Carter, I killed someone during the war. Several people actually.
I went crazy, I suppose, after my wife and children were executed. I didn't care whether I lived or died. I just wanted to hurt people. Make them feel as awful as I did. Then, one day, I looked up, and it was almost a year since my family was killed and I was in some army camp holding a gun." He shook his head. "
It was awful. This is a picnic by comparison."
He didn't know what to say to that. It made his guilt seem paltry by comparison. " I'm sorry, " he said finally. " I just felt...."
" You felt terrible because you're a doctor and you shot at someone." Luka said. " I can't say don't feel bad, because you will no matter what until you come to terms with it. Just don't beat yourself up too much. Those men... They aren't feeling bad about shooting at us and they would do it again. "
Carter could see the wisdom in that. He had no doubts that had they not fired, he and Luka would be dead and Randi and Jeanie would have been taken along with Lucy. It was a plus, he realized, that the bikers didn't want to fight when it was a fair fight. Luka's plan, he realized, was designed so that the bikers would run. They could run away, and leave Lucy to her rescuers.
If Lucy was still alive. If nothing else, John Carter prided himself on having some common sense. The bikers hadn't seemed the type of men who cared all that much about keeping a woman captive alive and well. If they didn't rescue her soon, she wasn't going to make it. This, he thought suddenly, is actually worse than all of the dreams I've been having. This is real. And somehow I don't think it'll turn out well. " Luka, what if they don't head to the next town? Just because we heard them say it... it doesn't mean that's what they'll do."
Luka shrugged. " Then we have to make a decision. If they aren't there... We don't have the man power to hunt them down and I don't think they'd keep Lucy alive for very long. If we don't find her in two or three days... We aren't going to find her alive. We should head back and find Doug and Kerry in that case.
" He paused." It's not my decision to make."
" No..." Carter said softly. " Hopefully it won't come to that." And hopefully, he thought as he looked up into the night sky, we'll get everyone back safe and sound. He sighed. Somehow he didn't think it would be easy. Not easy at all.
Carter held the pistol in his hands as though it was some strange object from another planet. He felt cold inside and out and it wasn't just the fact that the night was chilly and they didn't want to risk a fire. He had fired the gun at someone, and he was pretty sure he'd hit the man. Oh, he didn't feel guilty,
not really, but in a strange way, he did. The notion that a man was out there, even a bad man that deserved what he got, bleeding from a wound that he had inflicted made him feel awful. There was no easy way around that.
He had been with the others when they heard the first gunshot. It had sounded like a shot gun, a scatter gun as his grandfather had called them. Then, as they looked up in surprise,
a band of motorcyclists had swooped down upon them. All four of them dove for cover as the bikers began shooting. Luka had been grazed by one of the bullets but really, they all had been very lucky to not be killed in the opening volley. They had all fired back, and Carter was sure that he had struck one of them. Randi was also positive she had scored a "kill" as she called it, but while two of the bikers had immediately disengaged, they hadn't gone down. Then, they had spotted Lucy hiding behind an abandoned car across the street. They had swooped down and grabbed her before he had even been able to call out a warning. In a matter of seconds they had turned their bikes around and were whooping off down the road. With Lucy, and leaving behind devastated survivors.
He had wanted to go chasing after them right then, but Jeanie had managed to calm all of them down. We need to wait, she had said, for Kerry and Doug to get back. After an hour though,
even Jeanie had lost her optimism. They had heard one of the bikers shout the name of the next town over so they decided to take the back roads and try to head them off. It was foolish, and it was likely to get them all killed, but they all felt like they had to do something.
So now they were camped out in the middle of no where with nothing but their sleeping bags and what was loaded on their cycles. The group was sadly depleted and no one had really been in the mood to talk. He worried about Kerry and Doug. He had left them a note, and they both had maps, but it felt like far too little.
" Carter." He looked up at the sound of Luka's voice. The tall, dark favored man had been very, very quiet all evening. He wondered about Kovac, he really did. Luka wasn't that much older than he was, maybe eight years, and yet sometimes he had the feeling that Luka had seen a hell of a lot more in life than he ever would. Luka stepped over and sat down beside him. " Carter,
what are you doing?"
" Just thinking," he said. " Just worried. About Lucy. And Kerry. And Doug."
" Lucy will be all right." Luka said easily. Carter noticed immediately what was missing from that statement.
" But not Kerry and Doug?" he asked.
Luka looked down. Suddenly Carter could see the worry, the stress, and the sheer dejection on the other man's face. " Do you really want my honest opinion, Carter?"
Not when you put it that way, Carter thought. He nodded for the other man to continue despite himself.
" Doug is dead." Luka stated it baldly. " That shot we heard, they were firing at him. Lucy said he was going to look for Kerry but he was only gone maybe five minutes. They shot him and he never came back... and we didn't look for him. If he was just hurt, he would have made it back."
Carter had to admit, his theory made sense. Doug hadn't been drinking at that point. He certainly would have made his way back. He had the notion that Doug didn't like being alone. He knew he didn't care for it much either. " What about Kerry?"
Luka shrugged. " I don't know. I think she was all right mentally. I think she's been all right for a while. I don't think being by herself is going to make her snap. But..." Luka shook his head. " She has my gun. I gave it to her. We've run into too many .... bad people. She wanted to get some cold medicine and I didn't want to go with her so I gave her my gun." He smiled just a little. " Considering she's a better shot than any of us, she's probably in better shape. I just worry... She has a disability. I don't know how she could get along. You know the roads aren't good. She's not going to be able to travel all that well, if she is still alive and I don't know how likely that is."
It was as close to the truth as Carter really wanted to get.
Just like how he didn't want to even try and think about how Lucy must be doing. The obvious came to mind, but he forced that away.
It wasn't going to help. " What are we going to do?"
He willing to defer to Luka. It had been Luka that had organized them, made sure everyone reloaded their guns and gotten them out of there. It had been Luka who had organized their rough camp of tarps they had salvaged out of an abandoned car. It was Luka that had first suggested the plan to circle around and try to catch the bikers, and Carter was more than willing to listen to the man.
Luka gestured to the rain that was still pouring down. They were reasonably dry, since they had made lean-to fashioned shelter but it still promised to be a miserable night. " The rain, " Luka said softly, " is going to slow them up. More than it will us. They probably aren't in any mood to move fast. We can get to the next town and set up an ambush."
" How?"
" Hopefully a town that size will have a National Guard armory." Luka pointed to it on the map. " We need better weapons.
Automatic rifles. There's six of them and four of us so we need more fire power. If there's some land mines, we can use those to herd them into our fire."
" Do you know how to set land mines?" Carter asked after a moment. It certainly wasn't something he had picked up in medical school.
" Carter, I was in a war." He said it simply, as if it was the obvious answer. Carter supposed it probably was. Luka's features seemed to grow dark as if he was slowly being overwhelmed by memories. " I was drafted into the army for a while. I'm not.... I'm not proud of what happened there, but I do know a few military skills. Its worth it if we can save Lucy."
" Was it bad? The war I mean." He knew he was stepping into dangerous territory with the older man, but he was curious and he suspected that Luka needed to talk.
Luka seemed to hesitate. " It was a war, Carter. This, " he gestured expansively around the forest, a gesture that Carter knew encompassed not just the dark woods but the summer and the plague and everything that went with it, " this was fate. A disease doesn't understand who it kills. Its cold but in a way,
its more fair. It invades your body and you are either immune or not. A war is different. It's people choosing who lives and who dies. And... sometimes you're the one doing the choosing. "
" You had to kill someone." It seemed like a given but he wanted Luka to confirm it.
Luka smiled sadly. " You know the one way war is like a flu virus? Sometimes you get so angry, so mad, at all of the destruction and death around you, you start acting like a disease. Not caring or understanding who you kill. You're just so angry, you want to hurt people. Its an ugly feeling. And yes Carter, I killed someone during the war. Several people actually.
I went crazy, I suppose, after my wife and children were executed. I didn't care whether I lived or died. I just wanted to hurt people. Make them feel as awful as I did. Then, one day, I looked up, and it was almost a year since my family was killed and I was in some army camp holding a gun." He shook his head. "
It was awful. This is a picnic by comparison."
He didn't know what to say to that. It made his guilt seem paltry by comparison. " I'm sorry, " he said finally. " I just felt...."
" You felt terrible because you're a doctor and you shot at someone." Luka said. " I can't say don't feel bad, because you will no matter what until you come to terms with it. Just don't beat yourself up too much. Those men... They aren't feeling bad about shooting at us and they would do it again. "
Carter could see the wisdom in that. He had no doubts that had they not fired, he and Luka would be dead and Randi and Jeanie would have been taken along with Lucy. It was a plus, he realized, that the bikers didn't want to fight when it was a fair fight. Luka's plan, he realized, was designed so that the bikers would run. They could run away, and leave Lucy to her rescuers.
If Lucy was still alive. If nothing else, John Carter prided himself on having some common sense. The bikers hadn't seemed the type of men who cared all that much about keeping a woman captive alive and well. If they didn't rescue her soon, she wasn't going to make it. This, he thought suddenly, is actually worse than all of the dreams I've been having. This is real. And somehow I don't think it'll turn out well. " Luka, what if they don't head to the next town? Just because we heard them say it... it doesn't mean that's what they'll do."
Luka shrugged. " Then we have to make a decision. If they aren't there... We don't have the man power to hunt them down and I don't think they'd keep Lucy alive for very long. If we don't find her in two or three days... We aren't going to find her alive. We should head back and find Doug and Kerry in that case.
" He paused." It's not my decision to make."
" No..." Carter said softly. " Hopefully it won't come to that." And hopefully, he thought as he looked up into the night sky, we'll get everyone back safe and sound. He sighed. Somehow he didn't think it would be easy. Not easy at all.