AN: Glad to see that the big event was satisfying and worth the not so long wait. As for the name, McKay got to have a piece of the action because he truly was Sheppard's support through out, and he also became close with Dreya, but that was more hinted at than shown because it would've been McKay's POV and this story is almost exclusively Shep's POV with a few exceptions so that was a choice we made not to show that angle...so, hope that explains a bit more why McKay got honors in the name also (and of course our plans for the upcoming parts).So, anyway, another thing, I've read comments about not wanting it to end, and I can honestly say it won't be ending any time soon. We've got a lot of things still to do with this fic that kind of developed as the story did, so, there's still a ways to go (not sure if that's a good thing to everyone but there you go). Really want to thank you guys, not only for giving time to this story, but for reviewing and sending comments, and sticking with it. And, lastly, Lilas - the song choice was a tip for the music vid kindly done for me earlier, and such a perfect fit! It was a vid I played while writing, especially the last part. So, thank you Lilas, again for giving me such an awesome vid!
NOT THE DADDY...part 30
Pregnancy clock: The first weeks after
Time was still a blur for John in the first days after Lily was born. He had to stay on an IV until his blood pressure leveled out and he felt a bit cranky about it since Dreya was up and about immediately. His body was still unbelievably sore, the worst of it being in places that didn't - technically - exist. Beckett took the edge off with painkillers though, which also helped John deal with his headache. Suffering through labor had not helped his concussion any. But the hours spent holding Lily and being able to feed her, helped John get through it without complaining too much.
The biggest surprise had been Dreya handing him Lily and a bottle of her breast milk. John had read about breastfeeding in the baby book and had assumed that Dreya would do so, and then Rodney had said she was going to try. But, then she had talked to Beckett about bottle feeding Lily as well, since her own people did both, and the first person to give Lily a bottle had been John. He had been touched to the point of tears. Touched and terrified, but now he felt like an old pro handling the baby. He could hold her properly, give her the bottle, burp her and everything. The only thing he hadn't done yet was wash her and change her diaper. He still wasn't allowed out of bed so that would have to wait.
The other thing he hadn't done yet was spend time with Rodney and Lily together. Rodney had a lot of stuff to catch up on. Sleeping for one, eating for another, and mollifying Zelenka in the labs, most importantly of all. "Wish he could be here right now," John whispered to Lily. She was cradled in his arms, taking her bottle, looking more beautiful and perfect than any tiny human being had a right too. John loved her with every fiber of his being already.
"Colonel."
Blinking in surprise, John looked up to see Rodney standing next to his bed. "How did you do that?" he demanded.
Rodney looked perplexed. "Do what?"
"Sneak up on me? You're on crutches for pete's sake!" John felt a bit disgruntled by the fact that Lily had him so enchanted he was losing his military focus.
"You were mumbling at the baby," Rodney pointed out. "Cooing is the technical term, I believe."
John grimaced then glared at Rodney. "I was not cooing. I was TALKING to her." That said, John broke off to smile down at Lily and said in softly hushed voice, "We were just talking, weren't we?"
Rodney snorted. "Don't use baby talk," he said sharply. "She's too smart for that." Then he was leaning over John to peer down at Lily and whisper, "Aren't you? Yes, you are. Much too smart for baby talk." Rodney pursed his lips and made little smacking sounds at her.
"Pot...kettle," John shot back, then a bubble of laughter burst out of him and the effort to keep it down made him shake. But he was still able to hold on to Lily and the bottle and she didn't seem the least bit bothered by the motion. Still, John made himself calm down as he watched her turn her head to let the nipple slide out of her mouth. He set the bottle aside and lifted her up to his left shoulder, spit rag already in place. Gently John patted her back, knowing just how firm to be. Dreya had taught him, all the while calling him a natural and, oddly enough, being with Lily did feel natural. John had wondered if that was part of the bond or just something that was inside him. He rather hoped it was a little bit of both.
"Colonel?"
John jumped a bit, apologizing to Lily when she let out a soft cry at his motion. He realized he had been daydreaming and now he looked at Rodney and asked, "Did you say something?"
Rodney looked a bit put out. "Of course I said something and, of course, you weren't listening."
"I was distracted." John finished burping Lily then laid her back in the crook of his arm again where she curled up into his chest and closed her eyes. He smiled at her goofily.
"Yeah...she is a distraction," Rodney allowed, reaching out with one hand and letting his fingertips brush over the down of hair on the top of Lily's head.
John watched Rodney for a moment, a bit surprised by the beatific expression on the other man's face. He decided it was time to distract them both. "So...what were you saying that I ignored?" he taunted, light-heartedly.
Rodney frowned, snatching his hand back from Lily's head, then making a show of clumping over to the nearby chair and dropping into it. "I was telling you that Dreya and I have worked out a schedule of sorts. We've all agreed that you, she and I will be Lily's primary caretakers. Of course Beckett and Teyla will be available upon demand as well."
"We all agreed?" John stressed as he half-glared at Rodney.
"Like you don't want to help take care of her!" Rodney shot back, looking smug.
John didn't argue the point because he totally wanted to be a part of Lily's life. He shifted her more comfortably then asked, "Beckett hasn't let slip when he's going to let me out of here, has he?" Because the man refused to give John a set day or time.
Rodney shook his head. "No. He hasn't said a word. I don't think he trusts you to take care of yourself, Colonel."
"Hell...I'd do anything he asked of me if I could go back to my room right now."
"Would you now?" Carson interjected, as he strode over to John's bed. It was obvious he had overheard them talking. "Then you'd be willing to follow any instructions I gave you to the letter?"
John found himself nodding in agreement without meaning too. "To the letter," he repeated, solemnly. Then he winced. John knew he was going to regret making that particular promise.
Carson did a vitals check, clucked his tongue, then took Lily from John. "I told Dreya I'd deliver Lily to her when you were done with the feeding," he explained, when John started to protest. Lily shifted away and cried a bit, but when John reached out and touched her cheek she fell back to sleep. Carson smiled at that then he glared at John. "Behave yourself for the rest of the day and I'll release you to your room tonight. You will be given a list of instructions that you will follow and I will be checking up on you. If you fail to follow my instructions to the letter, you will end up back in this bed. Understood?"
"Understood," John replied, barely resisting the urge to salute. When Carson started to turn away he grabbed his arm so he could look at Lily one last time. Not that he wouldn't be seeing her again soon, but he missed her when she was gone and John sometimes wondered if the feeling of loss was magnified because Dreya felt the same way. It was hard to sort his feelings out from hers at times. John hoped it would get easier to do so as time went by.
"I think I'll head back to the lab," Rodney said, grabbing his crutches.
John smirked at him. "You just want to keep Beckett company so you can stare at Lily for a while longer," he teased.
Rodney shrugged. "Your point being?" he countered with a grin. Then he was gone, clunking his way out the door.
OoO
John felt like celebrating. He was finally back in his own room. Sure he was under strict orders to rest, rest and rest some more, but it was close enough to freedom that he felt a bit giddy. He also felt sore and achy and his head still hurt, but he was out of the infirmary and it felt wonderful. So of course the first thing John did was shower, change into jeans and a t-shirt, then he made his way to Dreya's room. Only to be sidetracked by Ronon.
"How are you doing, Sheppard?" the big guy asked, as he fell into step with John.
"I'm good, you?" John shot back, almost cheekily. Then a thought occurred. "Um...are you going to keep shadowing me everywhere I go?" he asked.
Ronon shrugged. "Pretty much," he allowed.
John considered. "Did Beckett put you up to it?" If so he was going to have a word with the Scotsman. Cursing and shouting and threats were going to be involved.
"No," Ronon replied, then he smirked. "I think he's scared of me."
"And rightly so," John allowed, letting a smile curve his own lips.
Ronon said nothing for a time, just keeping step, but then he asked, "Where are you going?"
John made a face. "To see Dreya and Lily." He figured that would be obvious.
"Dreya is in Engineering," Ronon replied.
"So where's Lily?" John felt a flare of panic.
Ronon patted his shoulder. "She's with Teyla."
John relaxed a bit. "And where is Teyla?"
"The nursery." Now it was Ronon's turn to state the obvious.
"Right." John had forgotten that Zelenka and several other of the scientists had turned a section of connecting rooms at the intersection of the living quarters into a giant nursery - slash - playroom for Lily. He hadn't even been to see it yet. Too much other stuff going on for one thing and, for another, John had just outright balked at going and he still wasn't sure why. But he found himself angling around the next corner to take the shortcut to the nursery.
Ronon kept stride. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?"
John glared at him. "Shhhh!" he hissed at him. "I'm tired of resting."
"Your funeral," Ronon deadpanned.
"Who taught you that?" John shot back, ignoring the fact that Ronon had a point. If Beckett found out John's ass was grass. But right this very moment he didn't care.
Ronon cocked an eyebrow. "Dr. Weir," he drawled.
That surprised John and he was curious to know what else she might be teaching him, but they had reached the nursery and John could hear the sound of crying. Heartbreaking cries that made his insides twist into knots. He started running and he barreled through the doors, ignoring the ache in his gut and the throbbing pain in his temples. The sight that greeted him was Teyla pacing in a bouncy type walk with a crying Lily cradled in her arms. "What's wrong?" John asked.
Teyla looked surprised to see him, but relieved. "I do not know," she replied. "I have changed her and I tried feeding her but she will not stop crying. I was just about to call for Dreya."
"Let me try," John offered, already reaching for the baby. And the moment he cradled Lily against his chest and whispered her name, she stopped crying. "Hey sweet girl," John said softly. "What's wrong, sunshine?" She was hiccupping a bit and her cheeks were still wet with tears. John brushed at them with his fingertips and felt his own eyes tearing up.
"She seems to be fine now," Ronon stated, his eyes locked on John and the baby.
Teyla looked bemused. "Indeed, she does." She moved to John and patted his shoulder. "She senses you."
John wondered if that were true and he found he rather liked the idea. "Yeah?" he whispered. "That's cool." He moved around the room, eyes locked on Lily's sweet face as she scrunched it up, made a gurgling sound of content then drifted off to sleep. John heard Teyla and Ronon talking but he tuned them out. He wanted to treasure this moment because he had learned long ago that nothing lasts forever.
OoO
The next few days were spent falling into a new routine. John followed Beckett's instructions fairly close. Close enough that he stayed out of trouble anyway, although he was forced into nightly check-ins. Beckett was pleased with John's blood pressure now so he had changed focus to John's weight. Apparently he had requested the help of everyone in Atlantis in regards to getting John fattened up.
John tolerated everyone trying to force food on him with a fair level of patience and only had one actual hissy fit when Rodney went so far as to try to hand feed him a cupcake. The part of John's day that he enjoyed most was spending time with Lily. It became apparent, early on, that the baby was taken with John. He was equally taken with her, though he tried to pretend otherwise. When no one else could get her to stop crying, John always could. She seemed to like being held though and to that end Zelenka had fashioned a baby carrier that reminded him of a giant sling. But it was comfortable enough for him and Lily enjoyed being snuggled in close to his chest, so John adjusted to that rather quickly and he went everywhere with Lily riding shot gun, so to speak.
John had spoken to Dreya about his spending so much time with Lily and she had assured him she was fine with it. Pleased even, and she did seem happy and content so John let it go. Soon enough he would be back to work and his time with Lily would be limited, so he intended to enjoy it for as long as it lasted.
With going back to work on his mind, John went to see Elizabeth. Once settled into a chair in her office, he shifted Lily out of the sash carrier, shrugged it off his shoulder and settled the baby in his arm so he could feed her. He knew Elizabeth was watching him and John caught her at it, grinning when she looked a bit embarrassed.
"You're really good with her," Elizabeth stated, almost defensively.
"She makes it easy," John replied, as he smiled down at Lily.
Elizabeth nodded. "She's a good baby."
John could not agree more. "That she is. And as much as I love talking about her, that's not why I'm here."
"Okay...why are you here?" Elizabeth prompted, leaning back in her chair and folding her hands in her lap.
"I'm here to ask when I can go back through the gate. "It's been almost two weeks since Lily was born and I'm feeling much better. Actually, I'm feeling great!" John winced at his own faux pas. "I'm ready to get back into the action."
Elizabeth made a face. "I know you're anxious to get back to work, John, but Carson hasn't cleared you yet."
John watched Lily fuss with the bottle a moment, shifted her into a better position, then focused on Elizabeth again. "That's kind of why I'm here. Can you get him to clear me? I mean...I don't what the man is waiting for. Christmas?" John knew he wasn't hiding his frustration in the least and he didn't care. He wanted to get back into the swing of things.
"He just got your blood pressure leveled out and he's not happy about your weight gain," Elizabeth countered. "And, to be honest, I don't think you should rush this."
"I disagree." Lily spit out the bottle and John shifted her onto his shoulder after draping a spit rag over it. He burped her as he continued. "Look...I need to get back to work. As much as I love Lily and I have no regrets about what's happened...I need to get back to my real life."
Elizabeth sighed. "I understand," she conceded. "But you're going to have to take it up with Carson. If he clears you I'll okay a test run mission for you."
John felt a flicker of hope and excitement. "Really?" he prompted.
"Really."
"Great, thanks." John rose to his feet, still burping Lily. He paused to shove her bottle in his back pocket then he collected the sash carrier before resuming the burping as he headed out the door. Now it was time to turn his charm on Beckett.
OoO
Beckett refused to be charmed. John bitched at him and he held firm. So John backed off for a bit, focusing his attention on pestering Rodney in his lab when he wasn't taking care of Lily.
Then one night Dreya dropped a bombshell on him.
Part of John's new routine was putting Lily to bed with Dreya. Tonight, after they both kissed her goodnight and closed the door, they headed into the living area. Normally they would talk a bit or play a card game that John had taught Dreya, but tonight she asked him to sit and John sensed something was up.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, feeling a bit nervous without knowing why.
"No...everything is fine," Dreya replied, a soft smile playing on her lips. "I wish to ask something of you. And you are under no obligation to agree."
John felt the knot of tension tighten in his gut. "Okay...ask," he invited.
Dreya paced for a moment, then she sat beside him, her eyes locked on John's face. "I watch you with Lily," she whispered, holding up a hand to forestall him from commenting. "You love her as much as she loves you. You have bonded with her as only parent can. She loves you as she would have loved her father and I know that you love her as if she were your own."
"Yeah...I do love her," John interjected. And it scared him a little to realize how much and to have Dreya say out loud the truth he had been trying to avoid. In John's heart, Lily was his daughter.
"I trust in that love," Dreya continued. "And that is why I would ask something of you that you might not be willing to give."
John was confused but curious. "Okay...what would you ask?"
Dreya reached for his hand. "If something should happen to me, I want you to care for Lily. I want you to raise her."
"Dreya...nothing is going to happen to you!" John shot back, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck raise. A chill slithered down his spine. "There's nothing wrong with you, is there? I mean...Beckett hasn't said anything."
"No...no, I'm fine," Dreya said firmly. "I just want to make sure that Lily is never alone. That she will always have someone in her life that loves her the way only a parent can love. There is a ceremony of my people that I would ask that you participate in. I have spoken to Dr. Weir, and she told me that there are papers we can sign that would be binding in your ways, making you Lily's father in every way. Adoption papers, I think she called them."
John shot out of his chair and started pacing. He was Lily's father in his heart and in his mind and now Dreya wanted to make it legal and binding by ceremony and paper. He felt himself shaking. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, moving to stand before Dreya. "I mean...I love Lily and I'll do anything for her, but I do have a rather dangerous job and...I'm not really a good role model and - " he broke off, not really sure how to explain himself.
Dreya touched a hand to his face and her expression was serene as she replied, "I am sure, John."
"Oh...okay then." John felt his knees buckle and he back pedaled till he found the chair and collapsed into it. "So, um...when do you want to do this?"
"Dr. Weir has already taken care of the paper work. She said the Daedalus will bring whatever you need to sign when they return. And the ceremony will be in two days."
John nodded, his mouth feeling suddenly dry. "On your planet?" he asked, because he really did not want to return there ever.
Dreya nodded. "Yes. Is that okay?"
"It's fine." John winced as his voice squeaked. He got up and found himself heading for the door. He waved goodbye to Dreya, hoping she would understand his need to be alone now, and as he practically ran down the corridor to the nearest transporter, John found himself whispering, "I'm going to be a daddy."
And didn't reality just love to bitch slap him in the face?
THE END...of part 30