They sure were a group of tight asses, Dave thought as he took a seat near the fire. It was something of a surprise, though he realized that it made more than a little sense. As he had understood from Doug and Kerry, all of them except for Luka the tall, intense looking fellow, had worked together before. That had to make it difficult to be open. Then, too, Kerry and Doug didn't seem like very open people. He doubted under normal circumstances, circumstances where Kerry wasn't suicidal and fairly convinced that she was delusional, that she have shared such personal thoughts with an unknown person like him. It pleased him to think that he had helped her. He had spent the first two weeks after the plague by himself, hiking out of Glacier National Park, and there were times, especially late at night when he had woken himself up by screaming, that he had been convinced that he had gone mad. It hadn't been fun, and his stress had been pretty near unbelievable. He suspected, though he hadn't asked, that Doug's drinking started from grief and kept itself going due to nightmares.
Whatever, Dave thought, that didn't change the fact that they were not a group of people that talked. It seemed telling that none of them really seemed to acknowledge that they had gunned down a bunch of men. They weren't ignoring the fact that Lucy had been beaten and raped, no, but they did seem to view it with the same "lets not discuss it" attitude. They didn't discuss Doug's drinking, even though he had seen every one of them look irritated as Doug worked his way through a bottle of whiskey. From what he had gotten from Kerry the night before, the fact that she had shot a man had also turned into a taboo topic. It wasn't healthy.
Dinner was clearly an informal thing. There was stew bubbling away on the camp stove. Sure, it was just canned stew, but he wasn't used to anyone other than himself making a meal. It was nice. Someone had opened a bag of tortilla chips and some salsa. There were saltine crackers, and snack treats. and even some oreos. Not only that, there were styrofoam bowls and plates and even plastic silverware. They might be tight asses, he thought as he started to help himself, but they know how to have a camp meal. His old group typically just opened cans and ate out of those. It made him feel surprisingly civilized to use a plate.
He loaded his plate high, with a big bowl of stew and lots of chips and salsa. He added some twinkies and oreos after a moment of thought. Truth was, he had lost a lot of weight over the summer. A few empty calories wouldn't hurt. After a moment of consideration, he fixed Kerry a much smaller plate, just some of the stew and a generous helping of crackers. She wasn't likely to eat very much, but he figured it was worth trying anyway. She looked too thin.
Kerry was sitting next to Lucy, evidently encouraging the younger woman to eat. On the other side of Lucy was Jeanie, and she too seemed to be talking to Lucy. It was clearly intentional that they were sitting on each side of her. He looked over Lucy carefully. She's not bad looking, he decided as he sat next to Kerry, but do I want all that baggage? No, definitely not. He was man enough to admit when he knew he wasn't able to help. Well, he allowed, at least not help much. He knew enough to not hit on her, and he knew it was going to be a long road for her. He gave her credit, she looked pretty together. Not crying or screaming, not freaking out. It was good, he supposed. At least it meant they wouldn't assume she was flipping out.
He wondered if they realized just how freaked out they all were. It wasn't healthy, and he suspected that none of them could see what was right before them. They were in a group, a big group really, and yet the fact was they were each alone. No wonder they seem stressed out, he thought. The dreams were bad, very bad. On his own, before he had met up with any people, he had become convinced that he had lost his mind. Especially as he had left the mountains and found the first few towns loaded with nothing but dead people. He had drunk himself into a stupor, and awoke a day and a half later in a puddle of vomit. It was as close to death as he had come that summer, until he'd met up with the group of bikers. He knew what it was to lie awake at night, terrified to sleep and thinking that he was losing his mind. He had, at first, been very very concerned about Kerry's confession of attempting suicide. After meeting her group, he was surprised she hadn't tried it sooner. She seemed very together, very competent and strong, and he could see where their distrust could have made a bad situation worse. She didn't have to say that she had been afraid to talk about her dreams, that had been clear from her hesitance. No one liked being treated like they were crazy, and he could see where Kerry would have kept quiet. Carter hadn't been the only one to make veiled references about her mental state.
At the same time, they'd probably be a lot happier if they talked. They all certainly looked like they hadn't been sleeping well, that was plain. The big, quiet fellow in particular, Luka, had huge black circles under his eyes. Not a healthy look. Lucy, of course, looked very ragged out, but oddly he sensed she was more at peace internally than say, Jeannie who seemed highly stressed out. It was the same sort of peace he had seen in Kerry after they had talked. Interesting.
" Here, " he said as he handed Kerry the plate he had made for her. " You should eat something."
She glared at him, but not too harshly. He suspected that she was annoyed that he was interrupting her chat with Lucy, who also looked a little annoyed. " I'm not hungry, Dave."
" I didn't ask if you were hungry, chief." He waited until she took the plate before he started crunching his way through his stack of corn chips. It seemed as though there was an unspoken signal to gather. As he watched, Carter and Randi took a seat together on the other side of the fire. They were definitely a couple, he got that when Carter had pointedly eyed him when he had checked Randi out. Randi, for her part, had given him a look that had told him not to bother. She had a wild child look to her, with her low cut outfits and vaguely trampy look, and she definitely looked like she could tear someone apart. She had a lean fluid look of a martial artist. He had seen her earlier walking Carter through some moves. If they were a couple, he wasn't going to horn in, that was for sure. Randi didn't really seem Carter's type though, a little too blue collar. No doubt in the old world, a guy as good looking as John Carter would have had his pick.
Same with Luka, a very good looking man and big too. The tall foreigner was apparently attached to Jeanie. Another fine looking woman, but he was content to let the Croation fellow have her. He didn't want to fool with AIDS, not when there was no chance of survival.
That left Doug and he to compete over the remaining women. That wasn't much of a competition, even though Doug was a good looking man. He was a drunk. Lucy seemed to like him, and despite their sniping, he could see real affection between Kerry and Doug, but not interest. Not real interest anyway, but that did him little good. Lucy was a mess, and Kerry seemed to view him much the way she did Carter, as a much younger brother. Maybe I should just wait until we get to Boulder, he thought. Or maybe take it slower. After all, Kerry wasn't completely rebuffing him. He just didn't want to press when he sensed she wasn't free of issues by any means. Besides, he thought as Doug and Luka joined them, the day after one of their women was gang raped was probably not the best time to scope out the chicks. His newfound maturity surprised him, but pleasantly surprised him.
Carter looked around the group, obviously making sure that everyone was there. He had a look on his face that just screamed " I'm being serious" which Dave found funny. He kept his grin to himself though. If Carter wanted to talk about something, in a group that didn't discuss anything, it had to be good.
" Listen, " Carter said after a moment, " Lucy and I were talking..." He stopped, his expression grim yet hesitant. " I... I don't know where to start..."
Lucy sighed. " Look, Carter and I have been having the same dream. About a man with no face, that's evil. He's building an evil empire centered in Las Vegas. The men... the men that attacked us talked about it all the time." She looked around the group. " Maybe we could raise hands? Everyone that's had a similar dream, hands up?" She raised her hand, looking more than a little forlorn.
What the heck, Dave decided as he put a cheery smile on his face and his hand into the air, it's not like I'm lying. Carter put his hand up, as did Kerry. After a moment, so did Luka, Jeanie and Doug. Randi looked them all over, a wry expression on her face, before she too put her hand up.
" I have a question too, " Randi said. Her voice held a hint of a chuckle but Dave could tell that she was trying to be serious. At the same time, she seemed amused, as if she had suspected something all along but hadn't said anything. " Has everyone else had the dream where there's an old black woman in Nebraska? That's now in Boulder? Because if Las Vegas is the evil empire, then I think Boulder is the good empire. So, how about it?" She raised her hand. After an awkward moment, everyone else did too.
There was silence for a long moment. " So what do we do?" Jeanie asked. " It has to mean something."
" If it helps any, " Dave said quickly, " everyone that was in my group were having the same dreams. We decided it was some weird phenomena." Actually he had decided it was some weird phenomena. Everyone else in his group had thought they were the players in some grand X-Files episode. Then again, he supposed that made as much sense as anything.
" Jeez, didn't any of you ever go to church?" Randi asked. " We're talking good and evil here. This isn't some strange thing caused by our alien master overlords, this is biblical. I mean, this is very Old Testament. "
" God has brought plagues before, at least according to the bible." Jeanie added.
Carter shook his head. " I'm sorry, I don't accept that. Sure, God may be directing some of this, but the flu was man made."
" I agree with Carter, " Kerry said suddenly. " Whatever is going on now doesn't change the fact that the superflu was engineered, probably by the U.S. government." She took a deep breath. " I did some work in immunology in medical school. There's no way influenza could have mutated like that with out help."
" So obviously it must be so." Doug said with a laugh. " The great Dr. Weaver has spoken from on high."
" Go to hell," she replied sharply. Dave watched with amusement as her face got red. No doubt she's ready to rumble, he thought with a smile.
" Maybe, " Luka said softly, before either Doug or Kerry could speak, " we shouldn't argue over something we'll never know the answer to. The flu happened. Whether it was man made or natural, it's a moot point now because it's over. Let's talk about what is happening now. We can't change what happened, but we can ... reconsider our plans for the future."
Lucy shook her head. " We need to talk about this. Randi's right, this is good and evil we're talking about." To Dave's surprise, she was very rational considering the situation. He didn't think he'd be very rational after being raped, let alone be capable having a discussion on the metaphysical aspect of the superflu epidemic. Despite his cheery front, talking about the dreams made him feel nervous at the very least. His mother had often said that to name your fear was the first step in conquering it, but all he had right now was a queasy sensation in his stomach. He felt like they were being watched, and the urge to just get up and run to Boulder as fast as he could was almost overwhelming.
Luka looked torn. " Do we all think we're being drawn to either one place or the other? Good versus evil?" His question was hesitant, not so much that he was humoring them, but that he didn't quite want to accept what he was saying.
" Do we all think that Flagg is real?" Carter asked. " I know, in my dreams, what he's doing over in Vegas isn't very nice." Subconsciously, everyone was nodding along. Dave almost smirked. Carter pressed on. " He runs things with an iron fist. I don't... I don't see the attraction."
Kerry shrugged. " Its nice to have the trains run on time, Carter. Human society has always gravitated towards strong rulers who keep their promises. I imagine the power is on in Las Vegas and its safe to walk the streets at night. Fascism has always been popular."
" Spoken like a true fascist." Doug chuckled. Dave noted with some trepidation that Doug had been drinking quite a lot during the discussion. Doug seemed like a decent enough guy but Dave couldn't quite shake the uneasy feeling he had about the man. It wasn't so much the drinking and the worsening attitude he had when drunk, it was the vague suspicion Dave had that Doug was more than a little tempted by the dark man's empire. He was surprised, very surprised that no one so much as told the man to shut up. Kerry was glaring at him, but she seemed to be choking back her rage in order to keep the discussion calm.
" Doug, " she said, her voice icy cold, " let's keep focused. You can make fun of me later. God knows there's plenty of material available."
Doug laughed. It had a cynical edge to it. " Sure Madame Fuhrer."
" Enough!" Carter shouted. " Damn it Doug, grow up. We're having a serious discussion. "
" Yes, a serious discussion demons haunting our dreams." Doug stood up. " I'm going for a walk. When you all are done debating about the ghosts of plagues past, present, and future, come get me."
There was a long period of silence after he walked away. " I suppose, " Jeanie said quietly, " that if we're discussing awkward topics tonight, we might as well discuss the fact that Doug is drinking too much."
" You think?" Luka said, his words rolling with sarcasm. " I hadn't noticed at all" Something about the man's accent made the sarcasm sound doubly resentful. Dave could see why. Luka was probably leading the group, if not in words then by actions, and he probably could use help. Doug drinking himself into a stupor every night couldn't be helping.
" Has anyone said anything to Doug?" Kerry asked after another long moment. " I did, but to be perfectly honest, I've been a little wrapped up in my own issues." And that, Dave thought suddenly, was probably a topic that also needed to be discussed. He didn't know what she was like before, but he had heard Jeanie remark to Carter earlier that day that she "seemed more like herself" which stood to reason as she no longer was working from the theory that she was in the middle of a psychotic breakdown. Without having to think about it, he knew she would have been a lot less miserable about the shooting earlier in the summer if she had known what everyone else was dealing with.
" I told Doug he was drinking too much." Lucy said. Dave could see why that would be ineffective. Lucy looked like a lost little waif.
" I don't think he's happy drinking himself to death." Jeanie said thoughtfully. " Maybe he needs someone to put their foot down. You know, tell him that the drinking has to stop, that we're worried about his health. That we're worried about him." " All right." Carter said brightly. " We'll have an intervention. Should we do it here, or wait until we get to Boulder or stop at my family hunting lodge and do it there?" It was interesting, Dave thought, that they all readily accepted the concept of throwing aside their entire plan and heading to Boulder so easily. He took some pleasure in the fact that he had guessed right, that they were basically a group of good guys.
" We should do it soon. As soon as possible." Jeanie said. " Maybe here isn't such a great spot but we should make it to Carter's place by tomorrow. Maybe we could lay over there for a few days. Not just take a break from traveling but see if he can quit cold turkey. I wouldn't want to be traveling if he has serious withdrawal issues."
Luka raised up his hand. " That sounds like a good plan, but... What if he says no? What of he keeps drinking? Do we put up with it? Do we make him leave?" That statement took the life out of the discussion. Dave considered it himself. It was a tough call. Putting up with it could get damn trying. Even a personable drunk was irritating and Doug wasn't exactly a cheerful drunk. On the other hand, were they ready to kick him out? Could they? Would they, knowing that it was very likely that Doug would head west without anyone to keep him on the right path. That is, if he didn't simply get killed on the way.
" We're not making him leave." Lucy said suddenly. Her voice was strong, though Dave thought he could see her trembling. " You all can do what you want, but if you make him leave, I'll go with him. I owe him that. He walked into that camp knowing those animals were probably going to kill him, and he didn't have to."
" I agree with Lucy, " Kerry said softly, " but for different reasons." She didn't elaborate, which Dave suspected was out of a wish to not hurt their feelings. He allowed that she hadn't been terribly coherent when they had talked the night before, though he hadn't realized it until she got so sick, but she had let slip a gnawing fear. That if her group had discovered that she was not taking medication, that she might be left behind one day as "dangerous". He had thought it unlikely at the time but now he wasn't so sure.
" Kerry, Lucy, " Luka started, " I know you both understand what Doug has. Just because we ask him to stop drinking... that doesn't mean he will. We would have to watch him all of the time. He could get violent. We wouldn't be able to trust him with anything until we were sure he was all right. He could also run off on his own at any point. He is an adult you know. Its his choice to head to Las Vegas."
Kerry's gaze seemed to intensify. " So, lets look at this from a different angle. If I got up in the middle of the night and left, leaving only a note that said I was heading to Las Vegas, none of you would have gone looking for me?"
" God, Kerry, of course we would have." Carter said it with surprise on his voice. " Why would you think we wouldn't?"
" Carter, " she said gently, " Would you go looking because I was crippled, because I am a woman, or because you think I'm mentally unstable and incapable of making rational decisions? Why is Doug different? Because he walks better? Because he's a man? Or because alcoholism is a weakness and not a disease?" She paused.
" That's not the same thing, Kerry." Luka's voice took on a patient tone. " Yes, you were acting unstable for a while, but you were willing to help us help you. You took medication."
She smiled wryly. " I haven't taken any Prozac since July first. For about a month, I was convinced that I was having a severe psychotic episode but I was also convinced that if I said anything, you all would start drugging me with something worse. Don't try to deny it. I know it was discussed. I have been terrified to tell any of you that I've been having terrible nightmares. None of you ever even asked me if there was anything wrong. Not since the morning after we left the hospital. Did it ever cross your mind that Doug might be feeling the same way?" Again she paused but no one chose to speak. " We let Doug's problem escalate because we didn't try to stop it or confront him. Its not all our fault. He deserves his fair share of the blame. No one is making him drink, but we do have an obligation to help him and we can't just throw our hands up at the first obstacle. He needs help. As for having to watch him, isn't that what you've all been doing to me? And not very well at that."
" Oh really?" Randi said with a laugh. " I knew you were palming the pills. You were stuffing them in your jacket pocket. That's also where you've been hiding that gun you picked up. Not that I've been watching or anything."
" Look, do you want to be a group of people that turns someone out?" Kerry persisted. " Do you want to kill him? Because that's what will happen. Its not going to help him to kick him out. Its murder. He'll die. And I can't be a party to that. If he were to actually make it to the west, that'd be worse, because then I'd have his soul on my conscience along with his death."
" Because its biblical. " Randi added. " Good and evil."