It was, Carter thought as he sat down to the simple oak table, simply great to be home. Even better to be sitting down to dinner with close friends, feeling for the first time in months that things were finally starting to get back under control. Sure, the vast majority of the human race, including everyone in his immediate family was dead, but that was past. And certainly, there were some serious problems that had to be faced. Doug's drinking, Lucy's rape, the dreams that seemed to be directing them all, those weren't issues that were going away any time soon, but for a few days at least it didn't seem quite so overwhelming.
Just the prospect of a few days off seemed to be cheering everyone up. He knew he felt as though a giant weight had been taken off his shoulders. They still had to get to Boulder but he wasn't worried. The weather didn't get unpredictable until the middle of September, and it wasn't a bad drive. Maybe four or five days even with the conditions of the roads being so bad. I don't think it'll be too bad of a problem, he thought, and we need this break. A week off would be nice, he thought. It'll do everyone some good.
" I can't believe you all stuck me with making dinner." Lucy walked out of the kitchen holding a large tray in both hands. " I don't want to hear any complaints." She set the tray down in the center of the table and revealed the evening meal. It was a large pizza, loaded with toppings.
Everyone oohed with appreciation, and for once Carter could tell it wasn't forced. " Thanks Lucy. It looks great."
" Its the only thing I make well, so don't get any ideas." She sat down next to Randi. " There's two more in the oven. I just didn't feel like juggling."
" Where did you find mushrooms? And cheese?" Luka asked.
" This place is surprisingly well stocked. There's a pepperoni pizza and plain cheese waiting." Lucy waited a moment and then glared at them all. " I spent the last two hours cooking. Somebody better eat."
Everyone quickly grabbed a slice. In a matter of seconds, all that was heard was the sound of contented people. It probably helped, Carter mused, that they were all very hungry. He had barely eaten all day, being in such a rush to get there and no one else had been interested in pushing meals. Generally he was the only one who suggested regular meals. Kerry sometimes backed him, but she tended to get annoyed that she was always then stuck making the meal. She was the only skilled cook in the group though. Carter had taken Lucy's warning earlier in the day to heart. He had no wish to see everyone catch whatever Kerry had, and he was of the opinion that it wasn't entirely just the cold that had been following them from Chicago. It also wasn't a cold that had made her temperature skyrocket. It wasn't entirely a bad reaction to antibiotics that had her stomach upset either.
Possibly, it had something to do with it, but he believed her when she said she wasn't allergic to anything. It really wasn't something that people lied about from embarrassment. As it was, Dave and Luka had spent the better part of the afternoon keeping an eye on her while she slept. It probably helped that they had given her some Compazine along with more, different antibiotics. He'd had that a few times, and he knew it was one of the extra strength drowsy medications. At least she had slept for a while. He had gotten the impression from her, and from Lucy and Dave's comments, that she had been less than lucid for some large part of the morning. As it was, she was merely picking at the pizza. His eyes narrowed. She couldn't afford to miss too many meals before it started to show, she wasn't that big to begin with. A few days off would help.
It would help everyone, he decided as he looked around the table, seeing nothing but tired faces. We're all tired, tired and stressed out. He couldn't remember a time since early June, before the plague, where he had been able to relax. He had been stressed out from the beginning. Stressed and feeling useless and the truth was, he still felt a little like he was nothing but an extra pair of hands. Randi simply was better suited for a survival situation. She knew how things worked, while he had just vague notions. Luka, for all his quiet demeanor, was pretty on the ball and knew how to get things done. Carter was big enough to admit that he never would have thought that the bikers would have stopped somewhere between the two towns to party. Sure, Kerry had been acting pretty mental, but all things considered, it was pretty understandable. They hadn't been exactly trying to help her, and even though she was pretty upset most of the time, he figured she was still the better doctor, not to mention the better cook and certainly the best shot. Jeanie was simply a trooper. She didn't complain, at least not to the group, and she kept a smile on her face despite the fact that she probably had the least to look forward to. He couldn't say the same. Sure, he hadn't fallen apart, not since that time early on in the hospital after Peter had died.
His smile faded from his face, and he found himself frowning at the slice of pizza, despite the fact that it really was rather tasty. He hadn't really let himself think about what had happened. I miss Peter, he thought sadly. As nice as it was to have familiar faces around the table, there were a lot of missing faces. I miss them, he thought again, I miss them all. He clamped down on that thought before it overwhelmed him. It was too much, even after a few months. It was hard enough getting through some of the rotten post superflu days without letting the past overwhelm him.
Overwhelm him the way the past was overwhelming Doug. He felt for the older man, he did. He missed Carol too. Doug was suffering. While they planned to discuss his drinking with the man, Carter wasn't sure how well that would work. Doug didn't generally like being told anything, and most especially anything negative about himself. It was possible that a confrontation would make Doug stop. It was just as possible that the confrontation would make Doug leave. As horrible as it felt, the truth was that Carter didn't really care how the situation resolved as long as it got resolved soon. Doug wasn't a mean or abusive drunk, but he was a drunk. Carter was tired of it. It was hard to deal with on a day to day basis. More than once, he had shaken Doug awake in the morning with the fear that the man had drunk himself to death. It was stressful. Yes, there had been other stressful moments that summer, it wasn't the worst issue he had dealt with, but it was the longest running issue. Doug's drinking was constant as soon as they stopped moving for the day. All of the problems they had, even the concern he had for how Kerry was acting, those fears had lessened as the summer wore on. Doug's drinking, probably the only other serious personal issue they had that they could do anything about and it was getting worse. He didn't want Doug to leave, but he sensed that a confrontation would force the issue. So, he kept his mouth shut, even as Doug opened another beer. It's hard to complain, Carter reasoned, when I'm drinking a beer myself.
He looked across the table. Luka was starting to frown, and Carter suddenly realized that the foreigner had no compunctions about ruining dinner. Luka had been slowly boiling over all summer. It wasn't that Luka didn't like the man, in fact Carter sensed that the two older men could have a close friendship if Doug wasn't always drunk. Carter thought Luka was lonely and wanted a male companion, and given Luka's unfortunate history, Carter thought that he could help Doug work out some of his grief. Instead, Doug drank and drank, and Carter suspected that deep down a lot of Luka's anger was because he felt rebuffed. Just wait, Carter thought desperately, until most of us are done eating. An argument was just going to end the meal, and there were a few people who needed to eat.
Luka frowned more. " Doug, you drink too much. " Everyone stopped and looked, first at Luka and then at Doug. Doug had that intense, angry look that Carter had only seen a few times before. Doug could look damn mean when he was pissed off. Then again, Carter thought, Luka wasn't exactly looking like a man that was overflowing with warm feelings.
After a long moment, Doug leaned back in his chair and took a drink of his beer. " Do you think? I mean, do you all think that? How about we have a raise of hands?" His glare managed to encompass all of them.
Carter raised his hand. If we're going to open this can of worms tonight, he decided, then lets really open it. " You drink too much Doug. We're worried." Everyone nodded along to his words and they all held up their hands. Doug continued glaring at them.
" Doug, " Jeanie said suddenly, " I'm not judging you. I understand whats wrong. No one is blaming you for grieving and god knows you have reasons to be depressed. You just can't keep drinking like this. You're hurting yourself."
" We need you." Luka said softly. " We're not out of the woods yet. We still need to find other people. It's going to be a hard winter, even if we do find a large group of people in Boulder. I need your help, and your support. We all do."
Again Doug was silent, but Carter could see that the man was seething internally. It's not going to work, he realized, but we still have to try. I have to try. " Doug, I don't want to watch you kill yourself and that's what you're doing."
" Really?" Doug's tone was amused, as if he didn't quite know whether to take him seriously. " You think I'm suicidal? " He took another long drink of beer. " Kerry, what do you think on that topic?"
Carter saw her eyes narrow, and realized that Doug was asking for a little more than mere commentary. Kerry set down the piece of pizza that she was holding, her expression grim. " Doug, this little encounter session is about you, not me. If you need to have me say it, then fine. I tried to kill myself three days ago. I'd planned it for weeks. I've been depressed. I can honestly say I'm still depressed." She paused. " Now that I've set the topic for the next encounter session, let me throw my opinion in. You've heard it already, but I'll say it again. You'll stop drinking when you stop feeling guilty for living when Carol died. I think you're close to that point. If you want to stop, I'll help you. We all will. But you have to want to stop and I can't make that decision for you. None of us can."
Doug rolled his eyes as he stood up. " I don't need this shit!" He grabbed his bottle of beer and stomped off. They all watched but no one said a thing until he was gone.
" I think that went really well," Randi drawled. That drew a wry chuckle from everyone but then they all fell back into awkward silence.
" So um... Kerry, " Lucy said suddenly, " Were you trying to kill yourself when you made that batch of cookies with rat poison?"
Carter's eyes widened in surprise. It wasn't really a shock to him that Kerry had been suicidal and they had missed it, but Lucy had never mentioned any incident at all.
Kerry shrugged and picked up her slice of pizza. " I wasn't trying to kill myself. I was actually considering killing all of you." She stopped herself and took in their rather stunned faces. " I'm feeling much better now. Really."
There was a long silence. Finally Dave leaned back in his chair and smirked. " I think we've got material for at least two encounter sessions, Chief."