Shelinda

Episode Four: Would you like your Chocobo Regular or Extra Crispy?

(theme music)

Shelinda: Hello! welcome to another exciting episode of Shelinda. Now today's topic is quite an odd one. Chocobos. Sine more and more machina are being used, domesticating chocobos is useless now. One of the biggest ranches belongs to a Former Youth League soldier, Clasko. So he nows sells fried chocobo in his new restaurant, Clam Lands Fried Chocobo, or CLFC. So let's welcome the creator, Clasko... (mixed reactions from the audience. Boo-ing from the protestors)

Shelinda: I might as well introduce them... these ladies and gentlemen are from the Mi'hen Higroad. They are here for chocobo rights. We have agreed to allow them in the building but we must all respect each other. In promising equal voice time. Is everyone okay with that?

Audience: Yeah (applause)

Shelinda: Now Clasko, tell us a little about yourself.

Clasko: Well... A little over two years ago. I was a Chocobo Knight, after the Calm. The Crusader disbanded. So I wound up in the Youth League. But I still wasn't happy. All I ever wanted to do is to ride a chocobo faster than the wind. Then Lady Yuna inspired me. So with her help I opened a Chocobo Ranch in the Calm Lands.

Shelinda: Then why are you selling them as food.

Clasko: Well... raising chocobos costs a ton of gil. I sent them out to see if they can find items to sell, but small trinkets can't cover my expenses. After a few weeks, the chocobo's, without any food or water for all of us, were becoming ill. So some lost their lives. One day I was so hungry... I... I... I cooked and ate some chocobo. I found it to be kinda good. With a little seasonings... I had the next big thing in cuisine. And that is how I opened CLFC. (protestors booing)

Shelinda: Oh dear. We we back after this short break...

(theme music)

COMMERCIAL #1

(the creepy voiced guy from movie trailers)

Narrator: Coming this fall...One man... lost. One woman, desperate to find him. One last chance to hold onto her dreams...

Song: "What can I do for you!"

Narrator: ...With Drew Barrymore as Yuna, Cameron Diaz as Rikku and Lucy Liu as Paine.

(action music) It's not Over... "Gullwings" the movie.

(theme music)

Shelinda: And were back (applause) Now we are going to welcome a young lady to the stage, her name is Calli. She is from the Mi'hen Highroad and she is here to talk about Chocobos. So please welcome Calli. (calli enters sitting by Clasko with 1 chair between them)

Calli: (to clasko) You sir are a bad man! (lunges out to attack, security runs on stage and grabs the little girl of him. Audience roars for more)

Shelinda: Hold on! Quiet! Calli we agreed to this if you kept tolerance. If not you and the protestors are out. (protestors boo)

Calli: I'm sorry. But Chocobo's are not food!

Shelinda: What are Chocobos then?

Calli: Chocobo's are meant to be free. They are an endangered species now! Then we heard the news of a chocobo hunter in the Calm Lands and...

Clasko: Me! I'm not a hunter!

Calli: Then how did you get them?

Clasko: I already said... Lady Yuna. She caught them and I raised them. Calli don't you remember? You were captured by a Chocobo Eater, I rescued you from it using chocobos. Then we rode in the Gullwings' airship. That is when I decided to open a ranch. She cleared out my ranch of fiends and caught chocobos for me to raise.

Protestor in Audience: So this is Yuna's fault.

Calli and Clasko: NO!

Audience: Huh? (Discuss between themselves...)

Calli: What I mean to say is Yuna, did not hunt chocobos. I know because the first chocob she caught was for me. (audience shocked) I wanted to ride a chocobo sooo much. One day I went to the Highroad to ride one, but they didn't have any. "Everybody uses hovers now" they said... Anyway I saw one and they chased it down for me. That is when a hunter grabbed me...

Clasko: Some wild chocobo's dragged you to safety and my birds protected you 'till the High Summoner came.

Shelinda: Oh my! We'll be right back... (theme music)

For tickets to Shelinda, write to us at;

Shelinda

Luca Sphere Studios

Stadium Bridge, Luca

COMMERCIAL #2

(Same creepy voice guy)

Narrator: "Gullwings" the movie, also starring Justin Timberlake and Usher, as Brother and Buddy. Verne Troyer as Shinra, Cuba Gooding Jr., Brad Pitt, and John Travolta as Baralai, Gippal and Nooj. Pamela Anderson as Leblanc Logos and Ormi played by: The ghost of Chris Farley and John Lithgow. Angelina Jolie and whoever she's screwing this week as Wakka and Lulu.along with Christina Aguilera andTidusas Lenne and Shuyin.

GULLWINGS the movie! Coming to a pirated sphere vendor, in the alley near you.

(theme music)

Shelinda: Hello again! Now we are here about our little problem with chocobos. During the break. Everyone received free samples of Clasko's "Dippin Dunk Choco-Chunks" and I must admit they are not bad. Especially with the sauce, what is it?

Clasko: Secret recipe!

Shelinda: Now Calli you had something to bring.

Calli: Yes it is right outside. Follow me Clasko, Shelinda...

Shelinda: O.K. (the audience and Shelinda, walk out the studios. In the open lot. There is a chocobo and the Prophet's assistant.) Oh my, what is this about.

Calli: I wanted Clasko to see the face. The face of what he is selling Spira.

Shelinda: (closing box of choco-chunks and throwing it away) Gulp...

Clasko: (walks over to chocobo) (whispers) I'm sorry. (pets the bird)

Calli: How many of these birds to you slaughter?

Clasko: One every two weeks.

Shelinda: Huh! That's it?

Clasko: Yes. The bird's immense size provides a lot of meat. I store it in a freezer with Ice I buy from Macalania. Even though I use them, I don't hunt them. I raise my own.

Calli: You do?

Clasko: Of course. What did you think?

Shelinda: We knew what she thought. We just thought wrong.

Calli: Yeah, I'm sorry.

Clasko: I'm Sorry too...I have an idea! How about i keep my store and you guys can have the leftover chocobos at my ranch.

Calli: What!

Clasko: Well I've been breeding them a little too much. So I can't raise them all. You can take them and raise them yourselves. So they can repopulate.

Shelinda: What a wonderful idea! Do you two have a deal?

Calli: DEAL! (all cheer)

Shelinda: (giggling) that just proves anything can happen here on "Shelinda". I wonder...

Clasko, Calli. Can one of you teach me how to ride one of these?

Calli and Clasko: SURE!

Calli: The first thing you do is climb up on it.

Clasko: Here I'll help (Shelinda climbs on)

Shelinda: It's so high!

Clasko: In other to make it walk, you squeeze it with your legs, softly.

Shelinda: I see. (tries it, the big bird walks slowly) Wow!

Calli: Your doing it!

Shelinda: I am? Yay! (pulls hard on reigns, chocobo runs at high speeds) HELP SOMEBODY STOP THIS THIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGG!

(credits roll)

Biggs: COMING Up. Chocobo creates havoc in Luca, 3 dead. More coming upnext.

END!

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