Shelinda

Episode Five: He said what she said in Besaid

(theme music)

Shelinda: Hello Everyone! It is me, the one and only, Shelinda! I am so excited for today and do you know why? Because on today's show we have the Besaid Aurochs on the show. (cheering fans)

Yes...yes, I know! So lets give them a round of applause. Give it up for your Besaid Aurochs!

(The crowd, mostly Blitz fans, cheer. Wakka, Lulu and the other Aurochs walk out to the stage.)

Shelinda: It is so great to see you all again. For those of you who have been asleep the past couple of years. The Besaid Aurochs have been the laughing stock of Spira. But, just two years ago, when that mysterious fellow joined your team two years ago. It was like a golden age for you right.

Wakka: Ya it was. I mean, our motto was always "to do our best". Then he'd showed up and we grew the ambition for "victory". If it wasn't for him, we'd still be losers. ya.

Shelinda: (giggles) Don't say that. Talking about him, how did you get him to be on your team?

Wakka: Well umm... He washed up on shore one day.

Shelinda: Huh?

Wakka: Seriously. He said he was on a boat, and when Sin attacked... well...

Shelinda: Oh dear.

Wakka: ya, Sin actually did some good. If it wasn't for that. We never would've found him and won the tournament. Nor defeated Sin in the end.

Shelinda: And how was the high summoner with him, at first.

Wakka: Yuna. Well she uhhh?

Lulu: She was very curious. He certainly was a strange man. Saying he was a blitzball player from Zanarkand of all things. And mister smarty-pants here thinking he was his dead brother, Chappu.

Wakka: C'mon Lu! He did look like him, ya!

Shelinda: We will get back to this in just a moment, but I have to take a commercial break. Coming up more details about Tidus and Yuna. Stay Tuned...

(theme music)

COMMERCIAL #1

(the setting is in a fantasy garden. A mix of the Farplane Glen and the little Lake in Macalania Woods)

Yuna walks through the garden in a princess's gown. Tidus spies on Yuna in a tree)

Yuna: "Once upon a time... There was a princess and a stranger"

(He falls out of the tree. They look into each other's eyes)

" He was in love... She was uncertain"

" He vowed to make her, his... But she stayed away"

" Until that one-night..."

(Macalania kiss scene from FFX)

"we connected... Everything was connected"

" But dawn came and he disappeared... She was lost without her love, until..."

(flashing scenes from X-2...fade to black)

Narrator: "Connections" a new fragrance by Yuna

(cloes-up on Yuna's face)

Yuna: "We are all connected"

(theme music)

Shelinda: Welcome back, before the break we had Wakka, former guardian to the high summoner. Talk about how she and Tidus, the young mystery man from our first episode, met. Now Wakka, please continue...

Wakka: We'll... Lulu can better answer this. Lu?

Lulu: As I said before, he was very strange, but that made him the more irresistible to Yuna. She wanted to know more. Especially since he was the son of Sir Jecht. I told Yuna to stay away, but she didn't listen. I was worried, if she fell in love, How would it feel when the final aeon had to be summoned...

Wakka: What made things worse was that he didn't know... and we never told him, either.

Shelinda: Told him what?

Wakka: About the final summoning. How a life had to be sacrificed to make the aeon, and the summoner had to die also.

Shelinda: He didn't know!

Lulu: No he didn't.

Shelinda: Oh dear. How much of a relief was it to see Yuna still running around Spira now as a spherehunting celebrity.

Wakka: It great, ya! Only I hope it doesn't all go to her head.

Lulu: It is finally great to see her smile, and keep smiling.

Shelinda: That is wonderful. After the break... "Wakka, guardian, blitzer, father?" Stay tuned...

COMMERCIAL #2

(Leblanc's Theme Plays. Leblanc is on her bed laying in a provocative position)

Leblanc: Hello Loves. It's me, Leblanc. Join me Tuesday's at 9 pm. When my new reality show "Syndicate Style" airs. Where I find out who of these 20 hot guys has the style, the strength, and the sex drive, to be my new top henchmen. Join me won't you?

Announcer: That "Syndicate Style" Tuesdays a 9.

COMMERCIAL #3

(Rikku is in her Tariner dressphere, with her pet monkey. Tons of flashing lights and funky music.)

Rikku: SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR! SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!SUPER POOPIE MONKEY HOUR!

Announcer: Saturday Mornings at 8.

(theme music)

Shelinda: Welcome back. Now let's get to the to the juicy. Someone here is a daddy!

Wakka: (turns pink) that's me. To a beautiful baby boy.

Shelinda: Can we see it? Could we bring out the baby?

(P.A. Comes out holding the baby in the purple thing. Wakka holds Vidina in his arms. Audience "awws")

Shelinda: He's so cute! What's his name?

Wakka: Vidina.

Shelinda: Vidina? Hmmm... oh I got it. Thinking ahead aren't you huh.

(A/N: For those who didn't know...(yes you two in the third row) "Vidina" is AlBhed for future. I JUST FOUND THIS OUT SO SHUT UP.)

Wakka: You could say that. Yeah I remember when It was time for him to be born...

Lulu: Don't tell that story again!

Wakka: It was in the Besaid Temple. The monk was trying to unclasp all the belts, that Lu wears...

FLASHBACK

(Lulu's water had broken and it was about to pop out. The monk was in the receiving end of Lulu and Wakka was holding her hand)

Wakka: How much more?

Monk: About twelve more belts.

Wakka: You see Lu, Just twelve more belts.

Lulu:(in pain) SHUT UP! HOW CAN YOU BE SO RELAXED! LOOK AT YOU THERE, TUBBY! YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH!

Wakka: Lu, please you don't mean what you say. That's just the pain.

Lulu:(EVEN ANGRIER) EXCUSE ME! I CERTAINLY DO NOT NEED THIS (signals stomach) TO BE ANGRY AT YOU! YOU CHEAP LAZY ASS SLOB! (to priest) HOW MANY MORE FUCKING BELTS!

Monk: (scared) Just...one...more...

Lulu: GET IT OFF NOW!

Monk: (nervous and gittery) yes...ma'am... got it! Spread your legs!

Lulu: (spreads) NOW GET IT OUT!

Wakka: Just breath Lulu. (holds her hand)

Lulu cast Fira on Wakka he lets go and runs out the temple. Running and finally rolling all over the dirt in the village.

Moments later and priestess runs out to tell the burnt man he is a father.

Wakka: It's a boy? It's a boy! IT"S A BOY! (he runs to tell the whole village)

FLASHBACK OVER

The audience laughs and Shelinda tries to settle everyone, including herself.

Shelinda: (still laughing) Oh...(laugh)...(laugh)...my...(laugh)...Lets go to commercial...(laughing continues)

COMMERCIAL #4

Shelinda (in voice-over): On the next Shelinda... We are looking at the new style for the fall season. And we are remebering the past. So watch Shelinda...

(theme music)

Shelinda: Okay, We do not have too much time left. So we need something juicy to leave with.Anything interesting you want to tell us.

Wakka: Hehehe... where there is one thing...

Lulu: Wakka!

Wakka: What she is over that by now.

Shelinda: C'mon Wakka say it.

Wakka: Well...

Lulu: Wakka!

Wakka: What?

Lulu: Yuna trusted us to keep that a secret.

Wakka: So what if it wasn't her who sang at Luca...

Crowd: GASP!

Lulu: (holding her anger) Wakka!

Wakka: Uh oh...

Shelinda: So is wasn't Lady Yuna.

Wakka: Um...

Lulu: This show is over...(raises arms in air, thunder begins to roar)...

END TRANSMISSION

REVIEW PLEASE, Prettyplease with sugar and sprinkles and super poopie monkeys ontop