Shelinda
Episode Nine: Love Hurts
(theme music)
Shelinda: Hello everybody... We'll how are you guy's out there? (applause) We'll wasn't last episode so much fun? (cheers again)... Thats great! Now on today's show, we are going to deal with relationships... These couples have come because all they ever do now is fight. Today we also have special assistance from Our special couple's therapist and sexologist, Paine.
(Paine returns to the show for her third time. Only this time she wasn't there to bug Rikku. She had become a professional psychiatrist.)
Shelinda: Thank you for coming back Paine. Um how's Yuna?
Paine: Um... Well she is still rough around the edges, but give her a few more days.
Shelinda: Well. That's good. :)
FLASHBACK
(The same night after the Gullwings leave Shelinda's sound stage. back on the airship... Buddy Brother and Shinra stayed far away from Yuna as possible. This left Tidus, Rikku, and Paine to bear with her in the cabin. Yuna decided to take her rage out with a little target practice)
Yuna: (rage) Everybody...get Back (she loads her pistol)
Rikku: Yunie but this isn't a firing range...
Yuna: I just have to improvise won't I. (She aims her pistol in Rikku's direction, Rikku runs in fear behind Tidus and they both go upstairs. Paine was by the bar, she just stood there. She was so afraid of Yuna right now, afraid to even blink. Yuna finally chose her targets, the liquor bottles behind the bar.)
Yuna: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!(She goes Trigger Happy Lvl. 1000, on the various bottles on the racks. Paine ran away from the exploding glass and hauled her ass up the stairs to find Tidus and Rikku made a fort with the mattresses and the sofas in the corner. Tidus opened a small wedge to let Paine in and the three of them trembled in fear while hearing the loud shatters of glass and the ongoing barrage of bullets)
Rikku: She's gone insane!
Tidus: No Duh! She's really taking that prank hard!
Paine: She just hates being embarrassed. And this time in front of millions...
Rikku: So what are we going to do?
Tidus: I think right now, we should just let her run out of ammo.
(Yuna continued to fire, but she ran out of bottles to bash. Yuna held her fire but she was still angry... She slowly and quietly walked upstairs)
Tidus: She stopped.
Paine: So who's go out to look?
(silence...Before anyone else could say a word Yuna puled off the bedsheeted roof over the fort. She just stared cold at the three frightened Gullwings. Tidus finally gets man enough to stand off the ground, her tries to talk to the homicidal Yuna but she only forces a kiss on his lips. No one was sure what was going to happen next.)
Yuna: (whispering) Make me feel good...
Tidus: (whispers back) Here? Now?
Yuna: (orders) Engine Room. Take a mattress with you.
(Tidus leaned over slowly to grab a wall from the fort but Yuna just goes "Too Slow!" and she flings the mattress over the balcony and it falls near the door and away from the mess. She grabs on to Tidus and doesn't let go as they go downstairs. Paine is the next to pop her head out of the pile of bed. She sees the two walk out with a mattress in hand. She quietly thinks to herself)
Paine: Something tells me Tidus is going to be the woman.
FLASHBACK ENDS
Shelinda: Now Paine. So how long were you a "shrink"?
Paine: Actually, I've always been a doctor. But when Sin returned and the Crusaders united again. I had re-enlisted into the force. Then after an "accident"... I wanted some time for myself, So I became a spherehunter.
Shelinda: Learn something new everyday, don't we? Can I call you Dr. P?
Paine: I'd prefer if you didn't.
Shelinda: Okay, no problem. So let's take a commercial break and when we come back. We'll bring out our troubled couple.
COMMERCIAL #1
This is a Spira News special report and now, Biggs Jemcho...
Biggs: Thank you, Deathseeker finally sought was he seeks after seeking.. sought...seek? (tongue-twisted, pauses and tries again.) Deathseeker finally sought was he seeks and seeking sought...Huh? (pissed off) NOOJ DIED! More at 11.
(theme music)
Shelinda: Let's quickly bring out our guests. Here from Kilika Island, Lady Dona and Barthello.
(The two sit by eachother but they seperate their chairs a little.)
Shelinda: Welcome to the show, Now Dona... What happened?
Dona: We'll it all started with politics. I joined the Youth League and dunder-head here joined New Yevon. (To Paine) And why are you here? I told you already to but out.
Paine: Don't take this out on me. I am here to help you.
Dona: Hmmph... Fine! So what do you recommend?
Paine: We'll I'd have to hear more.
Barthello: (like a little boy) Ooh! Ooh! Can I talk?
Shelinda: Go ahead.
Barthello: Dona always is treating me badly. But I still love her. When we we're on our pilgrimage I always was the one stuck battling every fiend in sight. She would never summon an aeon to help me! Then after I was done... all she ever say was was (imitating Dona) "couldn't you go any faster!" or "Get up you baby!". I took it without a word, but it kept killing me inside. (the audience fells sympathy towards Barthello and "boos" at Dona with yelling slurs like "bitch" and "whore")
Shelinda: Please...please, settle down everyone. Dr. P can you give us your opinion?
Paine: Don't call me "Dr. P"
Shelinda: (blush) Sorry, i forgot. Won't happen again.
Paine: It's Perplexing. Barthello, how did you two meet?
Barthello: Well... My father was a priest at the Temple so I lived there with him and my mother. As I grew older I started distancing myself from my father's wishes. He wanted me to be a priest but I wanted to help Spira my way. I wanted to be a Crusader. So I trained and practiced for years... trhen when they came to the island to recruit... I was so close to getting in.
Shelinda: What happened?
Barthello: Well, I passed all the physical challenges with flying colors... but I always failed the written exam. (Paine and Shelinda try to hold in their laughter)
Dona: See what an idiot he is...
Barthello: Hmph... anyway. I was in town all alone, my father told me to never return to the temple, if I went to that recruitment. I was going to beg for forgiveness so I was in the forest and...
FLASHBACK
(Barthello is walking through Kilika Wood. He remebers his secret shorcut to the temple (CH.3 of X-2) so he goes to climb the tree. He then hears screaming...
Dona: HELP!
(Dona is trapped by Lord Ochu. Her two guardians with her tried to cut him down with their small blades but it was no use. Barthello runs to the rescue and jumps and grabs on to Ochu's arm holding Dona. Dona's guardians just stare at this guy. After some struggles Barthello broke the summoner to be free and took her to safety, leaving Ochu with the other two men.)
Dona: Who are you?
Barthello: My name is Barthello... and you are?
Dona: I am Dona.
Barthello: And what is a fair angel like yourself doing in these woods?
Dona: I was heading for the temple to become a summoner. But I was stopped by that fiend.
And it looks like I have lost my so-called "guardians". (in a seductive matter) I could sure use a BIG STRONG man to join me.
Barthello: May I join you Lady Dona.
Dona: Hmm... I guess for saving my life, I can let you the favor of being my guardian.
FLASHBACK OVER
Barthello: (on his knees in front of Dona) Please Dona? Lets forget this and go home!
Dona: No!
Barthello: DONA!
----CRACK--------------------------TRANSMISSION LOST------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------UPLOADING-----------------------------------------------------------------PLEASE WAIT--
Shelinda: Sorry for the technical difficulties. Umm Barthello, I'm gonna have to ask you not to scream anymore.
Dona: jackass! See, now you broken a camera.
Barthello: I'm sorry
Paine: Dona, why do you treat him like this?
Dona: Why not! You see how clumsy he is. Plus he just doesn't satisfy me anymore.
Crowd: (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!)
Dona: The sex has just been horrible. I just lay and count the cracks in the roof.
Barthello: You mean you've been faking it?
Dona: Uh YEAH! In case you didn't know... Steroids hurt "li'l Barthello"
Crowd: (LAUGHS, and respond in a "oh no you didn't" attitude)
Barthello: Do...Do...Don...Dona?
Dona: (not caring attitude) What?
Shelinda: Let's go to commercial and we'll have Paine give us the final answer. Don't change that channel.
COMMERCIAL #2
Hey everyone, I just wanna use this commercial to promote my idea for another story. "Stepmother".
The Main plot is; Wakka and lulu are murdered but Yuna is convicted for the crime which she did not commit. So she is locked up forever, but After 20+ years locked up she wins her freedom and returns to Besaid, To seek justice and more.
Shelinda: And we're back... Paine we heard these two squabble... What can you do to help?
Paine: Hmm, Barthello... Why, after all this, do you still feel any passion for this woman?
Barthello: Because...Because... because, I like it. I like how she punishes me.
Paine: You like being her "property" right?
Barthello: Yes.
Paine: Okay, Dona... Have you ever thought about S&M? The whole leather; whips and chains stuff? You see, you dominate him in life, but... you leave him to dominate in the bedroom with... "li'l Barthello" and he doesn't want that. He wants you to stay dominant, so...
Dona: Fine. But what about my needs?
Paine: Honey! There are SOOO many things on the market for that! In every shape, size, color, texture, etc...
Dona: Well... i guess we can try.
Barthello: Oh could we? Really!
Dona: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Paine: Here is my Commsphere number. Call me tomorrow and we'll see what more I can do.
Shelinda: Thank you Paine and thank you Dona and Barthello. Folks before we say our todeloos Paine why don't you announce your "project"
Paine: Thank you, folks In three weeks I am premiering my new show; "No, Your Wrong!" A show where we will deal with couples' and family issues like this one we saw here. So tune in...
Shelinda: Thank you Paine. And from all of us here...Have a great night.
END
Thank you all who have reviewed and to those who read and didn't. I never had such a massive response so prompt. I'll see how long I can keep this series going. And check out "Stepmother" too Okay. REVIEW