Hello hello. Thank you so much for all your reviews. I just have to take this time thank and dedicate this chap to two special people. Theweirdperson and Blurose. Without theweirperson's ideas I wouldn't have half the chaps of this story. And Blurose thx for being a constant reviewer. So I dedicate this episode to both of you... Enjoy!

Shelinda

Episode 10: Born a Bachelor, Die a Bachelor: Part I

(theme music)

Shelinda: Helloooooo SPIRA! It's me again, your lovable talk show host, Shelinda! (applause) Thank you. Thank you. On today's show we continue with people with relationship problems. So who better than to help Spira's own... Dr. P!

(A/N: After the last episode, the producers of "No, Your Wrong" decided that Paine's nickname would make a more acceptable and crowd pleasing title. After a few "ajustments" in her contract, she liked it. CHA-CHING $$$ -.-)

Paine: (already on set) Hello everyone. Shelinda thanks again.

Shelinda: No problem... Umm... I hate to ask but, Hows Yuna?

Paine: Um... (A/N: I just had to do one more of these)

FLASHBACK (YAY!)

Right after Paine leaves the studios in Luca and is transported back on-board the airship. Paine walks from the bridge to elevator to go down to the cabin to get a bite to eat. She meets Tidus and Rikku coming out of the elevator.

Tidus: Paine, Don't go down there!

Paine: Why not?

Rikku: We just finished watching you, you did great by the way...

Tidus: Back to the subject, Yuna is still... how do i put it...

Rikku: Pissed off?

Tidus: Thanks, and you going back on the show now was not the best time.

Paine: It's fine to be mad, but she is taking this way out of proportion. And I think she has had enough time to squawk, don't you? Even Rikku got over her grumps.

Tidus: True that.

Paine: Look, I'll go talk to Yuna. Hey! How did you two even see it with Yuna like that?

Rikku: Mattress fort.

Paine: Again? (they both nod, Paine walks past the two and heads for the elevator)

(The metal slid open, Paine carefully walked into the cabin. Everything was normal, no broken bottles, nothing else torn apart. Just the mattress fort had moved downstairs to the mini-stage in the back corner of the cabin. Paine took a few more steps and leaned over the bar. Yuna was nowhere in sight. So that means she was probably upstairs.)

Paine slowly walked up the steps. The night sky looked beautiful in the large windows. She head onward and found Yuna at the sitting area. She was just sitting there, quietly polishing one of het pistols. She looked up at Paine and adjusted herself, sitting like Sharon Stone in Basic Instict

(A/N: was it Basic Instict? I think that was the movie. The scene when she sits and uncrosses and re-crosses her legs and you could see under the skirt that they still parodize on TV)

Yuna: (creepy tone) Hello Paine.

Paine: Umm... Yuna, why are you sitting here in the dark.

Yuna: (still creepy) Ooh, just wanted to see the stars. And today I saw a special star...

Paine: Really?

Yuna: (creepier) yes! It was on channel 4. She had silver hair and pale skin and red eyes I think they called her (doing quotes with her hands) "Dr. P"...

Paine: Fine. You saw the show.

Yuna: (normal but angry tone) You bet I did! How could you just go back?

Paine: Your being a brat about this! Minus four respect points.

Yuna: You can take those points and shove 'em up your...

Paine (immediately) -As I was saying... It was a joke Yuna. It's okay to be mad. But youv'e gone too far.

Yuna: (calm) Have I?

Paine: (-.-') You vandalized our airship! You threatened Rikku's life! And you raped Tidus in the engine room! What more do you need?

Yuna: Oh... I'm sorry.

Paine: I not the only one you should be saying this to.

Yuna: Fine. (she gets up, jumps to the lower level with Paine and they walk together.) By the way... How many respect points do I have?

Paine: Now... 26.

Yuna: Wait! How did I get less than Rikku?

Paine: (-.-') make that 25...

FLASHBACK OVER

Paine: She fine.

Shelinda: That's good! Alright. Now today we have another love problem. Dr. P, this young man says that he has had this crush on a girl who he works with. He says she has found a new love but he can't help but still be jealous. So he wants our help to just forget...

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(On board the Celsius. Yuna Rikku and Tidus are watching "Shelinda", with no mattress fort.)

Yuna: Uh oh!

Rikku: Please! Anyone but him...

Tidus: What?

Rikku: Brother

Tidus: Brother?

Yuna: (blushes) He... he has a crush on me...

Tidus: Huh! Wait isn't he your...?

Rikku: Yup. Sick ain't it? (All three nod)

Yuna: Maybe, Paine can really help him

Tidus: He better hope she does.

Rikku: Did anyone ever tell Paine?

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(Back at the show, Brother has already been introduced and sits by Paine)

Paine: Brother? You?

Brother: Yes! I want to forget Yu... yu... yu... you know who.

Paine: (thought) Nice save. (speaks) We'll All I can tell you is to put yourself back in the scene. Hit the singles' bars, Get some Comm numbers, etc..

Shelinda: Well looking at him, He doesn't seem to be the "social butterfly". Anything special we can aid Brother in.

Paine: Looking at him... He could use a makeover.

Brother: A "make-WHAT"?

Paine: Makeover! It's where we make you look less ugly than what you look like now.

Shelinda: Well Paine, I guess you and I got the same mind. Brother we are going to give you a makeover! Everything is already set up backstage. So why don't you run back there and get started...

Brother: YIPEE! (He jumps up and heads around the stage)

Shelinda: While he gets started le't take a quick break. Stay Tuned...

BACK AT THE AIRSHIP ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Rikku: What? Brother, a makeover?

Tidus: Wow. I think I'd better get Shinra and Buddy for this...

Yuna: Hurry Back! (Tidus heads out)

Rikku: Yunie, what did you ever think of Brother?

Yuna: Me? Well... He's okay. A little odd, though...

Rikku: Just a little?

Yuna: We'll I'm trying to be nice (They both giggle)

Rikku: Hey! Its back on!

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Shelinda: Here we are back stage. And behind this door, Brother is undergoing his transformation. Now you and I are going to go back on-stage and we are going to meet three bachelorettes who will meet Brother and one will go out on a date with him.

(The camera follows Shelinda back onstage. There are three beautiful young women on stage.)

Shelinda: Hello Ladies.

Ladies: Hi!

Shelinda: Okay so you've seen who your going to date, right? (they each nod) Now, between tonight and tomorrow morning, all three of you are going on your own date with Brother. And tomorrow night everyone is coming back on the show and each are going to share your personal experiences. Everybody understood? (they all nod, again) Okay, so as you can see, this show is TO BE CONTINUED! Good night, Spira!

oooooooooooooooooooooooBACK AT THE AIRSHIPoooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yuna: (Turning the sphere screen off) Why didn't you guys tell us?

Buddy: He said he wanted it to be a surprise. And knowing how you were acting the past few days...

Yuna: Guys again... I'm very sorry.

(Everybody replies)

Tidus: I wonder how he'll do?

Rikku: I wonder what he'll look like?

Yuna: We'll just have to wait... I guess

Shinra: Umm... Guys? If Paine and Brother are in Luca... and were in here... Who's flying the airship?

(A few seconds of silence)

All: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

End...

Stay Tuned to part II. And don't look for the Stepmother, I removed it. Oh well, Life hoes on. I'll try again some other time. REVIEW!