Why Does It Hurt So Much?

First order of news. I would like to say that I'm very sorry for not updating in a while. I've been very busy with school. Man school sucks. Yet it's fun sometimes. Plus I've been sick. Being sick sucks. I had the flu. See I could have wrote my chapter, but all the Nyquil was blocking my thoughts. I think the makers of Nyquil are in a conspiracy.

-Second order of business I would like to thank my reviewers.

Alena - chan: I would like to thank you for your review. It means a lot too me. After all u are one of my favorite authors.

Degrassi15: love your review it made me crack up. And I know that u don't really read teen titans so I thank u for taking your time to actually read and review it. Love you

Black aura green star bolt- yeah I did use other songs. I used some from Amy Lee and her crew. I used some from Heather Headily. I also used linkin park. I used a lot of different artist. I also am going to use a song. I love this song

Tecna- my faithful reviewer, It's ok if u didn't review chapter 2. It's okay because I put up 2 chapters in one day. So it's ok.

Raerob4ever- your review gave me an idea thanks. Now it's a love triangle. And thanks for the review.

Kitty blah- the other titans are featured in this chapter. And thanks for your review even if it was a question

Dark Shadows 01- yes she can be a cow sometimes. Thanks for your statement/review

Author notes: either this is the last chapter or I'll have one more depends. And love triangles are:

Raven Robin Star, Richard Shadow Bruce, and last Shadow Richard Star

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the songs

On with the story:

Why Does It Hurt So Much? Chapter 4: Dark Attractions

Through out the month Bruce Wayne has called me so many times. His constant calling is really starting to bug me. He keeps calling to remind me of his ball. It's not something that I would forget. And now I can't get any piece. I can't find my center. I really don't need to meditate but it helps. I have Robin to thank for that. He went to hell for me. I don't think the other titans would have done that for me. And together we defeated my father.

Now it was just two weeks till the ball. I wrote a song in my spare time. Which was when Bruce wasn't calling me. The song is called "A Thousand Miles". I named it that because after he saved me from the fiery depths of hell I felt like I would walk a thousand miles just to see him. After all he went one thousand miles to the center of the earth just to see me. That's what he told me.

Now, a week and five days till the ball. I got yet another call from Bruce Wayne. I didn't even need to use my empathy to know that it was Bruce.

" Hello is Ms. Shadow there"

" This is her Bruce" I said in monotone.

" Your check should be coming in next week"

"What check?"

" Your check for being my musical guest at my ball"

" I don't want it"

" Well why not"

" Because I don't sing for money I sing because it's my passion"

" O okay well I'll just give it to a charity"

" Yeah you go do that"

" O don't forget about the ball it's in a week and five days"

" I know. Thanks for the reminder. Bye Bruce. See you at the ball"

" Bye shadow."

When I told him that I sang because I have a passion for it, it was the truth. I don't do it for the money. I do it because I love the feeling. It was just like fighting crime. I didn't do it for the fame or the glory. I did it because I truly wanted to help people.

Because I knew that if I was going to end the world then I should at least help people. I've fought monsters, taken out bank robbers, and most in importantly stopped rapist. I would never want any woman to go through what my mother went through. It's the most horrifying thing there is. I guess you can say a worse fate then death even hell if you want to exaggerate.

ONE WEEK TILL THE BALL

This is one of the things that I'd thought I would never say. But here it goes. I have to go to the mall. Those six words alone mean nothing. But once you put them to form a sentence it's something I'd never say up until now. I have to go. I need to buy a dress. After all it is a ball.

So I took my car to the mall. I wore a hooded zip up sweater so people wouldn't flock around me. I just wanted to go in and get what I needed. I passed by many stores not liking the dresses at all. I wanted something simple. So far all I saw was dresses that were either too flashy, too short, too long, wrong color, or too girly.

Then, I see this very nice dress. I think it's perfect. I walked into the store. It was called Le Claudia's. (My best friend's name ha I just had too) I thought how original. I asked the sales lady if she could take it off the mannequin. She happily obliged, in a way too perky voice. It gave me the hives. The dress was a halter-top dress, black with blue glitter. The dress would show my back. I didn't think much of it but I did worry about my tattoo. It's on my left shoulder blade. My tattoo was of a purple Casablanca Lily with rain droplets on it. It was a sign of purity. I got it before I joined the titans or formed them along with Robin. The only person who has ever seen it was Robin. I remember when he asked me about it. We had been sleeping together and my strap from my shirt fell off. And he asked me when did I get a tattoo. And I told him.

While trying on my dress I saw the girl who told me that she was my number one fan. She waved to me so I'm guessing she saw me to. She's one of my fans that I don't find annoying. She walked over to me and said hi. I said I hi back. She told me that I looked beautiful in that dress. I said thank you. She then told that she saw a great pair of shoes that could go with the dress. And I said thank you. I didn't notice till like five minutes after that she had a dress too. I didn't have anyone to go to the ball with and Tara did seem really nice. So I asked her she would like to come with me to Bruce Wayne's ball. She said that I didn't have to do that and I told her that I wanted her to go because she was a friend. Wow, I even surprised myself I didn't think I would say that. But now that I think about it she is my friend and my first one since I left the titans. She so happily obliged to go. And she said that if I didn't mind that she would like to help me pick out the rest of my things. And I didn't want to disappoint her after I just told her she was my friend. So, for the rest of the day we went shopping or just looking. Yes, I know something that is in impossible but hey I've done the impossible and unthinkable before.

I gave her ride home because she told me her Grandmother couldn't pick to pick her up. She lived in a fairly sized house. And I told her that the ball was in one week and that I was to pick her up in a black limo. She said ok and waved bye. I waved bye back and drove off.

THE BALL IS TO NIGHT

I woke up early today. I had to get ready for the ball. I had so many things to do. I had to practice my singing and dancing because I wasn't going to sing the whole entire night I would have breaks. I also had to re-dye my hair black and get it done. I was thinking of having my hair down with two parts so I have a piece which I put a sapphire barrette on it with my ends in curls. Well, I didn't really think of it my manager did. She also thought I needed to get my eyebrows and nails done which I didn't want to do but still did anyway. I also needed some make up. There is so much to do with so little time.

I had gotten out of bed and took a shower. After my shower I got dressed in some sneaker and sweat pants with a hooded sweater. And I headed to a dance studio to practice my dance. I spent an hour and a half practicing. Next I went to my music studio to practice my singing. To make sure I didn't forget my lyrics and to make sure my voice was ok. And I also had to practice my piano because some of my songs needed me to play the piano.

After that I went to a salon. Which was the best in town or city. I was surprised I only saw three people there. I guess I was lucky after all it is a Saturday. First I got my hair done. Which took forever. Then I had gotten my nails done which took about an hour. And finally, I got my eyebrows done which caused me so much pain. I don't know why it hurt so much. They are just plucking some hair.

Wow, only three hours till the ball. I was rushing. First I took a shower. I got completely clean. And I shaved my legs. Then I started putting on lotion. I hate to be ashy, and yes even if I'm as pale as I am I still get ashy skin. The lotion smelled of vanilla and lavender. I then got out my dress and shoes and under garments from my closet. I put on all my clothes. Next came my make up. A while back a woman showed me how to put it on with out putting on too much. I put on clear lip-gloss, eyeliner, a little bit of blush, and faint coat of blue eyes shadow. I then put on some jewelry, a necklace, a pair of earrings and a bracelet. All was silver. To night I would be a dark goddess as some of my male fans would say in their letters.

Only a few minutes till the ball I started pacing back and froth in my living room. I thought I should take my coat but then again it is the middle of July. It was the seventieth to be exact. (My birthday I couldn't help it). This ball is making my mind go in to total and complete chaos. My doorbell then rings. I know it's my limo driver so I take my purse from the counter and go down stairs to the lobby. I walk outside and my limo driver; Jimmy opens the door to my transportation to the ball. We then go pick up Tara. She looked absolutely beautiful. She had a red dress on which looked so lovely. And her hair had a red butterfly clip in it. She reminded me so much of Terra. Terra and her love of butterflies. May, she rest in piece. And I hope that one day I find a cure for her. I have to I promised beast boy I would. And I never break a promise.

It was a forty-five minute ride to where the ball was being held. And like a block away I could see lights and cars. I could also here music blaring. I felt like I was going to throw up. I figured it was because I was nervous. Before we got out of the limo Tara asked me when did I get the tattoo and I told her way too long ago. She just simply smiled. And I smiled back. It was the faintest of smiles, but she saw it.

Jimmy opened the door to the limo. Tara went out first. Everyone stared in shock. I know they were expecting me. And just when they were going to ask who was she I stepped out, with a smile on my face. At that moment I saw so many flashes I swear I thought I was going to go blind. I knew that a picture of me smiling would be on TV and in the newspapers. Because never once in my whole career have I smiled that is until now. Tara and I then linked arms and walked into the enormous mansion.

I heard many people talking. A lot about how nice the mansion was or how who was going to be the musical guest. I was supposed be a surprise. And a surprise I was indeed. I walked up to Bruce and greeted him. He was so happy to see me. I didn't think he would be that happy. He was grinning like a maniac. He told me how lovely I looked and took my hand spun me around. He told me I was as pretty a nightingale bird. I thought more like a raven. I then introduced Bruce to Tara. They talked for a few minutes and then I went to go take Tara to here seat. The table was reserved for me. But there was more than one chair. There were seven seats. She sat and started fidgeting. And I told her she didn't have to necessarily sit there she could walk around and mingle. And she did just that. I then spotted her talking to a man with silky black hair. It looked like he just got out of the shower. Then I started walking forward and I noticed it was Garth otherwise known as Aqua Lad. I smiled on the inside it's been so long since I've seen him. But then I thought does that mean the other titans are here. I then shrugged it off because it was time for me to start my performance.

Every one settled down and sat down even thought they didn't have to sit, because they could dance. I heard Bruce talking saying things like thank you for coming and enjoy your selves. And finally he said give a hand for our musical guest Shadow. I heard screams and clapping.

I stepped out of the shadow and onto the stage. I went up to the microphone and told them which song I was going to sing first. And that song was " My Immortal". So I went by the piano and sat down on the bench and began to play the piano. And I started singing. I then see people start to dance. After that song I got up and said that I just wrote a new song. That it was called a thousand miles. And I started to sing. While I was singing I then see all of the titans there. That is except for Robin. Who I did see was Richard Grayson. And guess who was dancing with him. Star fire. I felt a deep hurt inside my heart, it was heart wrenching seeing them together and I asked my self why does it hurt so much. And I turned around so people wouldn't my tears. I cried but there were no sobs.

Robin's P.O.V

I'm so excited. Shadow is here. She looks so lovely. She looked like a dark angel. She reminds me so much of Raven. And another girl came in with her. The girl she look so much like Terra.

I was going to go say hi to Shadow but then I see she went up on the stage. She sang a song. It was called my immortal. I personally like it. Heck I love it and the rest of her songs. She then sings a new song called A thousand miles. While I'm listening I see star fire come over too me. She doesn't know I'm Robin though. I never did tell anyone who I really was except for Raven and well Bruce made me into Robin so of course he knows. She then tried to talk to me. She even asked me to dance. Since I knew she would get upset I said yes. And she instantly pulled me to the dance floor. That's when I saw Shadow turn around. I knew that tattoo anywhere. She told me it was on of a kind. It was Raven's tattoo, a purple Casablanca lily with rain droplets on it.

I noticed her shoulders were heaving a little bit. It was barely noticeable I noticed. So I'm guessing she saw us together, dancing. It must have broken her heart again. Then, the song ended. She walked off the stage. It was her break time.

Raven's P.O.V.

After the song ended I walked off the stage to take one of my breaks. There was another woman playing the piano. It was quite lovely. I then went to go say hi to the titans. I was going to thank them for the fan mail they use to send me. I first walked up to Cyborg. He was wearing a holographic ring. He looked very handsome. I tapped him on his shoulder and he turned around expecting to be eye level with me. I had to say down here. And when he did he almost fainted. I don't know why he almost did I'm just Shadow. He said hi but he was stuttering. I saw Bumble Bee next to him wearing a yellow dress, which looked lovely on her. I told him thank you for the fan mail you use to send me. He said you deserve it. And like the Raven he knew I told him in monotone that I didn't.

I then went to go see Beast Boy. He screeched so loud it almost broke my eardrums. Like Cyborg, I gave him a thank you for the letters. He wanted to remember this moment forever so he asked me sign something. He didn't have paper so he said sign my chest and I said ok. So, he lifted up his shirt and I signed it. The old Raven would have never done this. I even laughed a bit. But I was still hurting. He said a thank you. And because he was my old friend I hugged him. Even though he didn't know it was I, Raven. I saw him melt into my hug but I quickly un-wrapped my arms. And started walking to go say hi to star fire, who was still dancing with Richard. Little did I know I would get to say hi to her.

As I was walking some one tapped my shoulder. When I turned around I saw Bruce. We said hellos' and he asked me if I was enjoying the party and that I was doing a great job. What he asked me next was the last thing I thought he would ask me. He asked me to dance with him on my next break and I just stood there staring at him if he was crazy. But I said yes anyway.

I took the stage once again. I went to go sit on the piano bench. I was going to play a piano version of Broken. I started playing the piano. The people started dancing. And I started singing. As I sang I cried. I didn't care if people saw me. Because everything I ever cared about left me or ended up hurting me, my mother, Azar, Malchoir, my child-hood best-friend Anna (even though I didn't have a child hood), the titans, and worst of all Robin. But what I found strange is that no one saw me cry. I must have been crying in my mind or maybe I didn't know how to cry anymore. I haven't cried in years. It was probably an illusion. Once I was done with Broken I got up and said I will now be singing I Wish I Wasn't. This was my last song before my break. After this song I would dance with Bruce and maybe I could take my mind off of them. They had smiles on their faces except Richard's looked kind of forced or faked. But I paid no mind.

I finished my song and bowed and told them I'd be back later after my break and once again a woman played a piano along with another woman on the harp. I saw Bruce walk up to me. He took my hand kissed it. I then saw Richard stare at Bruce with a glare that would put mine to shame. If looks could kill then Richard would be a murder right now. Bruce didn't notice though. Bruce put one hand on my waist and the other one was holding my hand. My other hand was on his shoulder. We began to waltz. I don't know why Richard was glaring because he had the woman he's always wanted right in his arms. Bruce was staring at me like he was in love. That's it that's why he invited me, that's why he kept on calling and that's why he asked me to dance with him. I didn't say anything I just kept on dancing with him. I even laid my head on his shoulder. I then saw him smile. He must have thought I liked him. I saw Richard glare even harder. I just ignored but I wondered if he knew. If he knew that I was Raven.

After we danced I had to perform again. Again I went up on stage to sing breathe, pieces of me, bring me back to life, don't tell me, behind these sapphire eyes (o yeah in chapter three I made a mistake and put amethyst sorry), and emotional roller coaster. After singing those songs I would take a break and sing my final song and I would enjoy the rest of the ball. I sang all of my songs. And all the ball goers were applauding. I took my break and I was having a hard time on deciding which song I would sing last. What would it be. I had a song in mind. But I would have to explain it before I sang it. It was a fresh song that I thought of a week ago but didn't write it down. Besides I had all up in my noggin. On my break I talked to Tara who was now Aqua Lad's girlfriend. I was happy for her I really was.

I then went up on stage and told them that this was my final song. I said it's a new song. And I also said it's called Absolutely. I said that it's in the point of view of a guy who knew a girl. And that the song would explain the rest. I started out.

This is a story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world why she look so sad in photo graphs I absolutely love her when she smiles… I kept on singing thinking about how Robin used to tell me to keep on smiling. While in the middle of the song I saw them. They kissed. It's happening all over again. No, history was repeating itself. Ahhhhh my heart is breaking. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH? WHY WHY, WHY DOES IT HURT ITS SO UNBEARABLE. THE PAIN. I clutch my head in pain and drop the microphone. I fall to my knees in pain still clutching my head. Things start to rattle and shake. My emotions are getting out of control. My hair turns back to its purple color and my eyes I feel the contacts burning away to reveal my amethyst eyes. My hair then grows longer. And the Marks of Scath appear on my body.

I cry out. STOP HURTING ME. STOP IT HURTS TO MUCH. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY HER OVER ME. I LOVED YOU. AND YOU BETRAY ME. I GAVE YOU MY TRUST. BUT YOU BROKE IT. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH TELL ME ROBIN WHY TELL ME RICHARD. Mean while things are still rattling. And winds are blowing. People mouths gasp. I'm on the stage with my head in my hands and on my knees. I hear the titans call my name. I hear running. And I keep on talking.

WHY DID YOU HURT ME? I NEVER HURT YOU. WHY, WHY TELL ME.

I then hear the titans running towards me. DON'T COME NEAR ME. I CRY BECAUSE EVERYTHING I EVER CARED ABOUT LEFT ME OR HURT ME AND THAT INCLUDES YOU ROBIN. COULDN'T YOU SEE THAT I LOED YOU AND NOW I STILL DO. In between sob I cry I KNOW YOU'RE WONDERING WHO I AM BECAUSE IT'S NOT CLEAR ANY MORE. WELL IM RAVEN. I'VE BEEN SHADOW SO I CAN FORGET MY PAST BUT APPARENTLY I DIDN'T.

I, then fainted I was too exhausted. But before I fell I felt some one catch me. It was Robin. Not Richard Grayson but Robin. When I wake up I see myself in a hospital bed with a coat over me. I'm guessing the winds ripped my dress because I see it in shreds in a seat next to me. I look around. I see the rest of the titans in chairs sleeping that is except for Robin. I see him talking to a doctor. I heard the doctor say I should be all right but that I would be knocked out for a day or two from all the energy I used. Well, I guess the doctor was wrong. Richard then comes in. I then pretend I'm asleep. He pulls up a chair and sits next to me. He takes my hands into his. And starts talking.

" Raven I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you. Over the past years I started to realize that I made a big mistake. I should have never left you. I should have never betrayed you. I'm sorry. I just want you to know that I love you. I always did but my mind was clouded. You were everything I wished for everything I wanted but I threw it all away. I hope you can forgive me and at least be my best friend like we used to be. And if you do still love me I want you to marry me."

I shot up from my bed and hugged him. And I told him of course I would marry him. I could feel him smile. He threw his arms around me. He stroked my hair and told me he loved me. He also said that he's been without me for too long. I smiled. And said I love you Robin. I then hear the other titans wake up. They all come over and hug me to death. Well not really.

After that whole ordeal Robin and I got married. Then seven months later we found out I was pregnant. And in eight and a half months I gave birth to beautiful baby girl. We named her Raiden- Jade Nightingale Grayson. Years later Jade and the other titan's kids made the new Teen Titans.

The End

Well that's the end of it. I know short it was only four chapters. Well I think it sucked. Well not entirely but I think I could have done better. Well tell me what you think. If u do I'll give you cookies. Hey bribing always works.

BYE ill be back in like while with a whole new story.

So remember it's a fan fiction crime to read and not review.

Bye remember review