Disclaimer: I don't own CCS so don't sue me. (This also goes for the last chap where I forgot to put this so I don't own so you know sue.)

*~*

Love Is A Distant Dream

Chapter: 4

Floating In The Memory Pool

*~*

Sakura's P.O.V.

Droplets.

Droplets.

Trickling down my head. I looked up at the grey-black sky roaring its fury of thunder and lightning. Small droplets were still falling on me, the sky had been so calm few minutes ago and now savage winds were circling past me. So it is true when they say, The Calm before the storm.

I didn't know what to do anymore, I felt so weak and helpless that it drove me crazy and I found myself cursing myself for being so weak. Soon there were more rumbles of thunder and lighting and in a fraction of a second, the rain brought itself down on Earth. The rain was a silent blessing from God, it washed on my bruises and my tangled hair. It was cold but it was warm as well. I kept on looking at those rain-laden clouds washing away the tears of my face. I smiled and then said to myself,

NO it was filled with anger.

NO

NO

NO

I will not bring myself down to my knees to Eli Moon. I will still be strong and battle him out, I'm Sakura Avalon, no one messes with me. I'll prove to him and everyone else that I am stronger than I look. Stronger.

I angrily wiped away my tears and got up and quickly realized that class had started twenty minutes ago so I started running towards the school with extra speed. I decided to refresh myself with some tissues before going to class. I burst into the classroom while Miss Okida looked at me in shock and all heads turned to look at me.

'Miss Avalon.'

'I'm so sorry miss Okida I feel asleep outside and couldn't hear the bell ring and I was awakened by the pouring rain.' I smiled as I told her the lie.

' I see, that's why you're soaking wet.' She observed me head to toe and I realized what a real mess I was.

'Uh I-'

'Miss Avalon I'll give you five minutes to freshen up.'

'Thankyou!' I yelled while running out.

*

'Now class I want you to the problems in page 95. This will be a part of your exam.' Miss Okida said while she scanned the problems herself.

Miss Okida, though geometry wasn't my favorite subject. Miss Okida wasn't old and was in her mid twenties she looked like she came from the 70's. She was an attractive woman but no men had proposed to her. I've heard in her teenage years no boy had asked her out and she was never kissed. Miss Soi Okida was always an outcast and she was classified in the category geek but I liked her. As I have mentioned Miss Okida was always an outcast even in her family, it seemed that her older sister Janice got all the attention. Janice was prettier than Miss Okida and I've their story. Miss Okida's parents were always focusing on that beauty queen bitch Janice while they left Miss Okida in the dust. Janice was a dumb as a rock and she could be called a dumb blonde but Miss Okida was a smart blonde who was always the first girl in her class. Janice never really passed an exam she was continuously getting F's and her highest score was a D but Miss Okida was a shining pearl and she always got A's and A+'s but still her parents loved that bitch Janice more. Janice had the looks so she could always seduce the teachers who were mostly male to get a passing grade. Her whole life revolved around boys who she constantly dated while poor Miss Okida was never asked. While that girl Janice was out having a lovely evening with the boys Miss Okida was at home struggling to finish her homework. Her parents thought of her as an ugly duckling. They were never really interested in education they only wanted their daughters to be beautiful enough to be some rich guy's wife so they live off them too.

'Our Daughter has no talent.' That's what people who knew them heard them say, 'She's such a geek we think the stork had made a wrong delivery.'

Miss Okida used to cry most of the time. It was bearable to be rejected by the student body but her own parents. When Janice was older propositions came in to her everyday but she refused them all, 'They're all the same. Cheap Bastards.' However, a year later that cheap s**t got married to a man named Paul and no one knew the story after that. They really wanted to know for Miss Okida became very isolated for an unknown reason. She had become quieter and barely spoke to anyone, people who knew her said she was now an alien to them. She was always liked the most by people for her lively enthusiasm, kindness, sharing and joyful nature while they hated Janice for her rude, selfish, self-centered, harsh one.

'When I met Janice I came to know the term Looks can be deceiving. She may be the apple of one's eye but actually she is the rotten worm inside.' A friend was heard saying once I really want to know Miss Okida's whole story, what made her become so isolated? Well she is very friendly with us but she is truly is alone.

'Sakura, are you finding the problems hard?' Miss Okida came and interrupted my thoughts.

'Oh no, they're pretty easy.' I replied than I looked at me copy, I hadn't written a single word, 'Uh, Sorry Miss Okida I guess my mind was somewhere else.'

'That's ok Sakura. You are pretty good at geometry.' She left my side and started walking to two boys who were chatting away.

I know I hated geometry but I guess I tried to ace at it so Miss Okida will be happy once in a while for I kinda think she carries a silent pain with her everywhere she goes.

I realized that someone was watching me and as I turned my head to the opposite direction this chestnut hair boy quickly faced away and started doing his problems. I was going to ignore this but there was a strange familiarity in him like I had seen him a couple of times before. I knew this boy was always alone and I figured out that he was an outcast and he never even tried to converse with anyone before. I couldn't quite remember his name, What was it again? Oh yeah Li Shyaron. I kinda thought he was cute and there was a mysterious charm about him that I truly adored. But I have seen him before so I ignored the geometrical problems and tried to dive into my memory pool.

*

We were always a happy family.

My Bro was a total pain, my dad was into teaching at the university and my mom stayed home and taught children how to play the piano. I was always there and ready for her classes and I was a younger student. My mom, Mrs. Natasha Avalon was adored and loved by every single person she met and taught. The kids that she taught were all in different ages and learning the piano with her was what they all enjoyed. The piano school as we called it would start at 4 pm and end at 6 pm. In these two hours we learned to play the piano but had our breaks to fool around, watch T.V. and eat snacks. All the parents agreed that I was the best in the little class and they knew I never touched the piano afterwards for more practice. They said I had the voice of an angel and they said I was better than my brother Torii. I loved to sing in front of the little class while my mother played, I knew she was proud of both Torii and me and I had an inward joy for that.

 My life turned away from the light and shifted to the darkness. One day Mom was playing the piano when she just collapsed and they were shrieks and cries from the other kids while I dialed my dad and 911.

My mom was in the hospital and the doctor said she wasn't doing well. I went to visit her everyday and I always prayed to make her better but it was too late, her health was slowly deteriorating and she looked skinner and very pale.

'Mama,' I said, 'Promise me you will get better.'

'I promise dear but Promise me something.' My mother said, her voice seemed drained of all energy.

'What Mama?'

'Play the piano everyday and sing like you use too. I want you to do that for me, promise.'

'Promise.'

I went to the hospital the next morning but I saw my mom's bed empty and a nurse cleaning the room, 'Where is Mama?'

She turned to look at me, 'Uh, your father is going to come along and explain everything.' Her voice filled with sympathy.

'Where is Mama, what is wrong?' I sensed something was deeply wrong.

'Dear your father is coming-'

'I wanna know where my mom is!'

'Dear, she-she is gone.'

'Gone?' I didn't understand.

'She passed away this morning while she was sleeping.' The nurse came towards me and put her hand on my shoulder.

'NO!' I screamed and brushed her hand of off me, 'You are lying my mom is alright! She Promised me that she was gonna get better! I won't believe you!'

The nurse couldn't control me and I was given an injection to put me to sleep. When I woke up I saw my Dad and Brother.

'Sakura are you alright?!" He hugged me, 'We were so worried!'

'Dad!' I embraced him, 'There is an awful lying nurse here. Telling me that Mom is gone but she is alight, Right?'

'Sakura,' he looked down and I saw my brother sobbing and soon he ran out of the room.

'Dad, what's wrong with Torii? And mom is alright, right?'

'Sakura, Mom is gone. She died this morning.' He had tears in his eyes.

'No Dad! Mom's alright, that nurse is lying to you too!'

'No Sakura she isn't lying!' Dad roughly grabbed my shoulders, 'Mom Is Gone!' he burst into tears.

'But, ' I was so shocked that I ignore the tears rolling down my cheeks, my eyes had grown wide as two gigantic orbs not trying to believe the fact, 'She Promised me she was going to get better.' She promised.

The funeral was packed with people. Mostly with parents whose kids my mom use to teach. They were very sympathetic and that made me hate them for some unknown reason. I saw that everyone was crying mournfully and they all knew that a person like my mother would never come into their lives again. My mother Tombstone had a wonderful epitaph and when my father told me it was time to go I still stared at her grave, I hate you Mama, you promised me you will get better but you didn't. This is the last time I'm coming here so Goodbye for good.

The days went by and our house felt extremely quiet and empty. When 4pm use to strike Torii would rush down the stairs but he would see that the living room was dark and no one was there. Then he would remember and start crying for a long time. The same thing happened to the students, they would arrive and leave sobbing with tears. The piano school, as it was once called, was closed for good. I never went downstairs, I simply ignored everyone and everything. I even ignored Kero, the cat my mom had given me as a present, infact, I hated it as well and I kept it outside my room. My father was deeply worried that I was in isolation. It seemed that I have created a shell around myself to protect me from the outside world. I never came down for anything, so my father use to bring me food but when he returned most of it was untouched.

One day my father practically dragged me downstairs telling me what a lovely sunny day it was and that it would do good to have a walk. It was a Monday and my brother had gone to school, my father had taken the day off while having heard my current state the principal had granted a school leave. My father opened the door but saw that I was standing with my head turned staring at something. He came towards me and saw that I was staring at the piano with an expressionless face. My father smiled at me and said, 'The piano has been untouched for a long time hasn't it?'

No reaction.

'I was hoping someone would play it,' my father continued, 'I think it would be nice to hear its music. I was hoping you would play it you know promising your mom-'.

It was like an Armageddon was unleashing itself inside me.

'Promise,' I said in a mocking cry, 'My mother knew nothing of promises. She just thought of them as easily, breakable words but they mean more to me! Why should I keep my promise when she didn't keep hers!' I just stormed upstairs and slammed the door of my room, locking it in the process. I knew my father was still staring for he now knew what caused my isolated.

A deep hate trying to cover a wounded soul.

I never liked the piano after Mama died. It was like a diseased, decaying, mutilated corpse people would usually avoid. At night, I would hear imaginary sounds of the piano dying because no one was playing it and it needed someone to play it, because it was like someone was feeding it while playing but no one was playing it so it was dying. I felt like I had become insane for having these thoughts and the surge of happiness for having those thoughts were unexplainable. I guess I wanted the piano to die because it was like a part of my mother and if it would die than all this pain and sadness would go away.

Many nights later I had a dream or was it a vision? Whatever it was it changed my life forever…

'Where am I?'

I was answered by the sight of a beautiful field filled with flowers. It was sunny but the weather also felt I was in the midst of dawn but I knew I never came to this place before. I touched some of the flowers because I thought they were the most magnificent creations of God.

Silent Chords.

What is it, I thought as I turned around but all I saw was the stretching, never- ending field, which went beyond my gaze. I knew the music like I had heard it before, 'Where is it coming from?'

Piano Music.

I knew it then, it was a song my Mom had taught me. Surprisingly, I didn't feel angry I felt good and I knew if I followed the music I would get to the source. I started walking and I walked and walked into the never-ending field. Curiosity got the better of me so I felt no tinge of tiredness as I kept on walking. I finally came near a hill and standing on the hill was a tree, all alone in a flowery paradise. My gaze went under a tree, I saw a Silhouette of a figure playing a piano. I walked on and I got up the hill and I saw the figure, no longer a silhouette.

'Mama.' I was stunned.

She stopped playing, she didn't seem surprised as she smiled, 'Oh Sakura, you have come. Come and play with me.'

'NO!' it was a hurtful cry filled with uncontrollable anger.

'Why not Sakura?' she was confused, 'This is your favorite song. We always play it together.'

'Always use to play it together.' I fumed, 'I can't play it. I don't want to play it cause I hate the piano and I'm never playing the piano again!'

'Why not Sakura?' my mom seemed expressionless.

'I'm not sure.' I said.

'Yes you are, you're blaming the piano because it is a part of me.' She was very upset.

'I-'

She got up and came towards me but I yelled at her, 'Stay away from me! I hate you!'

'Do you really?'

I looked into myself.

She was telling the truth, I never hated her I hated myself. I hated myself for being so angry and hurt that I blamed her for it.

'Mama!' I yelled and flung myself at her, 'I love you Mama! Please forgive me! I never could ever imagine hating you!'

'But you have the right to hate me.' She spoke suddenly, I looked at her surprised.

'Why should I?'

'Because I didn't keep your promise,' she said gravely, her eyes shone a glint of anger and melancholy, 'I'm so sorry Sakura! I wanted to keep your promise I tried my hardest to fight and I did fight till the very end when death consumed me but I just couldn't- keep me! I am too weak, please forgive my weakness!'

My mother collapsed into deep sobs, the way she collapsed remember that faithful day when she had fallen down like a clipped lark who could never wander the skies again. 'Mama..' I called, her hands now clutching my shoulders more tightly.

'Listen to me pretty Angel,' my mother's pet name for me, 'I will always understand if you don't forgive me but crack open the shell that you are entombed in and spread your wings, Your father and brother need you. You have to take care of them now.'

'Yes...'

My mother got up and embraced herself as golden lights diminished the floral paradise.

The next day my father was awakened by sweet chords of music and all alarmed he rushed to the living room. My brother was already there and they were both surprised to see me playing and singing…

*

I really started acing in school. I was a mediocre student but now teachers praised me as being a prodigy. I caught up with my class extremely quickly and was awarded for being the top of my class.  I wanted to be good at everything not that I was planning to be an overachiever but for my mom, I knew she was up there watching me and I wanted my best to make her proud so I aced at everything, naturally. Yes, naturally, it seemed I was a prodigy before anyone knew, before I knew, it seemed my hidden talents were finally coming out from the shadows, Thanks to mom, I thought.  Sometimes I invited the kids my mom use to teach and they all were happy t6o be in the house again. Though the piano school was closed we still brushed up on the things my mom taught us. Kids were sad cause they wouldn't be learning new things as the teacher was gone for good. Some kids were assigned to go to different piano teachers after mom died and they hated it as hell. Some enjoyed saying the teacher was nice and cordial but they said that my mom could never be erased or replaced in their hearts. I sang and played the piano each day and after I've finish I'd look at mom's picture and ask about my performance. I always seemed to sense the remarks she made and I would improve if I had too. Though the kids were not learning anything new I was through my mom's music book. She had planned everything from the start and I followed her plan. I talked with mom through her picture and I could hear her answering. I was not crazy if I was then I would know it like the piano incident. My dreams were like visions, yes, when my mom were in them:

'You're looking radiant Sakura.' She said.

'Thanks.' I replied with a smile.

'You seemed to be doing everything I told you to do.'  She seemed ashamed.

'Yeah, so.' I gave her a puzzled glance.

'Why?' she lowered her head.

'Huh.' Was all I muttered.

'Why Sakura, I didn't keep my promise so why are you keeping yours?'

'Well, it took some time for it to reach through my fat head but you did keep your promise.' I said with a smile.

'Huh, I don't understand.' My mom looked more confused than anything.

'Well, I'll explain,' I began, 'How are you feeling now?'

'Better than before, why?' she asked.

'You promised to get better didn't you so you are feeling better, though you are a spirit, right? So you kept your promise.' I smiled and hugged her. 

'Oh Pretty Angel.' Was all my mother could say.

I took over all my mother's responsibilities though I could never take her place, no one could. I usually cooked dinner and my father and brother complimented me on how a good cook I was. We were getting along fine but it was that night…

'Are you sure dad didn't call Torii?' I asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice but it was no use. I was pacing around the room while I was wrenching up a napkin. If I twisted any harder my hands could have bled.

'Yeah,' he also was trying to sound calm, 'I hope he is alright.'

'Well I'm sick and tired!' I yelled, 'We have been sitting for two straight hours for him to come home. The dinner I made is now ice cold!' I yelled, I made Curry and Rice for us that evening. It was one of our favorites, it was one of our dad's favorites too.

I kept on pacing while Torii tapped his fingers repeatedly on the table. The sound of someone inserting a key into our door grasped our attention as we heard the creaking of our door opening.

'DAD!' Torii and me yelled together and I sprinted to our front door.

As I reached it, 'Dad, where have you been? We were so-' I couldn't finish. I kept on staring.

'Hello Honey.' He replied, 'Sorry I know I should have called but I was busy.'

'Lovely house.' The woman with long, flowing auburn hair remarked, her amber eyes sparkled as she scanned our home, 'Is That Sakura, Fujitaka?'

She called my dad by his first name (Sorry I forgot the name of Sakura's father in the E.V. of CCS so I'm using the name of the J.V.)  And that to me was not a good sign.

'Yes, she is.' My dad answered.

'And who are?' I said rather crudely, trying my hardest not to scowl.

'My name is Keiko Asumi. I work with your father at the university.' She had a smile on her face, which I wanted to wipe off.

'Comeon Kids we should be having dinner, it's late.' My dad smiled and bought Keiko along.

'Yeah, it really is late.' My brother, who had come along with me, almost growled at Keiko.

At Dinner dad seemed to talk with Keiko at an amazing high rate but we just glared at her. Finally, when she left I thought that someone had bless fully exorcised a demon out of our house.

'You are extremely late.' I managed to say after dad returned from the door.

'I'm sorry.' He apologized.

'You could have the decency to call you know.' I glared furiously at him.

'I'm sorry honey I was busy.' He was surprised at the way I was speaking to him.

'We can see what kept you so busy.' Torii said calmly and slowly but anger was vivid in his eyes.

'Torii, Don't talk like both of you. I'm extremely sorry it'll never happen again. Now tell me, did you guys like Keiko?'

That was the last straw, 'What's there to like about? She is just a friend and we won't be seeing her again.'

'Well you are wrong about that Sakura,' my father said gravely, 'I've asked her to have lunch with us.'

'I'm having lunch outside.' I concluded, there was no way I was cooking for that bitch.

'What is this Sakura?'

'Nothing Dad.'

'Then you will cook something for us right?' he asked in a commanding tone.

'No, I will not cook anything for that woman.' I answered.

'Sakura, what's gotten into you?'

'Dad, I don't like miss Keiko so I'm not hanging around to see her again!' I yelled.

'Sakura, don't be so difficult!' dad yelled.

'You know what I think of Keiko dad?' Torii, who was quiet all this time, spoke up, 'I think she is eager, cheap, w***e!'

Slap.

My dad slapped Torii that's when I knew my dad had fallen in love with Keiko.

*

I tried my best not to think about Keiko but it sprouted in my mind all the time. She had become an important asset in my dad's life, which I truly wanted to destroy. My dad seemed to go out with Keiko a lot and at one time I thought if he had forgotten that we even existed. I tried my hardest to avoid Keiko but the more nice she was to us the more my hatred grew.

My worst fears were answered on June 14th.

'Sakura, Torii, Keiko and I have decided to get married.'

I wasn't mentally present for the wedding though I was chosen as the maid of honor. My father found me all alone in an empty room.

'Sakura, what are you doing here in this place?'

One look from me answered him and he looked at me seriously, 'Sakura, Keiko is a part of the family and I want you to show her proper respect. She is your mother now so-'

That did it!

That did it!

My heart couldn't take it anymore! My bottled anger was unleashed.

'You mean Step Mom don't you! You are the most horrible person I've ever known! How could you do this?! Betray mom for a piece of shit like that bitch! When the time I'm through she'll be out of our lives for good!'

After I left everybody was still staring.

I stopped cooking and doing the chores and cooking around the house so did Torii. He wasn't present most of the times either, he said that he was crashing at his friend's house whose parents were away. We never did the things she used to tell us and we never had our meals with her. We always woke up early to make our own breakfast and avoid seeing her. Dad tried his hardest to settle things down but even he couldn't control us anymore. I had fights with Keiko everyday and the arguments got worse each time. I would lock myself up in my room and cry mournfully and wonder all the time, How could you allow God to do this mom?

On my birthday Keiko gifted me a bicycle to calm down things between us but it was no use. I accepted the bicycle but I didn't accept her… yet.

Bike.

Now it dawned on me, I was late for my curfew and I was peddling so fast that I almost trampled someone. A boy with a sweet and kind face, he was pretty handsome and I then I began to see him more often. Chestnut hair, LI SHYARON!

I'm absolutely positive now that was Li. Those same innocent brown eyes looking fearfully as I drove my bike by apologizing, the same innocent, handsome face which had a certain gleam in them. Whenever I had an argument with Keiko I was locking myself into the deep solitude of my room and as I looked outside it was Li. He got so embarrassed that he would instantly run away. I knew he wasn't a pervert cause once I recall that I was gonna change my clothes as I turned outside he realized what I was gonna do and he was like a rabbit escaping from a deadly predator.  As I saw Li more I began to sweep myself in a childish fantasy: I was a princess who didn't want to do the biddings of the new Queen, Keiko, so I was always locking myself in the tower away from the world and a humble commoner, Li, use to glance at me everyday and he seemed to know my pain but I was someone he was forbidden to see face to face.

One day I was playing the piano when Keiko entered. I ignored her as always but she seemed to do anything to try to win my affection, 'You play the piano with great emotion, I think it is very beautiful.'

What does she know about classical music? I kept on ignoring her.

'I never learned to play the piano or any classical music instrument.' She said.

Figures, I thought with a smirk.

'My parents-they weren't always nice to each other. So my dreams were left as dreams.' She looked pretty sad and that made me meet her eyes.

'Why is that?" this was the first time I ever truly spoke to Keiko.

'Well my parents never got along,' she said quietly, 'They were always fighting and finally divorced and I was left to live with my grandparents in the end. I always wanted to learn to play the piano but my parents were too busy arguing so I was a shadowy figure in their lives. I was hoping you could teach me.'

'Al-alright.' I said suddenly that even I was surprised.

Keiko and I became close after then and the same happened to Torii. Keiko told us that she wasn't here to take our mom's place and that no one could all she wanted is that she can be a new chapter in our lives. We all started to love here and finally accepted her as a part in our family…

*

Class was over and it was time to go home. The rain had stopped but my eyes were fixed on Li Shyaron. He was always an enigma to me so now it was time to break the ice. I pushed through the crowd to reach him and as I neared him I called out his name, 'Li!'

He seemed to immediately recognize my voice, 'Sa-Sakura.' He seemed extremely nervous.

'Li,' I panted as I was almost running in the crowd, 'Are you free this afternoon?'

'Well ye-yeah.' He was too shy.

'Well do you wanna come over my house and study. We do have a trigonometry test coming up.' I asked.

'Yeah, sure.' He seemed to be puzzled. Here I was asking him to come over to my house and we were total strangers and I was puzzled that he even knew my name!

'Well, is three o'clock ok?' I asked as I saw him tensing up for God knows why.

' Yeah, three o'clock is great.' He answered.

'Good, I guess you know where my house is, its-'

'I know where your house is!' he yelled all of a sudden, that everyone started to stare.

Figures, I smiled remembering how he use to run off. I almost chuckled but I quickly contained it.

'So see you.' I bid him farewell and thought a stupid thought with a smile, So, Finally the humble commoner is allowed to see the princess face to face, and I laughed aloud. How silly could I get?

*~*

Finally chap 4 is finished. I know it was pretty long but I hope you liked it. Bye for now!

*~*