Drifting up from the depths of sleep, Libby felt soft, hairy warmth against her cheek. Smiling, she edged her head closer to her husband's.
Do I have a husband? she thought sleepily. Or is this a lover?
Someone named Ben?
Or is it...oh my God...a woman?
She came fully awake with a start.
And the soft, hairy warmth responded with an aggrieved Meow.
Oh, shit.
In light of their past history, she'd decided the time to approach Sofie was not after the carnival had shut down for the night - when thoughts turn to bed, and things that are done in bed. So she'd kept the kitten overnight, over Runt's strenuous objections. She'd told her parents Ben had offered it to her because he'd forgotten she'd taken a dog, and he'd seemed so swamped with things to do that she'd volunteered to find a home for it.
She'd lain awake most of the night - worried about her ability to keep Sofie from sensing her true feelings, yet thrilled by the prospect of helping Ben. Now, as she rolled over to look at her clock, the mere fact that she could see it told her it was time to get moving.
She rose quietly - trying to calm kitten and puppy, since her parents were doubtless still asleep on their side of the flimsy curtain dividing the tent. She dressed presentably enough to head out to the shower stall, knowing she'd be the first user of the day. I won't let myself think about Clayton makin' love to Mama in the damn shower, I won't! She did think about it, of course - she never succeeded in banishing that memory. But an hour later, fortified by a good breakfast and sure Sofie must be up, she collected the calico kitten and set out on her mission.
As she walked toward the fortune teller's tent, she wondered about the "powers" Sofie might - or might not - possess. Ben may not be sure, but he wouldn't even be thinkin' of it without good reason.
Damn. Did that bitch use some sort o' "powers" last year, to make me fall for her? I ain't never been attracted to no other woman that way, before or since!
She was a fair person by nature, and after considering that possibility, she rejected it.
Nope. Truth is, before Sofie, I'd never really been attracted to anyone. Sex was work. Most o' the men I'd been with were johns, an' the others were brutes. If anythin', it was prob'ly more likely I'd fall in love with a woman, if she was tender an' gentle with me.
But after Sofie hurt me, Jonesy showed me what love with a man can be like.
And oh, how wonderful it had been to be married, to a man who wanted to protect her and provide for her!
He loved me, she told herself. I know he did. Sofie didn't use no "powers" to seduce me, but I'm thinkin' she did bewitch my husband.
An' she's responsible for him bein' dead, just as much as if she'd shot him.
x
x
x
When she reached the tent, she had to force herself to call out in a friendly way, "Sofie? Are you home?"
"Yes, I'm here -" Sofie pulled back the flap, then almost dropped it as she gave a soft gasp. "Lib! I-I thought I recognized your voice, but I reckoned I must've been wrong. I couldn't believe it was really you."
Libby said, "Yeah, it's been a long time." Then she wanted to kick herself for not having come up with a better line. Displaying the kitten, she continued, "I'm one o' the volunteers findin' homes for the puppies an' kittens folks keep tryin' to use as 'offerings.' We've been givin' some to rubes, o' course. But most of us carnies are takin' one, an' I thought you might like this precious kitty."
Hell. What will I do if she either grabs the kitten or says no just as fast, an' don't invite me in?
There was no need to worry. Sofie said, "Oh, thank you! I'll love it!" As she was taking it in her arms, she asked hesitantly, "Will you come in, Libby? Please?"
Libby let herself be persuaded, and five minutes later, they were settled at Sofie's table with bottles of Nehi. The kitten was curled up, contentedly, in Sofie's lap.
"I've been avoiding the other carnies," Sofie said softly, " 'cause I know I'm not wanted here. Everyone blames me for Jonesy's death, and they're right to blame me. I'm ashamed of what I've done." Her eyes teared up. "And Libby, I've hurt you most of all!"
Keeping her real thoughts - and knowledge - to herself, Libby said, "Losin' Jonesy damn near killed me, yeah. But it came as no surprise that he'd risk his life to save someone in danger, 'specially an old friend. I wouldn't o' loved him so much if he warn't that kind o' man.
"An' your bein' in danger was understandable too, 'cause thousands o' people were taken in by Brother Justin. You just happened to have a connection with Carnivale, that he could find out about. Warn't your fault."
Sofie shook her head. "It's not that simple," she said dismally. "I don't feel guilty about having been taken in by him, in the first place. Like you said, thousands fell for his line.
"But I ran into Ben in New Canaan, before the carnival got there. He told me Justin was evil - said he was a Russian using an assumed name, he'd killed Ben's father, and he wanted to kill Ben too. I'd known Ben a lot longer than I had Justin. So when he told me something that specific, I should've believed him, and gotten out of there while I still could."
"Easy to see now, lookin' back," Libby told her. "But when Ben surprised you with a story like that, it must o' sounded like he'd plumb lost his mind."
"Y-yeah. It did." Sofie took a slow, thoughtful swig of her soft drink, then said quietly, "You're being mighty kind to me, Lib. Kinder than I deserve. I never even apologized for the shitty way I treated you before, back when I let Jonesy catch us together."
No, you didn't. I found out later that you apologized to Jonesy. But not to me.
An' I ain't never forgotten it.
"I was ashamed then too," Sofie went on, eyes fixed on her bottle as she turned it round and round on the table. "Ashamed, and scared to face you, 'cause when I apologized to Jonesy, his reaction really hurt me."
Libby thought savagely, Good!
"What I did to the two of you was cruel," Sofie admitted. "And it wasn't fair. I was totally in the wrong. Jonesy wasn't bound to me in any way - the only person who had a right to object to his screwing your mama was Stumpy.
"And I realized later that if you were attracted to me, it would've been in your interest to tell me what Jonesy was doing. To turn me against him, get a rival out of your way. You went against your interest by not telling me. So I guess you were trying to keep me from being hurt."
An' I guess you still assume the whole world revolves 'round you, Libby thought bitterly. She had in fact kept silent because she was ashamed for her mother.
Aloud, she said, "I bore a grudge against you for a long time - for humiliatin' me, an' for not apologizin'." She didn't want to arouse suspicion by seeming unbelievably sweet-natured. "But I know you've been through hell. First your mama dyin'. Then your gettin' heat from the men when you tried to work as a roustie. An' finally, your believin' in Brother Justin, only to wind up bein' damn near killed by his goons, an' blamin' yourself for Jonesy's death. I gotta feel some sympathy for you.
"In fact" - and this was true - "I felt bad enough about your mama that I went lookin' for you in our tent the day after the fire, meanin' to tell you I was sorry for your loss. But by the time I got there, you were gone."
"Damn," Sofie muttered. "By then I was sorry for what I'd done to you. If only we'd been able to get together and talk it out!" She looked so wistful that Libby couldn't doubt her sincerity, at least on that point.
"I've never understood what caused the fire," Libby said cautiously. "D'you know how it got started?" I wonder if she'll tell me the same thing she told Jonesy?
Sofie thought for a few seconds before answering. Then she said, "Yeah. Mama actually started it! It was an accident, but it happened 'cause we'd been having a quarrel."
"A quarrel?" And an accident? That's a twist I didn't expect.
Sofie nodded. "You know Mama could make me hear her thoughts in my head, right? Just as if she was talking to me.
"And there's something else you may not know. She could move things with her mind. When she got agitated, she had tantrums that sent knickknacks flying through the bus - out of control.
"That night, after my blowup with you and Jonesy, I decided I was going to leave. For good. I was packing.
"Mama was furious, didn't want me to go. She made the door slam shut. Then, in the course of one of her tantrums, she made an oil lamp fall over! She didn't intend that - she just didn't have any control, when she got so upset. But she'd slammed the door so hard it was stuck, and I wasn't strong enough to get it open."
"Jesus," Libby whispered.
Could that be the truth behind what Jonesy said happened? Maybe he took what Sofie told him the wrong way. Or maybe she told him just what he said she did - while she was angry an' bitter toward her mama. An' later, she thought it through an' realized Appy hadn't meant to kill her.
Or maybe she suspects Jonesy told me what she said. An' she wants me to think o' one o' them possibilities that would explain it away.
x
x
x
As they continued talking, Libby realized Sofie was starved for human companionship - so much so, that she was willing to gab for hours. At one point, it was easy - seemingly natural - to ask whether the readings she now gave were real.
Sofie hesitated a second too long before saying, "No."
If that was the truth, Libby told herself, she wouldn't o' stopped to think. Her boss, Samson, already believes she's a fake - no need to worry 'bout my tellin' him.
She had to think about her answer 'cause she woulda liked to read for me. Or rather, she corrected herself grimly, to read me, for herself. She can't suggest it, now she's told me she ain't got the power. But she must o' figured that if she told me she could really do it, word might get to people she didn't want knowin'.
Like Ben.
A few minutes later, she risked bringing up a painful subject. "Sofe? I can understand how Jonesy died savin' you. But there's a question I gotta ask.
"Ben told me that when you joined up with us again, you, uh, lied. Claimed you'd got in one of our trucks leavin' New Canaan, when you'd really caught up with us in a stolen car." Sofie already knew Ben had told her that. "The lyin' made us hope Jonesy could still be alive. Later, Ben said you'd explained everythin', an' Jonesy's really dead. But he didn't tell me why you lied, an' it still bugs me."
Let's see what answer she'll give me about this.
She deliberately hadn't let on that she realized there was also a significant block of time to be accounted for.
Sofie moaned. "Oh God, Lib, I'm sorry! It was such a stupid lie...
"After Jonesy was killed, I managed to escape in Varlyn Stroud's car. I caught up with the carnival while it was stopped in the road for repairs.
"I didn't know what had happened in New Canaan - whether Justin had killed Ben, or the other way around, or they were both still alive, or maybe, even, both dead. All I knew for sure was that Jonesy was dead. And the carnies were sure to blame me for that, 'cause I was to blame." She was weeping now, and paused for a minute, apparently struggling to get her emotions under control. Then she looked up at Libby and said miserably, "Don't you see? I was afraid that if I admitted I had a way of getting somewhere on my own, they'd refuse to take me in. And I'd be stuck with a car that might already have been reported stolen!"
"Shit," Libby said softly. "So that's all it was? Makes perfect sense. I can imagine how scared you were. I woulda been, too."
Yep, it does make sense. If Ben hadn't told me what she told him, I woulda swallowed it. Hook, line, an' sinker.
She glanced at a nearby clock. "Yikes! I gotta go. I lost track o' the time - I should already be out there takin' folks' 'offerings.' "
Sofie sniffled. "Oh, damn. I'm sorry I kept you so long. But...you do understand, Lib? You forgive me?"
" 'Course I do," Libby assured her. "I forgive you for humiliatin' me last year. It sounds like you didn't do nothin' in New Canaan that needs forgivin'."
But I know better.
"S-so we are still friends? Hucky-duck?"
"Hucky-duck," Libby said, with the most insincere smile of her life.
"C'mon over tonight, after the carnival shuts down? So we can talk some more?"
Damn, you are lonely, Libby thought.
Aloud, she said, "I'd love to. An' I'll bring us somethin' stronger to drink than Nehi!"