CHAPTER 9 --Mulder POV--
River View Hotel
The pictures are staring back at me, mocking my tears as I blink them away and close my eyes tightly. I feel...I feel...useless. Tired and used and more then a little embarrassed. I should be used to these emotions by now. It's not the first time I've jumped in head first without fully understanding the consequences of my actions, this time condemning my stupidity in full witnessed view of Scully.
She had tried to warn me but I didnt listen. I was so caught up in the whirlwind of past memories I didnt stop to think how this might affect her. I can't help now but think of the look on her face, when she walked into the church, when I told her about Melissa, when I left her in the corridor and worst of all, just now as she walks out of my room.
Looking down at the photos once more, I stare at Sarah's face and wonder, what if...what if it was all true? Would I be here in my room? Contemplating my lives gone by or would I be sitting by her side waiting for any morsel of encouragement she could offer me?
Carefully, I put the photos on the desk and let out a deep relieving breath as I stretch my arms above my head, bringing them down to rake my fingers through my hair.
"It's been a hard day," I mutter aloud into the empty room, as I take off my jacket and toss my tie onto the bed. "And it's not likely to get any easier."
Pulling my shirt and tee shirt over my head, I wander into the bathroom and fill the sink with warm water. I want to wash the tiredness away, scrub the tell tale tears from my eyes and fall into bed. But with the thoughts and words swarming through my head at breakneck speed I don't think the latter is likely.
Patting my face dry, I stand up and look straight into the mirror. Facing my reflection with my eyes dark and accusing. My head shakes slowly back at me, accusing me openly without hint of forgiveness and I don't understand why.
I grab a plain grey tee shirt from my bag and take the door key from the desk. With a final glance at the photos before me I step into the corridor and slowly approach Scully's door. My knock is soft, because I'm not sure if I want her to hear it; someone up there has other plans.
She opens the door almost immediately as if she has been waiting for me all along. No longer wearing her FBI regulation suit, she has changed into softer, more comfortable, revealing clothes. A pair of black trousers and a light blue v-neck sweater.
My smile must be sweet because she is inviting me in with a careful curved lip of her own. I wander in and cross the room to the window. Outside the sun is beginning to set and the city is changing with twilight shadows.
"What is it, Mulder?" Her voice is curt but I can see by the flinch in her blue eyes that she doesn't mean it to be.
"I just wanted to talk. To say thanks."
"Thanks?" She takes a seat on the edge of the bed and I walk over to sit next to her, our thighs and shoulders touching. "For what?" She is looking down at her hands that fiddle nervously on her lap. Why is she so nervous I wonder?
"For letting me go. Most people would have told me I was a fool and dragged me back to DC."
"I did tell you, you were a fool." She admits glancing at me with a wicked smile.
Her eyes spark with mischief and I chuckle. "Yeah, but you still let me dig deeper." I say. "Didn't you wonder what I might find?"
"No, Mulder, I knew."
"You did?" Surprised now, I turn towards her more, resting one hand on the bed behind her and the other on my knee, almost touching hers.
"Soul mates, Mulder. What exactly is a soul mate?" Her voice is soft like whispers of the wind. "I never liked the term soul mates. It destroys the mystery and takes the hard work off us."
I'm stunned. I know she isn't a fan of the fanciful but she is a romantic at heart, I see the books she reads and the movies she makes us watch. Her eyes are glittering more openly and for a moment I wonder if they are tears she's hiding, but it's brighter than that. It's luminous and open with warmth and something else. Something I saw before, hidden in the darkness of her eyes and never understood.
"If we leave it all up to destiny it takes the pressure off us, and we can blame it all on fate when it all goes wrong...if it all goes wrong." She says. "I, for one, am not willing to let that happen."
Then it all becomes clear. I recognise the look. I remember when I've seen it before. In different grades of brightness at different times but most recently, a few hours ago, at the hospital as we spoke in the corridor. I retrieve the memory I stored then and pull the picture back up. There it is as clear as she can make it without painting the sky in huge ten-foot letters.
"I was wrong, Scully." I say, but my voice has become trapped in my throat. I cough self-consciously and say it again. "I was so unbelievably wrong, Scully."
I'm waiting for the blood to flow back into my fingers so I can move them. My hand covers the short distance between us and I clasp hers as the other one touches her back and slowly travels up her spine to her neck where my fingers tangle with her hair, and my brain suddenly shouts out about the lack of bra strap I feel on her back. She is smiling now. Her lips parting just a touch as if she knows what I'm thinking and I can see a few teeth pinching her lower lip making it red and begging to be kissed.
The klaxon sounds in my head but I can't hear it over the thumping of my heart so I ignore them all, all the sounds and alarms ringing, and focus only on her. Her clear blue eyes, her red lips and pink tongue that's rubbing softly where she has bitten.
"Let me," I say hoarsely and I can hardly believe what I'm about to do and yet I can't wait to do it. My fingers clasp her neck tighter, just in case she changes her mind before I've had a chance to taste her kiss. But it doesn't look like she will as she leans forward to meet me in the middle.
We both hesitate, our breaths mingling and I see a flicker of doubt cross her face but she seems to push it past and looks up to my eyes directly.
"Well?" She challenges me and I smile, and even manage a small laugh.
Then with all thoughts fading into the background, I close the gap and kiss her softly, my lips tenderly brushing hers.
Nothing happens. No stars, explosions or fireworks. Just my heart beating steadily against my ribs, battering it so violently I feel like I'm about to pass out.
Then she tilts her head to the left and deepens the kiss opening her mouth enough for her tongue to rasp across my lips. An invitation I can't refuse, and don't. Sitting side by side is too awkward, so without breaking contact with her lips, I move around her and kneel on the ground before her, one hand still tangling in her hair, the other on the small of her back pressing her against me.
I'm delighted to feel her hands on my chest and I know she can feel my heart beating madly but I don't care. In fact I want her to feel it closer, her hand on my skin. My hand on hers.
I lean back away from her and look down to her lips as her tongue darts out to moisten them and I hear myself moan. It's been a long time since I moaned so feral in front of a woman but I can't help myself. She's robbing my self-control so easily. Robbing it? I wonder, or am I offering it to her.
Too many thoughts I admonish myself. Reaching down to the cuff of my tee shirt I pull it up and over my head tossing it to the side carelessly then take her back in my arms and pull her closer.
As if she had been reading my mind her hand finds the pulse point on my chest as my heart pumps blood furiously around my body. My skin quivers with anticipation as she lowers her head and replaces her probing fingers with her lips and again I hear myself moan but this time I'm not surprised.
Holding her face between both hands, my thumbs gently caressing her cheeks I watch her eyes for a second and I see behind them again that elusive light.
"Is this where fate has led us?" I whisper. The room has darkened but neither of us reaches for the light.
"Fate, Mulder?" she questions, her eyes twinkling wickedly as she turns her face in my hand and kisses my palm. Her tongue is hot and wet on my skin and it's driving me crazy. It won't be much longer before my head is deprived of all its blood supply and my thoughts will disappear with the sun. "No. This is what we've been working towards all this time."
"We have?" I say and watch as she turns her lips towards the other hand and kisses me again. "If I'd known there was going to be a practical I would have practiced more."
"I'm sure you'll be fine."
My eyes are wide as she gently brushes my hands away and reaches down to pull off her own top revealing nothing but beautiful skin beneath.
"Scully..." I begin but she quickly shuts me up with a kiss. My hands find the warm skin on her back as I pull her closer and crush our lips together in an urgent kiss.
"No Mulder, this is the practical." She laughs delightedly into my ear as her tongue finds a sensitive spot of skin. "You already passed the oral."
Thoughts and hesitations disappear into the shadows as our bodies and instinct take over. I understand the light behind her eyes now and I crave it. To make it shine brighter to reflect it in my own. Soul mates? I don't know but I do know we're meant to be like this. To feel this.
Her tongue is doing something to my neck that's making me loose my train of thought to I stop trying and focus on making her lose hers.
The End.
Skinfull January 2005