To the reviewers: Thank you for your wonderful feedback-Eve, darth mojo the spork, Hieiko, BlueSaber, .Sweer-KRAZY.03., and skywalking.-Sorry for the delay! I should have the next update by the end of the weekend.
The Imperial Officer's Guide to Success (and Staying Alive)
Chapter Four: Are Aliens Cute and Cuddly or Deadly Killing Machines?
The galaxy is filled with lower lifeforms, some cute and cuddly, others gelatinous and horrific. A good soldier, particularly one in the Imperial army, never takes them for granted. There's nothing those tree-hugging freedom-touting Rebels like more than to frolic with cuddly forest creatures. These creatures may seem pathetic until they are pointing spears at you and banging rocks on your helmet! It is imperative that all ground troops be outfitted with appropriate weapons to defeat any creature from one to two hundred meters tall. Some cuddly creatures have been known to lace their villages, habitats, ect. with traps. I suggest sending a lower ranking officer ahead of your troops as a "scout." Take note of his screams as they will give you the approximate location of the first trap. The following are some creatures to watch out for:
Gungans-Blast them first and ask questions later!
Ewoks-Blast them after checking for traps!
Jawas- Blast then after extracting information!
Tusken Raiders-Blast them before they attack you!
Chapter 5: Rebels and Where to find them
Do you only get promoted when your superiors die? Do you need a way to let your superiors know you're admiral material? There's no faster way to attract attention than to capture rebels. Well, you won't find them slouching in the officer's mess, and they certainly won't walk up to you and surrender. You have to know where to look. Here are the best and some of the most overlooked places to find rebels.
Hidden rebel bases in abandoned temples or ice planets -Rebels often choose desolate worlds on the far side of the galaxy for their bases. You may think "There's nothing there on that rock!" or "No one could possibly survive out there," but that's exactly why they stay hidden! A good officer searches every corner of the galaxy including the outer rim planets!
Cantinas on backwater planets- Full of intrigue and unsavory characters, cantinas are the perfect place for covert rebel meetings. I suggest making friends with the bartenders of these establishments. They can provide information and possibly even free drinks.
Asteroid fields- They're dangerous. They're deadly. Not many people can survive them, but they are the perfect hiding place for desperate fugitives.
In the company of lower lifeforms- Rebels and local aliens form unlikely alliances obviously based on a shared intellect.
Serving in the Senate and in other Civil Service fields- Many of our politicians are in fact rebels.
Floor compartments of civilian ships- Always look under the floors of smuggling ships. There are usually hidden compartments that may be filled with cowardly rebels. You can find a whole group of rebels this way and earn an instant promotion to admiral!
Hiding with the other garbage-on top of your ship- No one ever checks their own ship. Remember, the enormous size of Star Destroyers provides ample room for a small ship to conceal itself just beyond range of scanners.
After you've found them, it is essential that you exercise caution in approaching them. Never approach them alone or unarmed. Rebels travel in groups! You could be walking into an ambush! I suggest a surprise attack with an entire squad of stormtroopers or even an Imperial walker as backup. When you address the Rebelscum use a loud commanding voice so they know you are in control! Here's another exercise with Officer Dumbass and Officer Obedient.
Officer Dumbass approaches what appears to be a single Rebel alone without drawing his gun.
Officer Dumbass: Hey, you! Stop right there!
Rebel: I don't think so.
Officer Dumbass then pulls out his blaster and aims it. What's this? About a hundred other Rebels backed by an army of forest creatures emerge from behind the trees. Officer Dumbass is surrounded and taken prisoner.
Officer Obedient completes a full scan of the area and spots the full group of rebels. He conducts a rear attack with a full trooper squadron.
Officer Obedient: Freeze and drop your weapons, Rebelscum! We have you surrounded!
The Rebels drop their weapons and fall to the floor sobbing and begging for mercy. Officer Obedient receives a promotion.