After finding out some of what Voldemort's been up too, Harry sneaks a chance at continuing his physical training, but there are consequences, and more lies are told.

A/N: I own nothing this is all J.K.R.'s, what a brilliant mind she has.

Chapter Five – Fear

It was four in the morning and Harry was lying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. Ron was asleep in the next bed and thoughts kept running through Harry's mind. He had listened at the door for nearly twenty minutes before he heard Mrs. Weasley walking up the stairs and had to abandon his position. Dumbledore was definitely angry at Harry, and if it were true, it would have been with good reason. Three times Dumbledore had said that Harry was using Dark Magic and three times Harry had wanted to enter into the room to prove him wrong, but he hadn't. If Dumbledore didn't have the confidence and trust in Harry to know the difference between Dark Magic and powerful magic then Harry wasn't going to trust Dumbledore not to take away the diaries once he revealed them. So he wouldn't reveal them and he would learn as much from them as he could while he still had them. He wasn't going to let Dumbledore stand between him and the only power he had to defeat Voldemort.

It was going to get difficult to conceal the diaries, it had been easy on Privet Drive; no one there cared what he was doing as long as it didn't disrupt their lives and as long as the neighbors couldn't see. Harry had already learned much from the diaries, and as soon as he was back at Hogwarts he was going to use the Room of Requirement to put into practice all he had learned. Though he was still nowhere near as powerful as Voldemort, he was certain that the knowledge that he gained from Merlin's Diaries was going to give him, at least, a fighting chance.

Harry was stewing over the fact that Dumbledore didn't trust him when he heard quick-paced footsteps in the hallway and on the stairs. Harry jumped from his bed, still in his jeans and t-shirt because he had not bothered to change. He left the room quietly and made his way to the stairs. He was halfway down them and into the entrance hall when he stopped and took in the seen in front of him. Mrs. Weasley had Tonks in a tight embrace and Tonks was crying into her shoulder.

Harry's breath caught in his throat, "Remus…" he choked quietly, but it was more then loud enough for the two adults to hear and they both turned to him.

Mrs. Weasley looked to him with tears in her eyes and smiled. "He's going to be fine. They're keeping him overnight for observation but he'll be back with us by this afternoon," she sighed quietly.

Harry really didn't know what he had expected to hear, but that he was going to be fine was certainly not what he had expected. He had steeled himself for the worst and now he felt himself relax with relief as he sunk down onto the stairs and put his face in his hands. "He's going to be fine," he muttered to himself.

Harry heard two sets of feet on the stairs behind him and he lifted his head and turned to see Ron and his sister Ginny stop on the stairs just above him, they both had anxious looks on their sleep-ridden faces. Harry sighed at the sight of them.

"He's going to be fine," he softly repeated the words that he had just said, this time not for just himself. Relief washed over both Ron and Ginny's faces and they followed suit and also sat down on the stairs, and it suddenly hit Harry, how much Remus Lupin meant to everyone. He wasn't just their old professor anymore, he was their friend. But to Harry he was something more; he was the only person left that had really known his parents.

After minutes passed in silence, Harry looked at his wrist out of habit, as if to see what time it was, but there was still no watch there. He figured that it had to be well after four in the morning and he decided that there was no point in going back to bed, not that he had slept at all anyway. Harry pushed himself off the stairs and walked the rest of the way down them. Amazingly, the only thought on his mind now was food, and without any word to anyone, he made his way to the kitchen and started to make himself breakfast. He wasn't surprised when everyone followed him.

Eating his food, eggs and toast, Harry silently thought about the day ahead of them. It would be the first day since he read the second diary that he would not be able to train outside. How was he supposed to physically train himself if he wasn't allowed outside? That thought still in his mind he looked up to Mrs. Weasley. Would she let him leave the house if he said he needed fresh air? More then likely not, but he'd ask anyways.

Mrs. Weasley was in the middle of taking a bite of her toast when she had noticed him staring at her. "Is there something you needed Harry?"

Harry contemplated for a moment, he hadn't been allowed outside last year, but it was worth a shot. "Am I allowed to go outside?"

"If we're not allowed, you're not," Ginny said in a huffy voice, she was obviously annoyed at being cooped up in the house.

"Ginny's right dear, it's not safe. If Death Eaters attacked Muggles right out in the open, then they won't think twice about attacking you, even in broad daylight," Mrs. Weasley said in her mothering way.

Harry stood up from the table suddenly, his face paling. "There have been attacks on Muggles?"

"Yes unfortunately, it's been in the Daily Prophet. There have been attacks every couple of days for the last two or three weeks. Don't you get the Prophet?" Mrs. Weasley said with concern on her face.

"No," Harry sat back down and looked at his nearly empty plate, he was no longer hungry. He didn't understand this. Harry felt Voldemort's emotions regularly and they always came with a feeling of knowing what was happening. Occasionally, when he was asleep he'd even see what Voldemort was doing. He knew when Voldemort was really happy about a Death Eater completing his task, and he knew when Voldemort was angry when a Death Eater failed. Harry was sure that this was an involuntary thing, so how come he didn't know about the attacks on the Muggles, and how come he didn't know about the attack on the Burrow? These were major incidences. Unless they weren't implemented by Voldemort, Harry thought about this for a long time, staring at his plate absently as he did. What if the attacks weren't Death Eaters at all?

"Harry, are you alright?" Mrs. Weasley asked from across the table, Ron, Ginny, and Tonks were now staring at him.

"Was the Dark Mark seen?" Harry blurted out.

"The Prophet didn't say, but I assume it was, you can ask Authur about it later. Are you sure you're alright?" Mrs. Weasley asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Harry lied. He wasn't fine; he was confused and afraid of what this might mean. If what Harry was thinking was true then Voldemort had either found a way to block him out or there was a new enemy in their midst. Harry still felt Voldemort's emotions... Now that Harry thought about it, all the unnatural feelings he had been having lately, was that of fear, anger, and hatred. Had he been receiving these emotions intentionally? Now Harry wondered if Voldemort had also found a way into his mind as he had done at the end of the school year. If Voldemort could partially control his emotions, could Voldemort learn to control him? Harry tried to shake the thought off and tried to convince himself that it was a new enemy, because it was better then the alternative, but he couldn't.

Harry noticed that he was visibly shaking and everyone was still staring at him. He immediately excused himself from the table and nearly ran up to his and Ron's bedroom. He closed the door hard behind him and leaned his head against it, closing his eyes. He waited until the fear inside him subsided and he calmed down and stopped shaking. This was not fear put upon him by Voldemort, this was Harry's fear.

Harry opened his eyes and went to his trunk; he opened it up and took out his invisibility cloak. Voldemort couldn't control him yet, and he was determined to never allow him too. The first step to keeping Voldemort out of his mind for good was to strengthen his mind and his body, and the only way he was going to do that was to continue on with his training regardless if the adults stood in his way.

Harry quickly changed into a pair of sweat pants. He put on the invisibility cloak and stepped out into the hall. He walked down into the entrance hall, narrowly avoiding Ron, presumably going up to their room to check on him. After looking around once, Harry slipped through the front door and out into the street of Grimmauld Place. The sun was just starting to lighten the sky but it was not yet visible. Harry knew that it probably wasn't the smartest idea going out of the house with no one knowing, but he was determined to continue on with his training, which running every morning was a part of. Besides, he had never had any problems at Privet Drive. To anyone watching, Harry would look like a Muggle, taking a Muggle run, in Muggle London. Harry had realized after a couple days out at Privet Drive that Muggles out walking or running in the early morning hours was a common occurrence, and he hoped it was the same here.

After Harry was around the corner he took off his cloak. Yesterday he had run for an hour, today he needed to run for an hour and a half. There was a bush on the corner that would make a perfect place to store his cloak until he was finished with his run. He supposed, though he liked having fresh air while excising, that everything else could be done inside, the drawing room would be perfect. It was large enough and all the furniture was already against the walls.

Harry folded his cloak inside out so that it appeared that there was nothing there and set it in the bushes. After making sure that he could still see part of the cloak, he started off in the direction of Kings Cross Station at a easy jog. King Cross, Harry remembered, was exactly twenty minutes by foot from Grimmauld Place. From there he would go to Diagon Alley, back to Kings Cross and then back to Grimmauld Place. Harry didn't have a watch so knowing the time it took to get to certain landmarks was his only sense of time at the moment.

Lucky for Harry, a couple summers back, Harry had spent a better part of a day looking at road maps of London and other large cities around Europe, as it was the only thing for him to concentrate on at the time and he had been absolutely bored out of his mind. If it was one thing that Vernon Dursley had an abundance of, it was road maps. Harry had never really figured out why, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with Wizards and the best way to get away from them, more then likely in a car, as he'd never really seen his uncle walk more then the length of Kings Cross Station and he had taken breaks.

Harry had made it successfully back from Kings Cross just as the sun was really settling in the sky. Harry surmised that it was probably around six or six-thirty. He was noticing that he no longer became out of breath when he ran and he only started to break a sweat when he was halfway back. Harry quickly swooped up his cloak from the bush as he walked by, just incase someone was watching. He really needed to find a better way to get out of Grimmauld Place unseen, or go out earlier when he knew no one was up. Harry after stealthily going behind a ratty looking dead tree threw his cloak over him and walked up to the familiar black painted door with the silver serpent knocker on it, which was appearing out of nowhere.

Harry grabbed the doorknob that held no key hole and a very unpleasant burning sensation met his palm. Harry quickly pulled his hand away with a seething curse on his lips, and looked at his hand. It was now very red where he had touched the doorknob and it was stinging profusely. Harry stepped back and held his breath against the pain in his hand as the door opened and Tonks stuck her head out. Looking around for a moment, not seeing Harry, she was about to close the door when Harry stuck some of his cloak in the door so it wouldn't close all the way. After a moment, Harry pushed opened the door, avoiding the doorknob completely, and entered the deserted entrance hall. He'd have to remember that there was a password protecting the door and he'd have to somehow find out what it was or he wouldn't have a hand left by the end of the week.

With his hand hurting viciously now, Harry made his way up to his room quietly. He opened the door and was relieved to see that Ron wasn't there. Harry threw aside his cloak and rummaged through his trunk, he was sure that he had some healing salve in there somewhere. It was something Hermione had given him to help heal the visible scar on the back of his hand that said 'I will not tell lies,' thanks to toad lady Umbridge, his last terms Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He sorely hoped that they had a better Professor this year.

He had just grasped the container of salve when the door opened behind him and Ron came into the room. "There you are Harry, where have you been? Mums gone mad with worry, we searched every room and couldn't find you and then the alarm on the front door sounded, and Tonks and Mum thought someone was trying to break through the wards… What are you doing?"

It did look odd, Harry had his arm half way inside his trunk and he was holding the other one against him. Harry quickly pulled out the salve along with one of his schoolbooks. "I was looking for ah…" Harry looked at the cover of the book and nearly cringed. "My Potions book and I've found it," Harry held it up, dropping the salve into his lap as he did. "And I've been in the library reading."

Ron looked at him skeptically. "I checked there and didn't see you."

"I was under my cloak, really needed to get some homework done and didn't want to be disturbed," Harry thought quickly.

"We didn't have any summer homework, Harry. Are you feeling alright?" Ron questioned, to him he probably was acting like Hermione right now.

"Umm… it was something McGonagall gave me, to help with Auror training I guess. You know she really wants me to become an Auror, suppose she thought she'd help me get a head start," Harry fudged through the fib, it was plausible and it was Ron standing in front of him not Hermione.

Ron shrugged. "That's too bad; bet you thought you'd have a summer free of homework after our O.W.L.'s?"

Harry faked what he hoped was a funny snort, his hand felt like it was on fire now and he really wanted to get the salve on it. He was sure that his face was becoming bright red with the effort of staying calm. Harry dropped the book and put the salve in his pocket. "I think I'll take a shower, and then finish my homework." Harry nearly bolted from the room. He ran into the bathroom and after closing the door, ran his hand under the cold water for a quite a while. Harry turned his hand over and looked at the middle of his palm, there was now a tiny serpent shaped scar there from the doorknob. Now he had two visible scars on his right hand.

Harry rubbed on the healing salve, he didn't just put it on his palm but also on the back of his hand, hoping that both scars would disappear, how was he supposed to explain the appearance of the scar on his palm? The healing salve started to work almost immediately though it didn't remove either scar, it did heal the area and stop the burning. I'm just going to have to start wearing a glove or something, Harry thought.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and Harry, after placing the remainder of the salve into his pocket, opened up the door to find Ron standing there with a towel over his arm. Harry looked at him questioningly.

"You forgot your towel. As amusing as I think it would be to see you try to run back to our room stark naked, there are females living here too and I wouldn't want you to shock them or anything," Ron said holding out the towel to Harry as he tried to stifle an amused laugh.

Harry took the towel with his left hand as his right was hidden behind his back. "Thanks," he said under his breath. He hadn't actually thought about taking a shower just yet, he still had some physical training to do, but it looked like it would have to wait, his hand still stung a bit anyway.

"What's wrong with your hand?"

Harry looked up to Ron startled. "What? Nothing," he blurted.

The way Ron looked at him reminded Harry of Hermione greatly. Ron grabbed his hand from behind his back before Harry knew what he was doing. Ron gapped at Harry as he looked at the palm of his hand. Harry yanked his hand out of Ron's. "Bloody hell Harry, it was you who set off the door alarm. What were you doing outside, you heard Mum this morning; it's not safe."

Nowhere is safe, Harry thought. "I just went out for a few minutes for some fresh air. I must have let the door close behind me and when I went to get back in the door knob… well; I didn't know it was cursed." Harry fudged through the lie, some of it was true, but it still hurt to lie to Ron again. He really wanted to tell him about Merlin's Diaries and his training, but he didn't know if he could trust Ron enough, and it hurt him that he thought that, but he really didn't know if he would keep his mouth shut about it. If Dumbledore thought he was using Dark Magic, Ron might as well. It was best to keep it all a secret, at least until he didn't need the Diaries anymore, and with the way he absorbed written information, he was sure not to need them anymore sooner rather then later. It was all stored in his memory.

The look on Ron's face was enough to tell Harry that his reason for going outside wasn't good enough. "You went outside for fresh air!" Ron's ears were turning slightly pink, he was mad. "Look mate, the next time you want fresh air, open a window. Think about how the rest of us would feel if 'You Know Who' were to… if you were to…"

"Die," Harry finished for him in a whisper. "I'm sorry Ron, really, I won't go outside again. You won't tell anyone will you?" Harry lied again as he realized that lying was becoming increasingly easier. He knew that he'd be lying a lot this year, and keeping much from his friends. But he wasn't going to let anything stop him from training. They'd understand in time. At least he hoped they would.

A/N: Harry's now openly lying to his best friend, will he ever tell the truth again?